Farewell to my humble abode…

18th December 2018, this day was surely faced with a  mixed bag of emotions. On this day, I received the wonderful news which was at first devasting because me being me, I never ask for the whole details. I really should inquire about the whole rather than the half.

The news was that my dad got a wonderful job in Singapore which means we all had to leave Dubai, my home.

It was THE GOODBYE, I always dreaded and knew would come someday…

So at first, I was devasted because I realised this winter break was the last time I was truly ever at my home and also with my friends. Then it would all be packed off to Singapore… At first, I was not happy and carried a dislike to the place immediately because of you, my home was taken away from me. I had to say goodbye to it. I am not fond of goodbye’s and you made me do it…

A tip to myself and the people out there: Always remember to wait and listen to the whole details rather than staying at the half, and also ask whatever troubling questions you have about the problem. It may surprise you when the solutions are out there immediately. 

I vividly remember this day because I crashed down and broke into huge tears. This was the day I truly realized how much Dubai meant to me and the effects it had on me. It charmed me in and left me bewitched. I have been hooked onto Dubai for long as I can remember. That’s what home does to you. It’s a drug you can’t say goodbye to because it is embedded so deep in your system. You are never truly free from it.

Dubai was what kept me sane and happy. It was what I looked forward to when I came back from uni, indulging into Dubai after my experiences at uni was a comfort. When I had trouble at uni and I was so homesick and troubled by the life there, knowing that I would come back home was what that got me through those tough uncosonalble times, but now it it’s gone… The home and friendship comfort always soothed me, but now it was gone… But there are still ways to mend it…

I found out my dad got a better job at Singapore, so that means goodbye Dubai, my home for 18 years and hello to an entirely different place Singapore. I am looking forward to it, I am really excited to see what it has to offer for myself and my family. My dad and mom are happy and seeing them happy, it makes me happy. A new beginning for my family, I hope and pray for it to be a good new happy fresh start.

All happiness aside, I do feel gutted and upset that I am leaving Dubai, it has been my home for 17 years. I grew up here, lived here, roamed around here, made loads of memories and friendships here, but this wasn’t goodbye forever… The memories would stay on forever… It would always be there in me… I faced many hardships and many happiness from here, it has made me who I am. You were also a good teacher and master to me.

After the crying I did, my parents promised and reassured that I would come back here for my vacations and meet my friends and my home So I am not worried and upset about it, but it truly does suck having your home snatched away. Leaving the place where you call home, and then doing the adjusting process all over again. It takes time for me to adjust to a new place and that was evident when I had to do it in uni. If only, I could have listened before crying, but maybe it was good for me to get it all out of my system. Crying is one of the most effective ways for me to get whatever I have out. Crying is not a sign of weakness, it helps me get it all out and I feel much better. Talking with the right people also helps a lot, so thank you to my mom, dad, and my best friends for being there when I need to talk and for knocking some sense into me.

To my Best Friends out there, we all are growing up, changing, going into different directions and we may not be around for long at the same place. We all might end up in different places, but that doesn’t mean we are going to be lost forever never finding each other. I always manage to annoy and be by them whenever possible, which is through text, calls, and video. They are always there, no matter where I am and where they are. The distance is hard, it’s a huge obstacle, but we are there for each other. There are some friendships that are so strong and worth it, you and them would do anything to be a part of it because it’s too beautiful to abandon and let go. It’s a team effort, not a solo one to make the friendship work.

I knew that Dubai wouldn’t last forever for us. I did have to leave this place for good at some point. Eventually, we all would have to go back to India, but now there is Singapore offering us a bright future for all of us. I am grateful to Singapore for that.

So in a way, I am glad that the sooner it happened, the better. It gave me time to deal with it and accept it. It also gave my father one of the best opportunities. If not, who knew what would happen at that time?

How long can one live in the fantasy? It’s all about the change. That change is from where life gets its thrill from. It thrives on that.

Change is hard, change is easy, different people react to it differently. Accept change and don’t try to battle with it because, with time, that change be it bad, it will leave it’s lingering shadow some time or the other and be it good, it’s going to stick around and be there in your life. “Expect for the unexpected.”

Home is where the family is, right? So I hope that Singapore could eventually turn into a place where I can call it home. I am eager and looking forward to it, but saying goodbye to this place. It’s hard, but I am moving on with it better than I expected to…

Everything happens for the best. That’s what I am going by and sometimes things do happen truly for the best. I am going in it with the all the “high hopes.” (Any Panic! Fans here?) I could relate to that song because that’s also what my mama tells me.

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The last time I am going to be here staying in my home. As I am writing this post, this is my last day in Dubai before I leave back for university. 11th January 2019.

When I come back for my break, it’s Singapore. Hello Singapore, I await you…

Dubai, You have made me happy in all ways you can…

2018, what a year!

A lot has changed over the last year, and I am going to take you guys and myself through the year’s journey. I decided to do this for myself because I wanted to know, discover and be greatful for what has happened and also learn.

So here we go!!

 

What has happened over the last year? 

1 year of completion towards my degree done. 2 years left. Year 2 going on. Wow, time moves fast.

2018 is the year where I am going to be a teenager for the last time before I hit the big 20. My teenage years come to an end and I have to welcome the 20’s and adulthood offically…

Got my first tattoo done on my wrist on March 14!! That was exciting and I can’t believe it’s been that short. I thought I got it done last year but apparently not. More tattoos to come.

 

I have got a placement as an achievement coach in one of the schools that starts next year, 2019.  Bonus: I am also getting paid. It’s a start people and I am excited for what’s more to come.

Did an internship for Young Times, a children’s magazine owned by one of the leading newspapers, Khaleej Times in Dubai. I was a writer for the magazine and damn it felt proud to see my name under the pieces that went in the magazine.

MET DULQUER SALMAAN!!!!!! MY BIGGEST FAVOURITE MOST ADMIRABLE ACTOR/HERO OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!! THIS WAS THE BIGGEST HIGHLIGHT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!! IT WAS MY LIFE LONG DREAM AND IT HAPPENED. 29th July, you will always carry a special place in my heart!! Thank you to my best friend Raveena for being there with me throughout. Waited there with me for 8 hours and the wait was worth it because I got to meet and also side hug him!! Whenever I go back to that day, I am always in disbelief, shock and the happiest!! It was the best!!

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Gave a surprise to my best friend Raveena when I went to Dubai unexpectedly. Her reaction was to die for and it was my first time giving and planning a surprise for my best friend.   It was legend……. wait for it DARY!!!!

Met my best friends after a long time and we had the most amazing fun!! Gosh, what I would give to go back to those days!! But I am living life and moving with the flow of making new memories and more.

Started my blog and I am very happy with where it’s going and what I am doing. I love the pieces that I have put and I am glad people like it!! I thank all the 77 people that follow me and I soon hope to hit a 100 by the end of the year, but if not, that’s alright because I am happy that I have made it this far!!

Part of the Impact magazine of the university!! So I do write for them online. That included covering an event which was very exciting. I took over their Instagram, it was pretty cool and dope.

My mom and dad came to the UK, it’s a big thing because it’s our first time as a family that we all went abroad in the 19 years of my life. It wasn’t particularly a holiday, they came here to help me move into my flat but it was pretty dope, memorable and the best!! My mom was so happy and joyous and it was so good seeing her that happy!! It was her dream to come here and I was so happy that it came true!!

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Tried new things, enjoyed some and also not.

Watched loads of movies over the last few months and I am so proud of myself because I love watching and discovering new movies!! It’s very interesting to see stories, concepts come alive and some of the movies that I have watched have jumped into my all-time favorite movies list. Also watched some new shows.

Listened and discovered different songs and artists. Made my playlist that I dearly love and enjoy!! It’s such a huge moment and an accomplishment. I feel proud and on top of the world.

Listening to podcasts and reading the news a bit more because I want to be aware of what happens around the world and want to gain a bit more knowledge.

I have learned more about what to do, improving my self and how I work.

Met new people, made some good friends with them. Enjoying it all.

Being a bit more social but also having the alone time that I need.

Been productive most of the time and I am happy about it.

I have learned how to cope up more with my emotions and still learning.

Experimented with my hair by dip dyeing it and I loved every breathing living minute of it!! Then finally switched to highlighting my hair with dark brown. I am glad and happy to say, I have found my colour and this colour is it!!

 

 

Had quite some lows with friends, but with time going by, I became better and now we are all good. Better friendships and connections have been made with people I never expected I would be that good friend with. It’s all in the process.

Haven’t read many books yet apart from the books I was supposed to read for my course. But I have done alright. Tried, but will do better in the next year.

LOST MY PHONE, which was one of the biggest low of my 2018. I learnt my lesson the hard way, sometimes these things are meant to happen, but I still will never understand why.

Went for a Beyonce and Jay-Z concert! It was lit AF and it kind of got me into rap but I am not a huge fan of Rap. So, that’s a start to something new.

Went to the Harry Potter Studios in London and it was a dream come true!! I bought myself Hermonie’s wand, Gryffindor’s shirt, robe, flag and pins!! It was quite the fortune but totally worth it because I had my costume ready for this Haloween!! A Wizard!!

Went for Winter Wonderland with my best friend, I am scared about roller coasters and rides and I did it. It felt liberating and frightening. One step closer or many steps away from not letting them win me over. Thank you Urjiva for being there and for always trying to kill me by making me do these things. And Bahaha I look cute in this pic and so do you!!

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The Goose Fair of Nottingham, 2018!! It was the best and with the best people, it was one of the most amazing experinces I had. These are the memories and days I live for.

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Celebrated Diwali 2018 in Lesicter with my friends!! It was fucking lit!! The fire works, burtsing crackers, the rain, the streets, the gaintwheel. It feels good.

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Had the best sleepover with my best friend Raveena and it was her first sleepover with me!! So it feels really special!!

And also met my best friend Dale after so long and caught up with her!! It feels the best to catch up with your best friends after so long!!

Cooking, learning how to cook better. Still doing the adult life, feeling the independence, the rush, learning the struggles and still doing it.

So many good movies came out and I got to watch them!! I am so grateful for it!! AND ALSO DRUMMMROLLLLLLL,    Many new trailers came out for the movies I have been waiting and dying for and they are so worth it!!! FOR EXAMPLE AVENGERS ENDGAME!!!!  Gosh, it was emotionally so worked up!! I loved every bit of it and this was just a teaser trailer!! Imagine what the trailer would be like!!

So that is my 2018 wrapped. 

How was yours? I would love to know what you guys were upto, do share down below in the comments 

 

 

-Roshni Marath Jairaj

Signing off and I will see on 2019 right over here and I won’t be leaving any time soon. 

 

 

Capturing it, Breathing it, Living it…

Everyone has those ways to keep hold of something that is close to their heart, a way to remember those moments, a way to go through it all over again. I love how it works. It’s unique to everyone.

Remembering every aspect and detail of those time, memory and moment evoke a different sense of emotion and remembrance.

I have my own ways of playing it back over and over. Sometimes, the details can get a bit hazy, but the memory, time, people, the emotions and the moment always remains the same.

I do it through writing, taking pictures and videos, music, movies and mostly by remembering it all and being in the moment.

 

– Sometimes, there won’t be times where one can quickly whip out a phone and capture the entire moment because sometimes it ruins it. Then also capturing it also helps with making it a memory for eternity.

 

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You don’t get to be in the moment and enjoy it wholly.  All you can do is pay attention to your phone, see it through that and well that frankly upsets me. I like seeing it alive and also record some bits of it. I get the best of both worlds. I want to cherish this moment forever but also see it forever.

Even if I don’t capture it, I will always remember it. But I would be guilty to admit that I wish I had some physical source of watching it again but I would not regret it.

Sometimes, taking videos and pictures is also one of the best ways. Being in the moment, capturing it, reliving it while playing it in the times ahead. Seeing how joyful it was back then.

There are pictures that I take by my friends because I want to remember it or just because I dress up once a rare while, the background looks good. So why not?

There are some moments meant to be captured, some to be enjoyed, some to be meant for both.

 

– Music and movies

 

 

Certain music reminds me of home, my friends, my family, the streets that I have walked through, the memories I have shared with that person who I listened to this music with, or danced to in parties.  The vibes and feelings I wish to have again and live through. It has no bounds.

The playlists I have curated from each memory and story are the ones that I absolutely live for. It’s something of my own, so personal, where each song tells the memories and the emotions. It absolutely is of utter sheer magic because it feels so warm and good to have something of your own in which you can record your moments of life.

Movies, I still remember how different movies I have watched with different people evoke various stories and emotions. Each story had a good memory of its own. The laughter, the tears, the discussions, the fangirling. It was a memory to die for.

In a way through that music and movies, they helped me capture some of the best memories to ever exist.

They make you feel so much more. It’s one of the most intense after effects you experience after reliving it. It all comes down at once and drowning in it is the best. 

Watching the movies and listening to the songs are another experience of its own, combined with it, the memories and the moments you have lived through them. It’s altogether a new found discovery and bliss. 

 

– Writing

 

 

The process that I always find myself falling in love with the most. It helps capture and recapture the feelings in your heart, body, and mind with words. I always find myself good with words. When I can’t get my thoughts straight, I write because it helps me sort out, think and ponder.

It gives me a new found courage and bravery to confront with myself, thoughts and address it. These words help hide my fear but also show it to me.

So when it comes to capturing and reliving it, writing down how I felt, the moment, the people and the world. I learn and understand how I felt through these stories. Writing helps me capture the feelings I experience whilst being in the story. Remembering them from my memories and writing it adds a different feel to it. When I compare what I wrote back then and now, I discover and learn how much has changed. I learn a lot about myself.

When I look back and read through it, the words help me get a deeper aspect.

 

I love to revisit some of the memories and stories I have lived through. They make me calm and happy. I do wish many times that I could go back to them but then I look forward to more good memories and have fun reliving and remembering the stories I had.

There are those nights where my mind keeps me awake and many of the times, it always goes through the routine of remembering many of the things that have played out in my life. 

Sometimes, I also revisit some of the bad moments gone through life to remind myself that bad times eventually do fade away, but they leave a mark. They either charge you for the good or for the bad.

Sometimes, I also remember the embarrassing ones, I do not know why I do, I just simply do.

So that’s it, folks

– Roshni Marath Jairaj

 

Ready to go home.!

 

In less than one day, the end of November will be marked. And then starts a new month that would mark the countdown of 2018. Arises a new dawn at 2019.

December 14th, my last day of the year at Nottingham. Ready to go back home for the holidays and then come back when the new dawn has already begun.

I am excited to go back home, very eager to set foot on the land I have deeply missed and ached. I can’t wait for each minute to pass by, as each day passes by, I am one step closer to going home and I couldn’t be more at peace knowing that soon, I would be back with my family and my dearest friends.

Been preparing for this return by crossing out each day in the calendar, hearing songs that remind me of Dubai and hyping myself up,  fantasizing about all the food I get to eat, the streets I would get to see again and mostly, the comfort of home all over again.

” Tis the best time of the year…”

But leaving this place, my friends is also an ache and pain it’s own. Oh, how dearly I am going to miss them. But home it’s been long. I will always be excited to go back, no matter what. That’s what home does. It’s a comfort of it’s own, but this too has also started to become home.

I have been preparing myself for the journey by listening to my playlist on Spotify. The songs that remind me of home and of all the streets, nooks and corners I have been to. Songs that remind me of the moments I have lived and breathed in. Songs that remind me of some of the best cherished excited alive vibes and feelings.

But as soon I hit the home, then begins the most fastest race of time anyone has ever seen. Why does time effortlessly and smoothly go fast? Why can’t it take ages and months for that one day to pass by? I don’t want to go back. This thought is there every single time and every single time, it hurts damn way too much. Why did I have to grow up so soon? Why did I have to grow up?

This is what my future is worth it. It teaches me how to deal better with the world and with myself. I find new strengths in me that I never thought I could achieve, I learn new things about the world and myself through the experience I have been put in.

Sometimes to get the engines running, all I say is everything happens for the best and then put on in my headphones and listen to the playlist I curated for myself. One of the many secret possessions I own to my heart.

 

” At every moment of my life, there comes a decision where has it’s pros and cons

What I like to do is see how it works for me and the people who I love the most

Sometimes, it’s hard to go with what you feel and need the most

And at times, that might be the one that causes the most pain to your loved ones

Just stop and listen to what you need the most and go for it

But also be prepared to face what’s coming next… “

– Roshni Marath Jairaj

 

 

One Last Look

Friday 26th October 2018

It was time to leave again. It was a short visit for four days to home to resolve an issue.

Taking a break from uni and going back for that short time was just diffcilut because I was used to my routine and breaking it and leaving felt hard because I knew when I would return back to my routine, I would have a hard time adjusting to it again.

Life surely had it’s ways of working.

After those 4 short days, I was going back to university, a life that I was starting to love and enjoy. But right now, I couldn’t savour it because I was leaving my home, my past, my childhood, my memories, my nostalgia, my essence for good.

I was leaving this part of Dubai, Bur Dubai, My home for 18 years and moving into a new unkown tritory somewhere in Dubai, but not that I can call it home.

As I was getting ready to leave the flat, a few minutes before, I went around my small home and gazed and loooked at every nook and corner in every room. I remembered the 17 years of my life, the life that I spent in this building and neighbourhood.

Bitter sweet ones they were.

I smiled, but it was a sad one.

With my bags ready to go back, I stepped out and as soon as the doors shut, that was it. It was the end of an era.

I looked back, wished and dreamed that it was all a bad nightmare. A nightmare that I could wake up from but it just kept going on. It did not stop to comfort me, instead it just moved ahead.

As we got into the car, my mom held my hand. I looked at my building, the streets, the night lights, the shops, the roads and I kept looking back and I did not want to say goodbye. Not yet, probably not ever.

She couldn’t help but hold my hand tight and say that we will be back here for drives and visiting, but we both knew it would never be the same. I looked around the streets again, I  was trying so hard to fit all of it into my brain at one go.

In that moment, I felt that living there my whole life wasn’t enough to capture everything. I needed more of it. I did not want to leave something so comforting and familar, it had it’s flaws and horrible times but it was home.

The home that was there for me throughout my life. It felt too hard to let go.

It felt as if I was slowly letting it all go, forcefully. Someone was taking it away and there was nothing I could do but simply watch as I let it slip through my hands.

 

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It was hard to follow and understand what Robin said, but when I think about it.

It’s true. Sometimes things had to change and I should be greatful that I wasn’t leaving Dubai. I was moving into a new place with new beginnings. That is something to look forward to. More memories.

It was just that small part of my heart I had to say goodbye too. It hurts and breaks every single time, but in time it would be healed and fixed. It would still hurt to think about it but maybe, a bit less than before.

I thank you and love you so much home, for what you have done and taught me. I will always love and remember you.

 

You will always be a part of my eternity.

 

Going back to Airports have always been the worst part of going to Uni. I would like to put this in simple words as possible, IT SIMPLY JUST SUCKS. There is no easy way ever to make this process a less painful one.

I can never get used to it. I would like to say that someday I would hope to change that, but as i keep growing up and with time moving on so fast, it seems to get tougher every time. 

Whilst on the way, I looked at the streets, the lights shined bright but not the type of bright that would make you happy and heart content. It was the type of light that made you remember all the special moments in your life. It was the type of light that remindes you why you fell in love with it the first place. It was the type of light that would make you not want to go back. It captures you and makes you want to see it every single day, for the rest of your life. It traps you in a trance. It’s magic that you never want to let go of.

As I was nearing the destination, I gave the old memory box a quick look and winded it. I replayed each one of those memories. It was nice but felt sad, every single time.

I would not go into the details of the airport check in process because I dislike it immensely but I would give you an insight on how it all went down when I had to say goodbye.

Every time I took a step to leave for the check in, I would go back to return for that one last hug. I did not cry but as soon as I gave that final goodbye, I walked and then came the tears. I did not let them see me cry because I woudln’t want them to cry too. I wanted them to see me happy and content. That’s the least I could give them for being the good parents they are, and I left to return back to my life here, at Nottingham.

 

So that was it

Those four days marked the end of an era

And on the last day, I had my one last look 

 

 

Happy, Aesthetic and being Productive

I love to get into this zone pretty quick.

Lately I have been addicted to watching Youtubers again and watching them work and thier week in thier lives videos gets me inspired, productive and happy to do my own tasks.

It gets me into a better mood and I am instantly drawn to work hard and be productive. What is it about Youtubers and thier videos that makes you want to do that?

Also listenting to happy music, mostly old disney throwbacks and also songs from Musicals or songs that sound like the ones from Musicals.

It’s easy to get into that mood but also equally very quick to fall out of it. This mood itself is a vibe and a state of mind. Pure happiness arises from this for me.

 

So I have decided to call this mood, ” The Hap” 

I get into The Hap by following some of these steps. Often I like to mix and match out of the lot. Sometimes, just doing one out of the bunch gets me going fine. 

 

1. I get into this zone by first watching some good Youtube videos from my favourite channels.

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Different days, different emotions, different channels serve different purposes.

Currently I am loving everything that Danielle Marie Carolan has been uploading. Her videos give me a sense of productvitiy, happiness and well aestehtcis which gets me hyped, interested, motivated and energized to do my work. On the top of my head, the youtubers who inspire me are Ruby Granger, Studywithjess and Kalyn Nicholson.

This also includes podcasts, they sort of set me into the mood that I wish to go into. Gals on the go is one of them also a podcast series by Kalyn Nicholson on I-tunes that I have started listenting to.

2. My hype songs are an instant mood blaster. tumblr_nkgpyaTYSj1racovbo1_500.gif

This usually comprises of old school music from my past. The nostalagisa energy songs and also the songs that give out those good vibes. It can take you into a totally differennt path or give you the enerhgy you need. It again depends on what mood you are in and what mood you want to see yourself in.

For starters here are some of the many songs that get me going.

  • Avicii: The Nights, Wake Me up
  • Frank Sinatra: New York theme, Fly me to the moon
  • Echsomith: Bright
  • Michael Buble: Haven’t met you yet
  • Old Cartoon, Disney and Nicklodeon Songs such as those from High School Musical, Hannah Montana and more
  • Ellie Goudling: Burn
  • Taylor Swift: We are never getting back together, Shake it off
  • Brigit Mendler: Ready or not
  • One Republic: Coutning Stars
  • The Wanted: Glad you came, Chasing the sun
  • Any song by One Direction
  • Panic at the disco: Hallelujah, I write sins not tragedies, Emperor’s new clothes, Miss Jackson
  • 21 pilots: Stressed out
  • Fall out boy feat Demi Lavto: Irrestible
  • Jonas Brothers: Burning up
  • Olly Murs: Trouble maker
  • Owl city: Shooting star, good time
  • Carly Rae Jepsen: I really like you
  • Enrique Iglesias: Bailando the english version
  • Alvaro Soler: Sofia, El Mismo Sol, Libre
  • Monika Lewczuk: Ty I Ja ( In this song, it’s more of the video and it’s aestehtics.)

3. After the long productive hours of work, a break is always well desreved. So I sit and watch some of Youtube or a good comedy show on Netflix or I just watch cartoons because they just make me happy and ends up helping me loose up all the stress knots.

4. A small work out. It really does help, even if it’s walking for 20 minutes or a seven minute excercise. It helps your body just energize and fresh. That’s how it helps me. It motivates me to do more and I feel that I can conquer the world.

5. The weather also plays a role.

Over here in Nottingham, it’s quite unpredictable but I can figure out most of the time. My essentials are a jacket, umbrella and gloves. You have no idea when it might get cold. So I usually prefer the days where it’s sunny and cold with a sligh grace of rain which infact did happen and resulted in a very beautiful rainbow that did cheer me soul mate.

Back in Dubai, I just used to walk out on the streets at the peak of sunset. It sure was a beautiful tranisiton from dusk to dawn. The beaches are also the perfect solution.

6. Walks usually also do the trick as well.

Maybe after a well desreved study session or before a study session, do hitch the roads. With some good music, you are good to go and it helps a lot. anigif_enhanced-buzz-12080-1374000468-32 This mostly are the ways I would like to end my day with, but morning walks do also bring an instant glow up to the whole day.

I love walking during these two times of the day, one is the early morning, before the sun rise and the later is the one after the whole world falls asleep and I am there with my music all alone and the world being my stage, I am free to do whatever I wish and want. Peace, solace and comfort is what arises out of them and I couldn’t be more at home.

980xDriving at the nights is also one of the best remedies to ever exisit in this world. The feeling that you get out of it, it’s pure magic.

It’s just you, the music and the whole wide world.

 

7. Right now, the holidays seem to be coming.

November and then BAM December.  ThankfulGleamingArcherfish-size_restricted.gif

Tis the season to be jolly.

So the christmas music is what also gets me going!! Last Christmas by Wham has always been my jam when it comes to the holiday seasons. My productivity level also seems to increase during this time of the year.

Seeing the streets light up and the mornings bright up sure does whisk a sort of magic in the air and in me.

 

Why wait for 2019 to start of on your visions and ideals? Any time is the best to get into what you wish, want to be and want to do. It’s your hard work and dedication going in anyway, no matter what day, year and time it is.

So why not start now than later?

– Roshni Marath Jairaj

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thoughts in the sky

In the admits of the clouds flying and soaring high amongst different shades of colours. I see all possibilities of a happy time but none can comfort me at this moment.

Right now I am in a moment of nervousness and sadness. Even if it was coming to Dubai for 4 days for an urgent matter, it felt out of place.

I should be happy going back to home for at least a small time shouldn’t I, but then why am I not?

 

The night before the journey

I was afraid to sleep, so I drank a cup of coffee and I usually never drink coffee because I have always found a bitterness to it but now that was what I needed to stay awake throughout the night.

I spent the night watching 3 of my favorite movies and eating snacks.

I took a puff to calm myself down, and it helped for a bit but then I fell back to the same old system again

It took me some time to adjust myself to the routine I made for myself. I was interested to go for my classes this year because I got to choose the modules I wished and wanted.

I was interested because I got into a good volunteering program and it upsets me to know that I won’t be there for the first meeting of the project.

I did not want to leave the life and my friends just for four days that would disrupt my whole life pattern.

I was trying to be happy, going back to my mom, that’s one bonus I am acquiring and her home made food, but I still am not calm about it. I also had the chance to meet two of my best friends after a long time and I got to admit, this was the best highlight.

And I know once I reach, I will find it hard to come back to Uni because that’s just me.

Once I land Dubai, I know it’s going to take everything in me not to fall apart and wish to stay there for as long as possible. I would wish and pray for those 4 days not to end and on the day of departure, I would be a wreck and I need to start adjusting myself again.

This is the process that I hate and absolutely despise.

But I find myself ready to come back to Uni, I am preparing myself.

Not to cry, not to fall apart. That’s the power of home, once you even take a step into it, you are gravitated right into the center and it would take all your wits and mights to break free from the force.

 

 The moment the plane landed in Dubai 

I knew the timer started to set for my return to UK and that’s the hardest part but now I am calm with it

Listening to some good songs helped me out and whilst I am here I am going to try and not focus on that

Uni ain’t that bad and I am finding it really lit and happy this year,  and I can finally call it home because of the place and the people who made it special but, there will always be that but.

 

The day to leave

A few hours left to go.

I am feeling alright, not great but exisiting and being alright.

I am excited to get back to the routine that I have made for myself. I am eager to study, be with my friends, make notes, be in my room and have my alone time.

At the moment, an overwhelming surge of sadness and heart break has taken over me. Leaving my mom and Dubai never became easier.

But this is all for the best.

 

What we go through now, it’s all helping us prepare for a greater change and life. All these emotions, feelings and changes are my lessons. I am trying real hard to be the type of student who learns from it and use it at some point in life. Or just learn and deal with it for the fun of doing it.

– Roshni Marath Jairaj