I feel blue
Blue has so many layers that I swim in
I dwell in those deep shades of blue
It has the layer of joy
It has the layer of sadness
I crave it for the warmth
I crave it for it’s wintry crisp
I crave it for it’s gloomy storms
Blue is an appetite that always stirs up my senses and affections
I like to drown myself into the void of blue
It masks what I feel and dream about
My love feels blue
A blue that is desolate, A blue that wants to invite, A blue that fears, A blue that clenches and hopes, A blue that is alone.
I dream about love
A love so great
A love that I may never find
I dream of love in my dreams and fantasies
My fantasies are filled with love and the lust of it
I am happy in it, I feel connected and safe
I feel the happiest when I feel them
It feels so surreal, in that moment I feel almost complete as I stand on an edge that prevents from making the cross over to the other side
It is a sense of joy and warmth that I cannot explain
How can dreams make me feel so safe and warm
Why do I dream of love every time I lie down to slumber
Do I crave it so much that I need to dream in order to have it?
I am afraid of not finding it
I am afraid that there is no one out there who could love me
My brain forms many stories about love, many fantasies but I am afraid it is all too false in this world
I blame the songs and films I listen and watch with so much of heart
I blame the worlds of the stories I explore
I blame myself for falling into a trap that I am afraid I can never get out of
I blame myself for letting it all fall into me
I blame myself for letting them cross over the walls I never built, the walls that were meant to not let it happen
But through these songs, movies, stories and dreams I live and breathe it all
I do not want this to ever stop yet it keeps slicing and wounding deeper and deeper
I dream of a love where he never lets go and stays beside me
I dream of a love where we stay up all night admist the barren land looking at the stars above us and listening to songs that were meant for this very moment
I dream where we dance under the stars all night long…
I dream of a love where we both understand and love each other to the fullest despite our differences and faults
I dream of a love so raw, intense and passionate
I dream of a love where there is understanding, communication, respect, integrity, loyalty and all the goodness associated with it
I dream of a love where we both maintain our own individualities
I dream of a love where we still can live and survive without each other but we choose not to because we are so in love
I dream of a love where we travel and discover
I dream of it all that I have now lost count
I see other people and their great love stories and I wonder am I asking for too much or am I simply not worth it any time soon or ever?
I am happy with what I have right now in this present time
But why do I always crave for that feeling
In the back of the corners of my mind, I wait in search for that love
I not only want to accept the joy and lust of love but also would invite the heart break along with it
I gladly accept the pain that it will bring into my life
I will gladly welcome the gut wrenching hurt along with it, the hurt when things turn array
I will gladly soak myself with the pain that no words could ever describe
I welcome it all and accept the consequences as well
I am still in hopes
I patiently wait and wait as my mind tells me there is a time and place for it all
When I am ready, it will come and seek me or do I go searching for it?
How will I ever know?
What if I have someone far far away but the world lets it be, never giving us a chance to ever cross paths?
How will I ever know?
Will you ever hand me down a sign?
Someday, when I acquire my love, I will still feel blue but I will be swimming into the new shades of blue, a blue that is left waiting to be dwelled into…
I want to love
I want to be loved…