“The Bucket List”

What is a bucket list? A list full of dreams that you want to do before you die. 

For me a bucket list is a list full of goals that I want to achieve before I die. 

The word bucket list carries a sort of magic that makes it so perfect and dreamy. I want a bucket list to be not dreamy. Instead, I want it to be as realistic as life because I want to believe that I can achieve these things on my bucket list. 

There are some wishes that I want to add but I don’t think I can ever see it happening. So when I am sure of it, I will put them or I will do them when I feel it is right.

I do not want it to be a list where I will not regret not doing any of the wishes I have. I want to do everything I wish in life rather than writing it down on a piece of paper and then proceed to decorate it with all the fanciness that I can possibly give it.

On the other hand, I could see how displaying all my goals on the fancy piece of paper can give me the creative drive to chase put in hard work to these goals so that I can make it happen. 

I am so very conflicted with the idea of a bucket list. If I give it the special treatment it so calls deserve, I shall find myself in despair when I do not see a dream come true from it. 

I would not lie to you by saying that I have not mentally notes all of the things I would like to do. I would say that not noting it down on that piece of paper made me forget some of the things I wanted to do. I wonder if me forgetting some of these things somehow diminshes the value and desire of how much I want to do it.

So here I am confirming to the norm of creating a bucket list but with a twist. So here I present “The Dream and Goal List”

The thing with this list is that these are the things I wish to achieve not just because I am going to die someday but I want to achieve it for my own and I believe this is going to help in my growth as a person and it will make me happy. Achieving this would mean I have done something greatful in my life. It is with time that some of these goals would be achieved and I am ready to do anything to achieve them.

I will make sure I achieve each of this not before I die. I will achieve these goals because I want to not because of the fear of death. I want to make my life worth it.

The dreams and goals list

  1. Do my Master’s and PHD
  2. Get a job as a university professor
  3. Live in London or anywhere city like with a killer apartment
  4. Make a solo trip to anywhere
  5. Travel as much as possible with your mother
  6. Do a road trip and listen to those playlists that make you feel all the emotions
  7. Honour promises made to myself and to everyone
  8. DO Skydiving
  9. Learn how to drive a car and ride a Motorbike
  10. Buy a car, probably a jeep so that in the back you can sit there and watch all the sunsets
  11. Get the tattoo you planned when you feel the time is right
  12. Visit New York, The Northern Lights, Scottland, Spain, Greece and every place that you ever dreamed of
  13. Buy a light saber and also the star wars robes or droid
  14. Have the best day in Disney World and Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge
  15. Try all kinds of food and also the famous must try ones
  16. Go for artists concerts that you like
  17. Invest in experiences and memories
  18. Watch as many movies and shows possible
  19. Keep writing
  20. Keep discovering
  21. Keep on adding to this list whatever you want to do

Why have feelings when you can toss them out?

Will there come a time when I run out of things to write?

Sometimes I imagine a time and a world where we humans do not have any feeling and emotion. We are there to simply exist and nothing else.

What would happen to the world and us?

If I did not have feelings, I would not be in unwanted situations and I think that would be nice.

A world where feelings and emotions were non existent. A world where imagination were non existent. What would become of us? What would happen to me? What talent would I or the world posess if none of us could react to it? What talent would I have or do if I did not have the feelings in me to decide?

If not for the above, would our world even progress? Would this world even be worthy to be called the name “world”? What a bore would that world be.

I often think and am always in deep thought about this situation. Why do I need to have feelings about anything? Why was I not given the ability to not feel and be unresponsive to everything? If that were to be the case, what kind of life I lead?

An easy one but it won’t be called a life.

Sometimes I wonder if not for my feelings, would I have anything to write? If not for the stories I am in, would I have anything to write? If not for using my imagination, would I have anything to write? Am I using the world to find stories to write? Am I using my emotions and feelings to write? But isn’t that what writers do?

It would become a world not worth living in but how would we know if we did not posesses the things that made us feel? This feeling of the world not being alive can only be felt when we possess that feeling but if not, would it be easy and warm to live in this comfort?

Many of the times, I am grateful to feel many things but I am also emotionally tired and utterly devastated to feel it. It is exhausting having to feel and wanting to feel. Sometimes I feel I should get rid of the parts of my brain that causes me to feel and emote.

I do not know what to do when I face emotions I don’t want to face even if they are nescessary for me to progress. I do not like to feel emotions that make me heavy in my heart. I do not like to feel emotions that are filled with tears. I like being in happy thoughts and being in a world where my fantasies come true, but that’s not possible and I am okay with it.

Maybe I can choose not to feel some of these things, but what good would that do to me if I can’t accept them as a part of me? I can’t run away from them and I don’t want to. Each of these feeling helps me somehow, I just am not sure how but I know they do help in some weird way.

I think I embrace them but not well. Who am I to determine that? I don’t know on what basis I am making this deduction.

It is the bad times that make us feel this way. That is when the good times help.

I just look out at the world and I am thankful for every feeling and emotion bestowed upon me. If I were incapable to feel, I would not have had the joy and sanity when I looked outside.

If not for these given feelings, I would not have had the capacity to fully immerse in wonderful experiences I have with my family and friends.

I feel happy when I go out for a walk listening to mellow tracks. That gives me the warmth and resolution to keep going and to be inspired. I have my faith renewed once again and a hope that I will do just fine.

I would not lie when I tell you that I am in a dilemma with matters like these. At times it seems so good but at times it only pains. I will always have my reactions to life and I guess nothing could change that. I could perhaps learn to react better and not let it hurt me more than it should.

These things are out of control and that is why being human is the most difficult job in the entire galaxy. It is a constant state of managing them in various ways best suited to you and for the world outside.



Art and Creations

I respect and love art and creations.

There is so much of work that goes behind people giving out their art. Each process behind that art and creation is what makes it so admirable and something to be respected.

When people critique art and when some of the comments given are negative, it hurts and I feel upset. I mean when these critiques come from professionals in that field; to an extent I understand why they have to give out their judgments, so that the artists and creators can do better but I still do not understand why? Do these people not understand the work and the risks put into this?

Sometimes I feel people do not understand the insane amount of confidence and guts the artists have to put their work out. I admire that confidence. To put their work out there for the world to be seen and be on the receiving end of all the comments, that is brave. 

Even if they choose not to display the work, working on something they are so passionate about, it is intoxicating and electrifying. Breath tatking in all ways.

Some of the arts that exist in this world that have caused a revolution, Imagine if the artist wouldn’t have thought of it or had the courage to go through with it. If not for an idea, the art wouldn’t even be alive. 

After coming up with that idea, executing that idea, that is where things could go wrong. You have to take the risk with your idea and battle many odds with it.

Watching artists or creators execute their idea is a beautiful process. Watching them in their space and owning it is an inspiring and unique movement as different creators have different approaches. Watching these different approaches might give you an awakening that you didn’t know you needed.

Then for some artists, they might be faced with a time crunch and coming up with an idea, executing it and completing it. It is a daredevil like process. You can either come up with nothing or make a whole world out of it. 

I do not want to be a quitter

So my parents have this idea expected from me that I tend to quit some of the many things I seem to try. I would say that I simply run out of interest in them. I do not quit because it is hard, I just lost my interest in them and yes maybe one time, I quit because it became hard.

When I am about to start something new, my parents beat around the bush to tell me not to quit very subtly. ( Mom, Dad, you guys do not know how to be subtle… ) It makes me upset but I see where they are coming from. I have quit quite some things.

The past two years completely changed me in many ways. I have learnt not to quit very easily. I try my best and put in everything I have got. At the end of the day when the result comes, I know I did my absolute best. Even if the results are not favourable, I learn what needs to be done and then go for the run again. I know that nothing should or could stop me from chasing the dream I want to lead.

I will admit when the results are not in the odds, I do get crushed and burnt. When I want to get up and start, my mom is the one that sweeps away the ashes and brings me up again, like a Phoenix.

If not for her, I would remain to be crushed and sad for inhumanly as long as possible. She reminds me not to give up and go for it even if the odds are stacked against me. She is never dissapointed in me because she knows I do my best and she has taught me to see that as well.

This degree I am doing now, sometimes the odds are not in my favour even if I have given up my world and tried my best. Sometimes it is like that and that would want you to give up but then you need to always remember the bigger picture, the bigger dream and it is going to happen. That’s what makes me going. I have my faith, hard work, my belief in destiny and passion and I know that it will happen.

I try not to imagine the negative outcomes of the “what if”. Instead I imagine the endless possibilities of the “what if” which inspires me to try what I dream of.

This blog that I started a year ago has become a symbol that represents I have not quit. I started this blog to post what I write and feel and I am still doing it one year later. When I did not get the results I hoped for, I had it in me to quit but no, I continued to write and express. I remembered why I decided to start this home of mine. This blog that is present here stands as a symbol of my dreams and my strength. It stands as a form of my expression and dreams.

This home of mine proves that I can do anything and everything. I need to always put in my hardwork, passion and what ever I have got into any work my soul has set its heart onto.

I do not want to be a quitter and I won’t be one. If anything hard comes in my ball park, I will make sure to try and hit the home run out of it. If not a home run, atleast I would try to score some goals rather than be kicked out of the game.

It was an on the spur ride

              
Let me paint you a picture here. A picture of what I did. 

I roamed around these streets filled with skyscrapers that soared up so high in the sky. 
I knew they are so high because I simply could not get them all to fit in one frame on the shot I wanted to take.
I feel oddly at home even though the home I once was in was miles away.
I felt at home when I came here, I guess it was those big blue windows that reflected light made it home. It was perhaps those big skyscrapers in the city and the bay front I once knew of made it home.  

After admiring the building, I walked along the bay, A view that needed admiration. Everything lining up waiting to be awed and gawked upon. 
I took selfies of myself being happy and silly to capture these moments, so that when I look back on these pictures, I am able to remember the moment and what I liked to do. 
Looking at the water, then onto the buildings and the statues felt pleasant and calm. 
It gave me a whiff of nostalgia and provided me with the city magic I needed. 
I was alone in this adventure of mine. 

Right beside the bay walk, there was a small green ground where the food festival was about to take place.
I saw families, friends, couples walk hand in hand smiling and admiring.
I liked the presence of myself. I could not create any chaos or unhappiness to myself in such places.
I admire being in them but could not help on how it would feel if I were to be with family, friends or a lover. 
A moment of happiness couldn't seem to last longer than a few minutes before the storm hits my family. It doesn't happen all time but it happens. I wasn't keen on taking that chance, not today. 
 
I saw people eat the delicacies from different stalls with their friends and family. Enjoying and laughing, having a good time. Being around this whole celebration and looking at it made me feel awkward. 
It made me feel like I was supposed to be with someone, anyone just so that I could pass as someone blending with the crowd. 
I then looked around if there were people like me, alone and enjoying.
Not a lot were there but yes, there were some. 
I realized then, why am I being so bothered about this? I am having fun and enjoying. Isn’t that the point after all? 
Why risk bringing a factor that could cause you to frown and worry? 

The past and the present has made me afraid to bring along a family along with these adventures. My happiness fades away as soon as a dispute occurs. It happens quite commonly. 
Sometimes I think it is me. I think I could be the reason these moments of unhappiness occur. The past and the present are continuously proving so. 
This is why I venture out alone, not that I don’t mind it most of the times, but sometimes when it gets lonely, it is good to have a hand with you. 
I look out to the world and then look at the other people
Is it something that’s wrong with me or am I just different with my approach? 
I wish I had something of that sorts.
This is all I know
This is what I know how to do 
 

I was right after all. I ended up to go on and have a great time being in the celebrations.
It was because there was no one in that present moment who was capable to ruin my happiness and contentment I felt.
For a fact I know that I love to explore by myself and I can do it wherever and whenever.
There is a unique fun that lies in that. 
You are the controller of the day, if you screw up you have no one else to blame but yourself. There is no one to pin point and blame you for the mistakes caused. No sort of remarks to bring you down. 
You get to do what you want and manipulate the day to your likings. 
It is all you and some times it is good. 

The Liebster Award

When I first saw the notification, I couldn’t believe it. I have been nominated for the The Liebster Award. This was my first time ever being nominated on an award and I can’t believe I got nominated!! I have always wanted to get nominated and it actually happened!! I can’t believe it!!

Rules

  1. Thank the blogger(s) who nominated you.
  2. Share 11 facts about yourself.
  3. Answer the 11 questions the blogger(s) asked you.
  4. Nominate 11 bloggers and make them happy!
  5. Make up to 11 questions and ask them to your nominees.
  6. Notify your 11 nominees.

Thank you very much Manoj Mehra for nominating me for this award!! Do check out his blog as there are some very creative and inspirational pieces. (https://believestrong.wordpress.com/author/manojmehra2610/)


My 11 Facts

  1. I am from India and I have lived in Dubai for 18 years and now I live in Singapore. I study in Nottingham, United Kingdom
  2. If I could watch movies and shows all day, I WOULD!! I love them!!
  3. I am an introvert and a mix of an ambivert. I tend to not reveal a lot about myself. I have a problem sharing many of my life details with my friends and family.
  4. I really want to travel and discover more of the world
  5. I am an over thinker and I have many thoughts that pop up in my head
  6. I love to listen to music. I pretend to be in music videos when I listen to songs. Different songs give me different emotions.
  7. I love my mom, dad and my grandparents a lot. Their opinions matters to me a lot.
  8. I love spending time with my best friends. I have noticed that throughout my life, whatever friends I make, they end up being my best friends. Not all the friends, but many of them tend to be my best friends.
  9. I love to read books, sometimes I buy a lot of books and maybe do not read 1 of them. Guilty as charged.
  10. I love to dream and fantasize. If I could live in my fantasies, I would.
  11. Sometimes I pretend to have my own talk show or be in a talk show. Who doesn’t??

Answers for questions asked by Manoj

  1. Why did you start blogging?

I started blogging because I wanted a way to release my feelings and thoughts. It was becoming too much to keep it all in and I love to write. Writing was how I dealt with my emotions, thoughts and feelings. It gave me peace. I like having the creative control in my hands. I can do anything I want with words and turn them to a tool for me.

2. What would you like to change in your country and why?

I would like my country to be not very corruptive and be more peaceful. I would like for everyone to express their opinions without getting bullied. I would like for girls and women to be safe and not be afraid of the society and the country. I would like for my country to be happy.

3. What is your favourite country and why?

I like many countries, I do not have a favourite. If I had to choose a favourite country to live, it might be UK or USA because I love big cities and also nature. They have both.

4. On what basis do you/will vote in elections?

I would vote on the basis of how much good they would do for the country and the people. I would vote on the type of person they are. I do not want my vote to go in the hands of the wrong people.

5. One person to whom you want to apologize and why?

I would like to apologise to my mom for every mistake, fight and sadness I have caused to her.

6. What is your favorite movie?

This is a very hard question to answer because I love many movies and many of them are my favourites. If I had to choose, it would be Zindagi Na Milegi Doobara. An English movie would be V For Vendetta.

7. What is your favorite TV series or show?

Teen Wolf!! That show made me so happy and so emotional!!

8. Who is your favorite actor?

In the Malaylam industry: Dulquer Salmaan

In Hollywood: Christian Bale and Heath Ledger

9. Who is your favorite actress?

Emma Stone

10. Who is your favorite singer?

Band: Maroon 5, Panic! At The Disco, One Direction

Artist: Sabrina Carpenter and Zayn Malik

11. What is your favorite food?

Biryani!!


People who I am going to nominate!!

I would like to nominate everyone to do this but more so I would love to see my best friend Raveena do this!! I also am nominating a few people who I would love to see them do this and they do desreve this nomination!!

  1. https://raveenanigam.wordpress.com
  2. https://kiwikatastrophes.wordpress.com
  3. https://onthemiddlepath.com
  4. https://thesparklingwords.wordpress.com
  5. https://stoneronarollercoaster.wordpress.com
  6. https://rahulgaurblog.com
  7. https://thedentedsoul.wordpress.com
  8. https://indigoslife3.wordpress.com

Here are your questions.

These questions are open to anyone!! I would love to read all of your answers!!

  1. Why did you start blogging/writing?
  2. Biggest dream that you want to accomplish?
  3. What is a quote that you would live by? Or what is your favourite quote?
  4. What is your favourite colour and why?
  5. What is your best memory and why?
  6. If you had a super power what would it be and why?
  7. If you were able to act in any movie or show, which one would it be and why?
  8. If you had the chance to make a best friend group, which 4 famous people would be in it and why?
  9. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  10. The first thing you would do when you become a millionare.
  11. What is your favourite conspiracy theory and why?

Thank you all very much for following me and reading my work!! It means a lot to me and I can’t wait to see what holds in the store for me!!

I can do fine or maybe good by myself, but not great

As I was getting ready to sleep, this thought popped up into my mind and got me thinking the above. 

I simply cannot understand how only the nights are set out to get these thoughts from me. How is it that the nights are only capable to question the deepest thoughts man mind is afraid to be alone with? How is that in the nights, I have to confront them?  So rather than going to sleep and forgetting about them the next morning, I decided to sit down and write every thought that came to me.

This is what came to me.

I can do fine or maybe good by myself but not great.

You know what makes it great. It is the family, the friends and the world I live in that make it great.

You give me a laptop and good wi-fi connection, I will be alright by myself. You give an apartment, a job with money, I can go out and travel and live by myself without the need for human conatct to bring me joy. I can spend days just being with it but in order for my life to be great, I need my family and my friends.

The world is a companion that I need when I am alone. I need the world so that I can step out and go for many walks. I need the world so that there is something I can go and discover. 

I need them all so that I can still try and live my great life. I need it all to give me the drive I want and still have.

I am an introvert. I like very specific people and can only express who I authentically am just with them. They bring out the me. With different people, I am a different and authentic self. Some of my friends may not see the side I am with the other people I spend my time with.

That is the thing with me. I guess it can be the thing with everyone. I never show the whole 100 percent. I guess I want to hide that part or maybe I just haven’t been comfortable to show it to you. Keeping that part of myself, just to myself makes me happy. A secret only I know.

I can still live good being by myself in this world but still I need my family and best friends to keep the 50 percent human in me. 

I know this sounds selfish, it is all about me, but when you come to think of it, why do we form friendships, why do we love? It is all for ourselves, to make us happy. These people give us happiness and love and that is why we want them in our lives. I like them because I like spending my time with them. Watching them happy makes me happy.

I guess we all are selfish but it is the good kind of selfish. The kind of selfish where we deserve happiness and love for ourselves and the world.

I need them to balance my life.

I need them because I want to shower them with love and I also want to be showered with love.

I need them so that I am aware of life and what is real. 

I need them to know what is right and what is wrong. I need them to keep my moral compass alive and good.

I need them so that I can learn all sorts of things.

I need them for many of the memories I want to make. I need them because I still want to live this life of love and happiness I lead.

I need them because they are there for me and I for them. 

I need these bonds so that I am not alone in this journey of life. 

I need them for me. 

I need them to exist.