I lost my sleep

It is late night or more so the cusp of a new dawn 

I hear the sounds of the night and watch the streets remain empty 

I listen to the winds roll across the city 

I can see the strong waves of water and wind gush over the city 

Droplets of rain stay on the glasses of the windows tonight and I will bid them adieu soon

The blinds in my room rumble from the winds of the outside world 

The windows are shut yet their force can be felt in this small world of mine. 

I am left with a lot to think. 

In this night, what are we?

I listen to music that was meant for this night. 

I listen to the beats that make me question my destiny 

I listen to rhythms that challenge my beliefs 

I have the gift of watching the world from a magnitude and I use it best according to my capabilities 

I sometimes watch the people walk on the streets and try to wonder what their story in that precise moment is 

I look out to the windows of the other buildings that surround me and try to find a sign of humanity 

Whatever I have written now has stemmed from watching a movie “I lost my body” 

An emotionally gripping movie that takes us through a journey of destiny and pain

Taking risks, living through pain, deviating from the prewritten path of destiny. 

Watching movies helps me understand myself and the world

I watch movies to learn pieces of information that I think I may not learn from anywhere else

I watch them to understand and discover new realms of imagination and theories that I may never find in conversations with myself or the people around me 

I watch them to escape from time momentarily 

I pay attention to them so that I feel 

I watch them to understand because I believe that they make me special 

I love to possess a knowledge that pertains only to me and when sharing it, it makes me feel unique. 

As I listen to the soundtrack of ‘I lost my body’ I am struggling to find the ending to my thoughts now 

My mind can only think of the brilliancy of the movie but also of the night that I am passing through right now

As I listen to this music, I am lost in the moments and in the world of my own thoughts and that of the movie’s. 

Every step outside the hallway frightens me as I have no desire to meet anyone and would rather be writing this. 

Every step inching towards my door nerves me because I do not want to talk to anyone as I wish to be left alone during this time. 

Perhaps, I shouldn’t be trying hard to figure out how to end this. 

I do not feel the need to stress out the manner of words I want to put on this

Sometimes, the ending is better left just as it is, without over thinking.

I feel obliged to tell you more but whatever I will be writing would just be a rephrasal of my initial thought. 

So, allow me to slip into my world and my routine and let me wish you all a good night. 

I am right here, just away from your eyes. 

I can’t sleep

I can’t sleep because of the weight of the galaxy I carry inside my body

I can’t sleep because of the stars that light up in my soul

I can’t sleep because the stars have lost their way to reach the midnight skies

I can’t sleep because of the crack of the dawn in the skies

I can’t sleep when I am awake because I am out here sitting on the ledge staring out at the skies behind my window

Its a clear baby blue sky with an orange stripe painted right across it

I hear the birds chip signalling the start of a new morning

However I can’t get myself to sleep despite the touch of the morning

I am afraid I have fallen into the habit of not sleeping at night due to the chores that keep me busy at night

I have failed to see the beauty in the mornings as I wake up

I see the drapes shut of many of the windows out there, as the drapes start to open, I close mine indicating the world that I am down for my slumber

Never being able to get sleep has only been one of the few problems in my life because that happens almost never but it does happen and when it does, it’s usually the sign of a chaos erupting soon

I don’t know what to do but sitting on this narrow ledge near my window seems to be helping quite a bit

This feels movie like

You know the scene where it’s early dawn or dusk and the writer goes out somehwhere seeking for an inspiration or for an answer to the cosmos exisiting within them.

It feels like that right now except for them, it leads to a big climatic search and for me, it feels ordinarly extraordinary but carries an undertone of a MacGuffin.

I am starring in my own movie, just not without any cameras or an audience to see it all unfold

As I am staring out into the abyss listening to country music, I have realised how beauitful they are, matching up to the slow excitement of the sunrise. I have realized how decieving they can be with thier words but still manage to create a charm in the listner.

Hues of Pink have started to come into the view and I can see a blend of pink, red, orange and white join to create a thin cloud trail spread and strech across the sky

I have stayed up all night to witness one of the many miracles of life uninteionally and can i say was it worth it?

It has but it still hasn’t made me want to lie down and drowse

The blend of colours have now painted itself across the skies, fusion itself with blue evoking different feelings in me

I see that very same blend trail across the skies just like a shooting star plumetting down to earth. What could you be? A symbol, a metaphor?

Universe, would you kindly tell me the mysterious ways in which you work

I have now witnessed the miracle of life

What now?

Thoughts lead to a train wreck

It was a normal night

Four in the morning

It was the early rise of the dawn 

While the whole world was still asleep, I was ready to step into my slumber

As I unwinded a tiring day of hard chores, I decided to give myself a little reward

Not knowing where the reward could lead to, I took it without thinking the road I would be in 

I took a face mask, applied it till the edges of it stuck to the curves of my face and then turned off all the nights to prepare for a deep slumber 

It was going smooth till then

But I took the choice of playing back the songs from memory lane 

As the first song started to play, I knew there was no coming back from this road

I had to drive the whole way through and beyond 

As each song kept playing and ended, my memories kept playing along with it 

The songs put by me in an order ended up turning its back against me

Each song playing in the order of my memories and the vibes that I loved in that city kept intensifying and coming back all at once in one go, one after the other 

Reminding me of the good old times 

I miss my old home deeply

I have this heart ache that intenses with every beat 

I can feel it shatter with every note 

I miss the drives on the road that I listened these songs to 

I want to go back to those days and those drives 

My own decisions of complication have brought put me here 

It opened up the doors of nostalgia and let the moments flood in 

The moments staring out at the tall sky scrapers soaring up high in the night sky, the lights comforting me, the music of the radio calming me down and making it a trigger for these memories 

Strolling along the beaches with best friends and running along the lights and having the best conversation in parks 

Memories of school, friends and family rides put me in a high and I go back and wonder what it would all be like now

Would I ever get to live through the same pattern again since that everything has changed 

I have embraced this road and soon hope to embark on it for real someday 

For now I dream on to these songs and enjoy the little drive through memory lanes.