Writing is grace

(If you would have the time, do listen to this song as you read this, it would create a special touch. Making this post as personal and emotional like me)

It has been one year since I started this small world of mine and I have never been more estactic in my life. I have finally found a way to share years worth of my works and many more to come.

This post is in honour to the passion that started it all. “Writing”

I watch these writers have a way with words. How they take the most simplest of words in thier language and turn into such a delightful art to be feasted upon.

I want to believe I too possess that skill of wooing myself and the readers out there. I want to believe that I too posess the talent to evoke and create emotions and feelings through what I write.

I like having these monologues with myself. The ones in the movie where the writer describes his/her life and the simplest of actions. As I write this I have this voice in me narrating over every bit of this piece. Watching the movie Under The Tuscan Sun gave me a creative inpsiration to write this.

I admire how the writers in these movies have a way to beautifully deliver their thoughts. With a voice so enchanting and filled with the most sincere and raw emotions, it is hard to not find yourself wanting to achieve that same level of grace.

To write is a a holy grail that many have seeked but very few sought have achieved. Having your way with words, stringing them together, achieveing the effect you want to. It is magic that I only dream of.

Somewhere deep in my small heart, I believe I have posessed this skill that I have seeked but frankly I do not know I know this or what makes me think I can say this. It is just a belief, a power to keep us going.

I do not know whose steps I follow or who I am inspired by? I can say that I am inspired by many.

Am I copying a form that has always been there or am I creating a path of my own with what I write?

What I write, do they achieve the effect of truth and originality like I wish for? Do they create a sense of emotion?

I do not know what people want or what they desire to see, but I hope my words and imagination can open up a world with new different possibilites and I sincerely hope that in this world that no one should ever have the overwhelming surge to fill in shoes for a person they don’t want to be.

In honour of one year of writing and more. Thank you all for being part of this journey…

Watching Nature

I got tired of straining my eyes looking at the laptop and TV screen, so I decided to sit this one out by going out in the balcony and sitting on the wooden chair.

I took my phone with me, set it on the table and started to play a playlist as I became ready to stare out at the trees and the building behind it. It was refreshing to look at something other than a screen.

I immersed in the experience of nature watching. I was surprised and fascinated to see different shades of green on the trees. There was all kind of shades and when the sun shined on them, it glistened. I never observed that until now.

I thought all trees and plants had a certain type of green to it, never bothered to look that there would always be something more.

Then I notice the small birds chirping and flying from one tree to another. I never knew there were birds so small that existed. They were so cute to watch, it kind of takes my fear from birds because they are very unpredictable creatures.

It was heart warming to see these small birds flutter around the tree and drink the nectar of the pink flowers that bore from the tree.

I looked at the sky and the clouds and it were as if I was in a Pixar movie. It looked so animated which made me wonder how can this be so life like?

I started to wonder why was nature watching such a unique experience in my head? What made it so special? Why was watching and admiring nature an opportunity such a transformative experience that I had to write about.

A few few years ago, this was normal. Being in the nature, playing outside, looking at nature and admiring it was all so normal and mundane. Before I was hooked onto technology, this was the world we lived in. A world meant to be admired everyday. A world that I looked at but now can’t pay enough attention to.

While I was watching the trees, I couldn’t help but have an itch to write down all these thoughts on my laptop. I was worried about forgetting this experience and just kept replaying every thought I wanted to write about.

I realized this was wrong. This was not me being in the moment. If I had to be in the moment, I had to get rid of all these thoughts occuping my mind and just be there in the moment with nothing else but just a mind appreciating how beautiful nature is and how glad I am to be here. That’s what I did!!

I had to learn that I need not write every thought that comes to my mind and if it slips away, it is okay. If it is worth remembering and writing, it will come back to you no matter what. It’s okay to write about everything and anything but it shouldn’t come at a cost where your life revolves around recording every thought.

I forgot how much I loved watching everything around me as I sit listening to music. I had a few more moments of solace to myself when I was interrupted by my mother who then joined me.

I realised two things then, I liked being alone. I like having a lot of time to myself. I do not appreciate when people disturb my time alone.

The second thing I realized was I was glad my mother interrupted me. We shared a good conversation, talked, laughed and then just sat there in silence admiring the small birds and the city we had an opportunity to live in. I also like spending time with people I care about even if they cause a disruption to my alone time. Some great memories are often made like that, but that doesn’t mean they should do it often. I would still end up liking it and maybe wanting it more.

(Next day after nature watching)

I feel like I jinxed the nature that I admire out in my balcony because they are cutting down the trees now.

Why is it the moment I start to like this, they decide to cut it down depriving me of the simple joy of watching nature right outside? Stepping out and sitting in that balcony was how I decided to spend my time away from the screen and admire nature and the world outisde. All this was to be done in the comfort og my own house and now that was gone.

This means I won’t get to look at the small birds and hear them chirp. I won’t get to watch the sun rays glisten on the leaves. It hurts when something you like is taken from you.

My heart pains listening to the handsaw cutting through the bark. It just keeps going on and doesn’t stop. It doesn’t even pause to let my heart not be upset and get over it. It just keeps going wher and wherrrrrrr…..

It’s not a pleasant sound to hear something you like being taken away by machines. How are machines the downfall as well as the uprise to man’s kind?

There are still trees out but it doesn’t carry the charm it used to. It is not as high and as green I would like it to be but I guess it would soon be something I could get used to.

Choosing these choices

So I have been playing this game “Life Is Strange.” It’s a choice based game where each and every choice that you choose would affect the past, present and the future of the story and that of the characters as well.

I am not avid gamer but with games like these, I love to take my time and explore. I had also played two choice based games prior to those and those are Batman The Enemy Within and Game Of Thrones Tell Tale series.

I remember when playing Game Of Thrones, I felt so much of fury and rage when I witnessed the consequences of some of the choices. I did everything good, wise and I felt it benefitted everyone but as Game Of Thrones has the reputation of being traumatic, I should have seen it coming, but going through it on my own hurts a bit more.

When you make these choices, you feel more responsible because if things go awry, it’s your fault and there is nothing you can do but face the wrath.

This made me think about my life and the choices I am presented with. One choice can lead up to a consequence or a good outcome. Could you imagine if our lives were as brutal as these games? Someone’s life depending on our choice. If it goes side ways, the final ultimum is almost like death or something worse.

Life Is Strange is the game that invoked some serious thinking. It’s a game where you have the ability to use time to your advantage to change the past, present and the future. That power does come with a consequence tho.

Imagine having that type of power and using it to your own will. The things I could do and if I were given two or more choices, how would I choose? It’s a very tough scenario, but imagaine if someone had to choose it for you and you could do nothing but go with it.

What if we could look into the future with choices we have made and then go back and change some of the choices if we do not like it?

What if we try different choices and see where it takes our life to, if we don’t like it, we can come back and change it.

What if there was a time limit to these choices we have to make, if we do not choose within 1 minute or less, it is chosen automatically and then we have to live with it.

Is that how the characters feel? Being forced to play a game they are not interested in. It’s like Bandersnatch, a Netflix interactive movie where you can choose options for the character and they have to live with it with force. The character can’t do anything but go with it unwillingly.

I cannot imagine living life like that but wondering on it, sometimes it would be easier if someone else decides what I can do, so I can just blame it on them if things go wrong rather than going through the process of pondering.

But what fun would life be if it were in the control in an other man’s hand? We couldn’t then enjoy the frivolities of life.

I like watching food related movies and here is why

So I watched Chef, the movie long back and absolutely loved it. What’s not to love, food, making food, the journey, the sizzling and the close ups of making food. It was bomb in many ways and my heart always tends to have a soft spot for food related movies and shows.

An explosion of flavours, visuals and sounds are what always brings me back to these movies and shows.

Watching people cook and make these amazing food are magic. It’s science and art fusion. It also includes responsiiblity and organization. I like how Chefs show their immense love for food through their words and dishes in these movies. Food is one of the ways where everyone can just sit together and enjoy putting aside thier differences and conflicts. Food binds us all.

So recently on Netflix, the Chef Show got released and every episode is an aestehtic appeal of different foods, making food and having fun conversations whilst making them.

The dynamic between Jon Favreau and Roy Choi was absoutely bro friendship on so many levels. It was fun seeing them in the kitchen making these fun dishes and god how I wish I could eat and make them.

Roy being like a parent to Jon when cooking and helping him and also sometime undermining him. Hahaha. It was cute to watch and Jon being so curious and inquistive and saying “May I” to trying out new techinques in the kitchen or just following the chef. It was nice to see him so curious and interested to learn and cook.

I personally loved the second episode because the special guests were Robert Downey Jr, Tom Holland, Kevin Fige and the Russo Brothers. It was perfect and being an avid lover of food and Marvel, it was perfect.

There is also this one episode where they make the iconic dishes from the movie Chef, that Jon did. Watching them recreate that, oh my holy god. It was the most visually appealing master piece I have watched and watching them make that grilled cheese sandwich, it was bliss. I have tried to make it so many times but fail every single time.

The above clip is not from the show but from the movie. It’s the fast pace action that takes place in their food truck is what I like. Assembling of the sandwich, that melting of that oozing cheese. Oh my and that crunch. Ever since that, I have always been in hunt for Cubanos.

This grilled cheese sandwich is all what I aspire to make in life. Listen carefully to that sizzle when he places that sandwich, look at that golden browning of the bread making it so crusty and crunchy. Crisp on the outside and soft, tender and gooey in the inside. Who does not love a grilled cheese sandwich?

When he cuts the sandwich with that knife, hearing that perfect crunch is the most satisying thing ever!

What I also loved so much about this show is that before making this dish, they reveal what they make. That is present in all the cooking shows but what they do with this is that before making this dish, in a small animatiaon, they deconstruct this dish and show the ingredients that make up this dish. It’s a 2 second clip of the deconstruction of this dish and putting it back together. It just blowed my mind to be honest.

It was enjoying to watch and such a good way to unwind. The only disadvantage of this show was that it made me hungry so much and I only wanted to eat those food and nothing else.

Moving on to my favourite cooking movie of all time, Julie and Julia. What I like so much about this movie is the connection Julie and Julia share with food when they exist in different times. Through food, Julie shares a special bond which Julie who helped her from her soul sucking job. She does so by deciding to prepare Julia’s 524 recipes from her cook book over a course of an year and she maintains her progress and writes about in her blog.

I guess this is why it’s my favourite cooking movie ever. It has all my favourite elements. Writing, cooking, food, comedy and a good tale.

Julie making these dishes were just so connecting, fun and meaningful to watch. I am going to insert some of my favuorte clips from this movie and you shall see why I like it so much.

Having a good conversation over food, finding your spiritual calling.

What’s not to love about this scene? It’s butter, melted butter. How is this not the most heavenly scene? That creamy melted butter and Julie’s voice and words explaining what unfolds is a complete trance. I also love the fact that she writes about it and she has a way with words which just instantly grabbed my attention and makes me love this movie more.

I am a sucker for words and food.

I am proud to say the fact that I have eaten Boeuf Bourguignon. Its because of this dish in the movie that I took the courage to go out, try something new and I am embraced every flavour of it. I usually am very hesitant when it comes to trying out new dishes but that doesn’t stop me from taking the plunge.

In this clip, just look at that wonderful stew in that pot, the steam arising from it as she pours the wine, her explaining the connection she shares with Julia Child in that moment. What’s not to fall in love with?

And would you just take a look at that raspberry and cream. The pink and white colours blending to create the most perfect and tastiest pink dessert ever seen. I can imagine it being the most creamiest tasitest luxiourus grandest elegant piece of food ever put in my mouth.

Watching her complete her great grand success by making a hearty meal for her friends and husband and for herself is the cherry on top to a beautiful sunade ever known to man kind.

That toast and the monologue that takes place over this scene is so touching and emotional and a grand end to a great movie. Her voice so delicate and touching is what pushes it to a nodge.

Some of my other favourites are Masterchef Australia, The Great British Bake off. I do not mind the competion in these shows but what I enjoy so much again is the creative mind of these chefs in making and desigining their food. How they come up with such interesting takes on food and creating a completelty new dish. That is wow.

An other favourite is Ratatouille. My most favourite scene is none other than Remy cooking Ratatouille. Making a simple food but with putting all your passion and heart into it is what makes it the best and so elegant.

Watching Remy cook that dish, showing how to cook, his plating of the dish is just pleasing to watch and then the critqiue dropping his pen as soon as he takes the first bite. Now that is the IT FACTOR. The food hitting him close to home and reminding him of the good memories, watching him enjoy every bite of it and not resisting it’s power. He takes a break from his mean cold persona and just relishes in his food forgetting about everything else.

That is what’s called Being in the moment.

It’s inspiring to watch this movie because it shows no matter how small, big, you are. I like how he proved his worth, his skills and how he took that chance to show who he was.

He was not afraid to chase his dream. That’s a lesson we all can learn and remeber once in a while when we feel upset. Not to quit chasing and working towards our dream.

You can do anything as long as you have the passion and heart into it and also well a tiny bit of luck!

At the end of the day, food is magic created by the Gods and Holy Spirits to cure us from these horrible moments of life. In that moment, when food is there, you think about nothing else. A good time always comes out of food. Food is divine and the people making it are Gods.

I just wish I could just live, sleep and eat food and rest like how the Gods did. What a divine life that would be!

The one where I turned Twenty.

24th May Midnight

I sit here waiting for the clock to strike midnight and it has already stuck. I can’t help but feel not at home and lonely

I feel sad and an impending sense of doom has crushed me as I hit 20. I feel worthy and not accomplished.

I haven’t created a set of goals to achieve by 20, but when why do I feel worthless and unaccomplished?

I feel as if there is no meaning to life

I felt like Joey and Rachel in the moments leading up to turning 20 and after turning 20.

(The below clip was my reaction both internally and somewhat externally. Rather than turning 30, this was my state turning 20.)

I guess one more reason as to why I felt so glum and chum was because right before I hit 20, I was watching a movie called Speechless which is a beautiful romantic comedy and damn I love that movie so much, I have decided to let that movie be in my top all-time favourites.

So when watching that movie, I felt like my life was going nowhere. No love, no boyfriend, no relationship, literally that moment in any romantic comedy where the girl says she is going to die alone and drowns herself in food and alcohol. I had that moment minus the food and drinks and it was not good.

I mean I still love being single and enjoying life and having my best friends but you know those moments do exist when you look at others and wish you had what they had, maybe even something even more special.

I mean I turned 20, an adult now. Responsibilities and obligations soon will bind me, not that I don’t like having them but there are some of those responsibilities  I am not a fan of. I don’t know what they are but I don’t like them already.

Coming to celebrating my birthday at midnight, everyone was there, my family and my friends called me right on the stroke of midnight to see me cut the cake and well wish a happy 20. I swear, they literally in that moment were the reason for a tiny ray of happiness of turning 20.

And as the midnight progressed into the morning, my mom has tears down her face and cries because I am growing old and well then I am going to get married and I am going to go away and all that. So well that also put me off of the fact that I turned 20.

I am always very excited for my birthdays, I love them!! I look forward to my birthdays like it’s the greatest thing on Earth but this year, I did not feel that glistening sense of hope or an excitement towards the adulthood.

I mean I like adulthood, I enjoy the freedom and I look forward to having a job and everything, my own house and all that but comes at a cost of growing old. Have I lived my life the right way? Have I done what I have intended to do?

I feel content and happy with how I have lived life but I always wish I could do more, but I did not have the opportunities back then but now I do and I intend to utilise all of it.

It’s been three days since I turned 20, so far I feel normal. I don’t feel old but everyone keeps reminding me that I am old and I should know this and that and what not. I still don’t like the fact that I turned 20.

I feel like a teenage kid trapped in a teenage kid body living a teenage adult life. Like a Freaky Friday situation.

I have many goals, visions and desires I want to complete and I do hope I can do all of it or at least some of the ones that I really desire.

Thank God, I did not decide to get a tattoo of my birth date on my hand because I do not want to be reminded every day that I am growing old and closer to death.

Here is a toast to Adulting

I can’t wait to see what you have in store for me and dear God, I hope I can bear it.

Do you wonder?

I often wonder what other people are doing at this very moment that I am in. What are they upto in their lives?

I especially wonder this in case of celebrities because it’s so fascinating for me to wonder what they do in thier spare time because I adore many celebrities and often wonder what they are upto. Do they lead the mundane lives just like the rest of the humans that walk on the face of the earth?

I often wonder what my friends do when I am not with them, we are miles and miles away and I often wonder what they would be doing right now and if were together, I would be then wondering about all the fun times we could have

I wonder what my parents do when I am not at home, I wonder if they talk about me and my shenanigans. I miss them and my home

I wonder what my home is doing without me. Is it changing per second or by per word?

I often wonder what other people in other parts of the world do at this very moment I am in. How are they living life?

I wonder about the people I once knew and who I were very close with. Do they think about the times we all have spent together at one point? Do they miss those times? I do wish we all got to meet at one point in our lives with all the disputes and conflicts settled.

I wonder about the movies and the shows that are put out there. How did it all come together and why? What would have happened if I would have never seen it? Would that change the way I think or would that change a part of me?

Do you ever wonder how your life would have turned out if you hadn’t met the people in your life who have become an imperative part of your life system? I wonder on if I would have never met my friends, what would be of me? Would I go on to discover and make friends with strangers who will then become my friends?

I wonder on how one would feel when they are trapped in the most miserable sadistic feeling ever known to them? How would it be living that feeling on a constant rotation without any relif of ever freeing yourself from it? Have you imagined what it feels like because I do. When I am trapped in that feeling, I imagine what it must feel like to be trapped in it forever and it feels overwhelming and soul crushing

I wonder on how it would be to lead a different life in a different body, somewhere else with different parents

I wonder on how it would be living the life of a person I know or I wish to know. What are the life changes that would dazzle me? How does it feel to be in their shoes?

I wonder on the type of talents I wish I could possess and how I could use it. I wonder on if not for writing, how else would I confront my feelings or express what I feel. I wonder on what my talent would be.

I wonder on how my life would have been if not for the realities I were put into and faced

I wonder on how the future would turn out for me. Have I made the right choices? Will my plan be set in motion? Will I achieve the vision I have envisioned?

I do wonder on the choices I have made and the choices I could have made

I wonder on what would be of me if I were born to different parents. Would I posesses the same mind set, probably not. I do wonder what that would be like. A new identity emerging from a new environment.

I wonder about the stories I have created in my mind and dream on how it would be to live them in reality and not in my head. I imagine them how I could do it in the real life

I wonder on the inventions the world could make based on my ideas. I think about a machine that would capture each and every thought of mine even when I am asleep. A machine that records my dreams and I can view it to my pleasure or continue it.

I wonder what would become of me after death. Is there a life after death? A new beginning for a new soul or an unfinished journey for an old soul. How would I be remembered? How would my loved ones react? Can I still see them from where I am or would my body be turned into particles to join the universe?

There are many things that I wonder and they all get lost somewhere

I wonder on my existence and the use of humans in this world

I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t been born

I dream, ponder and wonder a lot

Faking it 101

So I am assuming you stumbled upon this by accident, or by scrolling through your feed, or because you were in dire need of help on how to learn to fake through it all.

Whether it’s faking life or faking interests or faking knowledge or just faking I am here to help you through it.

I am going to give you a few tips on how you can incooperate this “useful” method in your life and well wing it. I will try but I can assure you 60% because the rest 40% depends on your environmental factors and luck.

These are some few rules you should follow if you want to fit in with the “crowd”.

  1. First of all, before you get involved with whatever piece of fandom or converstaion you want to get into, RESEARCH EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. You do not want to sound like a basic fool, you want to be thriving and want to be intersting right? So do your research. Whatever it takes.
  2. Keep up with the current updates of whatever you want to be a part of. Search each and every nook and corner of the dark web.
  3. If anyone mentions a thing you don’t have a clue on anything or what’s going in the present convo or time, just keep your phone beside you and google it. That will save your day just for the time being.
  4. You don’t want to say anything stupid right? So get everything right because every little detail matters, if not you going to be banned for life and all your efforts would have become futile.
  5. If anyone asks for your opinion on the subject matter, go with the the answer I don’t know or I don’t think so or see what the other person says and how the crowd reacts to it, then go with the crowd. Be the sheep. If you be bold, you die and all your futile efforts would go to waste
  6. Third of all, if you do not want to do any of this, how about you accept it that it’s alright for you to not know about it and move on. Why be a wanna be?

It’s alright if we all have different interests and passions. I am trying to learn that and inccoporate it into my life, I am not good at it but I am trying my best. I often am shocked on how some people don’t like what I like or like the major fandoms but I am trying to get used to it because there are many things out there that I don’t like but others dp.

If my friends like something, I will give it a try and if I don’t like it, I won’t fake till I make it because that’s just not who I am. I have tried it in the past and trust me, it’s not worth the effort and time you think it’s going to be.

Not everyone in the world has to be alike or have the same common interests. You are lucky if you find your group.

In this day and age, I feel that it’s intense with the fandoms because I feel you feel pressured to get into it and might not like it. If you don’t like it, you feel like a outcast. That’s going to be there and it’s hard.

I just do not understand why hop on the wagon just because it’s popular or just because it makes you look cool or you want to be a part of the convoseration or fandom. If you genuinely want to get into it, we will all help but why the fakeness? You can simply ask how to begin but just sticking it right in the middle is not gonna be the solution to your problem.

It’s alright if you decide to get in it right in the middle or the very end, that’s completely alright because you are being complely authentic, genuinely interested. You want to know more and I get it but just pretending to care about it, now that’s where it itches.

Do you man!!