Why have feelings when you can toss them out?

Will there come a time when I run out of things to write?

Sometimes I imagine a time and a world where we humans do not have any feeling and emotion. We are there to simply exist and nothing else.

What would happen to the world and us?

If I did not have feelings, I would not be in unwanted situations and I think that would be nice.

A world where feelings and emotions were non existent. A world where imagination were non existent. What would become of us? What would happen to me? What talent would I or the world posess if none of us could react to it? What talent would I have or do if I did not have the feelings in me to decide?

If not for the above, would our world even progress? Would this world even be worthy to be called the name “world”? What a bore would that world be.

I often think and am always in deep thought about this situation. Why do I need to have feelings about anything? Why was I not given the ability to not feel and be unresponsive to everything? If that were to be the case, what kind of life I lead?

An easy one but it won’t be called a life.

Sometimes I wonder if not for my feelings, would I have anything to write? If not for the stories I am in, would I have anything to write? If not for using my imagination, would I have anything to write? Am I using the world to find stories to write? Am I using my emotions and feelings to write? But isn’t that what writers do?

It would become a world not worth living in but how would we know if we did not posesses the things that made us feel? This feeling of the world not being alive can only be felt when we possess that feeling but if not, would it be easy and warm to live in this comfort?

Many of the times, I am grateful to feel many things but I am also emotionally tired and utterly devastated to feel it. It is exhausting having to feel and wanting to feel. Sometimes I feel I should get rid of the parts of my brain that causes me to feel and emote.

I do not know what to do when I face emotions I don’t want to face even if they are nescessary for me to progress. I do not like to feel emotions that make me heavy in my heart. I do not like to feel emotions that are filled with tears. I like being in happy thoughts and being in a world where my fantasies come true, but that’s not possible and I am okay with it.

Maybe I can choose not to feel some of these things, but what good would that do to me if I can’t accept them as a part of me? I can’t run away from them and I don’t want to. Each of these feeling helps me somehow, I just am not sure how but I know they do help in some weird way.

I think I embrace them but not well. Who am I to determine that? I don’t know on what basis I am making this deduction.

It is the bad times that make us feel this way. That is when the good times help.

I just look out at the world and I am thankful for every feeling and emotion bestowed upon me. If I were incapable to feel, I would not have had the joy and sanity when I looked outside.

If not for these given feelings, I would not have had the capacity to fully immerse in wonderful experiences I have with my family and friends.

I feel happy when I go out for a walk listening to mellow tracks. That gives me the warmth and resolution to keep going and to be inspired. I have my faith renewed once again and a hope that I will do just fine.

I would not lie when I tell you that I am in a dilemma with matters like these. At times it seems so good but at times it only pains. I will always have my reactions to life and I guess nothing could change that. I could perhaps learn to react better and not let it hurt me more than it should.

These things are out of control and that is why being human is the most difficult job in the entire galaxy. It is a constant state of managing them in various ways best suited to you and for the world outside.



Breathing in.

” Never had I thought that the scents I would breathe in would someday become the dire drug my body needed in order to exist and often be used to rejuvenate myself back to life. This was that drug that needed to be taken in your life quite often to know that good and joy still exists. It’s a holy blessing.”

 

Disclaimer: Experiences might differ from one indivdiual to another

It was a normal day. Nothing ordinary out of the blue was going to make an entrance into my life.

Dad was coming back from Kerala, after his short visit. So the whole morning was dedicated to his coming. Mom finishing all her jobs in a panic and hurry was a sight my heavy heart had to witness every day. This routine was the usual dose a morning in this household could have. So far, no screams had been hurled because it was just the two of us for now.

I took my morning shower and then proceeded to help my mom ease the panic and the tension. So the first task of the day was to put the old newspapers out for recycling.

Taking the papers in my hand, as soon as I stepped out of the flat, the scent of the corridors eased my panic and helped me relax.

I was happy, I was the nostalgia happy.

For a brief moment, a short movie based on my memory of the happy days in Kerala played. The scent of the corridors took me back to the mornings of Kerala, at my mother’s place.

It started with a house beside the lake. Early mornings, I could hear the temple sermons and songs. That was how the small town woke up.

Later in the day, I could hear the birds chirp and that’s how I woke up. The curtains danced along to the wind, the sun rays lighted up the room and the breezy cold wind woke me up. This alarm clock was one of the world’s best invention and creation. It was my secret and also that of the town’s. It was solely ours.

My morning started with the scent of the warm milk my grandmother made for me.

Then later, the house was filled with the scent of flowers especially of Jasmine’s. We had a small garden at the back, so when we left the back doors open, the smell of that small garden and of the green plot would make its way into the house.

Soon, later in the day, my grandmother’s cooking would take up the scent of the air and it was one of the holiest smell I could ever remember.

Then as the morning events proceded, each scent would follow and arise from different tasks.

The washing of clothes and hanging it on the open terrace had a different smell of its own. I loved every aspect of it. Whilst hanging out the clothes on the terrace, I was gifted with the view of seeing my small town at it’s best every day till I left.

We always came during the monsoon reason, so when it rained. It was a bliss and an escape from the summer heat of Dubai.

When it rained, the drops that would hit the green trees, plants and leaves had a very pleasant smell of its own. The earthy smell when the rain poured down is a wonderful feeling and emotion. The raindrops danced on the roof and provided music to everyone’s ears.

Going through the events of the day, different smells and scents would fill up my nose and my mind.

The days of Kerala always carried the best scents and memories.

That was the end of the corridor whiff.

Now as I stepped into the house, another scent masked the house.

The scent of nostalgia masked again, something unexplained. Another array of nostalgic experiences masked me again.

The old memories of Dubai and Kerala, the memories of my family was dug deep from beneath my heart and was played in my mind.

The early mornings of school flashed through my mind, my mom getting ready to come along with me to bid a nice goodbye when I step on to the school bus. Then would come the afternoon where the fresh smell of my mother’s food would mask the entire house.

The afternoon naps, the tutions, the night rides and walks also decided to make its way into the movie being played in my head.

Then the good memories of the weekend also made its entry. Early morning fresh Agarbathi’s lighted by my dad and a nice temple song to wake me up.

It always fascinated me on how certain scents and smells could trigger some of the deepest fresh memories rooted in my mind.

What I have always liked about this entire process and creation was that none of the bad memories and events that took place in my entire life made even the slightest of guest experience in this head of mine when these scents evoked my memories. This was one of those experiences that had pure goodness and only contained happiness in them.

Later then, I would start missing it all but I was happy that I had these to cherish and they were only mine to be. I was happy and grateful that all of it happened.

How can those same whiffs of scents be recreated when I am at a place far far away from the source? How can these scents be recreated? Why do these scents play back those memories? How and why are always the two questions I have and I have never found a clear answer to it till this day.

This intrigues me.

Despite all my doubts and quests for an answer, The world is a wonder and so is the universe and the galaxy.

These are some of the mysterious workings of the world that I like and would always want as my constant wherever my life takes me and at any age.