I have to change

7th August 2019, 7:20 pm

Now I am in the airport heading back for Singapore, back to my mom and dad! Here I am editing this piece that I want to post before I leave Dubai physically because this piece means a lot because it happened here and I got some good advice here, so I want to give it a nice goodbye.

I promised my teacher that the first thing I would write after having a talk with her was going to be a positive one, a positive one about me and the changes I wished to bring in my life from now on.

I am not solely writing it to honour my promise to her, I am writing it because I believe in what she said and I want to be that change.

Changing oneself can be so hard especially if you are at an age/mentality where you are so used to being yourself and it is hard, but that’s what I have to overcome. You can change at whatever age you are but that mentality to change, that is hard. I need to overcome that comfortable phase I am in. I need to change for the good of me. I need to change so that I can be the best version of myself.

I promised my Ma’am that I would try and commit to these changes. These changes are necessary to grow for me as a person and to be in this growing world. 

The changes that I wish to see in myself are as follows.

  1. I have to try, go out and make more friends. I like being by myself but that would turn out to be such a negative thing for me. I need to go out, meet people and make more friends. That doesn’t mean I am going to leave my best friends; I just have to do it for myself. I need to understand people more. I need to talk to other people and see their view points and let my analytical skills grow. I need to try and be more active. It is going to be good in the long run!
  2. I need to not undermine myself so much. I need to believe in myself and my skills. I don’t want to be so insecure about most of the things. Regarding this, I will be doing something very soon. You will see! I need to be my own cheer leader!
  3. I have to start living life a bit more on my own terms. I have always been living life on my own terms but sometimes a few factors hold me back. I don’t want those factors to determine my entire life and hold me back from achieving my full potential to live life. I do not want other’s emotions to hold me down from going after what I want.
  4. I do not want to be scared of the what if’s. If a what if comes in. my way, I want to try and do that what if? If regrets arise out of it, I will deal with it but I would be free from that liberation of what if?
  5. If I want to commit to changes, even the smallest of changes, I want to do it!
  6. I want to be more in this world.

Thank You Sneha Ma’am for being there and for having an honest, fun, insightful and a beautiful conversation!

I have to change. I need to change. I want to change.

-Roshni Marath Jairaj

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