Feeling things

12:00 AM July 22nd, 2018

Quite a day, today was.

Screams of my mom and myself filled the air. The usual.

Emotions were thrown and hurled around.

Pains and misunderstandings were on the minds.

But as night dawned upon us, it faded away into nothingness.

Apologies and amends were made.

We returned back to the loving bunch we were.

Yet somewhere in our minds and hearts, the marks of it are always imprinted.

 

This day, I was made to feel different feelings and emotions from different sources. Every day, I do feel something or the other, but today was different, like some of those other days. 

Reading and watching “Call Me By Your Name” overwhelmed me with emotions. It made me understand more about love and the pains of it. The ending of the movie, it’s raw magnetism, the character breaking the fourth wall with its heart-wrenching tears and realization.

A Netflix movie “Margarita with a straw” made me vulnerable and emotional. I learned about difficulties, challenges and changes.

Again, Netflix does its miracles by throwing me into the jaws of a documentary, “Dark Tourist” I learned quite a lot about the dark culture of different countries and also the dangers of some. A very intriguing and new concept and to watch the journey unfold was quite the enjoyable time. Taught me a lot.

David does justice to the show as well as to himself. I found him to be the type of person I see myself becoming very close friends with. I would say some of the interests are not up my alley, but I wouldn’t mind friends who do it, because I would like to get into the brain and know all their experiences through them.

I also find his accent very energizing, interesting, unique yet calming. Not afraid to speak out what he feels about the experiences and I love the way he is not afraid to push his limits into trying something new. His commentary, never unnecessary, everything just plays out right.

We get to experience a lot through people like them. These kind of people are one of the wonders and miracles in this world.

David phrases it quite well in fact. His words on Dark Tourism is “Escaping normality to stumble onto something beautiful and unexpected. ”

One of the philosophies I keenly and heavily follow. I escape reality and go into my mind because it’s a world created by me to do anything I wish and desire. A world to come into when I am upset, happy, excited and much more feelings.

Out of this, I feel a lot of things, but nothing ever sad.

I am the audience and the actor in this movie of mine.

Something just for myself. A place to unleash my unwanted and wanted thoughts and dreams. 

It’s a world of mine where no one could ever tarnish or bring it to ruins with their words and self. A world just for me to devour.

How much ever I put it into words, it simply isn’t enough to describe how much it means to me and why. Maybe, sometimes no amount of words could equate to the feelings.

Everything in this world teaches us one thing or another. It’s always exciting to learn. A process I hope to never get tired of. 

 

 

 

Amidst​ all the books.

I entered into a beautiful trap. It was a trap right from the start. I knew it but I went in.

At the entrance, it gave me a chance to let go of my worries and I hastily took it to enter the world of words.

Far away from all the crowd, I spotted a small bench and sat down amidst all the books. Every story looked towards me. Everything was within my reach. I felt at peace.

The covers of the book charmed me. I read them front and back. I felt excited!

I  looked and gazed at all the wonders the authors left for me. I fell into an enchanted trap.

Amidst the crowd, I held the two books that caught my eyes.

I sat down in a spot, far away from the eyes of the crowd. I gently opened the first page, admired it, flipped each page and thus I began to read.

After a short while, I looked up at the world around me and I saw it all.

Different worlds under one roof. Any book that I held in my hands, refused to let me go. I refused to be taken away from my world.

Once the thoughts tried to make its way back, I started to get back to my reading. The music played soothed me, yet I got worked up as each page turned by. Time seemed to halt for a long pause when I was here.

Hours could pass by and I never was aware, because it was all a part of an elaborate scheme in works. It was all a beautiful trick, a trick of feeding on my emotions until the very end.

I was oblivious to the happenings of the world and the crowd around me. This was a world where I was persuaded and allowed to take breaks from life.

Perhaps this was why it played its tricks, it could have been its way of acting out on the pain inflicted on taking some of its heart away. Or it wanted some of its heart to be taken away. It might have enjoyed it.

Two sides existed, one can never know which one it chose and which one it was forced to end up being. Or it could have ended up with its favorite choice as well.

This was a world where manipulations and trickery were at its level best and it worked its enchantment quite well.

Those who survived had a gleaming pride on their face because they got to take a huge portion of this world’s heart with them, and for those who couldn’t as much as they liked or couldn’t at all had their hearts toyed with, they had a sliver of hope yet were dismayed.

Over here, hope existed despite all the pain.

Despite all of it, this place took away my worries and sorrows.

It became a place to indulge my mind and heart with the world of others.

It was a place that took me to places further and beyond within and from this spot.

It soon became the time to leave.

The moment I stepped out of the exit, I was forced to head back to a world of ruins and mind succumbing thoughts.

To help cope up, I brought a part of it along with me. It wouldn’t last long, but I accepted it and held it in my hands. I kept it close to my heart vowing to never let go. I sniffed the pages and instantly, I was brought back to a world of beauty and tranquility.

I was a lost traveler until I stepped into your world. No questions arose when I came to you. You are a force that kept pulling me to you and I vow to always be in that loop.

Thank you and until next time.

( The featured image is taken by my dear Friend, Raveena.

This is one of the bookstores I love going to. I wrote this when I was here sitting on one of the spots with two books in my hand. Bookstores and libraries are where I feel at peace and at home. I have this dream when I own a house, a room dedicated just for my books and to every book out there. A room filled with treasures overlooking the view of the skies and tall scrapers and at night, I see all the city lights within the comfort of a book in my hand and some good music. )