7. The Epilogue



Have I done my job…?

I know how to play you

I know how to keep you in this trap 

I know what to do to you but if I reveal it, I won’t be that good of a creator that I think I am. 

Will I now? 

I know I should not keep it too short, otherwise I lose you or you feel too incomplete and decide not to reengage 

You feel there is no context 

I know I should not keep it too long because then you might lose interest in me

You might see through my act

You might find that pattern and let it be 

You will fail to see what else lies beneath if I complete it all in this long stretch 

You will depart and I don’t want that

I want you to stay as long as I want 

For that to happen, this piece needs to achieve and find that delicate balance of inquisition, naivety, complexity, delicacy, manipulation by me so that I keep you in this long run 

I think I have found it, now I need to test it out and see if it works

If it does, I will continue 

If it doesn’t, I re-evaluate, repeat, research and see why you are not deep into it like I am 

I do not know for how long it will last but I intend for you to be in this whole ride 

Now I have lost that drift and I am wide awake desperate to go back to that slumber that awaits me but you know what to do always don’t you? 

You play with me a lot

You trick me and I end up falling to it every god damn time 

What have I done?

5. Complete

Continued from 4. From the land of the lost and tired, I have found my way

I am afraid of not jotting all of you down

You play and toy with me

All these thoughts appear at once and once I close my eyes and drift off; these thoughts and words never make its mark again

They fade away just like the rest 

Now that I have written and stored you down

I feel complete and I feel myself drift off 

I let that drift take over me welcomingly

Let me flow into that land that awaits me 

I have completed you 

A week of philosophies, The conclusion.

Day 7

17th September 2018

 

So here lies the end…

An end to all the learnings.

It was a very enlightening experience indeed.

I have learnt some different philosophies of lives and I am happy to say that I have incorporated a bit of each into my life. I am learning and trying, after all I am just a human.

It also feels a bit ovewhelming and tiring reminding myself of these philosophies at each and every moment when things go bad. It gets hard.

So I try to take 5 deep breaths. In that 5 deep breaths, I think and evaluvate, I let myself be calm and not overreact. I try to think before I do or say anything. I think about what I have learnt in this week. It helps me.

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Trust me, I have quite the bit of the temper and a difficult mentality and reaction to changes and I know giving out advice is easy but following them is very hard. But I have to try. I can be equally optimistic and pessimistic. It’s like a balance but I try really hard not to let the bad affect me because it would not destroy me but also destory the ones that I love. We can’t be a saint and a positive goodie tosho at all times, but if it’s possible we can try.  Trying is one step close to suceeding.

The world and the life that I live can have some bad days but they won’t last forever, probably some of it’s effects might, but that’s the thing about life. One can never truly be a 100% happy, but we can try.

I look forward to life teaching me more and I look forward for all the lessons that lie ahead.

This is my last post whilst I am in Dubai.So this week of learnings has prepared me for that ride and journey. Until next time, my beautiful home, family and friends. It’s a tough ride, even though I am completely not up for it, I still do have to go.

It’s all going to be worth it, some day. I can’t wait for that some day to happen, while it may take some time, I am going to try and make the best of the life that I am having right now.

 

Quote to end the day

Some things are worth it in the long run and this ride is. 

-Roshni Marath Jairaj