Month: March 2019

7. The Epilogue

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Have I done my job…?

I know how to play you

I know how to keep you in this trap 

I know what to do to you but if I reveal it, I won’t be that good of a creator that I think I am. 

Will I now? 

I know I should not keep it too short, otherwise I lose you or you feel too incomplete and decide not to reengage 

You feel there is no context 

I know I should not keep it too long because then you might lose interest in me

You might see through my act

You might find that pattern and let it be 

You will fail to see what else lies beneath if I complete it all in this long stretch 

You will depart and I don’t want that

I want you to stay as long as I want 

For that to happen, this piece needs to achieve and find that delicate balance of inquisition, naivety, complexity, delicacy, manipulation by me so that I keep you in this long run 

I think I have found it, now I need to test it out and see if it works

If it does, I will continue 

If it doesn’t, I re-evaluate, repeat, research and see why you are not deep into it like I am 

I do not know for how long it will last but I intend for you to be in this whole ride 

Now I have lost that drift and I am wide awake desperate to go back to that slumber that awaits me but you know what to do always don’t you? 

You play with me a lot

You trick me and I end up falling to it every god damn time 

What have I done?

6. Hooked and Trapped

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Continued from 5… You didn’t think I was finished with my work yet, right?

Is this how writers feel when they leave you hooked? 

It’s like a musical note towards the finale but incomplete 

They play around with that last note, it lingers around and then you wait for them to end that note but no…

They leave it hanging on that very tone that is yet to bring a conclusion

That last note carried the conclusion, but they wander and wait and pause

They test you, they want to see if you are in for the ride and would remain loyal until the very end

Just like your breath hitching 

You want to exhale, you want to breathe but you cannot until you have heard the tone conclude

It starts but still hasn’t hit the key ending just yet

So, you choose to linger and find out rather than die with the hanging note

You choose to stick along to the completion according to the creator’s free will. 

The conclusion is not far… I will relieve your mind soon

5. Complete

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Continued from 4. From the land of the lost and tired, I have found my way

I am afraid of not jotting all of you down

You play and toy with me

All these thoughts appear at once and once I close my eyes and drift off; these thoughts and words never make its mark again

They fade away just like the rest 

Now that I have written and stored you down

I feel complete and I feel myself drift off 

I let that drift take over me welcomingly

Let me flow into that land that awaits me 

I have completed you 

4. No control

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Followed from 3, The master continues to tell the story…

Dear Visitor, I do not know what you seek but over here you shall find no rhythm to a proper story but just a flow of lines that my mind wishes to let loose

I have no control over my hands or my mind

It as if I am strapped onto a seat locked away by a force, a pleasant one that knows what to do 

A force that I created and nurtured and now it only needs my hands and my mind to do the rest

I sit and write every drop that comes to my mind without stopping for once

Every new thought protrudes, and this force compels me to take it all down in one piece 

I know I have to write it because it is through this way, I let go 

It is this way how I unburden 

I wonder when I would stop to write this all down 

Will there ever be a day?

My hands have grown tired but my mind bustles

I wish to close my eyes for a while, but these thoughts refuse to close down 

How do I truly let it go because there is a limit to it all? 

I can’t keep doing this, but I like it because in some of these finest moments I believe comes out my finest creations


Are these those moments

Those moments where the artist is truly happy with what they put out

The work they poured their bleeding life into it 

The vision they believed that people would understand 

But when presented it’s not 

This is not what people want but you know it’s what you want and you still believe that there are people out there who will enjoy your creation because in that enjoyment there lies that satisfaction and happiness you seek 

So you go out and venture

You put yourself out there

Every raw passion and burning and tired breath into it

Desperate to find at least that one soul who would get it 

You go and try and try 

What happens if you don’t find those people

Do you stop? 

Have you failed? 

Do you need to try? 

Do you have to try? 

Do you give up or pursue until your very last breath believing someone will show up?

Do you die like this never receiving that satisfaction you ache for? 

Or do you like in that sadness you can never get yourself out of? 

Who are you doing it for? 

You! or you?…

This doesn’t stop here. It moves on…

3. The Master

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Continued from 2. The Monologue…

I want to be that one who teaches you

I want to be that one who people learn about 

Do you not find it fascinating or tentative or is it just me? 

How to make you understand is beyond my limits 

If you were I, this would be so much easier but where does the fun in that lie?

 

How else will I teach you? 

How else will I be that one that stands out?

Am I the master of this? 

Have I changed the way as to how people look Future self? 

Are the pondering and wondering about these random lines and interpreting them just how I imagined them to be? 

Has my rhythmic flow of randomness changed something or put a spark in one mind or many? 

I want to be that writer where I do not have to fear of letting loose 
I want to let go in my words and lines and not have anyone edit or cut it out
I want to let loose in my words and capture every thought I have and pour it out on to this 

To be continued….

2. Monologue

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Continuation from 1. The Prelude…


Now I want you to imagine

Can you do it for me?

Imagine that this is a prologue to something great or a prologue to an epic end

Create it however you like but I want you to make me the center in that space 

In that dim vast space, I will be the lead and you will be my audience listening to every word pouring out within me 

All I ask from you is to let me in those minds and hypnotize you into a fascination I want to create 

Let me do it and I will show how I feel it too 

Do you feel it too? 

I always imagined doing a prologue or a monologue like this in a dark space with lighting well enough so that I can see and it shows the light on me as well

I imagine doing it in a voice that carries many undertones to it 

The tunes of darkness, charm, seduction, innocence, inquisition and a voice that gets you so lost 

I want my voice while saying this to you to be so enchanting that I loose myself in my own voice and be a prey to it 

I want to feed on this voice and these words while I say it to you 

I want to consume it and be in that eternal state for as long I can try  

You try so hard to refute 

You try so hard not to give in but you know it always get it’s way at the end 

After that explosion you know you feel complete 

Do not be afraid if you find no pattern

I relish in these outbursts of random scattered thoughts 

I do not want you to pick up each of them, assimilate them and bring them together to tell a story

Don’t bother to find a pattern because let it be

Let it stay scrambled

Let it stay as the way as it is because that is what you are meant to do 

This is how I am 

No pattern but just a bunch of lines written down with no intention to ever stop

This is how I am 

I let these lines flow on to here so 

They scatter 

They are everywhere 

That is how it should be

That is how I want you to read

That is how you know me

Each line is a thought and story in itself, so fear not 

Do not let the force push you to finding a pattern or to desperately pick up the pieces to connect and to understand because that is not how I roll

I want you to live like me

I want you to know how it is

I want you to learn to flow 

To flow like these lines

Read and read 

Each line a new story or a recurring thought 

I want you to leave it to your own mind

Do not try to think of it as to how I created it 

Do not be like the rest of them who try to come up with these conspiracies and theories

Just be that person who lets go and lives in it rather than indulging and divulging in it for the sake of dissecting it up to find something 

Continued…

1. The Prelude

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This is a series, each piece with its own title and different lines.
You can read or approach it any way you would, but my personal recommendation is to stick with it from the beginning until the very end. It helps with the exploration of the journey.
I hope you all stick till the very end and I would love to see how you feel about it.

Thank you and now you may begin the journey…

Do you feel it too?

Do you feel your urges pinning you down into submission

Do you feel you want to let that energy burst into a million fragments 

When watching a movie or listening to a song or reading a story, do you feel you are in it savoring every moment of it

Do you feel you are with the character by their side or just as an observer from far 

Do you feel that closeness take over you

Do you feel at times you want to be that character 

When watching those intimate scenes with your favorite actors, do you feel or do you wish it was you being with them by their side 

Or in a song or in a book, do you feel you want to live it too?

Do you create dreams and stories to feel everything you want to feel knowing it could never be achieved in reality

Do you feel that strong urge as I do pushing me to do things

Do you feel that you have always wanted to do a monologue

The ones where you sit and watch in the movies where the actor or the actress talks to you or the audience in front of them 

In that dim lit room and that one chair standing admist the space 

The one ray of light shows how vulnerable you are in that moment 

It shows how weak you have become or how strong you wish to be

It shows the front you finally had to face but it only shows it to you or probably it shows to those people who have a keen inquisitive eye 

I feel like being in those moments every day or at least once where I have that light shone upon me and out I reveal that monologue that will enchant you forever 

I imagine myself in a different avatar when I do it 

I imagine strange and new faces not the old ones I am so used to seeing

I want to present this to the people of the unknown 

This is how I want you to remember me 

I want to invent and create versions of myself in the times I am talking to you through this monologue

This is how I want to live 

This is how I create that impact I envisioned in my mind 

This is what I want you to be fascinated with…

To Be Continued…