Why

Why does my heart ache at something that never had the fullest possibility of ever happening?

Perhaps it was due to the fact that it dangled in front of me like a bait and I was lured into and trapped.

Why does my heart cry out in silence and clutch at the possibility of clinging on to that hope that would make me happy again?

Perhaps it was due to the fact that I had to pass these days to finish of work and find a drive to motivate me to do my life.

Why do I put myself through these days and hope for a miracle to befall and change it all?

Perhaps it’s because I am a fool to believe in the grandeur and delusions that my heart still clings on to waiting for some good miracles to take place.

Why does the universe conspire against me?

Perhaps it enjoys tricking me into believing that my happiness would be fulfilled; but it then snatches it away at the very end leaving me in sadness and despair

I blame it not on the world and the people in it but solely on myself for expecting it to happen

I blame myself for clinging on to that hope and faith of it taking place into action

When the odds are stacked up against it; I still firmly stand my resolve onto that very last hope

But as each day transpires; I find myself being toyed with and not knowing where to stand and what to put my beliefs into

It is the night and I find myself very upset and lonely at how the outcomes have played in

I seek no companionship or love but only the warmth of some warm home food and the comfort of my loving family beside me at these sad times

But they are not here and are miles away, away from my heart and away from bodies…

My troubles are deep rooted and lie in the tangled web of my feelings and emotions for my family… This is a string so entangled in this web that disrupting it would be equivalent to destructing myself and the universe I exisit in.

I bother to not find a way of letting these troubles escape and fall into the hands of my companions as it is of no use…

I have the best of the comrades with me, but why can I not confide in them?

Perhaps a solution even by them won’t solve the fix I am in…

Why bother when the world can’t help or create a solution?

Talks with my comrades help

Talks help but for how long? They are a source of comfort but the pain still resides now stronger than ever without myself ever realizing it…

No one seems to truly understand where I come from or what I intent as I have trouble laying it out for them to understand, see and dwel.

As I struggle to take out these feelings and pour it out here, I find that the ache still tighlty clutches around my heart and the feeling of sadness has made its home in here now.

What use are my efforts to put it out if I am not getting relived of this mess?

Why bother when the world can’t help or create a solution?

What can I do to evade myself out of this glorified pain?

Sleep it off and let it transpire to the next dawn I wake up in.

Let my mind skip on to the other good things of life and try to move on

What I find myself comforting is indulging is into bussum and the pleasures of Satan?

The former was an attempt to humour myself from the the series of unfortunate events I have taken a turn to

I find myself indulging not into the pleasures of Satan as a comedic relief but into the world of movies and televison shows, being a spectre and the observer of an other world helps myself slip away from the troubles I am in now

From one world to an other, oh how I would love to hop around when things go uneasy all the times but alas one cannot do that at all times.

Or wait for the event to happen and then mope around for believing in the chances and the luck of it happening at all, but what if?

A fool you are to believe that good things happen all the times…

Have you not learnt anything my dear fool?

Why does …

Perhaps, let’s not bother…

2 thoughts on “Why

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