This is a new thing that I am trying and focussing on.
Few philosophies that I like, can resonate with, that can express my feelings or concepts that simply I needed to hear and be inspired by.
A week of philosophies. 7 different ways to look and learn about different aspects and philosophies of life.
7 days to learn new different 7 philosophies and incorporate these learnings into my life.
Day One, 11th September 2018
Today’s philosophy: Yin and Yang
All things carry yin and embrace yang. They reach harmony by blending with the vital breath.
Why was I inspired to choose this today?
I was talking with my friend today about darkness, light and all, and he suddenly asked you must be more of a yin-yang person right?
I didn’t know what he meant by it, so I went to the most knowledgeable person in times of need, Google. I searched for what it, and I couldn’t be more wowed. I finally found a philosophy that explains my thought process towards the world, and it’s situations.
I always thought of any situation, there are two sides/forces to it. I never shared it much with people because they would call me a hypocrite or a person who can’t make up their mind. I know yin yang isn’t precisely that, but somewhat I found that I could relate myself to it.
There are two sides to everything, right/ wrong, light/dark and more. How each one is complementary to another. Everything in nature is a balance of opposite forces.
What is yin and yang?
Yin and Yang are one vital force – the primordial aura.
In Chinese philosophy, yin and yang describe how seemingly opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another. Yin Yang is the concept of duality forming a whole.
The two opposites of Yin and Yang attract and complement each other and, as their symbol illustrates, each side has at its core an element of the other (represented by the small dots).
Neither pole is superior to the other and, as an increase in one brings a corresponding decrease in the other, a correct balance between the two poles must be reached to achieve harmony.
The small dots within each of the two energies (represented by black and white) symbolise that there is always some Yin (black) within Yang (white) and vice versa.
Below is a video I have found useful. It’s a simple explanation.
The concept of Yin and Yang became popular with the work of the Chinese school of Yin yang which studied philosophy and cosmology in the 3rd century BCE.
The principal proponent of the theory was the cosmologist Zou Yan (or Tsou Yen) who believed that life went through five phases (wuxing) – fire, water, metal, wood, earth – which continuously interchanged according to the principle of Yin and Yang.
How I find it useful
It’s always wise and good to know about different philosophies. This has inspired me to believe in the world, how different parts and forces of my life are necessary and they compliment each other in some way or another.
There is always some part of myself in another energy and that energy in mine as well. It helps to know both sides of our souls as well. Figuring out and knowing our traits and qualities help us to understand and know our soul, both sides to it. It helps us move and figure it all out.
“Accept your dark side, understanding it will help you to move with the light. Knowing both sides of our souls, helps us all to move forward in life and to understand that, perfection doesn’t exist.”
― Martin R. Lemieux
It’s about creating harmony in myself and the world I live in.
We should focus on harmony because we simply need it. Sometimes everything in life is a chaos, and I think we should try to find a balance in ourselves to think carefully and find out where we have gone wrong.
Harmony and balance are keys to figuring out yourself. It’s a beautiful note that could contribute to the most wonderful of music.
How to incorporate Yin Yang energy
I am no expert but here are some ways after research that I have found helpful. We all have our own ways, so we should see what suits us best and try to follow it.
I am keen, and I am trying to incorporate a part of Yin Yang energy into my life and some of the ways I and if you want to do it are as follows:
- Meditation: Take some time to relax and unwind. It’s also the best way to take a break from your phone. We all need some peace and alone time to ourselves, to reflect and think. With some calm music, I close my eyes, think and feel good.
- Declutter your life.
- Maintain good health, in all ways as possible. Mentally and physically. It’s going to be a lot of work, but it’s always worth it. Hard work never goes into vain.
- Fight for yourself. Don’t wait for the world to hand out what you wish. You need to work hard for your goals, dreams and aspirations.
A quote to end the day with
The yin & the yang are opposite forces. Yet, they exist together in the harmony of a perfect orb.
– R.A. Wise
A new series emerges again, a series where movies I watch inspire me and make me think about that the topic of the film and more.
Today’s thoughts are based on the movie, ” The Bridges of Madison County”. This movie is based on a novel.
Starring Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep, it’s a beautiful well-thought movie that evokes loads of thoughts and feelings. It makes us think about the underlying feelings and emotions of love and family, and it’s complications.
How loving someone is so simple, but the relationship that comes along with it is complex. The mentalities of people, the responsibilities of having a family, the strains and limits that it takes on one, how difficult choices have to be made; ones that can even break you.
A love affair taken place in 4 days, 4 days that were of absolute bliss and perfection but it came crashing down when Francesca has to make a choice between her lover, Robert Kincaid and her family and children. It’s a tough movie to watch, and our hearts are always on the line with characters and the plot.
The end is a powerful and bold choice. She chooses to stay with her family, a sacrifice she made for her and her eternal love. She decides to keep her love aside and lived for the family, but she always loved him and will keep loving him. It’s a bittersweet ending.
It makes us wonder why couldn’t she leave her family and go with the man who makes her happy, the man who understood her, the man who she wanted to spend her life with. A man who was kind and good of nature.
Love and connection like that only come once in a lifetime and she left that for her family. A great sacrifice indeed.
On the other hand, I do understand why she chooses her family. She knew she couldn’t leave her family behind, She would be leaving a whole other life she had back here to move on to a new different life. Responsibilities bound and kept her. I felt that she felt she owed it to them or maybe more, out of love but a different love, a love for the greater good of others.
I cannot stop wondering why she wouldn’t go with him? I also do understand why so she couldn’t go.
Why are families complex and robust? Why does one always have to sacrifice for the greater good? Why can’t one be selfish? But as you see once, one becomes selfish, so many lives are on the line. The lives you have interacted with and become a part of can be broken or are.
All it takes is a moment for an earth-shattering event to take place. A moment to make or break you.
Till the very end, I expected for a reunion, but I wasn’t given that. It got me thinking that’s just how some things in life are. Sometimes you don’t end up getting that. For some closure or out of pity, people tell change is good. Some change is good but what about the changes that we just cannot accept or fathom? We learn to be okay with it in the course of time.
We all live only once, why not do everything we love? We can but in this movie, she could but also couldn’t. Sometimes life gets in the manner and responsibilities, but we should and always ought to try our best in living the best lives.
Marriage is a respectable, caring loving yet a frightening institution, and along the fine lines comes the family. It still upsets me why she couldn’t leave, but as I said, I also understand why because I have seen it happen in real life but in a very different way.
It’s also the mentality of the minds that also got me about this movie, how we are raised to think of certain things and parts of life that are completely absurd and cannot be deemed as usual. We are expected to believe that life is some sort of routine and along with it comes certain expectations and moral are you are supposed to follow.
I do understand those morals have been established to ensure the happiness of the family and to keep it from falling apart but what happens if you are no longer happy?
What then? Are you allowed to leave it or continue living it for the family? Can you do both? But will they understand? Why isn’t there a fix to this? A protocol or a solution. Why do certain problems in the world that exist where answers cannot be found that makes everyone happy? Why must one get hurt and upset? Is this how the world functions and needs to work?
I do understand that there lie obligations, responsibilities and a life that you have build for yourself and your family, all on the verge, but if one isn’t happy with it, should we silently suffer for our loved ones, for the greater good? I know many people who have.
I know of many stories, but what I can’t find is a story that ends up with the person happy, with not many consequences, but I guess life is not a movie huh? Where one can direct and make it the way they wish to see.
We only live life once, and all this time, somewhere deep inside of us, we know we aren’t happy with it, but is it too late?
What if you realise that, at last, breathe of your life, you have a sudden epiphany that the life you have lived turned out to be the life you were never happy or genuinely joyous with. A life where one was unable to seek true happiness, joy and freedom. What happens then?
After we die, what happens? I don’t know.
Are our souls happy and finally free now that it’s over or will it be haunted by the life it never had and wished that it had? Will, our souls, roam around the face of the earth searching for that lost life or will it be lost forever without finding it? Will our souls depart from this earth after discovering what it always wanted or leave without finding it?
The answers are unknown, endless and of many.
I don’t know what will happen.
Probably I might have to be at my last breath to find out.
I have many thoughts, many conflicting thoughts, many troubling choices and decisions lie ahead. For all of us, for me. I hope I can make the right choice without upsetting the world and myself.
I know for absoulte certainity that as the course lies ahead, I will be stuck at crosspaths, quite a lot of times. I do hope and pray that I can make decisions that will make me happy as well the people in it.
I also know that some or the majority of it might not be possible, but I am willing to try and not be afraid.
For the things that truly matter, I will fight. But if I loose? What can I do?
Perhaps I can be happy about the memory that it happened and then console myself by saying that certain things are not meant to be.
Countless other thoughts come into my mind and I cannot find an absoulute true answer that I want. There are always many sides to that thought.
I don’t know if I will ever find one clear answer to the thoughts and questions I have. I do hope to find an answer that will make my mind at ease and heart at content.
Perhaps, maybe, there is not one clear answer but I do hope whatever I learn and whenever I learn will finally put me at contenment.
Or I might go searching for more?
The mind never stops working, does it?
” Never had I thought that the scents I would breathe in would someday become the dire drug my body needed in order to exist and often be used to rejuvenate myself back to life. This was that drug that needed to be taken in your life quite often to know that good and joy still exists. It’s a holy blessing.”
Disclaimer: Experiences might differ from one indivdiual to another
It was a normal day. Nothing ordinary out of the blue was going to make an entrance into my life.
Dad was coming back from Kerala, after his short visit. So the whole morning was dedicated to his coming. Mom finishing all her jobs in a panic and hurry was a sight my heavy heart had to witness every day. This routine was the usual dose a morning in this household could have. So far, no screams had been hurled because it was just the two of us for now.
I took my morning shower and then proceeded to help my mom ease the panic and the tension. So the first task of the day was to put the old newspapers out for recycling.
Taking the papers in my hand, as soon as I stepped out of the flat, the scent of the corridors eased my panic and helped me relax.
I was happy, I was the nostalgia happy.
For a brief moment, a short movie based on my memory of the happy days in Kerala played. The scent of the corridors took me back to the mornings of Kerala, at my mother’s place.
It started with a house beside the lake. Early mornings, I could hear the temple sermons and songs. That was how the small town woke up.
Later in the day, I could hear the birds chirp and that’s how I woke up. The curtains danced along to the wind, the sun rays lighted up the room and the breezy cold wind woke me up. This alarm clock was one of the world’s best invention and creation. It was my secret and also that of the town’s. It was solely ours.
My morning started with the scent of the warm milk my grandmother made for me.
Then later, the house was filled with the scent of flowers especially of Jasmine’s. We had a small garden at the back, so when we left the back doors open, the smell of that small garden and of the green plot would make its way into the house.
Soon, later in the day, my grandmother’s cooking would take up the scent of the air and it was one of the holiest smell I could ever remember.
Then as the morning events proceded, each scent would follow and arise from different tasks.
The washing of clothes and hanging it on the open terrace had a different smell of its own. I loved every aspect of it. Whilst hanging out the clothes on the terrace, I was gifted with the view of seeing my small town at it’s best every day till I left.
We always came during the monsoon reason, so when it rained. It was a bliss and an escape from the summer heat of Dubai.
When it rained, the drops that would hit the green trees, plants and leaves had a very pleasant smell of its own. The earthy smell when the rain poured down is a wonderful feeling and emotion. The raindrops danced on the roof and provided music to everyone’s ears.
Going through the events of the day, different smells and scents would fill up my nose and my mind.
The days of Kerala always carried the best scents and memories.
That was the end of the corridor whiff.
Now as I stepped into the house, another scent masked the house.
The scent of nostalgia masked again, something unexplained. Another array of nostalgic experiences masked me again.
The old memories of Dubai and Kerala, the memories of my family was dug deep from beneath my heart and was played in my mind.
The early mornings of school flashed through my mind, my mom getting ready to come along with me to bid a nice goodbye when I step on to the school bus. Then would come the afternoon where the fresh smell of my mother’s food would mask the entire house.
The afternoon naps, the tutions, the night rides and walks also decided to make its way into the movie being played in my head.
Then the good memories of the weekend also made its entry. Early morning fresh Agarbathi’s lighted by my dad and a nice temple song to wake me up.
It always fascinated me on how certain scents and smells could trigger some of the deepest fresh memories rooted in my mind.
What I have always liked about this entire process and creation was that none of the bad memories and events that took place in my entire life made even the slightest of guest experience in this head of mine when these scents evoked my memories. This was one of those experiences that had pure goodness and only contained happiness in them.
Later then, I would start missing it all but I was happy that I had these to cherish and they were only mine to be. I was happy and grateful that all of it happened.
How can those same whiffs of scents be recreated when I am at a place far far away from the source? How can these scents be recreated? Why do these scents play back those memories? How and why are always the two questions I have and I have never found a clear answer to it till this day.
This intrigues me.
Despite all my doubts and quests for an answer, The world is a wonder and so is the universe and the galaxy.
These are some of the mysterious workings of the world that I like and would always want as my constant wherever my life takes me and at any age.
August 19th, Sunday, 8:53 AM
( PS: Based on true events.
This whole piece was written in a drive to Abu Dhabi in a car, all handwritten. I have modified some of it a bit, but everything in this was written down in the book.
Attached at the end are the pictures of the piece I wrote in my book whilst on the drive. Do pardon me for my handwriting.
Before you all think why I chose the picture above as my feature image, it’s because I really like this picture and well it’s a celebration. I really like the song Hymn For The Weekend and it’s music video. It gave me a very good vibe just like how writing this piece did. So I felt like this captured what I felt during writing. I didn’t want to upload the classic pen and paper as my feature image, thought of doing it a different way. )
I have decided to go old school today. Back to the roots of writing. Back to a common man’s tool, the pen and paper.
Being so engrossed with my laptop and keyboard, I have truly forgotten how it feels to hold a pen in my hand and write what flows from my mind into a book filled with blank pages.
This idea quickly sprung upon me when my father decided to take myself and my mom to Abu Dhabi. a 2 hour drive.
Staring out to the buildings, the views of the sand and the watching the buildings rise up to the sky with the sunlight gleaming on them, looking at the whole of skyline in the comforts of my car. Looking at all those above views, I was pretty sure somewhere in my mind, I would be buzzing and itching to write something. I could have noted it all down in the notes section of my phone but I would loose the previlge of writing with a pen in my hand and I would have lost the opportunity to loose myself into the process of writing on this wonderful inspirational drive.
Before embarking on this drive, I was in the comfort of my sofa/bed watching a wonderful heartwarming movie, ” You’ve got mail.” A movie filled with simple yet charmatistic mentalities. Words, humorous personas, encounters and last but not the lease, the profounding quotes spoken by the characters. This played a role behind the inspiration today. ” To go back to the roots. ”
Now, as I am writing, I am in the comfort of the backseat of my car, writing with a pen in my book listenting to the businnes breakfast 103.8 reflecting on my surroundings and everything around me.
If this was my laptop, the grammarly softwarre embedded would have been correcting everything forcing my brain not to even apply the basic rules of grammar, spelling and work into what I write. During this process, my brain is forced but with a gentle push and nudge to apply the basic rules into what I write.
I forgot what this felt like. It is a nice yet overwheming feeling having a pen to pen down all my thoughts into a book. I still could have chosen the later option of noting it down in the notes app but why did I decide to do this? Why in the car whilst going on a drive?
Perhaps I was looking for an inspiration. Probably I needed an execuse to detach myself from my laptop. Maybe I needed this to remind this experience to remind me of the beauties and wonder of the feeling I once had, the feeling of writing using my pen and paper. It felt warm and nice to be reminded of that long last feeling and the joys that it gave me.
As I look out from the small window of the car, I see skycrapers all around me on one side and construction work on the other. Conversations spark in the car about various topics of disucussion including myself. I sense discomfort in the air and I am quick and wise to go and seek the comfort of my penship because it feels safe.
The world and everything in it is changing. I feel happy looking at it, my home for 18 years. Then, I feel a trail of sadness looking at it. The thought of leaving it could be the reason. The thought of leaving my family and friends upsets me, but then there is an excitement to return back but also follows the dread of leaving my mom, dad and friends behind. It’s a conflicting feeling.
Changes are different and hard to grasp and believe. Even the slightest move in my world affects me. It’s hard to describe my feelings to to change, that concept is a baffling one for me. It’s for the good and bad, like many of the other things I know. I simply cannot grasp and get hold of how I feel towards it.
To describe how I feel towards it, I have stringed down together a few words that I think could capture my views.
Like the waves of the sea behave, up and down, high and low, strong or mellow;
Like the wind, easy and breezy, cold or warm, harsh or soft, destruction or mellow;
Like that, I change my views and feels to the emodiment of change.
There is another quote as well that reflects a part of what I feel towards change. A quote from the movie You’ve got mail.
I am glad I took upon the experience of writing this down with my pen in my book. I am happy that I was able to take a quick descison just before leaving for the drive, to take my pen and book. It felt absoultely joyous and warm to head back to the roots, where the process of writing took place.
Once in a while, I think we should all go back to the roots of writing. It gives you a nice sense of feeling.
( PS: Of course however I wish there was a machine that could just copy my writing into what I am writing right now, it’s complicated, because I kind of find it a menace to write the whole thing over in my laptop again but this was worth it. )
My mind and the thought process of it are overflowing with numerous thoughts, but for some reason, I can’t seem to write them down. The irony of it all. I have a pen, I have a book and I have the words. Then why can’t I?
I look outside, the commentary in the radio is interesting but I want my eyes and brain to rest for a while. I look outside and I can myself drown in the drowsiness of my weary and tired self.
I feel like a writer now. A writer in search for words and stories. A writer in touch and connect with one’s self. A writer with a mind keen to write.
This feels like something out of the movies. A movie where a lost writer goes out to a new place in search for inspiration and stories to write or is in search for his lost identitiy or set on a path to discover something.
I am starring in that movie right now, my own life, a movie, but I don’t know what I am searching for. I am on a car ride going to a place, far away from where I live. I am in a car simply enjoying what I am doing right now, writing with a pen in the paper.
Farewell for now.
( As promised, here lies the pictures of the piece in the book I have wrote.)
I have met quite a fair share of people in my life and there are many more of them to discover and unravel.
Everything, everyone and I make me think. Do I know people? Have I figured it out?
Down below are stages that I have written about the factors present in my life. An advice to myself and to the world.
Let’s introduce the characters on the stage as we go. We are going with the flow folks.
Let’s start with family and the whole lot that comes with it.
( PS: Notice how I am using a perfect family picture, it’s because I couldn’t find families that want to rip your heads off. Even the internet is being my enemy by showing me perfect families. )
Family, you got it, You got to accept them for who they are. Nothing you can do about it, atleast in your friendships, you can choose who you wanna be with friends with but with family, you can’t choose that.
I love my family, don’t get me wrong. However there are certain attributes that I wish I could change about them.
This perfect family in American Sitcoms is what that’s ruining me and altering my perception. Always wanted that kind of family and still hoping to.
I have learnt a lot from parents and infact from them, I have learnt the do’s and dont’s of parenting. They inspire to be better parents and to have a good family. ( The reasons are for the best and for the absoulte worst. )
Then comes certain cousins and relatives. Why are they like that? Why can’t they be proud of your achievemnts and not wanna bring you down? Why do they wanna sabatoge everything in life? Why have they been made like that? I have relatives who simply cannot be happy for anyone and they just have to ruin everything. Why do some of them have to be the absolute worst crackheads?
Lesson learnt: Family is complicated and complex. Sometimes it can get a heck load of dysfunctional and sometimes you are going to be a crack head. That’s what family does to you. But I still love them. Sometimes you can also hate your family. It differs from people to people.
Also family doesn’t have to be defined by blood relationships. Anyone can be family. I haven’t found that type of family yet but someday, I hope to find that.
Moving on with friends.
It’s a lesson I am trying to learn, not every friendship lasts that long, there are going to be changes and if you are wlling to work through it, it’s great, but sometimes if it just vanishes and you guy’s arent as closed as you used to be, its alright. It’s okay. It will take time and you might wonder what you did wrong or what happened?
But that’s life. People change, friendships change.
On a more happier note, I know you are going to find more friends, more ever lasting long friendships. Don’t worry about it. There is a certain time for a certain friendship and be glad that it happened. Don’t let that put you down. Those great memories will always be there and there is nothing that can take you away from that.
And if you are still friends with your friends from school and uni, that’s great and I am glad that it has happened for you and for me!!
I have learnt that as you grow up, you become selecctive of your friends and that is true. It’s not that anything is wrong with you, sometime’s its just that and there is nothing you can do. You can be more open to finding new friendships but if it doesnt make you happy or you think that it affects you in any sort of bad manner, then you know it’s not worth it.
Lesson learnt: There are some friendships meant to be and not meant to be.
The thing down below is for some of the people I know….
I know that we all are way far ahead from the word “perfect”, but why are there humans that simply want to see you upset and in sadness. What joys do you get in ruining people’s lives? I am sorry to say you are one of the worst people to ever exist. There is still time to change so why can’t you?
Coming to me
I love to do quizzes online and I am absolutely keen on them, but there is one thing about them that puts me on an edge. It’s the question of what quality do you think you have or lead with or what quality your friend thinks is the best/dominant in you.
Questions like these make me pause and rethink everything about myself. Every quality that I think I have, had or is nonexistent burst open in me.
I have this version of myself in my mind that I think I am, some very few selective people get it to see it and to others lie another side of me that is real but also not completely authentic and real, or so I think?
What if that non authentic and less real was the real me but that doesn’t bring me a 100% happiness and joy to myself, so that option is cut out.
I have this whole version of me in my head. I know I am the person who knows how to have fun only in the comfort of people that I really love and can be myself with. For a matter of fact, I know when I shut off that’s in the presence of people I aint that comforable with, I talk less, I shut myself off because well I dont feel the it factor.
I can be quite the introvert and the extrovert. More of an introvert and also an ambivert. I like that. It might change as times passes by, but for now I am alright with it. But the bigger question still remains, what qualities/traits do I possess, the qualities/traits that are in the human code of conduct? How do I define myself?
Many of the times, defining myself in a set of words/sentences proves to be impossible and a mind numbing task. I am in loss of words for certain adjective traits. I do know some of them but what if other people think that to be false? Should I care? At most times, I tend not to, but I also do.
But I do know that exists certain traits about me, even if the world disagrees, I know that it not to be true because I believe so in myself.
Lesson trying to be learnt: So as of now, I am close to figuring it out, but then new stuff keeps coming along the way. It’s okay if you havent figured it out or you can’t define yourself in a set of stringed words. I guess you just keep discovering more and more about yourself as time passes by. You learn a lot, you change a lot, there are a lot of lot’s basically.
You are and might differ from time to time. You are going to go through a lot of things.
Just remember, someday. It will all end soon, so try to do the best you can and try to live the best you can because you live only once.
( PS: I do believe in reincarnation, but that’s an other whole complicated topic of discussion, you just live life now.)
There are millions of people out there in this world. They are different.
Some might shock you, some might intrigue you, some might scare you. You are going to get a lot of emotions and feel a lot of things from this world and people in it. Some people probably are the way they want to be and it might hurt you or bring you joy.
That adventure is out for you to discover. I haven’t been on that adventure quite fully yet, but I am hoping to be or have I already been on it.
I think we all are unique and different in certain and many ways.
This is intriguing now….
Lesson learnt: The world is a teacher and you are a student of it. The roles can also be switched if you want them to be. The world works in the most mysterious and intriguing ways as possible.
So why have people been made the way they are? Why have I been made this way?
Circumstances, family, life, friendships, the stories/movies/music that they listen to and have become obessed with, passions, the past, the present, the future, the people in it, the society, The World.
I have been watching a lot of movies, scrolling through my phone, reading a lot of books, spending time with family and friends, talking to people, listening to music, observing the world and it’s stories.
Each of the above task has a quest and a story in itself. I am trying to learn and understand more about the people in this world and why. I love talking to people, not the regular talks, the talks that intrigue the world and me, theories and more. I like listenting to stories of people and what they have to say.
I am eager to live life and move through the stories and stages that life has in store for me.
Lesson learnt: The possibilites are endless or so. You are going to go through a lot, learn a lot and feel a lot more. There are still many more lessons to be learnt.
This is a sequel to the first installation of the series.
Why you may all wonder ( or if you don’t wonder, it completely fine as well ) These kinds of emotions are life long and it can’t be only contained in one post. So this is gonna be a small series.
How I came to be like this?
This overly humane emotional side of me came after the start of my uni journey. I am telling you, this journey of mine in uni has taught me a lot about people, life and myself. It’s a total game changer. (That story is for another time.)
As I was saying, I was always emotional and cried to movies especially too Disney where the movies were about animals. Like The Fox and the Hound, Dumbo, the Hunchback of Notre Dame, Lilo and Stitch, Coco, Up, Wall-E, Lion King, Wreck it Ralph, Inside Out, Two Brothers and so much more
( OH GOD, even writing about this makes me cry and so upset)
Some of the movies do have their happy endings but you know there are those moments that you cant contain yourself and you need to spill out the waterworks despite all the people there with you and I have never been afraid to cry out loud in theatres. I am always the sobbing mess. Gosh, for avengers infinity war part 1, the ending. When I watched it, I was basically dead in the mind and no words were able to be formed. My mind was destroyed and blank because of the terror I had gone through.
English movies have a separate form of a genre in me, just for crying. Now comes Malayalam movies, the worst tool of all to make me cry just in a matter of seconds. This recently made its entry into the genre list. The reason why Uni again.
So after uni began and well me being apart from my family, oceans and seas away, it really got to me. So Malayalam songs and movies were the antidote to help me cope up with the fact that I was away from home and also brought me closer to home because many of these songs, my mom had sung to me when I was a child and the movies were the bonding moments for me and my family.
Old malu movies, songs and one song from the movie and the movie itself ” How old are you” were the ones that got to me the most because they reminded me so much of my mom and the fact that she wasn’t beside me just got to me. The plot of that movie and the actress reminds me so much of my mother, that I break. I cry and cry and then I call my mom and she calms me down. Then I feel better.
Usually, this process takes place in midnight when I cant go to sleep or when I miss my mom too much, or simply, I decide to torture myself by doing this process and I know it’s going to make me upset but I still go for it.
Sometimes I just set the trap for myself and I know how deep I am going to get in, but that doesn’t stop me from doing so.
Maybe you need it sometimes in your life.
( PS: As you can see, I am really attached to my mom, it’s because we have gone through a lot and she has done so much for me, I just can’t imagine a life without her in it. She has sacrificed a lot for me and sometimes, I wonder why so and what I have done to deserve it.
People often make fun of the amount of “maluness” I have but I am so proud of it and I would never change it.
Life and it’s troubles just stick with you, promises to leave but does take a lot of time to act upon it. That could also be a reason as to why I think and feel too much. Then watching the news and troubles of the world also makes me upset, and then of my friends and family. Overall it’s tedious process but somewhere deep in my heart, I think everything happens for a reason, but why does bad things have to happen to good people. For what reason is that?
People change, the world changes. I think why, there have been people I know for so long and been so close with, when they change, I wonder why.
We grew far apart, I have tried my best, what could I do more? These kind of things make me upset and think too much. What more could I have done? Well faults could have been made by me, but I am ready to fix it.
But then I think if they aren’t willing to fix it or bring it back to normal, then they aren’t interested. Probably I should stop trying to fix things that were broken or meant to be. It’s how the world works. It takes both the parties to make it work, Can’t do all the job by myself. Probably for the best. I console myself by telling this and I try to accept it. Someday I might, but I am doing a better job of it tho.
Sometimes, tho I think it’s for the good, just searching for the reasons how and why.
So goodbye for now. This is never the end.