Washing the dishes

Many things are therapeutic to people out there, and thankfully I am happy to have found mine and that is washing the dishes

I like cooking as well, I like to cook for myself. I do not like to put on a show. When I cook for myself, I feel as if there is no one to judge me but just myself. So I prefer to do it that way.

I like watching other people cook and mostly that’s chefs in movies or shows. There is something very exuberant in the way they handle food, pick out the ingredients, the aroma, the whizz in the air, the splitter and splatter of food, the clashes of the cutlery, the whisking, the tossing, the colours, blending in all the ingredients and the final presentation of the food. A wow indeed. It is a very immersive experience. I like it for all that.

After the food, comes the dishes. My favourite part, a part where I am in my zone. I feel very connected when doing the dishes. I guess it lies in the way it makes me feel, very peaceful and calm. It was a welcome ritual that soon turned into a tradition.

I also cannot stand a dirty sink piled up and I need it to be cleaned right away. So I like doing it. It’s a nice responsibilty that brings me joy, very few responsibilites tend to do that.

I roll up my sleeves, take off the watch or not take off the watch and then proceed into the cleansing. My fun begins then.

As I take the sponge with a drop of the liquid to wash the dishes, I run it under a tap that somehow gives me both cold and warm water and I can feel it very distincely on my hand as I wash the dish. It’s not warm or luke warm water that pours but cold and hot in different directions refusing to co exist.

I let the feeling of it sink in as I watch the lather on the plate and then wipe away the dirt and the remains from the plate with several strokes from the sponge. I enjoy the prismatic gleam of the bubbles and sometimes I take some lather in my hand and then blow it off and I am a kid all over again looking at the bubbles in the air. I then squeeze the sponge to release the excess water and the dirt it soaks up and then move on to a new dirty dish.

I pay attention to the sounds that come out from this while I do the dishes. I listen gently to the water that hits the surface of the plate and then to the metal sink. It is with a light force.

As I listen to the tap run, I watch the sponge soak up the water and then pay attention to it as I slowly let go of the sponge draining the water making a swoosh sound.

Even after the dish is clean, I still like to run it under water and use the sponge to gently scrub the corner, surface and sides of the plate.

Very few times, I tend to dry the plates but when I do, I sometimes take my time with it.

I think a lot every time of the day but when I am here with the dishes, it’s just me washing the dishes.

Dish after dish, a steady flow of it. As it comes down to the last dish or cutlery, I know it’s time to start packing up and then get back out there to the world.

It’s a team work when doing the dishes, I love doing it and then my friend stacks it away in it’s respective places giving them all a break from their day’s work. Silence is in the air, we are in harmony. It’s all balanced and in sync.

I do like to keep workstation clean because I cannot stand a mess. So I take a tissue and then wipe out all the dirt from the counters, the sink and then throw it away into the garbage thus putting an end to a meditative session.

I found these two great pieces on washing dishes and one of the title of the piece is washing dishes and by no means I am copying this title because even before discovering this piece, I just wrote it down. These lines below express what I enjoy so much about washing dishes.

Look at dishes this way and washing up isn’t the shouldering of a burden but a renewal of the conditions by which all this — the talking, the eating, the communion — can happen again. (Your closest friends already know this; what more concrete expression of intimacy is there than a friend elbow deep in dirty dishwater, long after everyone else has gone home?)

As a religious person without a religious affiliation, handling a dirty sink isn’t work; it’s a sweeping of the altar.

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/04/magazine/letter-of-recommendation-washing-dishes.html

The fact that I am standing there and washing is a wondrous reality.

I’m being completely myself, following my breath, conscious of my presence, and conscious of my thoughts and actions.

There’s no way I can be tossed around mindlessly like a bottle slapped here and there on the waves.

http://time.com/4056280/washing-dishes-stress-relief-mindfulness/

That’s it folks. Give it a chance and you might like it. This is zen if you need it to be. This is crazy if you want it to be. This is nice if you want it to be.

When High…

When high
When high on drugs
When high on weed
A true and genuine experience experienced in one of the most beautiful legal places ever, Amsterdam

Disclaimer: Loads of curse words ahead and sorry for not filtering it out because when you high, you just want to let it go and let it be that way

Adds a more authentic feel to it, does it not?

This is not for everyone and in no way I am telling you to go get fucked up and get high, I am not promoting this.

This is just my experience, me sharing it and me liking it and me not going to give a damn on what people think of me because this means a lot to me and I want to share it with the world

The entire sentences below, I wrote it when I was high and even a small part of the disclaimer to my two of my best friends when I was super high and I am surprised they read through all of it. If that is not dedication, I don’t know what is…

 

We all have what we like, and here we go…

From this point below, you are entering into a time and place where I was high and all these thoughts just came pouring out, there is no structure to it, it just flows out endlessly.

 

Like you know my mind has never been so relaxed before

It’s so calm

Not giving a fuck

You just go into this deep zone
And you fall and you stay there

And then you relax

And then you just stay there, in that zone

You don’t want to let it go
So you let it be and let that peace engulf you

Not giving a damn fuck about anything

Just sitting/lying/walking, doing nothing

It’s so peaceful and so calm

The most simplest words have such a good power on what you feel

Why do people try to write and show it with all these formatted sentences and these symbols behind each word when you can just write without filtering anything

Just write what comes to you
And write and fall

It’s so peaceful and feels so good to be and feel this way

You want to keep doing it

Then you just listen and pay attention to all these tiny details you have never seen before

It feels so fucking good and orgasmic to feel it and be in it

You see everything just as it is

Nothing filtered, nothing covered

You just see without caring a damn fuck on what’s beneath or underneath them

You just see it all in plain colours for once, not in those coloured shades you always had to see

For once just see the world as it is but also think about it, but not in the way it makes you die but in the way it is meant to be enjoyed and questioned with simple curiosity

It’s a beautiful rhythm that is so peaceful

It’s nothing but peace and calm
You want to bask it all in and you want to let it be like that for as long as it can be

It’s good to have these times in life where you for once absolutely do not need to give a fuck about anyone, not even yourself

Just be in that moment and just be in it

With yourself
With people you love
With the world and everything in it

Is this how it feels to be so carefree?
Not to care anymore, not in a bad way, never in the bad way

But in the way that you feel good about yourself and everyone around you

Never care about that chaos the world is in, you are in…

Just letting go

It’s just it feels so fucking good to feel this way right now and you have no idea how it feels being in this state of mind with yourself and your body…
It’s just peaceful and I have never been so easy to let it go and now that I have done it with loads of help from weed and a place where it’s legal.

It feels fucking right and I wish I could feel this way every day but I am not going to sulk on it because I simply can’t sulk and be sad because those feelings ain’t in me when I am like this; all peaceful and happy, the happy where you are happy and at peace and just being yourself with and the world is in the right balance and fine…

I feel that how much ever I write, it’s simply not enough because no matter how much you want to try to put it all out in words, there are some moments in times you have to be in and live through that so you know how it feels

I know these authors and poets and writers do it and have it all worked it in out in their novels, poetry, and words but some of them just have to be lived through and now that I am living in it, I can tell you it feels fucking amazing

I love words, don’t get me wrong, words are my identity and symbols and my source and interpretation and everything that it is to get it all out, but sometimes it’s funny how those words can also not be enough

 

I know there is no such thing as perfect according to the world but perfect times do exist and this time right now is a living breathing moment

Being happy with the way you are
Being happy with the world as it is
Seeing the world in the colours they always were in and not trying to figure out what each of those colours or signs mean
Just seeing and breathing it in and for once and not worrying about yourself and everything around you
Just so peaceful

 

And you know I am trying to get those feelings in which you trap yourself in that chaos which destroys you but I simply can’t at this moment because that’s how high I am right now

Like how fucking great is that?!
Living life at that pinnacle is truly damn peaceful

I won’t lie that I am feeling 0.000000001 chaotic but that’s just another added beauty to it because all my peaceful feelings are just dusting it away and throwing it into the wind where it gets lost into all the other mixtures of chaos leaving me in this universe of peace and calm and tranquility

Yes tranquility is the word I needed and now that I have it
I am going to end this now

Wow I have written a lot
When I come to my senses and away from this feeling
Away from leaving this feeling and place
Damn I am gonna always wonder how I was when I wrote this and it’s such a good memory to hold on to and listening to my playlist while writing this is such a beauty

And I truly do apologize for writing all of this when I am high but hey I fucking love it so meh

Imagine for each time I get high
I write about different topics and different feelings with each time I get high

Just that one thought, one topic, one feeling and focus on that one sole thing and let it all pour out…

The things that are going to come out and I can find out

Wow now that’s just pure genius and pure simplicity

You know you just want to get it all out when you feel this way because you never know when you can have that chance again

So right now I am going to try and just let it be with myself and the place right here because who wouldn’t love some of that mystery and peace to one own’s self

Out of the many in the galaxy, only you and I know now

(The following thoughts next morning when high, traveling back to Nottingham through the coach and looking at the world outside)

 

You know when you listen to music when you are high
You hear everything so clearly
It’s so clear
The voice, the words it’s so clear and you can finally see it all

It’s so good and right to finally hear everything they meant us to hear

There was this tunnel we all were passing through
And it was dark and the light stood there illuminating the tunnel
And passing through it was so calm
I saw everything so clearly
The lights in the dark
I heard everything so peacefully, the lyrics, the beats, everything in the song I heard so clearly and vividly
I saw everything so slow, not the painful dying slow but the slow that is filled with grace and calmness
Where your eyes just focus on what’s in front of you and nothing else
Not giving a damn about anything else

Damn it was good

Every song seems to melt into the mood I feel right now
Every lyric seems right in this time right now
It’s such a beautiful time indeed

It’s always going to stay the same
This way I feel right now is always going to be in my heart as a beautiful memory and everything in it is true

 


-Roshni Marath Jairaj

In the moment

Monday, July 2nd, 2018          11: 21pm

I mentioned the time and date to state that this blog was an on spur feeling.

Got inspired to write this piece after watching Dear Zindagi, a brilliant and one of my favorite Hindi movies and also from Zindagi Na Milegi Doobara (ZNMD), that I am currently watching. Right now, the intro song is being played, and damn it’s a really motivating song and just flows into my mood right now.

Both these movies have excellent start casts and what just makes it better and so simple yet unique is the plot, the character development and the stories.

Then it got me thinking about my life, family and friends. How I wish to acquire certain traits of those characters and how I want to find friends like those. But then, I already know that I have found them. They have been with me my whole life, but you know I still can’t help but wonder about the movie characters and how splendid it would be to be a close tight group of friends with them. There is always a but lurking around, I am trying to let go of that but, but again it becomes hard, but I am trying. Eventually, it might fade away but it also might not.

The below two gifs are of Dear Zindagi and ZNMD respectively.

 

 

 

 

 

Right now the “cookie comedy scene” is going on and I have got to tell you it’s hilarious. I have got to try the trick sometimes. The trick is you tell someone that you know something about them and automatically all the secrets spill out like a water fountain!! I am laughing so hard at this scene and the dialogue delivery so much!!

I have had so many moments like these with my friends, not the tricky sort of thing but happy silly special goofy serious conversations and I am telling you, I wouldn’t trade it up ever. Those have made me who I am.

Sometimes, I wish some of the people I know could also see it but then well, I just don’t feel or connect with them that entire 100%. It’s not them. It’s me. You know what I mean right?

So after I had gone to uni, I have heard some pretty great stories from my various people and friends, when they ask me about the “great fun stories” I have had, I don’t have much to tell them because it’s nowhere near as bomb or exciting as their life stories. But you know what, that doesn’t make me upset of the fact that I don’t have such great stories to share.

In my own way and life, I have plenty of stories to share, I just don’t think those are the types you would particularly like or you might but well it just never comes up. I have shared some of them but to some people, it just doesn’t seem well exciting when compared. And honestly I kind of feel bad and sad for those kinds of people who think that life needs to be filled with exciting and big stories to bond over and talk about or to determine whether my life has been interesting or not. Maybe I haven’t seen a side to them that don’t think so but the side I have seen, well I am not a fan of it.

In my own little head, despite however small or big that story is, it is significant, and we shouldn’t be the judges to decide whether that qualifies as to how exciting or interesting or productive our lives have been.

For me, it’s the small moments, conversations I have with friends, the hangouts, the family talks, the small family stories and incidents, my cartoon watching obsession, my immaturity and small moments like these, watching movies and laughing, crying over them alone, with family and friends, travelling, creating up insane shit, writing and many more are my big stories. I am proud of it.

I wish I could tell it to them you know, but then I just can’t muster up the courage to tell them because I just don’t feel that close or real with them, but, when writing, it’s just so easy and different.

Words and feelings pour into this and I feel at peace. My mind is almost free because I write every thought that is popping into my brain and then my hands without thinking just write down every one of these thoughts onto this. You must have noticed, I said “almost free”, I said this because I am still on the firsts of opening up and learning to be not scared of the people/friends and their judgments/confrontations after reading this.

It’s going to be tough but I am trying to learn and be well more one step closer to trying to sort out myself. When I feel like just abandoning this train of sorting myself out, I am going to remind myself to come back and read this and understand why I decided to write and do this.

I was always serious about writing, but I was just too lazy and well I didn’t know exactly what to write about. I had different phases of writing, and they are all evident on my Instagram page, the page that shows an entire development of myself. That’s why I love my bio so much because it shows the growth of me as a person and well as a writer. One of the places where I can be myself and not be afraid, considering how ironic it is that many people follow and see this goofiness that in person with them, I cant give my 100% “Roshniness” to them.

At least I am glad that there are some very few people I could show it to and be like that. I am so thankful and happy for that.

So why I decided to write now?

Because I am ready and it feels right now. It feels relaxing to let it all flow into my writing. My thoughts are set free and well, I have been keeping things in way too long after I had gone to uni and this writing has started to feel like a new start to opening up and more like therapy for me as well. It feels meditating.

As I was reading through my piece, I didn’t justify or give you a proper reason as to why those movies inspired me to write this at this time while watching the movie right now.

It’s because there are some things that need to be done in the moment. This happened to be just one of those “in the moments”

I will tell you in more detail on why Dear Zindagi to me is a movie that just connect to me and why ZNMD makes me wish for certain things. Both these movies have a vibe and connect to them that I just feel at home at.

By now you will understand, my thoughts are like the wind, scattered all over the place and blowing in every different direction. Like the direction the way, it flows from slow to fast. It’s just unpredictable and sort of random. Again, just like how I feel and my thoughts. My thoughts jump from one cloud to another, each varying of a different topic and sometimes the same, just slightly different or maybe the same.

Actually, I will tell you right now on why those two movies especially Dear Zindagi hits me to the feels.

I believe that when one is in the zone, you should just let them flow with it and soak it in. Don’t interrupt them. Then you speak and then be in the zone. Let everyone be in the zone. ( It works differently in different situations and is also applicable in certain situations. You know when.)

The movie has no relation to my life whatsoever, but you know there is a special and different kind of connect that I get. I learned quite a lot from that movie and when I feel down, I sometimes watch that movie to well learn and be happy. The song ” Love you dear Zindagi” is the song that gives me genuine happiness and positivity. That song and the other songs and the movie itself does wonder to me.

Right now, in ZNMD, the diamond biscuit song is going to be sung in a few seconds and I can’t help but laugh because of a very fond memory that I had in school.

Why so, it’s because my friends and myself sang this song as a school project maybe in 8th grade. The same concept and tune. Gosh, it was so fun. When I still watch it, I laugh and cringe so much. Like that one more video ad comes to my mind, my 12th-grade marketing project about Netflix. The ad I made, god it was so awkward and made me, my partner, the class and my teacher laugh so hard that they watched it again because they couldn’t get over it.

See, these are the big stories and moments of life. It’s the everyday laughter and smiles that result to some of these big ones.

In ZNMD, the concept of friendship is what got to me the most, reminds me of my best friends from school, the ones that are always going to be my best special closestttttt friends and no one new ever has been added to that list despite the number of new good friends I have made. It’s just that group knows me in and out, and it just feels right being it that way. The song ” Paint it red” in ZNMD is just proving to be so nostalgic right now.

Right now, at this very moment, I am in my zone and there is nothing to stop the words to flow out from me. I am being free.

So as I was saying about ZNMD, that three friends reminds me of my special girls S and A, because I want to respect the privacy. So we all are the only children and my dad thinks that’s the way how we all became really close and just connected. Ever since 4th grade, we have become inseparable. I can’t remember exactly when we all just stuck and got together cause it’s honestly been ages and way too long. It’s still going strong. We have planned to do a trip like the one that they did in movies either to Shimla or somewhere else. Waiting for that “someday” to happen.

And like that pact, there is one more pact that I had made with my other group of musketeers, to sneak back to our old school grounds, sit on the fields, talk late in the night. I am waiting for that “someday” to happen as well with K,D and D.

Like that, I have a bucket list of moments and wishes I have. That’s for another time.

It’s 12:20 and I am going to stop writing now. Time for me to watch the rest of the movie.

See you soon, amigos!!