Dancing At Two Am

As I was preparing to go to sleep, I decided to suddenly play some Hindi songs and let us say, I did not sleep for a very long time

I danced, pranced around my room imagining scenarios where I would get to perform these songs, weddings, parties and what not!

It was an amazing dance party! A party where my truest colours were lit around the entire room! I decided to let my best friend in on the secret and I sent her two videos of me just dancing and being my best!

After dancing to the fun songs, the romantic in me took over. Hindi romantic/sad songs for some reason have a strong grasp over my heart, the words, the rhtyhm, it makes sense. It makes you want to be in love and be in mutiple heart breaks just so you can imagine what it is like to go through those feelings in the song.

When I was a child, I asked my mom what these songs meant and she said they didn’t mean anything. They were just a bunch of words put randomly to create something for us to sing along. I trusted her blindly without question.

As I started to grow, I started to search for the answers to the questions myself. As I started to grow up, develop feelings and also understand the language more; I started to finally understand what everything meant.

What each moment of the song was trying to say and how I can possibly relate to it now or sometime in the future.

As I go back to listen to these songs, new feelings that were once not there are present as I listen to these old songs I once loved.

I am beginning to understand what it means to love and I beg to relate to it truly for at least once. With these songs, I am starting to understand and my heart wants more. The pain hits harder than ever before.

I guess that is what happens when you start to grow up and understand. You understand how complex and deep everything is rooted and once the wave hits, you sink in deeper.

The songs and movies that didn’t make sense suddenly make a whole lot of sense. Things I didn’t find once touching or meaningless now mean the whole world to me and are the most beautiful.

Why does everything mean different when you grow up and listen to it again? The meaning you thought back then was not what you think now.

When you close your eyes, concentre on nothing else but just the words and rhythm, you can slowly start to feel your heart clench, in pain or joy. I don’t know but what I feel now is pure truth and pain.

When my mother said that statement to me, did she really believe it and if she did, how did she even like the songs she liked back then if she believed they had no meaning. I bet she doesn’t remember that she told me this, but I remember every syllable as clear as day.

When those songs she liked played, why did she react if she believed they had no meaning? I guess she said that to stop the curious and annoying questions that I would ask her further.

Why am I doing this right now?

When small, many things don’t make sense and some do

When you start growing up, many things start to make sense and some still don’t do.

If any of you are interested, I will link down the songs I love to listen to that make me feel the most