19 things I have learnt roaming around 19 years on this earth

So I turn 20 tomorrow, officially an adult, can’t turn back now. God I wish at this point, I was living the Disney show life…

My last day of being a teenage adult and now it’s gone just like my childhood.

I don’t think I am ready or will ever be ready to take the plunge into adulthood. I mean I am still a kid stuck in a kid like adult body. I only have a few good years left before I get married and all that. I mean how is time going by so fast?! I am doing my year 2 at university and I have only one year left before adulting takes my life.

Is the Flash messing up my time line?!

I have my masters and my PHD in the future, but that’s going to be different. I am going to be done with my university care free yet serious days in one more year… (It also depends whether I pass my year 2, inserts nervous laughter…)

I am one step closer to death, one step closer to everyone dying around me, one step closer to robot domination, one step closer to the apocalypse, one step closer to responibsilites and impending doom…

So before I turn the big 20, here I am writing 19 things I have learnt in the 19 years of my life. Someday Future me, you will enjoy all this…

I hope this helps…

1 – The world is filled with all sorts of people and as you grow older, it begins harder to find people you like and who you can be yourself with. So when you find those people, make sure you cherish your times with them and never let go of them. You will loose friends but don’t worry about that, there will always be the ones that will always stick with you.

Nothing in the cosmos will tear the fabrication of your friendship.

Try not to also be a people pleaser because you will only end up having time for that and nothing else. Do not worry of what other people think about you.

2 – At the same time, know when it’s right to cut people off from your life. Give them an explanation. If they are toxic for your health and well being and your happiness is at stake, know that it’s time to let go. Confrontation is hard but when you relieve of that feeling, it’s one of the best feelings in the world.

3 – Bad people know good food spots. I have this theory, a person is bad and the only way other people can like them is through food because who doesn’t love food, so they introduce you to the best food spots making you like them and making you think they are nice and interesting.

4 – As you grow older, you will find that you will be forced to have conversations you are not into, but know that its for the best and you will learn a lot from them. It might be uncomfortable but you know and discover a lot.

5 – It’s okay to be alone and have the time you want to yourself rather than feeling guilty about not spending it with your dear ones. Sometimes you need that space to figure out what you want and need. You need that space to be calm and peaceful. Not everyone thinks like how you think.

6 – Try out things. You might not know what you would end up liking. Don’t say NO to everything, Say YES to most of it but if you find yourslef crossing the boundaries you have set, then its okay to say NO.

7 – Time goes by very fast. So do not be upset over the things you missed upon doing but look forward to things now and also the future.

8 – You will always remember the mistakes you did and would wish to go back and rectify them, know that it happened for a reason and there is nothing you can do about it but move on. Just don’t repeat it.

Sometimes, no amount of preparation can prepare you for thr worst that’s yet to come.

9 – You will have doubts in your mind for whatever you are going to do. You will overthink a lot, you will be stressed but always listen to the gut. If it makes you nervous, I find that it’s worth doing because it teaches me something always and I have a new sense of accomplishment in me.

10 – When you need help, ask for it. Don’t be stubborn about things you don’t have a clue about, but do not always be dependent. You need to also know how to do things on your own.

11 – A clean room helps!! Sometimes when I am panicked or nervous, cleaning and organiazing helps. So it might help you all too.

12 – Do not worry about being single and having no one to cozy it up with. Your time will come. Time has a lot to do with everything. It’s okay to be single. You need to have an idenity of your own without having to depend upon an other person for it. It will suck seeing other couples because you will wonder on what you are missing out and be upset but at the end of the day, I am happy and I can have a good time by myself and with my friends!!

13 – You are your own best friend!! Have conversations with yourself. It’s fun and you learn a lot about yourself. It’s the most fun thing to do.

14 – Dreaming helps cope up with reality. It’s okay to dream but know where to draw the line because once sucked, it’s very hard to go back to reality. Balance is a key factor.

15 – It’s okay to watch a movie by yourself. It’s a very liberating feeling. I love watching movies by myself because I enjoy my own company and I can react however I want to!!

16 – Arcades are the best place to be and also beaches!! There is something about playing games in an Arcade that I love because you let loose and have fun!! Beaches are the most calming places to be and with some good music, you can just unwind and stare at the waves hitting the shore while watching the skies change colours. Night strolls are the BEST!!

17 – Spend time with your family and friends. They won’t be there for long, so make use of all the time you have to spend time with them but also remember when you have work, it’s important to complete your work as well. Balance is the key again.

18 – Your feelings are always valid. Your pain is also valid. Sometimes you may not know how to express them or you might think it’s not worth it. Find a way to unleash your pain.

19 – You can tell a lot about a person by their choice in music.

Special Bonus Advice: It’s okay if you dream of the feeling to kill some very specific or non-specific people in your mind. It’s okay if you dream of murders and the ways you could do it and how you could escape it. Embrace the dark side to yourself.

Just don’t proceed to do it. Jail is not a fun place.

The End.

Under the weather

When one feels under the weather, you know what they crave for the most?

Some warm soup and good TV to turn that dying cough into a tiring laugh…

Jokes aside and yes the above was a joke attempted and now you know how bad my humor is. Apologies for that, I am not feeling up to the mark as I am currently ill whilst writing this.

It’s a rainy day outside and I have shut the drapes to a close as I do not want my mind to lure into taking a walk outside where it’s cold, windy harsh and rainy. Not quite the perfect antidote to cure the sick, if one intends to get more sick than before, I suggest you do the above, if you live in a hot country, go under the shower, take a bath for the whole night and do not dry yourself up. You might get a cold, I haven’t tried that one yet. Tell me how it goes or not…

There it is, dry humor to avoid writing what I really feel now. Never had that problem before. This sickness keeps getting worse and tiring by each agonizing minute.

I feel like a sick and needy Sheldon and I like it… Dear Lord…

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As I mentioned before, I am sick, I have caught myself a little cold and I could feel my body plummeting down to the bottom of the pit where it feels impossible to get back up. I have also got the scratches as in my throat is scratchy and I dislike it because it pains me to swallow and well talk…

Despite all of that, I went for my lectures because I decided I did not want to fail in life and after seeing the lecture slides the day before, I realized I have the IQ of a peanut when it came to that module. So getting up today and dragging myself to campus for a lecture at 10 which talked half an hour to reach is quite the work in itself when you are sick…

I have brought some medicines for myself and I am a bit better than before. I can stand on my feet and walk for a few minutes without having the urge to slumber in my bed for the rest of eternity. That’s a success…

Throughout this day, one thought lurked around wherever and whenever my mind decided to divert itself. It was a soul-crushing reality smacking saddening thought that tore me.

Given the circumstances, I have granted myself permission to be on the exaggeration scale as my brain isn’t in the right mind to filter every thought that it went. My fingers are typing every thought that my mind is coming up with and they too have lost the game because they too have been infected by the plague that is taking over my almost lifeless body…

( How sick am I?)

Let me get to the point before my brain yaps more…

Why I started writing now was because I am trying to get myself to sleep and I can’t bring myself to sleep. So I tried to hold a book and bring myself to read it but now it’s simply resting on my belly untouched…

So the best way to describe how I feel is by words.

To tell you the truth, I feel sad, lonely, very cold and tired… It all started when that sneaky little cold caught up to me when I least expected it, and that was the Rookie mistake one. I was weak and it resided in me.

Rookie mistake 2: The heart’s desires and the mind’s compulsive obsession to ponder on everything that has the power to wreck me which is sadness.

I wish my parents were here or I was there back home so that I could just be sick and we’ll have taken care of. The love and care that you get is just a cure in itself. It’s part of the healing process, and over here I have to do the Adulting and Studenting (MADE UP WORD kids, do not blame me if you use it in your school or essay and teachers yell at you. Warning had been given. Do not choose to ignore, otherwise choose to face the wrath) all by myself. It’s too much for a sick child in an almost adult teenager’s body to handle.

When you are sick, you just want to sleep and not care about whether the world exists tomorrow or not because you are simply too god damn tired to think so. When you are sick, you want your loved ones to be beside you and take care of you… You just want to be home and be taken care of…

 

(Searching for the pictures below of parents taking care of kids when they are sick made me even sadder and reminded me of the fact that I was alone. So no picture)

 

I want my mom to cuddle me and lie down next to me saying I am going to be fine and gently kissing my forehead whilst placing ice cold towels on my forehead to bring my fever down. In the evening, I want to get up from sleep and sit next to my dad and talk and watch some TV with my family while my dad cuddles me that makes me warm. As night approached, I want to be covered in a heap of blankets prepared by my dad and sleep.

I want all that here but I can’t have it…

You get that sick day off back home but here, I can’t give that to myself because obligations and responsibilities come knocking down the door and force you to dress up and be ready.

Why did my almost teenage years have to end so soon? Why come a time when you are plunged into that world of making it on your own? Why can’t I just be where I want to be with the loved ones all in one place? Why can’t I have it all?

Over here, I have to wake up because I need to go for the lecture, if not I will get screwed. Then I have to take care of my own health which means figuring out what food to eat, making it or ordering it, then going to Uni which is the worst because I have to walk for 15 minutes to catch a bus and then go to uni… And later I need to go to the pharmacy to get some antibiotics because I wish to get better and not die from this sluggishness. And lastly, I just wish my parents were here to help me with all that.

At times like these, you know the sadness and the desperation of having someone with you, especially those you love and who you want…

But despite all this, you know what this has taught me: I am strong and mighty and I can make it even if I am on the verge of dying. It’s never easy but I can do it, with a few complaints along the way because that’s how I roll. That is the only one good thing I am taking out of the bad lot.

#Livingthesickunilife 

The lesson of the day: Being sick sucks and kids take care of yourself.

Enjoy while it lasts…

-Roshni Marath Jairaj