I am upset

July 30th, 2018 Monday, 9:55pm 

I am upset.

Yesterday, July 29th was the happiest day of my entire existence. I met my all time favorite actor and person who I deeply love and admire, Dulquer Salmaan, it was one of the most indescribable feelings ever, but that’s for another post. (That’s going to be a pretty huge one.)

Woke up at 6:30 in the morning, because well I slept early and daydreamed and woke up hungry because I didn’t eat anything after I met him or before I met him. So I was only surviving on half a meal on the day I met him. There lies the reason that woke me up, Hunger.

The day started with eating leftover KFC, checking out how many likes and comments I got, replied to each and every one of them.

A few hours into the day, I see a text in my social group that bothered and managed to break me from my most magical trance and awe of still meeting him. Initially, I thought my friends didn’t get and understand how huge of a deal it is to me, but then I came to an understanding that, there are problems that are big and your friends need you to be there. Reality came back to kick me again. All I wanted was for a day to be still stuck in that trance but that got cut short, but yet that trance and that feeling would always stay with me.

I know they understood it, just the moment and timing of all this was wrong. But somewhere deep in my heart, the feeling couldn’t be shaken off.

Sometimes, even the most magical, special and wondrous moments of your life can just break in a matter of seconds and you need to be okay with it. You deserve to feel upset and angry but remember,

Sometimes, it’s not all about you and your big moment, because there are problems happening with family, good friends and the world, and you need to be there and care for them despite how much you crave it all. You need to be the bigger person in that big mind of yours filled with many other opinions and voices saying you not to do and care for yourself. Don’t do it for others, do it for yourself. They have done it for you, now it’s your time.

Sometimes, you can’t use that as an excuse or go back into that protective cocoon of that moment. You need to face it and realize that moment will always stay with you but life will move on and if you choose to get stuck in that moment for too long, you might not catch up with life and might miss out on something important.

Sometimes you need all the help you can and sometimes despite all the help or no help, you need to face your stories and experiences alone.

Sometimes, the fundamental laws of baisc human nature and the laws you have made needs to be broken.

Sometimes.

I knew it wasn’t gonna last, but it was good and extremely beautiful while it lasted.

Then my day moved forward. I listened to my friend’s problems, I understood the pain and hardships my friend was facing and I understood why everything I experienced today had to happen. It was a lesson and a reminder in many ways.

The world is not as it seems, its a trick and a puzzle left for you to solve, you have to figure it all out, you can have help, but it’s you that needs to play the game of life.

Later, I caught up with my friend, talking to her felt great and well she has taught me a lot. Talking to her was the highlight of my day. That was a happy moment in my day. It’s been so long since talking to her, so when I talked to her, it felt fucking great. She understood how much the whole experience of meeting Dulquer meant to me and she could relate it as well because for her love for Beyonce. So, talking to her, I was able to once again bathe in the trance and the awestriking wonder for some time.

Later, much later into the day, I talked to my other friend who had the problem and learned a few things from her.

As night approached, that was when I officially claimed the title of being upset and sad. I can’t seem to catch a break, huh.

Tomorrow, I am supposed to go for a premiere for the movie, Cristopher Robin, and I was eagerly hoping for my dad to take me to the movie, but well at the last moment, life happened, job obligations, plans change.

I understand how difficult it is for him and the struggles he has to go through. Every single day, that fear does not leave me. Seeing him tensed, anxious and stressed every day is how my day always goes. When I am far away from them, it faded away but still keeps playing like a song that is stuck forever on loop. On top of that, other problems by him.

I know it’s selfish for me to still want my father to take me to the movie, but him dropping me there gives me a boost of confidence and well I did not want to be alone and lonely. I wanted him to be there and hug me. I just wanted him there.

My mom offered to accompany me a numerous amount of times, and trust me I wanted to say YES, but I didn’t want her to be all alone after I left, she is an innocent woman and well not familiar with the metro and everything. So whilst I was in the movie, I couldn’t bear the thought of my mom all alone sitting out in a corner in the big mall, So I said no but she still kept asking me and my answer still remained a firm no.

So I have learned that sometimes there are times and moments in life where you need to do things alone, despite the help you are going to get. If I would have said Yes to her request, what would I do the next time? I can’t always expect one of them especially my mom to be around.

So, I am learning. It’s really hard and trusts me, I want to give up, but I need to do this for myself.

And let alone this, my mother confides in me and shares some pretty upsetting news. Mahn, I really couldn’t seem to catch a break.

I am trying to get rid of this sadness, so I have decided to watch a movie, but couldn’t focus my mind on anything until I got it all out.

I didn’t want to upset my mom by telling all this, despite the number of times she has asked me why I was upset. Mothers, they know everything. Just watching my facial expressions, she understood that I was upset, but after a firm number of no’s, I think she finally understood to let it go. Or I might cry it all out in the night whilst hugging my mom and her comforting me.

I did say, I am trying to be strong, not greatly trying or succeeding, but still trying and learning.

I want to end this by quoting some lines of Riley Matthews from Girl Meets World from an episode Girl Meets Gravity. I don’t know if this contradicts the entire life lesson that I have just put for myself, but I felt it needed to be put in to remind myself and the world out there this one thing.

Riley Matthews: “The sun doesn’t go around the Earth. We are the ones moving. We orbit the sun because we need it. We need its light and its heat. And if it wasn’t there, we’d be dark and alone. We think that we are the center of the universe, but the truth is… we need to circle the ones we love for as long as they’re here. We need to hold them close because no matter how far we travel, they are the ones who hold us in place. It’s gravity, and without it, we’d just all float away from each other. We are not kings at all. We are just tiny little specs. That’s from “Our Town”, my father’s favorite play. Just for a moment, we’re all together. Let’s really look at one another.”

So, I guess what I am trying to say is we need to be there selves for each other and for ourselves. There are sometimes where we need to prioritize ourselves and there are sometimes where we need to prioritize our family, our friends, and the world. We should know when to do it. You can choose the way, there is always a choice and the consequences and the actions depend on that choice. It’s not a perfect world filled with perfect people.  The only thing you can choose is how you deal with it.

That wasn’t so hard after all, I guess I just needed to write everything down from scratch, read it and gain some perspective. On the contrary, it was kind of hard going through this whole process, sorting and understanding, but well it’s worth it and I got a life lesson out of it.

 

So, this comes to an end. I kind of feel better from my previous state, but still, can’t shake that big cloud of sadness pouring down on me. I really should get to my movie before it’s too late to start watching and then unwind down by some sleep and probably some really nice dreams cause I am in dire need of it.

I am upset -> I am becoming alright

 

The End

( I am not putting a full stop yet because my story and life don’t end here. Life has a lot to teach and offer. So I am looking forward to it and also not. It’s a long open-ended journey that I am scared and nervous about but can’t wait to explore, uncover and discover. It’s going to be a journey filled with different stories, emotions and feelings.)

The thing about yesterday

27th July 2018 Friday 2:00 PM 

It happened yesterday

It dawned upon me when I was sleeping

Nights always was and became the times for contemplation and hard truths

Soon, this month was going to end and the next month would dawn upon us in  a few days

Time to go back to university and to return to that life was hitting close now.

My mother was sleeping next to me and the thought of returning back shuddered me and I hugged her as tight as possible not wanting to let go.

I tried to close my eyes, empty my mind and sleep

I tried to think about things that made me laugh and of things that made me happy.

I tried to think of things that made me squeal with excitement and even the dark psychotic thoughts that made me want to kill the world

I tried to change the course of my mind’s direction through different ways but to no avail, it all eventually came down to the path of sadness and despair of leaving home and returning back to the “uni life”

I tried to hold it all in, the thought of leaving my mom, dad, my friends and my home.

I tried to contain it in. I really did try

I was a bomb that had to explode after all in order to contain myself

Then the tears started to flow down from my face bit by bit

Moments before it turned into an emotional breakdown, I once again hugged my mom tight, it was as if my brain was trying to remember and register even the tiniest of details about her before I leave.

I once again tried to stop the outburst but it was too late.

Mothers, they know everything

She sensed it all and asked whether I was crying

In my broken tiny voice, I simply answered no and then I proceeded to cry out loud and remained in her arms

She always knew what to say

She hugged me tightly, wiped my tears, told me what I needed to hear

I stayed in her arms crying for a long time

Crying and crying, I drifted off to sleep

I knew my cries and worries affected her, she always told me how bothered and upset she was when I cried

I always wondered what I would do without her, how I would live without her, all these thoughts deeply disturb me every day, I try not to think about it often but at every step in the walk of my life, that thought always lurks around me like a monster and a shadow never vowing to leave me ever.

All I could do is pray and pray.

She would do anything to see a smile on my face and for my future

She kept all her pains and troubles with her, very rarely does she show me her tears

She is a strong woman and I admire her so much

She is my strength and weakness

She does have her flaws, but after all, she is just human

No words could ever amount to the feelings I have for my mother

No words could ever capture the great deeds and things she has done for me and this family

I eagerly wait for that someday, a day where I can take my mother to a world only filled with happiness and joy.

She does justice to the word “mother”

We both are companions to each other

We both only have each other in this big world.

852-08535094

Special mention: To all the mothers out there, without you, the world would be incomplete. 

Thank you for everything. 

Thank you Amma for being there. I love you

Feeling things

12:00 AM July 22nd, 2018

Quite a day, today was.

Screams of my mom and myself filled the air. The usual.

Emotions were thrown and hurled around.

Pains and misunderstandings were on the minds.

But as night dawned upon us, it faded away into nothingness.

Apologies and amends were made.

We returned back to the loving bunch we were.

Yet somewhere in our minds and hearts, the marks of it are always imprinted.

 

This day, I was made to feel different feelings and emotions from different sources. Every day, I do feel something or the other, but today was different, like some of those other days. 

Reading and watching “Call Me By Your Name” overwhelmed me with emotions. It made me understand more about love and the pains of it. The ending of the movie, it’s raw magnetism, the character breaking the fourth wall with its heart-wrenching tears and realization.

A Netflix movie “Margarita with a straw” made me vulnerable and emotional. I learned about difficulties, challenges and changes.

Again, Netflix does its miracles by throwing me into the jaws of a documentary, “Dark Tourist” I learned quite a lot about the dark culture of different countries and also the dangers of some. A very intriguing and new concept and to watch the journey unfold was quite the enjoyable time. Taught me a lot.

David does justice to the show as well as to himself. I found him to be the type of person I see myself becoming very close friends with. I would say some of the interests are not up my alley, but I wouldn’t mind friends who do it, because I would like to get into the brain and know all their experiences through them.

I also find his accent very energizing, interesting, unique yet calming. Not afraid to speak out what he feels about the experiences and I love the way he is not afraid to push his limits into trying something new. His commentary, never unnecessary, everything just plays out right.

We get to experience a lot through people like them. These kind of people are one of the wonders and miracles in this world.

David phrases it quite well in fact. His words on Dark Tourism is “Escaping normality to stumble onto something beautiful and unexpected. ”

One of the philosophies I keenly and heavily follow. I escape reality and go into my mind because it’s a world created by me to do anything I wish and desire. A world to come into when I am upset, happy, excited and much more feelings.

Out of this, I feel a lot of things, but nothing ever sad.

I am the audience and the actor in this movie of mine.

Something just for myself. A place to unleash my unwanted and wanted thoughts and dreams. 

It’s a world of mine where no one could ever tarnish or bring it to ruins with their words and self. A world just for me to devour.

How much ever I put it into words, it simply isn’t enough to describe how much it means to me and why. Maybe, sometimes no amount of words could equate to the feelings.

Everything in this world teaches us one thing or another. It’s always exciting to learn. A process I hope to never get tired of. 

 

 

 

Teaching and joys.

July 17th, Tuesday, 10:38 pm

It all happened as I was watching Star Wars: Episode 5- The Empire Strikes Back. It all happened in the blink of an eye. The question was popped up after a few moments the movie began.

A few moments into the movie, my mom pokes at me and tells, “my friend, asked me if I was on Instagram”, and well it got her thinking and finally, the moment happened!!

She asked me to make an account for her and teach all the basics and tricks. I have been begging and nagging my mom on making an account on Instagram and finally, that day has come!!

God how elated I was!! I was over the moon!!

I dropped everything all at once and went on to help her in this mission.

The joy and the curious look on my mother’s face was the world to me and my heart melted with joy and overwhelming cuteness when I saw my mother trying to learn the world and how everything she loved was in one platform.

We took it a step by step. I taught her all the basic functions of what each thing does. We followed all her favorite actors and things that she loved. We followed her friends as well. She was extremely happy and delighted.

A quick learner, in fact, she is. ( PS: Why does this sound like something Yoda would say? :} )

It was cute on how she got scared when she saw new follow requests. She looked up to me and told in a cute childlike manner that she got scared and did not know what to do.

At that moment, I felt like the mother in our dynamic and told her to be calm, think, and only be friends with people who she knows. I held her hand, kissed her forehead and told this was all a part of the process.

This learning process continues tomorrow as well.

I find her curiosity and surprise adorable and god in moments like these, I understand that there is so much out in the world that is new to her and I can’t wait to be the person to introduce her to all of it.

Every now and then, she checks on her phone, laughs, and giggles at the posts she sees. I can’t help but be softened by this.

Is this how feeling proud and happy feels? I think so.

My heart is all fuzzy and warm. It feels nice. Was this how all my mentors felt when they taught and shared knowledge?

I guess it differs to everyone. Like Corey Matthews once said, Teachers are the foundations of this world. I do believe it, because behind every student, there has to be come teacher who inpsired them to take what they are doing now or or atleast they might have inspired them in some way or the other.

If not, I do understand it.

Moments like these make me happy and are what I live for. Moments like these reassure me, even if today was a simple and a basic task, teaching is what I want to do in the future.

It gives me joy, happiness and I can’t wait to impart knowledge and be that teacher who brings new ideas to the class. I already have planned a list on what kind of a teacher I wish to be and there are also a list of teachers who inspire me. I have always taught students and kids and I know I can be a good teacher. This topic is for another post, someday.

Right now, All my mind can even focus on are on my mom and her immense happiness!! I am so proud of her!!

Now I have got to get back to my movie and poor R2, I love that robot!! Yoda and R2 tho!! Hillarious!! I love Yoda, Gawsh I love the robots, Chewbacca, and Yoda so much!!

Farewell and until next time!!

 

 

Amidst​ all the books.

I entered into a beautiful trap. It was a trap right from the start. I knew it but I went in.

At the entrance, it gave me a chance to let go of my worries and I hastily took it to enter the world of words.

Far away from all the crowd, I spotted a small bench and sat down amidst all the books. Every story looked towards me. Everything was within my reach. I felt at peace.

The covers of the book charmed me. I read them front and back. I felt excited!

I  looked and gazed at all the wonders the authors left for me. I fell into an enchanted trap.

Amidst the crowd, I held the two books that caught my eyes.

I sat down in a spot, far away from the eyes of the crowd. I gently opened the first page, admired it, flipped each page and thus I began to read.

After a short while, I looked up at the world around me and I saw it all.

Different worlds under one roof. Any book that I held in my hands, refused to let me go. I refused to be taken away from my world.

Once the thoughts tried to make its way back, I started to get back to my reading. The music played soothed me, yet I got worked up as each page turned by. Time seemed to halt for a long pause when I was here.

Hours could pass by and I never was aware, because it was all a part of an elaborate scheme in works. It was all a beautiful trick, a trick of feeding on my emotions until the very end.

I was oblivious to the happenings of the world and the crowd around me. This was a world where I was persuaded and allowed to take breaks from life.

Perhaps this was why it played its tricks, it could have been its way of acting out on the pain inflicted on taking some of its heart away. Or it wanted some of its heart to be taken away. It might have enjoyed it.

Two sides existed, one can never know which one it chose and which one it was forced to end up being. Or it could have ended up with its favorite choice as well.

This was a world where manipulations and trickery were at its level best and it worked its enchantment quite well.

Those who survived had a gleaming pride on their face because they got to take a huge portion of this world’s heart with them, and for those who couldn’t as much as they liked or couldn’t at all had their hearts toyed with, they had a sliver of hope yet were dismayed.

Over here, hope existed despite all the pain.

Despite all of it, this place took away my worries and sorrows.

It became a place to indulge my mind and heart with the world of others.

It was a place that took me to places further and beyond within and from this spot.

It soon became the time to leave.

The moment I stepped out of the exit, I was forced to head back to a world of ruins and mind succumbing thoughts.

To help cope up, I brought a part of it along with me. It wouldn’t last long, but I accepted it and held it in my hands. I kept it close to my heart vowing to never let go. I sniffed the pages and instantly, I was brought back to a world of beauty and tranquility.

I was a lost traveler until I stepped into your world. No questions arose when I came to you. You are a force that kept pulling me to you and I vow to always be in that loop.

Thank you and until next time.

( The featured image is taken by my dear Friend, Raveena.

This is one of the bookstores I love going to. I wrote this when I was here sitting on one of the spots with two books in my hand. Bookstores and libraries are where I feel at peace and at home. I have this dream when I own a house, a room dedicated just for my books and to every book out there. A room filled with treasures overlooking the view of the skies and tall scrapers and at night, I see all the city lights within the comfort of a book in my hand and some good music. )

Ships, a necessity​.

Ships, my absolute favorite thing in the world. Seeing the couple that I ship makes me so happy and excited!! It’s a different feeling altogether. I have always been a fan of shipping people that I see on shows and movies and even people in reality.

I also ship characters from different multiverses because sometimes, these characters just simply belong together. There is no explanation whatsoever. They just look good or they are similar to each other or it’s the vibes. I don’t know. It feels right.

Many of the ships I have usually never come true because well either the character doesn’t like them, or they die way too soon, or they are just in different shows and movies altogether. But they do come true through dedicated people who put efforts into making these ships happen in their videos.

I also ship characters from books but not as much as shows and movies, because shows and movies are like visual and with the actors acting, it makes it more real and with books, I always tend to focus on the characters and the plot soley. So even if there is romance, I do love it but well it’s different.

Why I suddenly decided to write this was because one of my favorite pass times is to watch videos of people wh I ship online and gosh it gives me hope and immense joy in the world. ( ps: I got inspired to write this after watching stiles and Maya)

The passion, the souls connecting and the music chosen for each ship is what gets me the most. Through such videos, I usually discover such great music and it makes me love my ship even more!!

Some of the ships that I will hardcore love, some of the ships are the ships that I loved at some point, some of them are the ships that I  deeply wish for them to come true are as follows!!! ( PS: I am already hyperventilating and freaking out and I barely haven’t even started writing.

You might also notice that I have used a lot of girl meets world and teen wolf, it’s because those two shows are the shows that I love the most and I find the characters so deep and complex, and through videos made by people, well that’s how many started.

I have also linked down the videos that made me fall in love with all these ships. And when I go back to see this  post, it’s going to fill my heart with John annd excitement of seeing everything I love in one page especially the videos )

“DRUM ROLL” And HERE YOU GO!!!

Stiles (Teen Wolf) And Maya ( Girl Meets World)

I feel that they need to be together because they both are so alike but yet so different. Sarcastic but different. Broken but different yet the same. They both have been hurt way too many times and when it comes to trusting people, they become kind of scared. They are both fragile in different manners. The term friendship means the whole world to them and they are ready to sacrifice anything. I feel that they both would help heal each other and also just be good for each other. Passionate, fun, loving and caring.

There is this one video on youtube that made me love them the most and that’s how I started to love them in the first place. The song used also had a huge impact because that’s one of my favorite songs because of the feelings it gives out.

Scott (Teen Wolf) and Riley ( Girl Meets World)

These two are so alike and sometimes, I find the resemblances shocking and also kind of cute. They always try to see the better in the world and they are filled with hope and faith of the world and the people in it. Friendship means the whole world to them, they are both goofy, silly and happy but at the same time, they are serious when they need to be. Sometimes opposites attract work and sometimes too many similarities would just ruin the spark, I honestly don’t know. It depends if you like the person and they like you and whether you guys can work it out and for a good reason, I know they can. They are good for each other.

The videos on youtube are how I discovered this ship. GAWSH IT’S PERFECT

Theo (Teen Wolf) and Maya ( Girl Meets World)

Honestly, both of them are so badass and I feel that they could challenge each other in different ways. They hardly have any similarities but the similarity that they do is what I feel that makes them different. They both have this danger vibe to their and their chemistry would be really good!!

Riley and Farkle ( Girl Meets Worlds)

THIS WAS THE SHIP THAT NEEDED TO HAPPEN. Both of them were perfect for each other. They understood each other so much and there were a whole other deep level and connection they had. They knew reach other right from the start and have been through it all. The small and the big moments they had were absolute bliss. Both of them goofy, weird, caring but miles apart in the way they think and feel. They both were genuinely good for each other and Gosh how I rooted for this couple to happen.

Josh And Maya (Girl Meets World)

Another couple that we didn’t get to see much of. Honestly, the physical chemistry is what got to me the most but also the talks they had. When they had the talks, damn it was good.

Stiles and Malia ( Teen Wolf)

At the first when they introduced Malia and I like how Stiles was the one to humanize her and teach her many things. Their bond was really good. It was good while it lasted.

Stiles and Lydia ( Teen Wolf)

Honestly, I started shipping them only the moment they had their first kiss in the locker room. The song ” Start Of Time” playing during the scene was how I fell in love with the couple. That was their song. The song was the one that did wonders to me in order to love the couple. They both were there for each other and saved each other many times. They both are smart. Lydia, a supernatural beautiful smart being, and Stiles, an ordinary sarcastic cute wonderful human. They deserve the world. Season 5 was the ultimate season for them.

Barry and Patty ( The Flash)

Gosh, they were so cute!! They both liked each other, had a great time, had a good level of understanding but Barry and his feelings for Iris screwed it up. God Damn, but at least he is happy now. Or is he??

Kara and Winn ( Supergirl )

The ship that I always shipped right from the beginning of the show. Winn is so adorable and the friendship they both shared just made me think about how good they would be if that friendship slowly progressed towards a romantic one. Yes, I do get that some characters are better off as friends and yes I do understand that concept but with Kara and Winn, it was different. I felt that he opened up to her a lot and well, they both look really cute together. Well, at least they are good friends now.

( SIGH )

Monica and Chandler ( Friends)

THIS RELATIONSHIP IS ABSOLUTELY PERFECT IN ALL MANNERS. How chandler handled Monica and he knew how to make her happy and found all her perks cute and handled them pretty damn well and Monica also knew how to cheer Chandler. The speech Chandler gave at the proposal and also to Erica about adopting the baby just made me fall in love with this couple and Chandler even more because it showed how much he truly cared for her and her happiness.

Ted and Tracy ( How I Met Your Mother)

Don’t even get me started on this. LIKE HOW COULD THEY DO THAT TO TRACY?!!! AFTER 9 SEASONS OF MYSTERY, ALL IT TOOK WAS 9 SECONDS FOR THEM TO DO THAT. LIKE WHY?! Tracy and Ted are the most perfect couple. Ted deserved her after all the struggles he went through to find ” THE ONE” AND SHE WAS IT!! She was this kind loving fun human with weird peculiar interests like Ted. The whole gang loved her and in a way she shaped and changed Barney also. They couldn’t be more perfect for each other and then BAM THAT END. FUCK IT.

I DISAPPROVE OF THIS ENDING HOW MUCH EVER YOU TELL ME LIFE IS NOT ALL RAINBOWS AND UNICORN AND WHAT NOT.

I clearly know that. That’s why I watch shows and movies to escape some of my reality cause they are my comfort zone and if you ruin my comfort zone, I can deal with it but just not with this couple.

I SIMPLY CAN’T……. It’s too hard.

Lily and Marshall ( Both from How I Met Your Mother)

The couple that went through it all together through thick and thin. Another couple that is just goals.

Steve and Diana ( Wonder Woman)

GAWD, THIS COUPLE HAD ME SOBBING. STILL SOBBING FROM THIS ONE. WHY DID THAT HAVE TO HAPPEN?! LIKE WHY????????? THEY JUST MET, CLICKED AND BAM, DEAD. NOOOO I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS. THE CHEMISTRY, GOD DAMNNNN.!.!

Tate and Violet ( American Horror Story)

Oh my gawd, the feels that this couple gave to me. I have never seen any couple so intense and raw. Their character flaws and darkness was what made them “them”. They clicked in such a dark raw manner and well the end was not good for them. I cant get over on how raw this relationship was. I still love how hope remians for them and I love how Violet changed him for the best and made him see the light in despite that dark void in him. This couple is the defintion of dark and pure rawness.

Draco and Hermione ( Harry Potter)

AAAAAHHHH, THIS SHIP, THE LEGIT GOOD GIRL FALLS IN LOVE WITH THE MYSTERIOUS BAD YET LOVING SOUL UNDERNEATH. ALL ROMANTIC DARK CLICHES COME ALIVE IN THIS SHIP FOR ME. I just feel that them as a couple would just be very attractive and really hot. As well as their differences are what struck me the most. Their personalities are miles apart from each other but there is this one common string that holds them together. It’s a string filled with intrigue, romance, passion, love, hate, and magic.

Jake and Amy (Brooklyn 99)

The progression of their relationship through the seasons, now that’s what I call progression successful. Their perks, differences, fun banters, competitions, the care and the bond that they had is so unique and special. They both are wondrous in their own ways and when combined, it’s really something unique.

Sheldon and Amy

This couple tho. Intially, I wasnt a fan of Amy making Sheldon more human because I loved the way Sheldon intially was, all robotic and all. But well, one of my friend made me understand on how she thought it was beautiful and well the character progression is really good in both of them. Amy changed Sheldon for the best and made him in touch with his emotions really well. They both are good for each other and the whole wedding process was really beautiful. I really dig ” Shamy”

Peter Hale and Lydia ( Teen Wolf)

I dont know, something about thier chemistry really just made me ship them. I really have no reason. It’s complicated.

Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone

DO I EVEN NEED TO TELL WHY?! ITS PRETTY DAMN OBVIOUS and seeing them in Amazing Spiderman just gave me all the damn feels!!!!!!

Zayn Malik and Lily Collins

Wattpad fan fictions have started making me ship this couple so much. That’s the only reason why I love this ship so much!!

On the top of my head, these are my main ships and I have so many more. I chose them because as a couple and an individual, I love these characters so much.

Some of the ships that I also love are as follows:

Harvey and Donna ( Suits )

Jacob and Renesemee (Twilight)

Jake and Melanie ( Sweet Home Alabama)

Oliver and Felicity ( Arrow)

Scott and Malia (Teen wolf)

Beck and Tori (Victorious)

Cat and Robbie (Victorious)

Jace and Clary ( Mortal Instruments)

AND SO MUCH MORE!!!!

These ships have it’s pros and cons effect on me. Looking at these ships, I often wish this is how my love life would be or the person who I want to be with could be. These ships set a canon of unrealistic expectations that ain’t gonna happen but I still have hope that I will find a relationship really unique that would make me happy.

I am still hung onto that but well one can always dream.

I feel that from these ships, I learn more about the complexities and depts of a relationship but also the simple things. It might not be the ideal way to learn, but I think you can learn from anything.

SHIPS ARE BASICALLY MY FAVOURITE THING IN THE WORLD AND GOSH I LOVE THEM. It gets me so excited!!!!

The life of a ship-lover is a never ending ride. The constant cycle of emotions and excitiement is a cycle I always look forward to.

In the moment

Monday, July 2nd, 2018          11: 21pm

I mentioned the time and date to state that this blog was an on spur feeling.

Got inspired to write this piece after watching Dear Zindagi, a brilliant and one of my favorite Hindi movies and also from Zindagi Na Milegi Doobara (ZNMD), that I am currently watching. Right now, the intro song is being played, and damn it’s a really motivating song and just flows into my mood right now.

Both these movies have excellent start casts and what just makes it better and so simple yet unique is the plot, the character development and the stories.

Then it got me thinking about my life, family and friends. How I wish to acquire certain traits of those characters and how I want to find friends like those. But then, I already know that I have found them. They have been with me my whole life, but you know I still can’t help but wonder about the movie characters and how splendid it would be to be a close tight group of friends with them. There is always a but lurking around, I am trying to let go of that but, but again it becomes hard, but I am trying. Eventually, it might fade away but it also might not.

The below two gifs are of Dear Zindagi and ZNMD respectively.

 

 

 

 

 

Right now the “cookie comedy scene” is going on and I have got to tell you it’s hilarious. I have got to try the trick sometimes. The trick is you tell someone that you know something about them and automatically all the secrets spill out like a water fountain!! I am laughing so hard at this scene and the dialogue delivery so much!!

I have had so many moments like these with my friends, not the tricky sort of thing but happy silly special goofy serious conversations and I am telling you, I wouldn’t trade it up ever. Those have made me who I am.

Sometimes, I wish some of the people I know could also see it but then well, I just don’t feel or connect with them that entire 100%. It’s not them. It’s me. You know what I mean right?

So after I had gone to uni, I have heard some pretty great stories from my various people and friends, when they ask me about the “great fun stories” I have had, I don’t have much to tell them because it’s nowhere near as bomb or exciting as their life stories. But you know what, that doesn’t make me upset of the fact that I don’t have such great stories to share.

In my own way and life, I have plenty of stories to share, I just don’t think those are the types you would particularly like or you might but well it just never comes up. I have shared some of them but to some people, it just doesn’t seem well exciting when compared. And honestly I kind of feel bad and sad for those kinds of people who think that life needs to be filled with exciting and big stories to bond over and talk about or to determine whether my life has been interesting or not. Maybe I haven’t seen a side to them that don’t think so but the side I have seen, well I am not a fan of it.

In my own little head, despite however small or big that story is, it is significant, and we shouldn’t be the judges to decide whether that qualifies as to how exciting or interesting or productive our lives have been.

For me, it’s the small moments, conversations I have with friends, the hangouts, the family talks, the small family stories and incidents, my cartoon watching obsession, my immaturity and small moments like these, watching movies and laughing, crying over them alone, with family and friends, travelling, creating up insane shit, writing and many more are my big stories. I am proud of it.

I wish I could tell it to them you know, but then I just can’t muster up the courage to tell them because I just don’t feel that close or real with them, but, when writing, it’s just so easy and different.

Words and feelings pour into this and I feel at peace. My mind is almost free because I write every thought that is popping into my brain and then my hands without thinking just write down every one of these thoughts onto this. You must have noticed, I said “almost free”, I said this because I am still on the firsts of opening up and learning to be not scared of the people/friends and their judgments/confrontations after reading this.

It’s going to be tough but I am trying to learn and be well more one step closer to trying to sort out myself. When I feel like just abandoning this train of sorting myself out, I am going to remind myself to come back and read this and understand why I decided to write and do this.

I was always serious about writing, but I was just too lazy and well I didn’t know exactly what to write about. I had different phases of writing, and they are all evident on my Instagram page, the page that shows an entire development of myself. That’s why I love my bio so much because it shows the growth of me as a person and well as a writer. One of the places where I can be myself and not be afraid, considering how ironic it is that many people follow and see this goofiness that in person with them, I cant give my 100% “Roshniness” to them.

At least I am glad that there are some very few people I could show it to and be like that. I am so thankful and happy for that.

So why I decided to write now?

Because I am ready and it feels right now. It feels relaxing to let it all flow into my writing. My thoughts are set free and well, I have been keeping things in way too long after I had gone to uni and this writing has started to feel like a new start to opening up and more like therapy for me as well. It feels meditating.

As I was reading through my piece, I didn’t justify or give you a proper reason as to why those movies inspired me to write this at this time while watching the movie right now.

It’s because there are some things that need to be done in the moment. This happened to be just one of those “in the moments”

I will tell you in more detail on why Dear Zindagi to me is a movie that just connect to me and why ZNMD makes me wish for certain things. Both these movies have a vibe and connect to them that I just feel at home at.

By now you will understand, my thoughts are like the wind, scattered all over the place and blowing in every different direction. Like the direction the way, it flows from slow to fast. It’s just unpredictable and sort of random. Again, just like how I feel and my thoughts. My thoughts jump from one cloud to another, each varying of a different topic and sometimes the same, just slightly different or maybe the same.

Actually, I will tell you right now on why those two movies especially Dear Zindagi hits me to the feels.

I believe that when one is in the zone, you should just let them flow with it and soak it in. Don’t interrupt them. Then you speak and then be in the zone. Let everyone be in the zone. ( It works differently in different situations and is also applicable in certain situations. You know when.)

The movie has no relation to my life whatsoever, but you know there is a special and different kind of connect that I get. I learned quite a lot from that movie and when I feel down, I sometimes watch that movie to well learn and be happy. The song ” Love you dear Zindagi” is the song that gives me genuine happiness and positivity. That song and the other songs and the movie itself does wonder to me.

Right now, in ZNMD, the diamond biscuit song is going to be sung in a few seconds and I can’t help but laugh because of a very fond memory that I had in school.

Why so, it’s because my friends and myself sang this song as a school project maybe in 8th grade. The same concept and tune. Gosh, it was so fun. When I still watch it, I laugh and cringe so much. Like that one more video ad comes to my mind, my 12th-grade marketing project about Netflix. The ad I made, god it was so awkward and made me, my partner, the class and my teacher laugh so hard that they watched it again because they couldn’t get over it.

See, these are the big stories and moments of life. It’s the everyday laughter and smiles that result to some of these big ones.

In ZNMD, the concept of friendship is what got to me the most, reminds me of my best friends from school, the ones that are always going to be my best special closestttttt friends and no one new ever has been added to that list despite the number of new good friends I have made. It’s just that group knows me in and out, and it just feels right being it that way. The song ” Paint it red” in ZNMD is just proving to be so nostalgic right now.

Right now, at this very moment, I am in my zone and there is nothing to stop the words to flow out from me. I am being free.

So as I was saying about ZNMD, that three friends reminds me of my special girls S and A, because I want to respect the privacy. So we all are the only children and my dad thinks that’s the way how we all became really close and just connected. Ever since 4th grade, we have become inseparable. I can’t remember exactly when we all just stuck and got together cause it’s honestly been ages and way too long. It’s still going strong. We have planned to do a trip like the one that they did in movies either to Shimla or somewhere else. Waiting for that “someday” to happen.

And like that pact, there is one more pact that I had made with my other group of musketeers, to sneak back to our old school grounds, sit on the fields, talk late in the night. I am waiting for that “someday” to happen as well with K,D and D.

Like that, I have a bucket list of moments and wishes I have. That’s for another time.

It’s 12:20 and I am going to stop writing now. Time for me to watch the rest of the movie.

See you soon, amigos!!