A week of philosophies, The conclusion.

Day 7

17th September 2018

 

So here lies the end…

An end to all the learnings.

It was a very enlightening experience indeed.

I have learnt some different philosophies of lives and I am happy to say that I have incorporated a bit of each into my life. I am learning and trying, after all I am just a human.

It also feels a bit ovewhelming and tiring reminding myself of these philosophies at each and every moment when things go bad. It gets hard.

So I try to take 5 deep breaths. In that 5 deep breaths, I think and evaluvate, I let myself be calm and not overreact. I try to think before I do or say anything. I think about what I have learnt in this week. It helps me.

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Trust me, I have quite the bit of the temper and a difficult mentality and reaction to changes and I know giving out advice is easy but following them is very hard. But I have to try. I can be equally optimistic and pessimistic. It’s like a balance but I try really hard not to let the bad affect me because it would not destroy me but also destory the ones that I love. We can’t be a saint and a positive goodie tosho at all times, but if it’s possible we can try.  Trying is one step close to suceeding.

The world and the life that I live can have some bad days but they won’t last forever, probably some of it’s effects might, but that’s the thing about life. One can never truly be a 100% happy, but we can try.

I look forward to life teaching me more and I look forward for all the lessons that lie ahead.

This is my last post whilst I am in Dubai.So this week of learnings has prepared me for that ride and journey. Until next time, my beautiful home, family and friends. It’s a tough ride, even though I am completely not up for it, I still do have to go.

It’s all going to be worth it, some day. I can’t wait for that some day to happen, while it may take some time, I am going to try and make the best of the life that I am having right now.

 

Quote to end the day

Some things are worth it in the long run and this ride is. 

-Roshni Marath Jairaj

 

The thing about yesterday

27th July 2018 Friday 2:00 PM 

It happened yesterday

It dawned upon me when I was sleeping

Nights always was and became the times for contemplation and hard truths

Soon, this month was going to end and the next month would dawn upon us in  a few days

Time to go back to university and to return to that life was hitting close now.

My mother was sleeping next to me and the thought of returning back shuddered me and I hugged her as tight as possible not wanting to let go.

I tried to close my eyes, empty my mind and sleep

I tried to think about things that made me laugh and of things that made me happy.

I tried to think of things that made me squeal with excitement and even the dark psychotic thoughts that made me want to kill the world

I tried to change the course of my mind’s direction through different ways but to no avail, it all eventually came down to the path of sadness and despair of leaving home and returning back to the “uni life”

I tried to hold it all in, the thought of leaving my mom, dad, my friends and my home.

I tried to contain it in. I really did try

I was a bomb that had to explode after all in order to contain myself

Then the tears started to flow down from my face bit by bit

Moments before it turned into an emotional breakdown, I once again hugged my mom tight, it was as if my brain was trying to remember and register even the tiniest of details about her before I leave.

I once again tried to stop the outburst but it was too late.

Mothers, they know everything

She sensed it all and asked whether I was crying

In my broken tiny voice, I simply answered no and then I proceeded to cry out loud and remained in her arms

She always knew what to say

She hugged me tightly, wiped my tears, told me what I needed to hear

I stayed in her arms crying for a long time

Crying and crying, I drifted off to sleep

I knew my cries and worries affected her, she always told me how bothered and upset she was when I cried

I always wondered what I would do without her, how I would live without her, all these thoughts deeply disturb me every day, I try not to think about it often but at every step in the walk of my life, that thought always lurks around me like a monster and a shadow never vowing to leave me ever.

All I could do is pray and pray.

She would do anything to see a smile on my face and for my future

She kept all her pains and troubles with her, very rarely does she show me her tears

She is a strong woman and I admire her so much

She is my strength and weakness

She does have her flaws, but after all, she is just human

No words could ever amount to the feelings I have for my mother

No words could ever capture the great deeds and things she has done for me and this family

I eagerly wait for that someday, a day where I can take my mother to a world only filled with happiness and joy.

She does justice to the word “mother”

We both are companions to each other

We both only have each other in this big world.

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Special mention: To all the mothers out there, without you, the world would be incomplete. 

Thank you for everything. 

Thank you Amma for being there. I love you