The Take Out

I sit out on a bench looking at the street looking at the various buildings that exisit to serve some purpose

I sit here outside this cafe waiting for my pizza and cheese fries on the go. To pass some time, I listen to my playlist “My Indie Vibes” . Each song somehow suiting the mood I am in 

The sun is at its best now, I guess. 

It shines not very brightly but bright enough to give off a warm glaze off it when looking at it. The time to be a beautiful evening sun. The evening sun you see in movies, everyone coming back from work and watching the city bustle. 

Then I hear a shout of my name to which I get a heart attack. It was my dad coming from work tired and happy listening to country songs. He gets very excited about these songs 

Before him interrupting my thoughts, I guess I wanted to write something. Yes, I remember what it is.

I had quite the day today. Shopped out of my budget. I do not like shopping for clothes for myself. This does not mean I do not, I just find it tiring and well if I like something, I try it on and will buy if I have the money. That’s what I did. I was very testy and pissed having spend off my money.

Then my mom told me why save up and save up if you are not going to spend on something that makes you happy. This advice calmed me down and I saw the happy side to it. I got some cool shirts to wear. 

After all, this saved up money was not going to be of any use in hell, perhaps as a bribe to get into heaven. 

Then while going back home, I saw this old man on a wheelchair selling packets of tissues. It hurt me physically causing me to whimper. I can’t stand watching people in despair and beg. 

So I went up-to him and bought two packets of tissues, a dollar for each packet. He handed me three to which I declined first but he insisted with a happy smile to which I smiled back and then took. 

I can’t forget that smile and never will. I guess that smile came from happiness that finally someone noticed him and gave him money for the first time or he was joyous that he was closer to affording a meal. 

I got to thinking what different people do to survive. It aches me. I told my mom that whenever my mom and dad come here, when they see that man, they should always give him some money. I can’t wait to grow up, get a job and do my bit for them, for people who need the help. It makes you think and know you got it quite good. 

Later as my mom and I were walking home, we saw a small cute child carrying a trolley bag holding his father’s hand who was leading him along. The boy looked unwilling and looked as if he wanted to go out and play rather than do whatever they were going to do. 

This got my mom reminiscing about my past, my school life, particularly my year 10. The most stressful and worst year of my life in school. 

There was this insane pressure to achieve and I knew I couldn’t. I just didn’t understand Maths and Science. It was not for me and I tried so hard and I achieved the grade I wanted and I was happy. I got the grade I deserved. 

My mom told me she was so afraid of me not passing Maths and I told her it was hard. I had to memorize formulas and sums to get that grade. 

I despised every bit of my 10th grade, the tuitions, the pressure and the stress to get that grade because society and outside family would judge me if I don’t get it. It was awful succumbing to these pressures. 

Then some or the other conversation happened with her to spark this one I am going to write about.

I told her about how some teachers were not good to me. They undermined me, thought I wouldn’t make it and she was so shocked and upset because I did not tell her this back then. I knew she would wreck their worlds if I told her, so I kept quiet back then and just went with it. 

I told her that when in year 12, when I became a prefect and one time when I was passing her, she said “oh you got it?” in a very sarcastic tone. 

I was hurt but I forgot about it. Clearly I haven’t done a good memory forgetting it if I still remember it now. 

This is why year 11 and 12 were the best years of my high school. I was doing subjects that I loved. I got a chance to prove myself and start anew. I found myself and found great friends in a great class. I thrived. I got so many opportunities that I would never get back then. 

Back to the present moment, The takeout. Some time passed and I got the meal, my dad paid and we were walking back home. My dad listening to his music in the evening sun and I beside him dwelling in this sad spiral. 

I wanted to have some sort of talk and comfort with him but he was dwelling in his music and I didn’t want to ruin that. In that moment I knew this is how my parents felt when I am engrossed in laptop and phone all day. That feeling hurt and I am sorry that you have to go through with it mom and dad. 

This sad spiral I was in was due to earlier incidents.

This is exactly why I choose not to talk about the past because many of it brings me pain. My technique works just fine, forget about those bad times, suppress it down/forget it and move on. Talking about it now just made me more upset. If I talked to someone back then, it would probably be better and not hurt so much like as of now but at the end it’s always going to hurt the same. 

This is exactly why I choose not to talk about many things from my past or from my present  because they always tend to leave me in this sad wallowing misery. 

Now I have to smile and pretend to be in this happy state in front of my mom and dad because I don’t want them to be sad and up in my space. I wouldn’t have been sad if not for talking about the past. 

This is exactly why I like my technique. It doesn’t hurt anyone, probably me but I have been dealing with that tiny hurt for a long time, so long now it’s just normal. I am okay after a while. 

Now I feel much better writing it down and presenting it out in the open. 

What an irony? I say I don’t want to talk about it yet I write about it and show it to the world. Huh. 

Washing the dishes

Many things are therapeutic to people out there, and thankfully I am happy to have found mine and that is washing the dishes

I like cooking as well, I like to cook for myself. I do not like to put on a show. When I cook for myself, I feel as if there is no one to judge me but just myself. So I prefer to do it that way.

I like watching other people cook and mostly that’s chefs in movies or shows. There is something very exuberant in the way they handle food, pick out the ingredients, the aroma, the whizz in the air, the splitter and splatter of food, the clashes of the cutlery, the whisking, the tossing, the colours, blending in all the ingredients and the final presentation of the food. A wow indeed. It is a very immersive experience. I like it for all that.

After the food, comes the dishes. My favourite part, a part where I am in my zone. I feel very connected when doing the dishes. I guess it lies in the way it makes me feel, very peaceful and calm. It was a welcome ritual that soon turned into a tradition.

I also cannot stand a dirty sink piled up and I need it to be cleaned right away. So I like doing it. It’s a nice responsibilty that brings me joy, very few responsibilites tend to do that.

I roll up my sleeves, take off the watch or not take off the watch and then proceed into the cleansing. My fun begins then.

As I take the sponge with a drop of the liquid to wash the dishes, I run it under a tap that somehow gives me both cold and warm water and I can feel it very distincely on my hand as I wash the dish. It’s not warm or luke warm water that pours but cold and hot in different directions refusing to co exist.

I let the feeling of it sink in as I watch the lather on the plate and then wipe away the dirt and the remains from the plate with several strokes from the sponge. I enjoy the prismatic gleam of the bubbles and sometimes I take some lather in my hand and then blow it off and I am a kid all over again looking at the bubbles in the air. I then squeeze the sponge to release the excess water and the dirt it soaks up and then move on to a new dirty dish.

I pay attention to the sounds that come out from this while I do the dishes. I listen gently to the water that hits the surface of the plate and then to the metal sink. It is with a light force.

As I listen to the tap run, I watch the sponge soak up the water and then pay attention to it as I slowly let go of the sponge draining the water making a swoosh sound.

Even after the dish is clean, I still like to run it under water and use the sponge to gently scrub the corner, surface and sides of the plate.

Very few times, I tend to dry the plates but when I do, I sometimes take my time with it.

I think a lot every time of the day but when I am here with the dishes, it’s just me washing the dishes.

Dish after dish, a steady flow of it. As it comes down to the last dish or cutlery, I know it’s time to start packing up and then get back out there to the world.

It’s a team work when doing the dishes, I love doing it and then my friend stacks it away in it’s respective places giving them all a break from their day’s work. Silence is in the air, we are in harmony. It’s all balanced and in sync.

I do like to keep workstation clean because I cannot stand a mess. So I take a tissue and then wipe out all the dirt from the counters, the sink and then throw it away into the garbage thus putting an end to a meditative session.

I found these two great pieces on washing dishes and one of the title of the piece is washing dishes and by no means I am copying this title because even before discovering this piece, I just wrote it down. These lines below express what I enjoy so much about washing dishes.

Look at dishes this way and washing up isn’t the shouldering of a burden but a renewal of the conditions by which all this — the talking, the eating, the communion — can happen again. (Your closest friends already know this; what more concrete expression of intimacy is there than a friend elbow deep in dirty dishwater, long after everyone else has gone home?)

As a religious person without a religious affiliation, handling a dirty sink isn’t work; it’s a sweeping of the altar.

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/04/magazine/letter-of-recommendation-washing-dishes.html

The fact that I am standing there and washing is a wondrous reality.

I’m being completely myself, following my breath, conscious of my presence, and conscious of my thoughts and actions.

There’s no way I can be tossed around mindlessly like a bottle slapped here and there on the waves.

http://time.com/4056280/washing-dishes-stress-relief-mindfulness/

That’s it folks. Give it a chance and you might like it. This is zen if you need it to be. This is crazy if you want it to be. This is nice if you want it to be.

I like watching food related movies and here is why

So I watched Chef, the movie long back and absolutely loved it. What’s not to love, food, making food, the journey, the sizzling and the close ups of making food. It was bomb in many ways and my heart always tends to have a soft spot for food related movies and shows.

An explosion of flavours, visuals and sounds are what always brings me back to these movies and shows.

Watching people cook and make these amazing food are magic. It’s science and art fusion. It also includes responsiiblity and organization. I like how Chefs show their immense love for food through their words and dishes in these movies. Food is one of the ways where everyone can just sit together and enjoy putting aside thier differences and conflicts. Food binds us all.

So recently on Netflix, the Chef Show got released and every episode is an aestehtic appeal of different foods, making food and having fun conversations whilst making them.

The dynamic between Jon Favreau and Roy Choi was absoutely bro friendship on so many levels. It was fun seeing them in the kitchen making these fun dishes and god how I wish I could eat and make them.

Roy being like a parent to Jon when cooking and helping him and also sometime undermining him. Hahaha. It was cute to watch and Jon being so curious and inquistive and saying “May I” to trying out new techinques in the kitchen or just following the chef. It was nice to see him so curious and interested to learn and cook.

I personally loved the second episode because the special guests were Robert Downey Jr, Tom Holland, Kevin Fige and the Russo Brothers. It was perfect and being an avid lover of food and Marvel, it was perfect.

There is also this one episode where they make the iconic dishes from the movie Chef, that Jon did. Watching them recreate that, oh my holy god. It was the most visually appealing master piece I have watched and watching them make that grilled cheese sandwich, it was bliss. I have tried to make it so many times but fail every single time.

The above clip is not from the show but from the movie. It’s the fast pace action that takes place in their food truck is what I like. Assembling of the sandwich, that melting of that oozing cheese. Oh my and that crunch. Ever since that, I have always been in hunt for Cubanos.

This grilled cheese sandwich is all what I aspire to make in life. Listen carefully to that sizzle when he places that sandwich, look at that golden browning of the bread making it so crusty and crunchy. Crisp on the outside and soft, tender and gooey in the inside. Who does not love a grilled cheese sandwich?

When he cuts the sandwich with that knife, hearing that perfect crunch is the most satisying thing ever!

What I also loved so much about this show is that before making this dish, they reveal what they make. That is present in all the cooking shows but what they do with this is that before making this dish, in a small animatiaon, they deconstruct this dish and show the ingredients that make up this dish. It’s a 2 second clip of the deconstruction of this dish and putting it back together. It just blowed my mind to be honest.

It was enjoying to watch and such a good way to unwind. The only disadvantage of this show was that it made me hungry so much and I only wanted to eat those food and nothing else.

Moving on to my favourite cooking movie of all time, Julie and Julia. What I like so much about this movie is the connection Julie and Julia share with food when they exist in different times. Through food, Julie shares a special bond which Julie who helped her from her soul sucking job. She does so by deciding to prepare Julia’s 524 recipes from her cook book over a course of an year and she maintains her progress and writes about in her blog.

I guess this is why it’s my favourite cooking movie ever. It has all my favourite elements. Writing, cooking, food, comedy and a good tale.

Julie making these dishes were just so connecting, fun and meaningful to watch. I am going to insert some of my favuorte clips from this movie and you shall see why I like it so much.

Having a good conversation over food, finding your spiritual calling.

What’s not to love about this scene? It’s butter, melted butter. How is this not the most heavenly scene? That creamy melted butter and Julie’s voice and words explaining what unfolds is a complete trance. I also love the fact that she writes about it and she has a way with words which just instantly grabbed my attention and makes me love this movie more.

I am a sucker for words and food.

I am proud to say the fact that I have eaten Boeuf Bourguignon. Its because of this dish in the movie that I took the courage to go out, try something new and I am embraced every flavour of it. I usually am very hesitant when it comes to trying out new dishes but that doesn’t stop me from taking the plunge.

In this clip, just look at that wonderful stew in that pot, the steam arising from it as she pours the wine, her explaining the connection she shares with Julia Child in that moment. What’s not to fall in love with?

And would you just take a look at that raspberry and cream. The pink and white colours blending to create the most perfect and tastiest pink dessert ever seen. I can imagine it being the most creamiest tasitest luxiourus grandest elegant piece of food ever put in my mouth.

Watching her complete her great grand success by making a hearty meal for her friends and husband and for herself is the cherry on top to a beautiful sunade ever known to man kind.

That toast and the monologue that takes place over this scene is so touching and emotional and a grand end to a great movie. Her voice so delicate and touching is what pushes it to a nodge.

Some of my other favourites are Masterchef Australia, The Great British Bake off. I do not mind the competion in these shows but what I enjoy so much again is the creative mind of these chefs in making and desigining their food. How they come up with such interesting takes on food and creating a completelty new dish. That is wow.

An other favourite is Ratatouille. My most favourite scene is none other than Remy cooking Ratatouille. Making a simple food but with putting all your passion and heart into it is what makes it the best and so elegant.

Watching Remy cook that dish, showing how to cook, his plating of the dish is just pleasing to watch and then the critqiue dropping his pen as soon as he takes the first bite. Now that is the IT FACTOR. The food hitting him close to home and reminding him of the good memories, watching him enjoy every bite of it and not resisting it’s power. He takes a break from his mean cold persona and just relishes in his food forgetting about everything else.

That is what’s called Being in the moment.

It’s inspiring to watch this movie because it shows no matter how small, big, you are. I like how he proved his worth, his skills and how he took that chance to show who he was.

He was not afraid to chase his dream. That’s a lesson we all can learn and remeber once in a while when we feel upset. Not to quit chasing and working towards our dream.

You can do anything as long as you have the passion and heart into it and also well a tiny bit of luck!

At the end of the day, food is magic created by the Gods and Holy Spirits to cure us from these horrible moments of life. In that moment, when food is there, you think about nothing else. A good time always comes out of food. Food is divine and the people making it are Gods.

I just wish I could just live, sleep and eat food and rest like how the Gods did. What a divine life that would be!

Doing it on your own

 

I like doing many of the things all by myself. It’s the time out of the day where I get to be away from the crowd and just be there on my own.

This past week, I had to get quite a lot done, so doing it on my own gave me a sense of independence and confidence that I am alright on my own and I can do it.

I feel that sometimes we need to do some things alone, or try to do them alone. It makes us realize that we can make it on our own.

Sometimes, after an eventful day, I go to this small restaurant that my dad and I went to, sit on the regular booth and have a meal all by myself. It makes me feel happy and at peace. It’s just me. I am okay with eating by myself at a restaurant, that doesn’t mean I don’t have friends or am lonely. Sometimes it’s just what I need.

I like to go to the movies alone at times as well, I used to do that at home. It’s not because none of my friends were there to go to for the movies. Like I said before, having alone time is sometimes what I need the most. I get to enjoy my thoughts and my presence. But that doesn’t mean I enjoy it always. I do it when I feel like I need a break.

I like to take the bus, sit and just take a few rounds. Go to the city and explore and walk around aimlessly not worrying about anyone but me. It feels good to sometimes let go and just focus on yourself at that moment. No one but just you.

Going for walks has also become my favorite way to spend some time alone. It feels nice to walk around with your headphones cranking up to those songs and walking. It truly feels blissful.

 

I feel happy”

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One of my main wishes is to Travel Solo. I want to know how it feels to explore an other country, it’s places and culture on your own. Just you and the whole world left to figure out. There will obviously be highs and lows, but that’s the challenge. To conquer it. I feel that you understand more and discover new aspects of yourself.

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When I feel like I am losing touch with myself or am not happy, I just take some time out, reflect and think.

Sometimes, you want to do things by yourself and not with your friends. You just want to do it by yourself. So how do you get around to doing it? Honestly, I never figured it out. So I do not do it, because doing it with my friends is another sort of experience and a special one and it means a lot to them.

But what if you had plans of the same sort with your other friends? What to do then? Do what feels right and you think is right and the best for everyone and yourself.

 

So I would like to end on a final note by saying that go out and explore the world and yourself. It’s alright if you want to do it with others or by yourself.

As long as you are in the right mindset, happy and free, then you got nothing to worry about.

Different people have their own different ways of living life, it’s good to try new things and mix it up. If you don’t like it, you now know…

You don’t have to do it again

Roshni Marath Jairaj