The Endgame…

A thing you should know about me is that I care very deeply for movies, shows and books especillay the ones that I have invested my life and time in, it is a part of me, so some people might think that this is all a bit too much but frankly, I do not care because this is me. I love this bit about myself. Loving these movies, shows and books with all this passion and intensity is what I love the most. I feel infinite.

Coming to the point on what this piece is going to be about, I have been a fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe as long as I can remember and I just watched Endgame, the movie that brought that saga to an end. The movie that brought a decade to an end.

Relax; I am not to be giving out any spoilers because I am not the fan that will ever betray my family like that. I respect and worship the work way too much to do that and also life taught me that in hard ways.

Coming back to what this piece is about; my mind and heart cannot fathom to bring itself in terms with what I witnessed and were a part of. I watched the movie two times in a row and I am feeling all these emotions that I don’t know how to control. I am drowning in them; not in the way that I enjoy but to the point where my heart physically pains and I need a way to heal.

So here I am pouring out my emotions because I feel this could be my way of healing.

I wander around these empty spaces with a heavy heart

I feel my heart getting crushed by the weight of the boulder that has been dropped from the heights above

It was cathartic

I sit here buried in tears and crash into the warmth of my comforter

I made the mistake of not understanding how broken I would be after I a saga come to an end

I have been in this ride for years and years knowing but also not knowing what it was all leading up to…

I fell in love with all of them, I fell in love with how each of them progressed with time

I fell madly in love with the family and the team

I too have a weakness like every other being, my mind does not want to be bias but my heart has been tuned out differently

I have given my heart to the people that were since the dawn of the time, to the people that lay the foundation for this great miracle, the team that started the intitiative and set up the saga

These stories were intense but fun, heart shattering but carried a sense of bitter sweetness,

Enemies were made, Friendships were made and broken, Teams came together yet also fell apart. Everything and anything managed to happen

Chaos erupted across the galaxies

I have shed tears, I have laughed, I have rejoiced, I have been gutted. I have loved. I have hated. I have felt everything I possibly can through these stories.

My heart would always lie with the six. The origins of a greater good. The start to it all.

Over the years, it all lied in the tiny fragments, each fragment carried a piece ultimately leading up to the end, the end for many of us but also a beginning to a new dawn

I never realised how embedded I was in this until I realised I may never see them again. I failed to understand how much of a mess and a chaos I would be. I underestimated how much I would be affected. I did not put it into count.

I stroll along those memory lanes and dwell when times were simpler. To the times I knew they would come back.

My mind and heart refuse to fathom that it has come to an end, a conclusion. An end where I will never see them return again.

As the sun sets, a new dawn arises and that is what had happened

I thank you and will always cherish you Marvel.

Like they said, “Part of the journey is the end.”

I look forward to what you have in store for us.

Thank you for the best 11 years and for the best 22 movies you have given us.

2. Monologue

Continuation from 1. The Prelude…


Now I want you to imagine

Can you do it for me?

Imagine that this is a prologue to something great or a prologue to an epic end

Create it however you like but I want you to make me the center in that space 

In that dim vast space, I will be the lead and you will be my audience listening to every word pouring out within me 

All I ask from you is to let me in those minds and hypnotize you into a fascination I want to create 

Let me do it and I will show how I feel it too 

Do you feel it too? 

I always imagined doing a prologue or a monologue like this in a dark space with lighting well enough so that I can see and it shows the light on me as well

I imagine doing it in a voice that carries many undertones to it 

The tunes of darkness, charm, seduction, innocence, inquisition and a voice that gets you so lost 

I want my voice while saying this to you to be so enchanting that I loose myself in my own voice and be a prey to it 

I want to feed on this voice and these words while I say it to you 

I want to consume it and be in that eternal state for as long I can try  

You try so hard to refute 

You try so hard not to give in but you know it always get it’s way at the end 

After that explosion you know you feel complete 

Do not be afraid if you find no pattern

I relish in these outbursts of random scattered thoughts 

I do not want you to pick up each of them, assimilate them and bring them together to tell a story

Don’t bother to find a pattern because let it be

Let it stay scrambled

Let it stay as the way as it is because that is what you are meant to do 

This is how I am 

No pattern but just a bunch of lines written down with no intention to ever stop

This is how I am 

I let these lines flow on to here so 

They scatter 

They are everywhere 

That is how it should be

That is how I want you to read

That is how you know me

Each line is a thought and story in itself, so fear not 

Do not let the force push you to finding a pattern or to desperately pick up the pieces to connect and to understand because that is not how I roll

I want you to live like me

I want you to know how it is

I want you to learn to flow 

To flow like these lines

Read and read 

Each line a new story or a recurring thought 

I want you to leave it to your own mind

Do not try to think of it as to how I created it 

Do not be like the rest of them who try to come up with these conspiracies and theories

Just be that person who lets go and lives in it rather than indulging and divulging in it for the sake of dissecting it up to find something 

Continued…