Farewell to my humble abode…

18th December 2018, this day was surely faced with a  mixed bag of emotions. On this day, I received the wonderful news which was at first devasting because me being me, I never ask for the whole details. I really should inquire about the whole rather than the half.

The news was that my dad got a wonderful job in Singapore which means we all had to leave Dubai, my home.

It was THE GOODBYE, I always dreaded and knew would come someday…

So at first, I was devasted because I realised this winter break was the last time I was truly ever at my home and also with my friends. Then it would all be packed off to Singapore… At first, I was not happy and carried a dislike to the place immediately because of you, my home was taken away from me. I had to say goodbye to it. I am not fond of goodbye’s and you made me do it…

A tip to myself and the people out there: Always remember to wait and listen to the whole details rather than staying at the half, and also ask whatever troubling questions you have about the problem. It may surprise you when the solutions are out there immediately. 

I vividly remember this day because I crashed down and broke into huge tears. This was the day I truly realized how much Dubai meant to me and the effects it had on me. It charmed me in and left me bewitched. I have been hooked onto Dubai for long as I can remember. That’s what home does to you. It’s a drug you can’t say goodbye to because it is embedded so deep in your system. You are never truly free from it.

Dubai was what kept me sane and happy. It was what I looked forward to when I came back from uni, indulging into Dubai after my experiences at uni was a comfort. When I had trouble at uni and I was so homesick and troubled by the life there, knowing that I would come back home was what that got me through those tough uncosonalble times, but now it it’s gone… The home and friendship comfort always soothed me, but now it was gone… But there are still ways to mend it…

I found out my dad got a better job at Singapore, so that means goodbye Dubai, my home for 18 years and hello to an entirely different place Singapore. I am looking forward to it, I am really excited to see what it has to offer for myself and my family. My dad and mom are happy and seeing them happy, it makes me happy. A new beginning for my family, I hope and pray for it to be a good new happy fresh start.

All happiness aside, I do feel gutted and upset that I am leaving Dubai, it has been my home for 17 years. I grew up here, lived here, roamed around here, made loads of memories and friendships here, but this wasn’t goodbye forever… The memories would stay on forever… It would always be there in me… I faced many hardships and many happiness from here, it has made me who I am. You were also a good teacher and master to me.

After the crying I did, my parents promised and reassured that I would come back here for my vacations and meet my friends and my home So I am not worried and upset about it, but it truly does suck having your home snatched away. Leaving the place where you call home, and then doing the adjusting process all over again. It takes time for me to adjust to a new place and that was evident when I had to do it in uni. If only, I could have listened before crying, but maybe it was good for me to get it all out of my system. Crying is one of the most effective ways for me to get whatever I have out. Crying is not a sign of weakness, it helps me get it all out and I feel much better. Talking with the right people also helps a lot, so thank you to my mom, dad, and my best friends for being there when I need to talk and for knocking some sense into me.

To my Best Friends out there, we all are growing up, changing, going into different directions and we may not be around for long at the same place. We all might end up in different places, but that doesn’t mean we are going to be lost forever never finding each other. I always manage to annoy and be by them whenever possible, which is through text, calls, and video. They are always there, no matter where I am and where they are. The distance is hard, it’s a huge obstacle, but we are there for each other. There are some friendships that are so strong and worth it, you and them would do anything to be a part of it because it’s too beautiful to abandon and let go. It’s a team effort, not a solo one to make the friendship work.

I knew that Dubai wouldn’t last forever for us. I did have to leave this place for good at some point. Eventually, we all would have to go back to India, but now there is Singapore offering us a bright future for all of us. I am grateful to Singapore for that.

So in a way, I am glad that the sooner it happened, the better. It gave me time to deal with it and accept it. It also gave my father one of the best opportunities. If not, who knew what would happen at that time?

How long can one live in the fantasy? It’s all about the change. That change is from where life gets its thrill from. It thrives on that.

Change is hard, change is easy, different people react to it differently. Accept change and don’t try to battle with it because, with time, that change be it bad, it will leave it’s lingering shadow some time or the other and be it good, it’s going to stick around and be there in your life. “Expect for the unexpected.”

Home is where the family is, right? So I hope that Singapore could eventually turn into a place where I can call it home. I am eager and looking forward to it, but saying goodbye to this place. It’s hard, but I am moving on with it better than I expected to…

Everything happens for the best. That’s what I am going by and sometimes things do happen truly for the best. I am going in it with the all the “high hopes.” (Any Panic! Fans here?) I could relate to that song because that’s also what my mama tells me.

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The last time I am going to be here staying in my home. As I am writing this post, this is my last day in Dubai before I leave back for university. 11th January 2019.

When I come back for my break, it’s Singapore. Hello Singapore, I await you…

Dubai, You have made me happy in all ways you can…

A good day!

January 4th 2019

Wow, it does feel different writing 2019 rather than 2018, so far everything seems to be going well and the ships have set smoothly along the sea, waiting for its adventures and misadventures.

Myself, my mom and dad, we all went out for a little shopping, brought some clothes and had some amazing Chinese food and the best part that made this day a good day was the banana spring rolls! Dear Lord, it was heavenly and one of the best desserts I have had. I am not a huge dessert person, but this is definitely in one of my favourites. From the first bite to the last, I savoured every bit of it and I knew the moment this dish arrived was the moment I knew this day was a good one.

Food carries the magic to turn a frown into a smile. The power of food is remarkable.

The ride back home whiffed up my inner nostalgiac side, I put my headphones on and listened to the songs that reminded me of the good times and memories I had in Dubai while looking out to the street lights that shone in the dark. I love street lights and lights in the dark. When I look at them, I am at peace and I am so calm and happy. It feels alive, it’s just me, my thoughts and the world out there. It feels balanced and in sync.

Sometimes all it takes for a day to be good is to just try it out.  Up until then, things were a bit rocky and dodgy, but then I said Yes to going out with my mom and dad, it turned out to be great.

I find it lazy and a bit hard for selfish reasons to step out of my comfort zone because the zone I am in is so inviting and warm, It’s just me and my world. What could possibly go wrong in that? Well, I have a few starters, missing out on the world I live in, it’s stories and adventures, my friends and family.

It might make you sound I am not a part of this world at all. What I am saying is, I love to dwell in the world I have created as well as the real world. What I am not a fan of is people I am not really comfortable with being a part in the real world. I am a people person only to people I love and I find myself really comfortable with.

It’s circumstantial. If there are situations where I have to be friendly and nice, example work areas and classrooms, Yeah I am good at it, but interacting with people on a social scale, it just makes me uncomfortable and a bit nervous, but sometimes I do warm up to them if I like them. It’s a hard life.

So coming back to the topic, sometimes you have to go out there and see and test it for yourself. There are chances and possibilities of you inviting more happy trinkets into your life from the world you go out and explore,  if not now you know what doesn’t make you happy and you can steer away from it.

Writing out the words is easy, but it’s hard doing it. I understand but why ponder on the possibility of what if? Why have that regret?

For some, it’s smooth and natural, like the gentle waves of the ocean, but for some, it’s hard and rough like the storm. Let’s do what it takes in our way and conquer. So little by little, let’s start discovering and exploring like pirates, and who knows we might find the treasure we look for.

Go out there and try. I really should start following my own advice and in a way I am.

Sometimes, one has to say Yes to test out the waters and if turns out to be good, it’s great for you but if not, be glad you made the attempt. 

– Roshni Marath Jairaj

 

(PS: Why am I referring to many ocean lingos?)

Happy New Year

2019 has arrived!!

Here are a bunch of wishes/motivational quotes to keep you energized and motivated about the year

  • Every end marks a new beginning. Keep your spirits and determination unshaken, and you shall always walk the glory road. With courage, faith and great effort, you shall achieve everything you desire. I wish you a Happy New Year.
  • No one can go back in time to change what has happened, so work on your present to make yourself a wonderful future.
  • Unlike what most people think it is never too late to be what you wish to be.
  • We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.
  • We all get the exact same 365 days. The only difference is what we do with them.
  • “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” -Albert Einstein

I hope you all have a wonderful year and I hope for all your dreams and wishes to come true!!

-Roshni Marath Jairaj

What awaits in 2019?

So here we are, the last day of 2018. Then 2019 begins the next day. Scary but exciting. Happy but nervous.

 

I am not going to be making resolutions, they seem like a strong word that is too hyped and does not work for me. I am going to work on myself, my goals and my dreams, try my best and learn. What I am going to do instead is just move on with 2019, focus on my goals and dreams, try my best, learn and change for the best. I am going to continue to live life like always. Make promises on the way, learn more on the way and try improving where I need to be improved. That’s what I am going to do.

 I want to start my year good, it’s a tradition in our family, more so believed and said by mom. If your new years starts in a good light, the rest of the year continues to go good. It’s a belief that I hold to my heart dearly. If we start our year good, it will go good and I would like to uphold and stick to it every single year.

 

Things to Look forward to 2019

  • Amsterdam trip with best friends!! Ready for some immersive out of the world new expericnes over there and I can’t wait for it!! New adventures and memories await!!

 

  • Planning a trip to Paris, Disneyand!! Myself being such a huge fan of Disney have never been there!! SO I AM SO STOKED TO GO TO THE CITY OF MAGIC!!! Keeping my fingers crossed for this trip to happen!! And also planning a trip to some other places as well!! Let’s hope that it happens

 

  • GOING FOR Panic! At the Disco Concert on March 26th!!! FINALLY!!!!! I Can’t wait!! Imagine listening to Brendon live, his vocals, him, THE SONGS!!! Dear lord, Have mercy!!

 

  • All my favourite shows such as the A Series Of Unfortunate Events, One Day At A Time, The Good Place, Riverdale, Brooklyn 99 all come out and then don’t even get me started on the movies that are going to come out!! 2019 IS GOING TO RULE!!

 

  • Turning the BIG 20 on May 24th. The adulthood takes over this one now. I do not know if I dread this or whether I am eagerly waiting for it. I feel more like dreading to this because I am not ready to be an adult. Are any of us ever ready?

 

This is just the start and I am sure many more awaits as I continue the journey. 

– Roshni Marath Jairaj

 

Thoughts

In this world, there are millions of people out there. Every second, every minute, on the streets, I see people out, all sorts of people living their stories in this world. It just dawned upon me today while having dinner with my friend.

What if I could be a friend to each and every person in the world out there? Maybe that’s a bit too much. What if I knew every person and their story? What would I do knowing it? I figure it might be a bit too tedious for my brain to handle.

If I hadn’t met her at uni, what would happen, of the memories, of the bond, of it all? Then I got thinking to the other people in my life. It’s an intense and disturbing thought that often troubles me when I have it. Many thoughts that I have are intense and distrbuing but some of the thoughts people find disturbing, I find it to be exciting.

What would have happened if I wouldn’t have met my friends? Would I meet the people who I would like? Would I be truly alright?  Would I have shared the same sort of connection? It has to be fate and destiny right? Or is it us just moving on and going with the flow?

What if I lived another life in another country with a different background and setting? Maybe I would just meet other people, make best friends there, probably change and learn something about myself.

While eating, we talked. We talked about life and the struggles. We all have them, don’t they? Everyone has their own struggles and problems, some worse than the rest of the world. But it doesn’t mean that what we have is also not worse. It’s worse in our own way.

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Why do some people struggle more in their life than others? Some people might have it all, and still, they seem to lack something or the other. Also, I often see that why does bad stuff happen to good people often?

What is this way of life? I see that some people despite being so kind and so generous, they tend to have the worst of the earth’s hits on them and the bad often gets away with it at times, or many of the times.

So when do they pay for this? At the time of death or after death?

I see it in my own life. We all get consequences for the actions we commit and do, and it pains me to see them happen in my own family. Some people do deserve it but seeing them struggle through it hurts me.

 

A random thought

I just finished watching Blackmirror- Bandersnatch that my best friend recommended and holy mother forking shirt balls, it is one of the brilliantly made movies I have watched in a long time, you get to choose your own choices and your own end to the film. I tried out all the possible ends, but I do have two left which I can’t wait to discover. I just feel that whatever end I choose, it’s grim. I have tried to discover a happy ending but it simply doesn’t exisit, and if it does exisit in the show, that’s simply not the end. It’s a false lie to make you feel better for yourself and the character. That’s all what it truly is.

I do not wish to spoil it for the people but have your minds ready to be forking amazed and baffled and tricked by.

I have always loved Black Mirror because it makes you think and ponder about everything in life and about the things you have never doubted but will start to when you watch this show. It’s a very interesting and unique take on the world, it’s technology. This show makes you think and question so much. Some of the episodes are merely frightening because you know there are the chances of it happening. Every episode in black mirror is different, so you have the option of watching any episode from any season because it’s not connected.

Watching Black Mirror does make you question everything of our existence and what the future holds for us.

It’s a brilliant show that deserves all the hype. 

 

I have many thoughts on different things, feelings, objects, the world, people, concepts and so much more that I just cannot hold onto. Every thought that I have connects to an other, and it just keeps going on and linking and latching onto every possibility it gets. I do not know how I do it, don’t we all?

We find our minds skipping to one thing and then to another. It’s a game of hopscotch, I tell you. 

– Roshni Marath Jairaj

2018, what a year!

A lot has changed over the last year, and I am going to take you guys and myself through the year’s journey. I decided to do this for myself because I wanted to know, discover and be greatful for what has happened and also learn.

So here we go!!

 

What has happened over the last year? 

1 year of completion towards my degree done. 2 years left. Year 2 going on. Wow, time moves fast.

2018 is the year where I am going to be a teenager for the last time before I hit the big 20. My teenage years come to an end and I have to welcome the 20’s and adulthood offically…

Got my first tattoo done on my wrist on March 14!! That was exciting and I can’t believe it’s been that short. I thought I got it done last year but apparently not. More tattoos to come.

 

I have got a placement as an achievement coach in one of the schools that starts next year, 2019.  Bonus: I am also getting paid. It’s a start people and I am excited for what’s more to come.

Did an internship for Young Times, a children’s magazine owned by one of the leading newspapers, Khaleej Times in Dubai. I was a writer for the magazine and damn it felt proud to see my name under the pieces that went in the magazine.

MET DULQUER SALMAAN!!!!!! MY BIGGEST FAVOURITE MOST ADMIRABLE ACTOR/HERO OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!! THIS WAS THE BIGGEST HIGHLIGHT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!! IT WAS MY LIFE LONG DREAM AND IT HAPPENED. 29th July, you will always carry a special place in my heart!! Thank you to my best friend Raveena for being there with me throughout. Waited there with me for 8 hours and the wait was worth it because I got to meet and also side hug him!! Whenever I go back to that day, I am always in disbelief, shock and the happiest!! It was the best!!

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Gave a surprise to my best friend Raveena when I went to Dubai unexpectedly. Her reaction was to die for and it was my first time giving and planning a surprise for my best friend.   It was legend……. wait for it DARY!!!!

Met my best friends after a long time and we had the most amazing fun!! Gosh, what I would give to go back to those days!! But I am living life and moving with the flow of making new memories and more.

Started my blog and I am very happy with where it’s going and what I am doing. I love the pieces that I have put and I am glad people like it!! I thank all the 77 people that follow me and I soon hope to hit a 100 by the end of the year, but if not, that’s alright because I am happy that I have made it this far!!

Part of the Impact magazine of the university!! So I do write for them online. That included covering an event which was very exciting. I took over their Instagram, it was pretty cool and dope.

My mom and dad came to the UK, it’s a big thing because it’s our first time as a family that we all went abroad in the 19 years of my life. It wasn’t particularly a holiday, they came here to help me move into my flat but it was pretty dope, memorable and the best!! My mom was so happy and joyous and it was so good seeing her that happy!! It was her dream to come here and I was so happy that it came true!!

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Tried new things, enjoyed some and also not.

Watched loads of movies over the last few months and I am so proud of myself because I love watching and discovering new movies!! It’s very interesting to see stories, concepts come alive and some of the movies that I have watched have jumped into my all-time favorite movies list. Also watched some new shows.

Listened and discovered different songs and artists. Made my playlist that I dearly love and enjoy!! It’s such a huge moment and an accomplishment. I feel proud and on top of the world.

Listening to podcasts and reading the news a bit more because I want to be aware of what happens around the world and want to gain a bit more knowledge.

I have learned more about what to do, improving my self and how I work.

Met new people, made some good friends with them. Enjoying it all.

Being a bit more social but also having the alone time that I need.

Been productive most of the time and I am happy about it.

I have learned how to cope up more with my emotions and still learning.

Experimented with my hair by dip dyeing it and I loved every breathing living minute of it!! Then finally switched to highlighting my hair with dark brown. I am glad and happy to say, I have found my colour and this colour is it!!

 

 

Had quite some lows with friends, but with time going by, I became better and now we are all good. Better friendships and connections have been made with people I never expected I would be that good friend with. It’s all in the process.

Haven’t read many books yet apart from the books I was supposed to read for my course. But I have done alright. Tried, but will do better in the next year.

LOST MY PHONE, which was one of the biggest low of my 2018. I learnt my lesson the hard way, sometimes these things are meant to happen, but I still will never understand why.

Went for a Beyonce and Jay-Z concert! It was lit AF and it kind of got me into rap but I am not a huge fan of Rap. So, that’s a start to something new.

Went to the Harry Potter Studios in London and it was a dream come true!! I bought myself Hermonie’s wand, Gryffindor’s shirt, robe, flag and pins!! It was quite the fortune but totally worth it because I had my costume ready for this Haloween!! A Wizard!!

Went for Winter Wonderland with my best friend, I am scared about roller coasters and rides and I did it. It felt liberating and frightening. One step closer or many steps away from not letting them win me over. Thank you Urjiva for being there and for always trying to kill me by making me do these things. And Bahaha I look cute in this pic and so do you!!

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The Goose Fair of Nottingham, 2018!! It was the best and with the best people, it was one of the most amazing experinces I had. These are the memories and days I live for.

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Celebrated Diwali 2018 in Lesicter with my friends!! It was fucking lit!! The fire works, burtsing crackers, the rain, the streets, the gaintwheel. It feels good.

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Had the best sleepover with my best friend Raveena and it was her first sleepover with me!! So it feels really special!!

And also met my best friend Dale after so long and caught up with her!! It feels the best to catch up with your best friends after so long!!

Cooking, learning how to cook better. Still doing the adult life, feeling the independence, the rush, learning the struggles and still doing it.

So many good movies came out and I got to watch them!! I am so grateful for it!! AND ALSO DRUMMMROLLLLLLL,    Many new trailers came out for the movies I have been waiting and dying for and they are so worth it!!! FOR EXAMPLE AVENGERS ENDGAME!!!!  Gosh, it was emotionally so worked up!! I loved every bit of it and this was just a teaser trailer!! Imagine what the trailer would be like!!

So that is my 2018 wrapped. 

How was yours? I would love to know what you guys were upto, do share down below in the comments 

 

 

-Roshni Marath Jairaj

Signing off and I will see on 2019 right over here and I won’t be leaving any time soon. 

 

 

Resolutions?

All these years, I have made resolutions at the start of every year, and I follow it for a month, maybe less or maybe up to 1 and a half but then I just don’t bother to do it because it feels forced. It feels weird acting on resolutions.  It feels overhyped, and then the hype dies down.

If I want to improve and change, why wait for the year to start? Why not start it now and just move on with it.

So this year, I am not making resolutions, instead, I am going to do what I always have been doing and also learn along the way. If I want to learn new skills, why make it a resolution, why use that heavy word? I am going to start acting on it now like I always have

I have some goals that I wish to achieve which are as follows:

  • Bullet Journaling, I do not want to to do it in the typical way that I have seen on Youtube. I want to write more about what happens every day, the small goals and all of it.
  • I want to just go on walks more and find time for myself and also for my friends.
  • I want to start reading more, discovering new music and I want to watch more movies because getting into all these worlds, understanding the characters, admiring them, trying to inhabit and capture some of those into you is a process I love.

Apart from them, there are these other goals that I wish to achieve and that I will do as I move forward.

So I am not going to wait for the New Year to start all the goals except for bullet journaling because I want to do that in the typical orderly style, and besides December is almost over. So, giving Bullet Journaling a new start.

Just say you are going to do it and do it if you feel it ain’t up your stream, it’s alright to let go of it, but also don’t be a quitter in everything. It will take time to find what you hold dear the most. It can be a goal, a hobby and a passion.

So don’t wait for a specific time to start acting on your goals and dreams, no matter how small and big they are, the timing doesn’t matter. It’s the effort, passion, thought and work you put into it is what makes it successful and worth it. It’s never too early or late to work on what you always wished and wanted to do.

I understand why New Year, New Me sounds tempting, it’s the chance to step on over a new leaf, metaphorically and figuratively. I also often get tempted to start on a brand new leaf on a new year, but then I find myself going back to those old ways again because that newness simple fades away after those first few days.

That new year blends into the whole year and then flashes by. So that’s why I decided to do whatever I want to do just from that very moment itself. 

– Roshni Marath Jairaj