Being Cozy

I woke up to a good day! The skies were clear but now it’s a bit dark out. It’s moody, grey and comfortable; my cup of chai!

Started of the day talking to my mom, dad and grandparents. I had fun! They told me I glowed which made me happy. It was just one of those days where I woke up warm. I laughed along with them in certain memories, was embarssed to hear and be part of some memories but I enjoyed it!

There were moments of sadness in the conversation but today, I chose not to relish in any of that for a change.

I chose not to brood over current challenges and just be cozy today. I decided to read a book, watch a show, listen to some music and go out exploring with my best friend for food!

In many ways, it was turning out to be a “cozy” Saturday I wanted in a long time.

I then started to wonder how wonderful all our minds were, the reason being I remembered a very insiginfcant detail of my dream and I was just curious and amazed by how our minds remember those tiny moments or objects we just saw and then project them into our dreams.

Our mind is a labyrinth streaming many different things, each opening up to a new sense of wholeness or emptiness. A weird labyrinth designed and made for every one of us.

Each thought that I was creating and living it now was aligning up and I couldn’t be more at peace and calm. One thought leading to an other creating a sort of a perfect order in my mind. My system was finally understanding what it means to have your mind in order and learning that a small break from life can achieve wonders to your work.

Later after watching a few episodes, I had then gone to take a shower and came out fresh as the Kerala monsoons. I then opened the blinds and my heart was pleased and in love with the darkness outside my window. The golden lights from the houses illuminated and I saw everything. The green, the hills, the city. I saw it all and I was happy.

I was also happy and excited on the thought of going home. The thought of going back to be with my mom and dad kept me going. Many of the days, it was the sole reason that kept me going through.

I did not worry or overthink over simple things/matters close to the heart today. I treated my mind and heart to a shower which kept its promise in making their troubles go away.

For the first time in god knows how long, I experienced peace and warmth not by escaping into a world of mine but rather into this world I live in.

I want to have more days like these and I also want to know how I can stop doubting myself and be more confident in what I can do.

Today, I believe that I will be fine. I want to keep having that belief now and forever.

My Belief System

I can believe things that are true and things that aren’t true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they’re true or not.

Neil Gaiman, American Gods

 

Without doubt or any hesitation, I put my faith and belief into certain things that give me peace and make me sane. A huge part of where I come from and my belief system is from my mom, my life and my culture and I am glad she, my life and my culture had a helping hand with it.

I believe in God, religion, astrology, philosophies; many of the ones that Science cannot explain…

I put my belief into them because they give me a sense of reassurance and comfort when nothing else seems to work. I put my belief into them because in dire needs of hope and desperation, I can call out to them and I know they listen. I put my belief in them because I believe and trust that they are with me through thick and thin.

 

My faith and belief make me strong and I know there are people out there who have their own belief system and values, some of them necessarily may not agree with my belief system and I am not forcing you to see things in my way, I respect what you agree, choose and follow; After all, who am I to judge what you believe in… Whatever makes you strong, I am happy and content with it.

I like to respect and see their choices as well without frowning or looking down upon them because I know how it feels and I have seen it, I can tell you I am not a fan of it. So I do my very best to be open to everyone’s choices and wishes and I learn from them and respect them, but there are certain circumstances in which I simply cannot stand by them because some of their beliefs are just plain wrong and I feel they cause the world harm.

 

Coming back to my beliefs, I was inspired to write this because I just finished watching a video on Youtube about tarot card predictions and I do put some of my belief into it. There is a sort of thrill in choosing what card may or may not predict your future and I like to see the outcome.

The video down below is what tempted me to write this post.

 

Watching the video and after choosing my card, I was surprised by how bafflingly accurate some of those predictions were, I knew some of them were going to happen and I guess I needed some sort of assurance for myself to tell me to go through with it. That’s how horoscopes help me as well, they put me to ease and knowing a bit about my future even if it’s a 50-50 chance with them, I still take it because it’s calming to know about what awaits you.

I do not justify my behaviour and my actions by saying that’s what my horoscope says. I do believe in it and sometimes I do find it surprising that things happen the way it does, it’s all about the element of surprise and caution I take from it. It teaches me in a way. It’s like a small guide that is a bit helpful to go on about life. When I feel doubtful about certain things, reading it gives me a push to go and do it. It’s a motivation and a reminder in that way.

 

A few days back, I got my results after my exams and coursework, it was not what I expected, the insane amount of hard work you put in and when the result you get doesn’t match, it’s devastating. You question everything that you have done, you question everything that you have taken, you feel the absolute worst at that moment.

So I talked to my mom and dad that helped me calm down and then I prayed to God and had a conversation with God where I put out all my thoughts; it was more like talking to myself and finding something in it. I questioned God why and I believe something and everything happens for a reason; maybe this was to teach me something, but what? Like the many questions, I dedicated my full day to it as to figuring out why and what I can do.

So after all that hurt and tears, I felt a bit relaxed and relieved. This motivated me to work harder and give it my best as I always have.

 

When I believe in my faith and religion, it gives me peace and keeps me sane. It pushes me to go forward and there is something so comforting and reassuring in knowing there is someone out there who is watching you and protecting you. Sometimes the bad and inevitable might happen, which makes me question the entirety of what I believe in and I do not have any answers to give out, but I still do believe and put my faith into God and my religion.