Writing, a skill everyone has, but very few people in this world have the power to create an impact or an effect with those words.
I know quite a lot of people who have that spark to create a profounding meaningful impact, and sometimes I often wonder whether I have been given that or whether am I any good at it.
Have I or Can I ever impact anyone with my words? Do they like reading what I write? If not, then how can I impact them? But then, I am happy with what I write. Questions like these roam and buzz around my mind.
I write a lot, a lot of unpublished ones pile up like a pile of lego blocks reaching up towards the sky. Many thoughts protrude in my head and each piece arises from a thought or a feeling.
I have been writing for quite some time, especially on my Instagram, but for a few months, it has come to a halt.
Why did I stop?
Maybe it was the lack of appreciation or feedback, or maybe the undying thought of me not being good enough when compared to others, or maybe I lost my passion, or I simply didn’t have anything to write on.
I have been a person who tends to thrive on compliments and feedback, so when that stopped or started becoming less, I guess somewhere I just lost my passion to post about what I write. I know that this a wrong reason and I want to deny it.
Also somewhere along the lines, I simply lost the zest and zeal to come up with anything new to write.
I started this blog of mine because now, I don’t mind or at least I think I don’t. I am trying not to mind. It’s going well but it’s hard.
It’s been quite some time with this blog now, it’s still a new creation under works. I am proud of it. A platform where I can truly share.
Selfish desires do exisit in me.
As a writer, a part of me would always wish and aspire for people to like what I write. As a writer, I wish my pieces would become worthy of being published somewhere. As a writer and sole creator of this blog, I wish for it to become popular and create buzz around. As a writer, I wish I could do this for a living. But most out of all, As a writer, I wish for my pieces to make people feel emotions and feelings.
I have a wish, to publish a book about different thoughts, feelings, stories, moments and experiences. If at least one person can understand, relate to it, feel something out of it, my job is done and it’s also an added bonus.
Keeping the selfih desires ahead, I write because I love to do it. It’s my source of escape and expression. This makes my selfish desires fade away into nothingess, but once in a bluemoon, those wishes do arise.
When I feel demotivated or less enthusiastic, I go back to the posts I wrote, read them and the comments underneath. The comments did cheer me up, but it reminded of why I wrote.
I wrote because I loved to write and through writing, I finally found a way to place all my thoughts, actions and feelings into words.
Also somewhere in the corner of the world, if it at least makes one person happy or if they can relate to it, my task is done and as an added bonus, my happiness can also break out of its cocoon and have its time in the gleaming sunlight.
Writing has always been my comfort blanket, and I shouldn’t stop because of any of those reasons.
Many tiny reasons other than that also lie beneath this mess. I often become quite lazy as well to post over here as well on Instagram.
Like I said, many drafts lay upon me, but when it comes to publishing it, a cloud of overwhelming doubt and laziness engulf me, but I am not giving up. I won’t give up.
I feel doubtful and scared because at times, with some of the content I put up, I feel it reveals a bit too much of me or maybe the things I write could hurt some people knowingly and unknowingly.
It’s the latter reason I worry about more because I wouldn’t want to upset people but what is life without that?
This blog defines a part of who I am and I won’t let that definition fade away. I hope and pray that this enthusiasm and this definition never die in me.
I await eagerly to write and write about many things. I eagerly await for it to get published for the world to read. I eagerly await for the response. This whole process is so intoxciating and exhilarating.
I hope this excitement never fades away. I hope everything what I feel about my blog never fades away into nothingess.