Hi!!

To start off, my name is Roshni. And, its been quite some time I have had this thought of blogging in that head of mine. I was lazy the entire time and now I don’t know I just wanna do it because I am really passionate about this. And it’s better to start now than never.

I hope this energy lasts for a lifetime and not just for one week cause that’s how I am. (GREAT, FEW SENTENCES IN AND I AM ALREADY A WRECK.)

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Let me give you a small insight into how I am. This is an answer I struggle to come up with every time when people ask me to describe myself in a few words because few words are never enough to understand the complexities of a person.

So here goes nothing. Hi!!

I am a girl, that’s for starters. I am 19, afraid of turning older second by second. I love to swear and do swear quite a lot. Its registered in my daily system and I can’t seem to function without swearing at least once a day. I am Gemini and I relate to every character trait of my star sign and YES I DO BELIEVE IN HOROSCOPES AND A BIT OF superstitions. (PS: This is either going wonderful or down the drain)

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Now, I am slightly on the shy scale, not shy. I just have an immense dislike for the people of the world. There are certain types of people I am an extrovert to and to the rest of the world, I curl up in a corner and just listen and nod. I do talk as well but not as much as I like because where I am now, I just am not myself.

It’s not being fake if that’s whats going on in your mind. I am me, just not the happiest and slightly more real version I wish to be amongst those people.

I am in university in the UK thousands of miles away from home. Guess, that’s also a factor that goes into counting.

Let’s go back to the roots, shall we? I am from India, more specific, a state called Kerala, often called God’s own country, but I have spent my entire 18 years in the “GULF”, Dubai.

(PS: I often wonder why so, considering how the state and people are? But meh, I love being a mallu, That’s what we are called, MALLUS!! And the “GULF” thing is just another mallu thing!! )

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The first few years of my life, HOW DO I PUT THIS INTO WORDS YOU WILL UNDERSTAND?! Aaaaahh, yes I was a big-time BRAT!! So, as an only child, whatever things my dad used to buy, I used to show it off at school. ( The good old days of Hannah Montana and High School Musical stickers)
(PS: As you keep reading, you will understand how much of a DISNEY/NICKELODEON person I am and you will also see why..)

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After those bratty years faded away, then came the year of waterworks, The year where I cried for everything and became a tad too emotional. Let’s keep it short and brief: That was not a pretty year.

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Then came years 11 and 12, AKA THE BEST YEARS OF MY HIGH SCHOOL LIFE, where I had the chance to break free ( get it, high school musical, GABRIELLA AND TROY’S SONG, BREAKING FREE ) and become the person I always wanted to be. I was quite the extrovert, believe it or not. I was the school prefect, a student counselor, participated in talent shows and debates did impersonations mainly of Mr. Feeny from boy meets world, (a Disney show) for my friends. To put it in simple words, I was like Riley and Maya from Girl meets world (disney show) Every other day, I used to do some crazy shit.  Gosh, I had the best group of friends all my life and then uni came along. ( PS: I do have some really good friends in Uni but you know, I just can’t get to be myself around them, again: NOT BEING FAKE)

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I PRESENT TO YOU THE FEENY CALL, also I will show it to you sometime, LATAAAEERRR

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and then RILEY AND MAYA

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Uni came and then I kind of broke… I really wanted to go to India to study but my dad knew what’s best for me and shipped me off to the UK. Don’t get me wrong, I love studying and being there, its just that place is not me. I never was ready for the change and I still am not. India just spoke to me. I am studying English Literature & Language and I am so grateful to my father for sending me to the UK to study and I owe that to him. I have tried many new things and learned a lot about life, people and basically everything.

But it all came at a cost, I lost a huge part of myself after going there. I cried every day, I still do. It became too much. I just stopped becoming myself, not entirely, just not that real I used to be. Back home, I was the people person, loved making friends, loved just you know being loud and now, I am just not feeling it with anyone over there. Somewhere deep inside, I am slightly a bit unhappy. Now, I just am quiet, well not “quite quiet”. I just don’t know.

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I always felt India college life, like the movie Aaandam, that college life was what I wanted ( WELL THAT’S A MOVIE, YOU ALL WILL SAY, but still, somewhat like that) Cause all my friends who are in India well, they are just living that life I wanted and it kind of makes me sad.

I felt that was going to be better for me, in terms of people and basically the social life but then coming to think of it, its the education that matters and I am happy that my dad sent here. (PS: I have been saying this quite a lot, I don’t know if I am trying to convince myself. Like I said, I am still taking some time and adjusting to it.)

But really , I am so thankful and greatful to him and a bit happy cause the freedom to do anything MAHN, THATS THE BEST!!

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So what I want to say, is people and places change people. That’s the circle of life. ( I got this from an episode in Girl Meets World, a Disney show.) The UK and the people brought out another me, a me that is different from the real me, and Dubai and my friends brought out the real me. The me that I always want to be and I always am.

That me comes out when I am alone and when I am with certain friends. I love to dance and sing ( NOT GREAT AT IT AT ALL, COULDNT EVEN DO THAT FOR A LIVING IF IT COMES TO THAT) I love acting. I feel like I am good at it. I am a tad bit on the dramatic scale, like not the bad drama, the crazy Disney drama. I love me the person who I can be crazy and real with and also they should feel the same, and I am glad I have found some of them!!

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I LOVE CARTOONSSSS and let me tell you, no matter what, the cartoons of my generation are the best!! COURAGE THE COWARDLY DOG, JHONNY BRAVO, KIDS NEXT DOOR, MR BEAN, PAPOYE THE SAILOR MAN, there is just too much of goodness.

I AM GOOFY, WEIRD, SILLY, VERY CLUMSY. I like cooking a bit. I love to write and READDDDD!!! BOOKS AND FANDOMS ARE A HUGE PART OF ME!! TV SHOWS, MOVIES AND MUSIC HAVE SHAPED ME A LOT.

The above two paragraphs are for another time, cause if I start talking about that, I don’t think we will ever hear the end of it.

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What else I am missing in this character description?!

Aaaahhh, yes last but not the least, I love my family way too much and a few of my friends. I love memes, midnight talks and rides, music and walks in the dark. I want to travel to everywhere. I like to see the sunrise. I love those scenes like the ending of perks of being a wallflower and I deeply wish that would happen to me Someday. I love the supernatural stuff ( NOT GHOSTS/DEMONS) I am not a fan of confrontation and speaking the bitter truths. Sometimes, I have these dark messy thoughts in my brain and I like it cause there is a beauty in the dark.

I like to believe we all are different in our own ways. Sometimes unique, sometimes common. I believe in my faiths.

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So, on the top of my mind, I think I have covered the half of it. If there is more, well, I am not going anywhere any time soon or neither is this website.

So, bye folks, I hope you are not exhausted reading this. If you are, I sincerely apologize and now you know how the rest of my posts are gonna be.

 

To conclude, I am gonna end in a Bollywood filmy dialogue.

” Yeh toh sirf trailer hai, picture abhi baaki hai mere dost”

( Meaning: This is just the trailer, the movie is still left, my friend.)

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Bye!!

 

Published by

Its Roshni

I write. I write what I feel and wonder. I write what I am afraid to tell others. Words speak for me. When I write, I feel safe and good. I love to write about anything that comes to my mind. I get a bit lazy tho. Sometimes, I am just too immature for my age. Sometimes, too mature. Sometimes, I myself don't know I am a human living my life

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