I am in this weird emotional space not knowing what to write about. Now this is different. This is not a slump. I know exactly what to write about but I am not sure if I am ready for the world to uncover me.
I want to go more in deep with my emotions and stories, I want to write more of what I feel and hide but I am afraid that once the truth comes out, what will that do to my close friends and family? My relationship with them would be affected. I don’t think I am ready for that big of a risk.
My past posts does not mean I have not been writing about myself and what I feel. It has been and every bit of those words were true but those were less terrifying real versions of what I feel. There is always so much more.
I have so many of my emotions in words and I want to put it out there but I am scared of how that would go with the people I love and the society I am put in. I am not afraid of the world but sadly I am afraid of putting it out with so many familar faces who claim to be friendly.
It is upsetting having to think of what my society would think of me and my family because of the struggles I have been put through. I wish people wouldn’t judge as much but I guess that’s the duty of some people; to judge.
Many of the people in my society look for reasons to put us down and to make a mock of us. They use our sadness as a reason to inflict joy in their lives. They are the genuine and true Schadenfreudes.
Until I decide what I want to do, I am going to take a small break and decide what I truly want to do about these thoughts.
I am slowly going to start posting pieces from the past. There are countless pieces I have written and it would be nostalgic and great to see what mind space I have been in that time. I could maybe post them in the original form or add more to it.
I have always thought about how liberating it would feel once you put down all these pains that weigh you down, and now I am at that conflict. I have put them down but I don’t know if I am ready to post it.
How do I get ready?