Going back “home”

This was written in Dubai a while back and I forgot to post it but I am doing it now…

Upright on the hotel bed I sit with my laptop trying to create sense of what I want to write while my lower body is snuggled up in a big white comfy duvet. I am trying to gather sense of what I feel at this point. I am confused. 

I am in Dubai now, my home or so I felt. I had come here along with my dad for a few days to meet my best friend and well to be in Dubai. I missed it and I wanted to know how my home felt. I was so excited to be used to the old comfort this home once gave me. 

It was around 4 or 5 am on a Friday that I reached. In this hometown, as soon as the people left office/school on a Friday, it symbolised homecoming and we welcomed the weekend. Radio Jockeys wished us to start an awesome and chill weekend and that’s what many of us did. As soon as Saturday evening rolls over, we knew it was time to say goodbye and a rather dull hello to a Sunday dawn, where we had to go back to life, school and work.

As soon as I stepped out from the airport, the humidity extended its welcome by fogging up my glasses. I knew I was home. 

It was that time of the day when the whole city was asleep and there were just a few cars on the road. Nothing much has changed except something. 

While going to the hotel in the taxi, I looked out with so much of fondness and nostalgia outside remembering every memory that took place wherever I looked. My dad and I reminisced at the memoires our family once made at these places. 

As I started remembering more, waves of memories hit from every place I went. When I looked out now, I felt like a stranger roaming around in known lands and not of a kid whose home this was. 

There was something so different in the air and in the atmosphere, I couldn’t put my finger on. I was staying in a hotel in Bur Dubai. 

Back then, I lived in a big old off-white building right here in Bur Dubai. My whole life was consumed by that building. The hotel I was staying in was just behind that big old building which was once home. 

As I looked around where my old home stood, there was so much of change not in the physical sense but more so in the energy and vibrancy of the place. It felt abandoned even though people live here. 

From the days I lived here, I remember how Friday mornings were an embodiment of hustle and bustle. Families went out to get breakfast and did their routine shopping from super markets. There was always something or the other going on and now no one in the streets. Maybe a person or two but that’s it. 

I guess it was the heat that kept people from going but back then, there was still hot scorching heat and people still went out. So, what’s different now?

I was a stranger now. I had been from my home so long, so long that I don’t recognize it any more. It felt as if home died the day I left. I am sorry. 

As I am writing this, I am still trying to understand what I am feeling. It is a pang of sadness and disappointment not because I left this home or some nostalgia. I am just sad and upset because I have finally realized I don’t understand my once upon home anymore. 

I feel guilty for wanting to leave this place. I feel like it is bad of me to feel guilty about this feeling because this has been my home for so long and how can I not like it? How can I just not like it anymore? 

Back in Singapore, I thought I missed Dubai dearly and would do anything to go back but now I have realized, I miss the life, friendships and memories I had. I want to go back to that old life in Dubai. That is what I wanted, not this new one I am put in. 

When I have to leave on the 7thback for Singapore, I don’t feel I am going to miss Dubai, the place. 

For a fact, I know I am going to be hurt when I leave my best friend who lives here. I surely am going to miss the places I always like to go to but again it was that life and that moment of that place. 

I am going to miss the luxury of looking at these places that remind me of my memories, yes, I am going to miss that not anything else I feel. 

When I say I miss Dubai now, I miss that old life, not the place anymore. 

I miss that life and the reason I feel I belong here or even want to come back is for that nostalgic memory and for my best friends. That is it, but when they leave, then what?

I guess I will still come but just for that memories. 

I am always going to be a Dubai kid, but not in the way some people have defined it. I am an old Dubai kid who loved her life here. This was my home once but not anymore. Dubai is always going to be a part of me. 

After all these years, I finally realize what home means. I thought home had a lot to do with physicality but no, as long as I am with my mom and dad and my best friends, I am closer to home. When I have to be truly at home, I also have to embrace the place I live at. I have to be happy and content with the life and role I am doing. 

I want to call a place home when I have it all going. 

Now I know what I missed all this while when I was at university crying, it was that life, that feeling. It is all clear now. 

It was not home I missed; it was the life I once had. 

Somewhere along the past…

( I do not remember when I wrote this, but when I read it, I knew this was me at one stage in life, probably around last year or might be in 2017 and I was helpless…

When I am stuck in moments like these, words pour out of me without myself putting any thought into it. I write and write until my heart and mind are pleased or relieved… When I later read those pieces, I am often astonished by the depth, seriousness and introduces me to a new side I haven’t met before. This side of me stays hidden and comes out when I am in deep thoughts or stuck in moments where everything fails except for words…

I have never felt more like a stranger to my own self when I read this.

I have decided to post more of these and express myself more for myself… I do not want to hide behind my fears… )

 

What has become of me? Right now at this very moment, I am confused and in a dilemma at all times. I am in a tough spot some of the times, maybe the majority of them. The world and the people in it are all a puzzle now. I seem to not understand what makes me me. It all seemed so simple back then, what happened now?

I can assure you it’s not life what has happened. Something else has changed and I can’t seem to put a finger on which part of the equation I have to fix in order to get out of this hole.

It was all easy a few moments before and now in the blink of an eye, I seem to be standing at no crossroad. I now stand at a path with various disruptions and continuations to many other paths. These new places and people confuse and intrigue me, reinventing myself at this point is not what I look for right now.

I feel like I have changed for the good in some aspects of myself. Change is a risk.

I would like to think it’s been good yet a tough ride to self discovery and achieving. I am honestly tired of it all.

Everything is a constant change.

Never have I felt more alone and complete at this point. I feel vulnerable yet strong somewhere along the lines.

I tend to finally feel at peace when I listen to songs that my soul cries out to in the nights.

Solace and quietness is what I look forward to now.

I feel like I have been real this entire while but there is also a constant void and lost sense of feeling that always lurks around. This feeling has partially consumed my body.

It won’t take too long for it to completely dissolve within myself.

I have brought out these new feelings in me which I am not used to. For the better or the worse, I do not know.

The most beautiful heartbreaking feeling in this universe is to keep all those pouring soul tearing emotions and thoughts in.

I want to tell it out but I don’t know how and I feel like I would lose some part of myself if I do that.

I have so many contradictions within me. There are so many undiscovered aspects of myself I want to know about.

Home has now become a confusing word. I feel nowhere at home except in the arms of my mom.

I wish I could hold onto everything that I love and not let it go.

I am tired of questioning myself. These questions now seem to wear me out.

Insecurities, fears, doubts have now established as a strong foundation in this body of mine and the process of discovering who I am beneath all this is in its works and is a long way.

There is a void in me which I don’t know how to fill

After all, Nothing is ever as it seems with me.

Why do time and life have to get in the way of it all?

 

-Roshni Marath Jairaj

Under the weather

When one feels under the weather, you know what they crave for the most?

Some warm soup and good TV to turn that dying cough into a tiring laugh…

Jokes aside and yes the above was a joke attempted and now you know how bad my humor is. Apologies for that, I am not feeling up to the mark as I am currently ill whilst writing this.

It’s a rainy day outside and I have shut the drapes to a close as I do not want my mind to lure into taking a walk outside where it’s cold, windy harsh and rainy. Not quite the perfect antidote to cure the sick, if one intends to get more sick than before, I suggest you do the above, if you live in a hot country, go under the shower, take a bath for the whole night and do not dry yourself up. You might get a cold, I haven’t tried that one yet. Tell me how it goes or not…

There it is, dry humor to avoid writing what I really feel now. Never had that problem before. This sickness keeps getting worse and tiring by each agonizing minute.

I feel like a sick and needy Sheldon and I like it… Dear Lord…

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As I mentioned before, I am sick, I have caught myself a little cold and I could feel my body plummeting down to the bottom of the pit where it feels impossible to get back up. I have also got the scratches as in my throat is scratchy and I dislike it because it pains me to swallow and well talk…

Despite all of that, I went for my lectures because I decided I did not want to fail in life and after seeing the lecture slides the day before, I realized I have the IQ of a peanut when it came to that module. So getting up today and dragging myself to campus for a lecture at 10 which talked half an hour to reach is quite the work in itself when you are sick…

I have brought some medicines for myself and I am a bit better than before. I can stand on my feet and walk for a few minutes without having the urge to slumber in my bed for the rest of eternity. That’s a success…

Throughout this day, one thought lurked around wherever and whenever my mind decided to divert itself. It was a soul-crushing reality smacking saddening thought that tore me.

Given the circumstances, I have granted myself permission to be on the exaggeration scale as my brain isn’t in the right mind to filter every thought that it went. My fingers are typing every thought that my mind is coming up with and they too have lost the game because they too have been infected by the plague that is taking over my almost lifeless body…

( How sick am I?)

Let me get to the point before my brain yaps more…

Why I started writing now was because I am trying to get myself to sleep and I can’t bring myself to sleep. So I tried to hold a book and bring myself to read it but now it’s simply resting on my belly untouched…

So the best way to describe how I feel is by words.

To tell you the truth, I feel sad, lonely, very cold and tired… It all started when that sneaky little cold caught up to me when I least expected it, and that was the Rookie mistake one. I was weak and it resided in me.

Rookie mistake 2: The heart’s desires and the mind’s compulsive obsession to ponder on everything that has the power to wreck me which is sadness.

I wish my parents were here or I was there back home so that I could just be sick and we’ll have taken care of. The love and care that you get is just a cure in itself. It’s part of the healing process, and over here I have to do the Adulting and Studenting (MADE UP WORD kids, do not blame me if you use it in your school or essay and teachers yell at you. Warning had been given. Do not choose to ignore, otherwise choose to face the wrath) all by myself. It’s too much for a sick child in an almost adult teenager’s body to handle.

When you are sick, you just want to sleep and not care about whether the world exists tomorrow or not because you are simply too god damn tired to think so. When you are sick, you want your loved ones to be beside you and take care of you… You just want to be home and be taken care of…

 

(Searching for the pictures below of parents taking care of kids when they are sick made me even sadder and reminded me of the fact that I was alone. So no picture)

 

I want my mom to cuddle me and lie down next to me saying I am going to be fine and gently kissing my forehead whilst placing ice cold towels on my forehead to bring my fever down. In the evening, I want to get up from sleep and sit next to my dad and talk and watch some TV with my family while my dad cuddles me that makes me warm. As night approached, I want to be covered in a heap of blankets prepared by my dad and sleep.

I want all that here but I can’t have it…

You get that sick day off back home but here, I can’t give that to myself because obligations and responsibilities come knocking down the door and force you to dress up and be ready.

Why did my almost teenage years have to end so soon? Why come a time when you are plunged into that world of making it on your own? Why can’t I just be where I want to be with the loved ones all in one place? Why can’t I have it all?

Over here, I have to wake up because I need to go for the lecture, if not I will get screwed. Then I have to take care of my own health which means figuring out what food to eat, making it or ordering it, then going to Uni which is the worst because I have to walk for 15 minutes to catch a bus and then go to uni… And later I need to go to the pharmacy to get some antibiotics because I wish to get better and not die from this sluggishness. And lastly, I just wish my parents were here to help me with all that.

At times like these, you know the sadness and the desperation of having someone with you, especially those you love and who you want…

But despite all this, you know what this has taught me: I am strong and mighty and I can make it even if I am on the verge of dying. It’s never easy but I can do it, with a few complaints along the way because that’s how I roll. That is the only one good thing I am taking out of the bad lot.

#Livingthesickunilife 

The lesson of the day: Being sick sucks and kids take care of yourself.

Enjoy while it lasts…

-Roshni Marath Jairaj

Farewell to my humble abode…

18th December 2018, this day was surely faced with a  mixed bag of emotions. On this day, I received the wonderful news which was at first devasting because me being me, I never ask for the whole details. I really should inquire about the whole rather than the half.

The news was that my dad got a wonderful job in Singapore which means we all had to leave Dubai, my home.

It was THE GOODBYE, I always dreaded and knew would come someday…

So at first, I was devasted because I realised this winter break was the last time I was truly ever at my home and also with my friends. Then it would all be packed off to Singapore… At first, I was not happy and carried a dislike to the place immediately because of you, my home was taken away from me. I had to say goodbye to it. I am not fond of goodbye’s and you made me do it…

A tip to myself and the people out there: Always remember to wait and listen to the whole details rather than staying at the half, and also ask whatever troubling questions you have about the problem. It may surprise you when the solutions are out there immediately. 

I vividly remember this day because I crashed down and broke into huge tears. This was the day I truly realized how much Dubai meant to me and the effects it had on me. It charmed me in and left me bewitched. I have been hooked onto Dubai for long as I can remember. That’s what home does to you. It’s a drug you can’t say goodbye to because it is embedded so deep in your system. You are never truly free from it.

Dubai was what kept me sane and happy. It was what I looked forward to when I came back from uni, indulging into Dubai after my experiences at uni was a comfort. When I had trouble at uni and I was so homesick and troubled by the life there, knowing that I would come back home was what that got me through those tough uncosonalble times, but now it it’s gone… The home and friendship comfort always soothed me, but now it was gone… But there are still ways to mend it…

I found out my dad got a better job at Singapore, so that means goodbye Dubai, my home for 18 years and hello to an entirely different place Singapore. I am looking forward to it, I am really excited to see what it has to offer for myself and my family. My dad and mom are happy and seeing them happy, it makes me happy. A new beginning for my family, I hope and pray for it to be a good new happy fresh start.

All happiness aside, I do feel gutted and upset that I am leaving Dubai, it has been my home for 17 years. I grew up here, lived here, roamed around here, made loads of memories and friendships here, but this wasn’t goodbye forever… The memories would stay on forever… It would always be there in me… I faced many hardships and many happiness from here, it has made me who I am. You were also a good teacher and master to me.

After the crying I did, my parents promised and reassured that I would come back here for my vacations and meet my friends and my home So I am not worried and upset about it, but it truly does suck having your home snatched away. Leaving the place where you call home, and then doing the adjusting process all over again. It takes time for me to adjust to a new place and that was evident when I had to do it in uni. If only, I could have listened before crying, but maybe it was good for me to get it all out of my system. Crying is one of the most effective ways for me to get whatever I have out. Crying is not a sign of weakness, it helps me get it all out and I feel much better. Talking with the right people also helps a lot, so thank you to my mom, dad, and my best friends for being there when I need to talk and for knocking some sense into me.

To my Best Friends out there, we all are growing up, changing, going into different directions and we may not be around for long at the same place. We all might end up in different places, but that doesn’t mean we are going to be lost forever never finding each other. I always manage to annoy and be by them whenever possible, which is through text, calls, and video. They are always there, no matter where I am and where they are. The distance is hard, it’s a huge obstacle, but we are there for each other. There are some friendships that are so strong and worth it, you and them would do anything to be a part of it because it’s too beautiful to abandon and let go. It’s a team effort, not a solo one to make the friendship work.

I knew that Dubai wouldn’t last forever for us. I did have to leave this place for good at some point. Eventually, we all would have to go back to India, but now there is Singapore offering us a bright future for all of us. I am grateful to Singapore for that.

So in a way, I am glad that the sooner it happened, the better. It gave me time to deal with it and accept it. It also gave my father one of the best opportunities. If not, who knew what would happen at that time?

How long can one live in the fantasy? It’s all about the change. That change is from where life gets its thrill from. It thrives on that.

Change is hard, change is easy, different people react to it differently. Accept change and don’t try to battle with it because, with time, that change be it bad, it will leave it’s lingering shadow some time or the other and be it good, it’s going to stick around and be there in your life. “Expect for the unexpected.”

Home is where the family is, right? So I hope that Singapore could eventually turn into a place where I can call it home. I am eager and looking forward to it, but saying goodbye to this place. It’s hard, but I am moving on with it better than I expected to…

Everything happens for the best. That’s what I am going by and sometimes things do happen truly for the best. I am going in it with the all the “high hopes.” (Any Panic! Fans here?) I could relate to that song because that’s also what my mama tells me.

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The last time I am going to be here staying in my home. As I am writing this post, this is my last day in Dubai before I leave back for university. 11th January 2019.

When I come back for my break, it’s Singapore. Hello Singapore, I await you…

Dubai, You have made me happy in all ways you can…

Ready to go home.!

 

In less than one day, the end of November will be marked. And then starts a new month that would mark the countdown of 2018. Arises a new dawn at 2019.

December 14th, my last day of the year at Nottingham. Ready to go back home for the holidays and then come back when the new dawn has already begun.

I am excited to go back home, very eager to set foot on the land I have deeply missed and ached. I can’t wait for each minute to pass by, as each day passes by, I am one step closer to going home and I couldn’t be more at peace knowing that soon, I would be back with my family and my dearest friends.

Been preparing for this return by crossing out each day in the calendar, hearing songs that remind me of Dubai and hyping myself up,  fantasizing about all the food I get to eat, the streets I would get to see again and mostly, the comfort of home all over again.

” Tis the best time of the year…”

But leaving this place, my friends is also an ache and pain it’s own. Oh, how dearly I am going to miss them. But home it’s been long. I will always be excited to go back, no matter what. That’s what home does. It’s a comfort of it’s own, but this too has also started to become home.

I have been preparing myself for the journey by listening to my playlist on Spotify. The songs that remind me of home and of all the streets, nooks and corners I have been to. Songs that remind me of the moments I have lived and breathed in. Songs that remind me of some of the best cherished excited alive vibes and feelings.

But as soon I hit the home, then begins the most fastest race of time anyone has ever seen. Why does time effortlessly and smoothly go fast? Why can’t it take ages and months for that one day to pass by? I don’t want to go back. This thought is there every single time and every single time, it hurts damn way too much. Why did I have to grow up so soon? Why did I have to grow up?

This is what my future is worth it. It teaches me how to deal better with the world and with myself. I find new strengths in me that I never thought I could achieve, I learn new things about the world and myself through the experience I have been put in.

Sometimes to get the engines running, all I say is everything happens for the best and then put on in my headphones and listen to the playlist I curated for myself. One of the many secret possessions I own to my heart.

 

” At every moment of my life, there comes a decision where has it’s pros and cons

What I like to do is see how it works for me and the people who I love the most

Sometimes, it’s hard to go with what you feel and need the most

And at times, that might be the one that causes the most pain to your loved ones

Just stop and listen to what you need the most and go for it

But also be prepared to face what’s coming next… “

– Roshni Marath Jairaj

 

 

Lately

Lately it’s been a bit rough and tough.

It’s been a while I have posted. This has been in the works a lot because my mood and mindset have been in the works a lot. So I am going to try and jot down every feeling i have had in this one tiny post.

I am not active as I used to be and I would like to change that, so I am trying hard now. Trying to post when I can, and I know trying is not the only thing in this component, I have to find time and make it work. I don’t want to let this go and I am not planning to.

With uni deadlines, procrastination and being sick, it’s a bit hard. At times like these you wish you could stop the time, go back and change something about the way you done, or just hire someone to do the job or just be a better version of yourself.

I have been in a funk with myself lately. Not being happy deep inside, feeling left out and alone, being stressed about deadlines and submissions, missing home, being sick and dying of cough.

So what to do when you feel like you are stuck in the deep pit of sorrow and agony? What to do indeed?

Sometimes it takes time, it took me two weeks to get out of it, and I still am not out of it wholy. At times, I force myself to get out of it by pushing myself to atleast work for a bit. It proves to be helpful, debatable?

A lot of thoughts has been consuming my mind. Time at times is not in my favour, everything seems to be speeding too much, I need to get a lot done, I want to discover and grab the opportunities out there. I feel as if I am not doing enough.

I just had an interview for a job last week and I got it!! So now, I feel very relieved and half of my stress has come down. I feel a bit better than before. A lot to be honest. I have started to work on my essays and I am completing them before time.

Kids always do your work before time, atleast a week before, get your research done because the stress of stressing on it and not doing much is the worst. So that’s one friendly piece of advice I would like to give y’all.

So what to do to ease yourself when you find yourself in the tough spot?

  • Sometimes time just takes a bit longer than usual to help you, that’s what I have learnt. Just try changing something about the way you do things. When it comes to work, I find that getting a headstart is always good, so far it has helped me because I know how lazy I can get.

So I have been taking it one day at a time and it helped. 

  • Spend some time alone or with friends. Do it the way you want to. Try not to think about mind succumbing thoughts, so I think being with your friends takes your mind off it, but at the same time that is always there in the back of my mind. I overstress in my mind a lot and sometimes it gets me to really bad places and moments where I can’t breathe, think or just exisit.

It just continues and then stops. Then starts again.

  • I try and block out the world with my headphones and it’s music. ( Subtle promotion and of the fact that I have headphones)

 

  • Right now, what I am doing to get my mind off it and to realize what’s going wrong in my mind is by writing it down. It helps in a very subtle yet powerful way.

It’s a silent way to express myself to myself but comes with it the strong words and sentences that help me understand and gain a bit of clarity.

  • I wasn’t finding the right word until now to describe myself. I do not know if it’s a good or a bad thing but when I was talking to my best friend, we got to talking on what type of partner we look in for and she said that the guy who I end up with should deal with me and my mercurial self.

So that’s what I am doing. Trying to find a solution to contain this mercurial self or try to be in that one mood. I like to change my mood and mind often. I just can’t seem to stick it to one mood.

 

Sometimes, I feel like I write about the same thing over and over again just in different words, sentences, phrases and titles. Probably it’s just what I think of a lot. I do think of loads of things a lot but usually that happens in random outbursts during any time.

If only my brain was connected to a laptop or a piece of pen and paper that wrote every thought about every weird thing that I thought of. ( SIGH )

Wouldn’t that be one interesting piece to read about? It would also be a good way to orgainze my thoughts. Like I said writing helps me organize my thoughts.

Why can’t humans be organized like the way we organize our shevles, clothes and more? Like why can’t they be orgaznied like a librarry? How cool and wicked would that be? it would make my life so much easier but bland. I want a bit of mess and chaos to run wild and free in the human system. That’s what makes us so fascinating and intruguing to understand and learn about.

I am not much of an extrovert at all, I am in the midst of an introvert/ambivert leaning a tad bit more to the introvert side here because different place and people bring out a different version of me that is true always, but with people who I ain’t real close with, you could guess what happens. If not, I either get super super awakard and be silent or I just pretend to pay attention and talk.

Sometimes I am a walking singing dancing clumsy gal and then comes those days, where I want to be left out and be the most silent person in the world, and then comes the part of me which always thinks about weird dangerous stuff. I have a whole lot of moods that people haven’t seen yet and one day, I wish there was that one person I could show it to, be it a friend or a lover.

 

Right now, I feel alright. I got a majority of my course work done and as I prepare to end this piece, I am greeted with the pitter patter sounds of the rain hitting the glass and that of the ground.

All I see are the clouds and a dark night and in it pours down the rain that comforts me. All I wish, hope and pray is for the best to happen.

 

I guess when people ask me what I think of myself, I am just gonna be like

 

” I am mercurial.

I don’t know how to desrcibe myself.

I guess I am alright.  “

– Roshni Marath Jairaj

One Last Look

Friday 26th October 2018

It was time to leave again. It was a short visit for four days to home to resolve an issue.

Taking a break from uni and going back for that short time was just diffcilut because I was used to my routine and breaking it and leaving felt hard because I knew when I would return back to my routine, I would have a hard time adjusting to it again.

Life surely had it’s ways of working.

After those 4 short days, I was going back to university, a life that I was starting to love and enjoy. But right now, I couldn’t savour it because I was leaving my home, my past, my childhood, my memories, my nostalgia, my essence for good.

I was leaving this part of Dubai, Bur Dubai, My home for 18 years and moving into a new unkown tritory somewhere in Dubai, but not that I can call it home.

As I was getting ready to leave the flat, a few minutes before, I went around my small home and gazed and loooked at every nook and corner in every room. I remembered the 17 years of my life, the life that I spent in this building and neighbourhood.

Bitter sweet ones they were.

I smiled, but it was a sad one.

With my bags ready to go back, I stepped out and as soon as the doors shut, that was it. It was the end of an era.

I looked back, wished and dreamed that it was all a bad nightmare. A nightmare that I could wake up from but it just kept going on. It did not stop to comfort me, instead it just moved ahead.

As we got into the car, my mom held my hand. I looked at my building, the streets, the night lights, the shops, the roads and I kept looking back and I did not want to say goodbye. Not yet, probably not ever.

She couldn’t help but hold my hand tight and say that we will be back here for drives and visiting, but we both knew it would never be the same. I looked around the streets again, I  was trying so hard to fit all of it into my brain at one go.

In that moment, I felt that living there my whole life wasn’t enough to capture everything. I needed more of it. I did not want to leave something so comforting and familar, it had it’s flaws and horrible times but it was home.

The home that was there for me throughout my life. It felt too hard to let go.

It felt as if I was slowly letting it all go, forcefully. Someone was taking it away and there was nothing I could do but simply watch as I let it slip through my hands.

 

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It was hard to follow and understand what Robin said, but when I think about it.

It’s true. Sometimes things had to change and I should be greatful that I wasn’t leaving Dubai. I was moving into a new place with new beginnings. That is something to look forward to. More memories.

It was just that small part of my heart I had to say goodbye too. It hurts and breaks every single time, but in time it would be healed and fixed. It would still hurt to think about it but maybe, a bit less than before.

I thank you and love you so much home, for what you have done and taught me. I will always love and remember you.

 

You will always be a part of my eternity.

 

Going back to Airports have always been the worst part of going to Uni. I would like to put this in simple words as possible, IT SIMPLY JUST SUCKS. There is no easy way ever to make this process a less painful one.

I can never get used to it. I would like to say that someday I would hope to change that, but as i keep growing up and with time moving on so fast, it seems to get tougher every time. 

Whilst on the way, I looked at the streets, the lights shined bright but not the type of bright that would make you happy and heart content. It was the type of light that made you remember all the special moments in your life. It was the type of light that remindes you why you fell in love with it the first place. It was the type of light that would make you not want to go back. It captures you and makes you want to see it every single day, for the rest of your life. It traps you in a trance. It’s magic that you never want to let go of.

As I was nearing the destination, I gave the old memory box a quick look and winded it. I replayed each one of those memories. It was nice but felt sad, every single time.

I would not go into the details of the airport check in process because I dislike it immensely but I would give you an insight on how it all went down when I had to say goodbye.

Every time I took a step to leave for the check in, I would go back to return for that one last hug. I did not cry but as soon as I gave that final goodbye, I walked and then came the tears. I did not let them see me cry because I woudln’t want them to cry too. I wanted them to see me happy and content. That’s the least I could give them for being the good parents they are, and I left to return back to my life here, at Nottingham.

 

So that was it

Those four days marked the end of an era

And on the last day, I had my one last look