Stranger

Hey Stranger

I have all these people around me. These people who love me but I can never find myself to talk as openly as I would like. There is always a wall that will stand between them and me. I build this wall and refuse to climb over it or let anyone break it down. When times comes, I might let the right person break it down or I will.

I subconsciously always refrain myself from telling you all my truest feelings because I don’t want my stories to burden you or I don’t feel comfortable telling them to you no matter how much I love you. I don’t know what the problem is, all I know is that I am not comfortable with crossing that boundary.

I hate myself for that, but I also don’t. I don’t think I can remember ever having much open conversations where I have laid out all my true feelings. This does not mean I lie to you, I just haven’t laid out the full picture. I have only given you the icing, the information I think is necessary or the maximum I can give. The whole cake remains, and I don’t think I will let anyone take that entire bite.

When I try to tell you it all, something happens that makes me not tell you. These might be excuses my mind conjures up into tricking not to say to you, but I believe these excuses. I feel like I let you open up completely, but you don’t want to do it for me. Maybe this is just my mind. I don’t know.

If I ever want to explode and spill out all my secrets and the feelings I am harbouring, I think I can only do it with a stranger because they don’t know me. We both are going in with zero contextual knowledge of each other. So I will not be afraid of them judging me or having to worry about how I am burdening them because we might never see each other again after this.
We can talk and talk and promise to never meet each other again until the next time or perhaps move onto another stranger to avoid all the connection with the previous.

I guess I feel more at ease about talking my truest stories or feelings with strangers because, with the people I love, I don’t know how to. I guess I am afraid of thier thought process when speaking to me and maybe of the words they would use to reply back.

It’s too complicated. I value your love, maybe that’s why it hurts. I am afraid of things changing after I tell you about what keeps me up at night. I guess I am not sure if I want to let you in on all my vulnerabilities or my thoughts.

I can’t seem to place a finger on what it is that is keeping me from exploding my secrets to you.
Perhaps it has been in my family and nature not to reveal too much of ourselves out to the world because then that is how they will perceive us, through pity eyes. Perhaps it is the doubt of you taking advantage of my vulnerabilities.
It is never one reason. It is a whole multitude of them.

I have always made up these stories of spilling out everything, having these talks I have always wanted to have with someone. I am not sure if it will ever function in reality, considering I can’t even share the truest of my feelings with my family and best friends.

It sucks, it’s not their fault. It’s mine. I can’t seem to do it. It looks so easy, but it is so hard.

When you ask me how I have been, I give answers such as I am fine, which I actually am. It’s there will always be these buried stories and pain with me that I can never truly get out in the open. It’s just there continuing to live alongside my life.
So I keep all this inside me, and I just let it be because that is how I have done and I don’t know anything that could change it now.

So that’s why I talk to you stranger because you know me because you are me, but I can’t even be brutally honest with you too because that would crush us both.

So Readers, I place the burden on you and spill out my secrets to you because it is your concern now. I am not afraid of you because you have become my vessel upon which I can spill onto. You hold me.

You and the world are now my strangers. You will always be my strangers. I tell you a majority of the story but never the whole truth because that’s just how. I hide the truth in lines I know you will never be able to decipher because that’s just how.
So in a way, I tell the whole truth. Sometimes.

IKEA

Going to IKEA felt oddly at home. It was surprisng on how a furniture retail company sparks such sheer amounts of happiness!

It was always the best outing with family and friends. When a member of the family suggests going to IKEA, damn oh damn! Our weekends are made!

It is like Christmas! One can just go to IKEA without a wallet and just spend hours over there walking and exploring the difference sections. We are the type to take our wallets with us because you never know. IKEA sure has tricks upon its sleeve to trap you and it sure is an efficient trap!

You know you love IKEA when from a mile, you see that big store logo and your heart starts to beat in excitement thinking of the wonderful day and the fun you are going to have! As you inch closer to that big store, you can’t wait to step your foot in and go crazy!

When you enter, you are greeted with the decor. It quickly sets you into a good mood!

IKEA is never empty. It amazes me on how it always packed regardless of the time or the day!

Exploring the different rooms IKEA had is the most favourite thing of all. Each layout and room rooms gave me different inspiration as to how my dream house would be.

I have always thought that living in IKEA would be the best dream to achieve. I have also made plans as to how I could achieve this.

Plan 1: Steal the invisible cloak from Harry Potter, use the invisble cloak, hide under the duvet and wait for everyone to leave and the store to shut down, then it’s time to party!

Plan 2: Hide under the duvet, wait for everyone to leave and the store to shut down, then it’s time to party!

Not much of variation in the plan, but it is still a plan!

Just imagine, if bored with your current room, you have the comfort of shifting from one room to an other! That’s the magic of IKEA! Offering you different styles and comfort all under a building.

What surprises me more is that all these different rooms are on one floor, just next to each other!

How I usually spend my time in IKEA

In the different rooms , I would go from the bedoom, to the bathroom and then to the kitchen taking notes of how I would incoporate such styles into my dream home. (Would only have the luxury of implementing it, only I were rich! SIGH )


Then in all the bedrooms, I would open the wardrobes and be in awe of how everything is so organized neatly and marvel upon the efficency of utilizng space and storage in such a tiny wardrobe.


I have also imagined situations. When guests come, I will impress them with the multittude of rooms I have to offer and they will gape upon it! I will lead them from one room to another. “This is my bedroom and now we walk into the kitchen.”


When I sit on the chairs in the living room, I imagine the type of conversations I would have with people, the books I would be reading sitting on this chair in this living space and watching TV!


I would stare at office spaces and book shelves and desperately wish, ” Damn, I wish I had that now or Damn, I wish I could have that!”


After careful exploration and fantasies, I then move onto other sections of IKEA, marvelling at all the toys, decor and crockery I would buy for my home!


The kitchen layouts are the most beautiful and desirable ones in IKEA! Oh how I would love for all those storage units! I imagine what I would put in each of those shelving units and how it would all be so efficent for my cooking! Those hard wood floors, marble countertops, the big kitchen counter where I would chop vegetables, prepare batter for cakes! I imagine it all!

I could just imagine me going full out like those chefs in movies, “Julie and Julia” “Chef”

Marble coloured crockery to go with the ambience of my kitchen! Such a beautiful dream!

This is honestly the dream!! Why can’t this be a thing?!

It is not only the interiors of the room that I like but different sections of IKEA, the furniture, the decoartions, the room designs, the toys, the plants! Everything you need for a home, it is all there!

IKEA, such a long walk! Following the directions on the floor, one room leading to another and so on. It’s a fantasy land! You never know what to expect!

Going to IKEA with the family is always a joy but fights do spring up when one cannot control one’s urges and wishes to buy everything the store offers. We go to IKEA planning to buy one item and emerge out of the store with that one item and many others.

Well one thing that IKEA is known for are its Swedish meatballs! Everyone goes crazy for them! I have always wanted to try it but never got around to do it. The restaraunt in IKEA is always super packed thus making it impossible for a non patient person like me to try their food.

I hate waiting but I always do get a hot dog from them! I feel hot dogs from stores like these are just better!

I took this picture in IKEA when I sprawled myself comfortably on the most softest and cosiest bed! I wanted to take this bed home and it was a struggle to get out of this bed!
I am not lying when I tell you, IKEA makes me happy!

I don’t think anyone ever has had a bad time in IKEA. I might be wrong but for a dysfunctional family like mine, we sure do have good times there!

Dear Emily Dickinson

Dear Emily Dickinson, I come from lands and times where your desires come true. Women do get to vote, but we still don’t have it all. However, we are working towards making the world a place where women and men are equal in front of everyone’s eyes.


Dear Emily Dickinson, I come here to tell you that what your heart seeks does not make you strange. You were just born into the times where no one could ever understand your worth.


Dear Emily Dickinson, I wish I could have held your hands and tell you how great your words are. I wish I could have held your hands and comforted you.


Dear Emily Dickinson, I believe you, and I would have shared wonderful conversations about literary works. You would surely be surprised at the quality and amount of works that come from my times, and I could hear your thoughts on the works that existed in your times.


Dear Emily Dickinson, I wish I lived in your times because I would push you into publishing your words so that you could witness the world awing at your poetry.


Dear Emily Dickinson, I wish you would have taught me how to have a green thumb. You and I could spend infinite time in your conservatory, and I could say I have had the honour to watch Emily Dickinson in action getting inspired from nature.

Dear Emily Dickinson, I do not know if I have would been the companion you truly deserve, but I would have surely tried my best.

Dear Emily Dickinson, if this world’s techonology would have been made available to you, you would have been an internet sensation with your poetry. On Twitter, you would be considered a sage and a savage. On Instagram, you would gain millions of admirers for your poetry. In this world, you would be a known as a poet, what you always wanted.


Dear Emily Dickinson, I wish there were a way that I could tell you about the impact you have brought upon me and millions. I hope that this piece of admiration reaches you, wherever you are.