27th July 2018 Friday 2:00 PM
It happened yesterday
It dawned upon me when I was sleeping
Nights always was and became the times for contemplation and hard truths
Soon, this month was going to end and the next month would dawn upon us in a few days
Time to go back to university and to return to that life was hitting close now.
My mother was sleeping next to me and the thought of returning back shuddered me and I hugged her as tight as possible not wanting to let go.
I tried to close my eyes, empty my mind and sleep
I tried to think about things that made me laugh and of things that made me happy.
I tried to think of things that made me squeal with excitement and even the dark psychotic thoughts that made me want to kill the world
I tried to change the course of my mind’s direction through different ways but to no avail, it all eventually came down to the path of sadness and despair of leaving home and returning back to the “uni life”
I tried to hold it all in, the thought of leaving my mom, dad, my friends and my home.
I tried to contain it in. I really did try
I was a bomb that had to explode after all in order to contain myself
Then the tears started to flow down from my face bit by bit
Moments before it turned into an emotional breakdown, I once again hugged my mom tight, it was as if my brain was trying to remember and register even the tiniest of details about her before I leave.
I once again tried to stop the outburst but it was too late.
Mothers, they know everything
She sensed it all and asked whether I was crying
In my broken tiny voice, I simply answered no and then I proceeded to cry out loud and remained in her arms
She always knew what to say
She hugged me tightly, wiped my tears, told me what I needed to hear
I stayed in her arms crying for a long time
Crying and crying, I drifted off to sleep
I knew my cries and worries affected her, she always told me how bothered and upset she was when I cried
I always wondered what I would do without her, how I would live without her, all these thoughts deeply disturb me every day, I try not to think about it often but at every step in the walk of my life, that thought always lurks around me like a monster and a shadow never vowing to leave me ever.
All I could do is pray and pray.
She would do anything to see a smile on my face and for my future
She kept all her pains and troubles with her, very rarely does she show me her tears
She is a strong woman and I admire her so much
She is my strength and weakness
She does have her flaws, but after all, she is just human
No words could ever amount to the feelings I have for my mother
No words could ever capture the great deeds and things she has done for me and this family
I eagerly wait for that someday, a day where I can take my mother to a world only filled with happiness and joy.
She does justice to the word “mother”
We both are companions to each other
We both only have each other in this big world.
Special mention: To all the mothers out there, without you, the world would be incomplete.
Thank you for everything.
Thank you Amma for being there. I love you