I do not want to be a quitter

So my parents have this idea expected from me that I tend to quit some of the many things I seem to try. I would say that I simply run out of interest in them. I do not quit because it is hard, I just lost my interest in them and yes maybe one time, I quit because it became hard.

When I am about to start something new, my parents beat around the bush to tell me not to quit very subtly. ( Mom, Dad, you guys do not know how to be subtle… ) It makes me upset but I see where they are coming from. I have quit quite some things.

The past two years completely changed me in many ways. I have learnt not to quit very easily. I try my best and put in everything I have got. At the end of the day when the result comes, I know I did my absolute best. Even if the results are not favourable, I learn what needs to be done and then go for the run again. I know that nothing should or could stop me from chasing the dream I want to lead.

I will admit when the results are not in the odds, I do get crushed and burnt. When I want to get up and start, my mom is the one that sweeps away the ashes and brings me up again, like a Phoenix.

If not for her, I would remain to be crushed and sad for inhumanly as long as possible. She reminds me not to give up and go for it even if the odds are stacked against me. She is never dissapointed in me because she knows I do my best and she has taught me to see that as well.

This degree I am doing now, sometimes the odds are not in my favour even if I have given up my world and tried my best. Sometimes it is like that and that would want you to give up but then you need to always remember the bigger picture, the bigger dream and it is going to happen. That’s what makes me going. I have my faith, hard work, my belief in destiny and passion and I know that it will happen.

I try not to imagine the negative outcomes of the “what if”. Instead I imagine the endless possibilities of the “what if” which inspires me to try what I dream of.

This blog that I started a year ago has become a symbol that represents I have not quit. I started this blog to post what I write and feel and I am still doing it one year later. When I did not get the results I hoped for, I had it in me to quit but no, I continued to write and express. I remembered why I decided to start this home of mine. This blog that is present here stands as a symbol of my dreams and my strength. It stands as a form of my expression and dreams.

This home of mine proves that I can do anything and everything. I need to always put in my hardwork, passion and what ever I have got into any work my soul has set its heart onto.

I do not want to be a quitter and I won’t be one. If anything hard comes in my ball park, I will make sure to try and hit the home run out of it. If not a home run, atleast I would try to score some goals rather than be kicked out of the game.

Writing is grace

(If you would have the time, do listen to this song as you read this, it would create a special touch. Making this post as personal and emotional like me)

It has been one year since I started this small world of mine and I have never been more estactic in my life. I have finally found a way to share years worth of my works and many more to come.

This post is in honour to the passion that started it all. “Writing”

I watch these writers have a way with words. How they take the most simplest of words in thier language and turn into such a delightful art to be feasted upon.

I want to believe I too possess that skill of wooing myself and the readers out there. I want to believe that I too posess the talent to evoke and create emotions and feelings through what I write.

I like having these monologues with myself. The ones in the movie where the writer describes his/her life and the simplest of actions. As I write this I have this voice in me narrating over every bit of this piece. Watching the movie Under The Tuscan Sun gave me a creative inpsiration to write this.

I admire how the writers in these movies have a way to beautifully deliver their thoughts. With a voice so enchanting and filled with the most sincere and raw emotions, it is hard to not find yourself wanting to achieve that same level of grace.

To write is a a holy grail that many have seeked but very few sought have achieved. Having your way with words, stringing them together, achieveing the effect you want to. It is magic that I only dream of.

Somewhere deep in my small heart, I believe I have posessed this skill that I have seeked but frankly I do not know I know this or what makes me think I can say this. It is just a belief, a power to keep us going.

I do not know whose steps I follow or who I am inspired by? I can say that I am inspired by many.

Am I copying a form that has always been there or am I creating a path of my own with what I write?

What I write, do they achieve the effect of truth and originality like I wish for? Do they create a sense of emotion?

I do not know what people want or what they desire to see, but I hope my words and imagination can open up a world with new different possibilites and I sincerely hope that in this world that no one should ever have the overwhelming surge to fill in shoes for a person they don’t want to be.

In honour of one year of writing and more. Thank you all for being part of this journey…

The continuation of a new chapter

30th September 2018

The feelings of a teenage adult kid who began her year 2 at uni…

Tomorrow is a new day, a new beginning to the continuation in my journey. A journey that began long ago but is going by in a flash. A journey that I thought would go slow but took upon the pace and moved so fast that I forgot how I lived through that one year.

It felt like a long time ago.

Tomorrow starts a brand new year, my second year towards my degree. The year where ” my marks” begin to count. The one good final year before the next year.

Forget about the new year, new me, new resolutions. This is the time to start acting upon it. Why wait for a few months, for that new year. Just start doing it. That’s what I am doing because life doesn’t wait that long for you to act upon it. So we better start owning up as soon as we can because it’s for the better and in the long run, it’s worth it.

I don’t know what to feel for this new year, I am overwhelmed, anxious and excited. I am starting to focus on doing more things for myself and also for the future because sometimes it’s too late to realise that all the time you could have done doing something, you did nothing and sometimes well it’s never too late to start something new.

I am somewhere in between that state of mind, though I am trying as hard as I can to lean towards the first situation, doing things at the right time and not wasting as much time I did before.

Things are starting to get real. I always knew that, but in the first year, it was a trial and error year for me. I tried, I learnt, and well that was it. Now things are getting very real and a bit serious. Not a bit, very serious. I need to start giving that extra dose of reality to myself.

I have always admired and always liked to inhabit some characteristics of Riley. She was happy, positive and thought of the world as a good place and also the people in it.  She refused to see the bad, I believe. She didn’t exactly ignore it, but well she was different in the way she thought, and I found that to be a bit not me and realistic. She also had her upsetting and dark moments, don’t we all?

I wanted to be like that but then what good would do that to me? Why build that shield that would let you refuse the bad in the world? What good would it really do? We need to know and learn that bad exists in this world. How else would we prepare for that? How else can we survive in this world? Why hide that part of reality and life? We need to understand and learn that there are bad and good people. We can’t expect the people to play the role and character that we envisioned in our mind for them.

I believe in horoscopes and astrology a lot. At the time of my birth, an astrologer had written some predictions, visions based on my stars and time I was born. So far everything had come true in that. Good and bad. It says that in my future, I would be successful in my field of profession and passion, and I do hope that comes true. But I know it won’t happen in a stroke of luck, it takes time and hard work to make that happen.

We can’t expect the world to hand us what we want. We need to work hard for it. There are chances and possibilites out there for us to grab and hold on to, we need to sure we make use of it and not let it float by like an aimless balloon in the deep blue wide sky. There is no easy way out. I have a goal and a vision in my mind, and I want to see it happen. My fate may be destined, but how would it work without me taking any action?

That’s what I am doing now in my year 2. Doing as much as possible for my vision and goal.

I have seen my past, and it’s struggles. It taught me a lot, and I learned. I am not saying that my future won’t have its struggles. It will, but I won’t make the same mistake as what the people in my past did.

I won’t stress myself too much over it. I have the right amount of stress to help me because stress always helps me do better and to work hard. I have my own equation to doing life, and I am not a fan of anyone messing it up. When change is necessary and essential to that equation, I will do it. I wouldn’t want to force things to happen, but sometimes I do, and that’s when I learn more on life and discover what I like and don’t like.

Many things are changing. In a matter of time, I will be done with university, and it won’t be long before I am an adult with my own life and responsibilities.

I want to thank you life and everyone in it, I have learnt a lot, especially from that of mistakes of myself, family and friends. I am learning how to do with it all.

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The past, present and the ability to create the future are all in us. In ourselves contain the ability to change, crave and make that path. 

So that’s what I am doing now. Reading, Studying, Learning, Changing and Trying.