Tag: living

Chasing Aesthetics

Something that I wrote a while back. A long time ago

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I watch these Youtubers create aestehtic videos with such wonderful editing of the places they go to or their daily life and it makes me wonder, how can I achieve this in my life? What do I need to do to make sure this aesthetic is there in my life as well?

I come up with various ways on how but at the end of the day, their aesthetic is very different from what I want to achieve. Sure, it does look beautiful and amazing but I don’t think I would be entirely comfortable doing that.

These aesthetic videos and photos, it is easy to capture them but living such a life is hectic. The life that I lead right now, that is pretty aesthetic in it’s own ways. I just don’t record my life or give it these fancy edits, once I do it, I am sure I can achieve that type of aesthetic I want.

Watching these videos and looking at these photographs, I realise it is so easy to create such perfection for people to see because of the technology and the skills you put into this, but at the end of the day it is just life. Life that they capture, edit and put out there. There are so many unfiltered behind the scenes that we do not get to see.

So what we are left is with this craving of wanting to achieve that without understanding the backstory, the context of those people who got there.

There are people who truly live an aesthetic life style and there is nothing wrong with that. I too might like it but just not every single day. I do not enevy those people but there are those fleeting moments where I wish, that would be such a cool life to live! There are different life styles suited for different people out there and I have found my own but can’t hep crib once a while what I could do something different.

When creating something to put out there, we can do manipulate it to our likings and show a life that we desire to the people out there. That’s the beauty of it. Some people live it in reality and some just don’t.

Now the trend of VSCO girls has taken over the world. What has the world come to?! It has it’s good and bad.

To know more about the VSCO trend, here is a video explaining it!!

I just wish that gen-z would realise that this is not what life is. There might be kids out there who might have the impression that in order to fit into the constructs of this newly created world and to have a relevancy among people, they need to do this which would make them achieve a new cool and a new status. That is not what life is kids. Yes, this trend is cool and fun to do but do not take it to the heart. Do not let it cloud your reality on life.

The VSCO life style and the tumble life style, I often wish I could have some of that in my life but then I wonder why? Why do I want to show off and to whom? I just want to live the best of my life and do what I want and have fun while doing it. I too can capture pictures of the good and the happy parts of my life and post it.

There are moments we can take and make it into that aesthetic parts we wish.

That is what I do on my Instagram. I post the happy parts of me, the best memories so that when I look back on it, there is sort of happy aestehtic I can admire. In a way, I am living that life.

Waking up to a good mood

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Very few are those days where you delightfully wake up to a good start. I am having one of those days right now. Living and breathing it.

Today is a Wednesday and usually, Wednesday’s are my day off but I had lost that privilege because of an internship I am doing. No complaints but I really do miss having a holiday in the middle of the week after all those lectures. That one day off to unwind, relax and catch up.

This blog post was an impromptu one, I needed to remember this day and how it felt. I wanted all of you to know that days like these do exist and can be created by us. Some of the factors in the universe can be controlled by us, some of them…

So naturally, I knew this day was going to be good because it’s a holiday and for the first time I felt so relaxed at the start of the day. An appointment that I had today or so I thought was actually on March 19th. So when I heard that news as well, my heart and body were so elated because I was able to stay at home, read, listen to some music and watch some Netflix and youtube.

The day starts off right after you get the sleep of your heart’s content. After scrolling through my phone it was high time for me to get out from the comfort of my bed and take a calming warm shower and wash my greasy hair. Listening to music whilst in the shower was another privilege because I could soak it all in, the layers of music and thoroughly enjoy it. You know you are living life through simple joys like these.

After the shower, one puts on clothes, and as soon as I opened the curtains, I was welcomed with the warmest of sunrays, so warm and so cold on my skin. I looked out and saw the streets unwind; some of the people bustling out on the streets and with the window ajar a bit, I let the wind caress my hair. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the serendipity of it all.

Now, I did not want this brightness to slip away into the dark. I did not want to lose it like how the tears got lost in the rain. I wanted to bask in it for as long as possible. So what to do indeed was the question?

Rather than loafing around, I decided to include fragments of what makes me happy and I also wanted to get the most of it. So I decided to combine happiness with work. Doing my reading for university and writing for fun. Combining both of my interests to turn this day into a happy and a good one.

You could try as this well, combing what you love and what you love in your work and I hope that it helps you create a good day. With some music as well, I guarantee it’s going to be bliss. It’s important to have that good music because they inspire you in so many ways and they can also sometimes be the sole responsibility of either shaping or breaking your mood.

These days might get lost in the memory as time goes on, I would not expect myself to remember these days but having them and living through them is what can get us through life. To play and be in that role is important because it is vital to remind ourselves, there are good days.

As I struggle to find the words to end this, I am thinking as to what more I can give you without pushing you away or you mentally or physically rolling your eyes at me.

So as I am listening to The Morning Stroll playlist on Spotify, I know how to end this now.

 

Enjoy life, take a break to pause, reflect and be in it. Take a break to be happy do what makes you happy. Bask it all in. Step out into the sunshine and let that do the work. Let yourself be in it. 

-Roshni Marath Jairaj

Farewell to my humble abode…

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18th December 2018, this day was surely faced with a  mixed bag of emotions. On this day, I received the wonderful news which was at first devasting because me being me, I never ask for the whole details. I really should inquire about the whole rather than the half.

The news was that my dad got a wonderful job in Singapore which means we all had to leave Dubai, my home.

It was THE GOODBYE, I always dreaded and knew would come someday…

So at first, I was devasted because I realised this winter break was the last time I was truly ever at my home and also with my friends. Then it would all be packed off to Singapore… At first, I was not happy and carried a dislike to the place immediately because of you, my home was taken away from me. I had to say goodbye to it. I am not fond of goodbye’s and you made me do it…

A tip to myself and the people out there: Always remember to wait and listen to the whole details rather than staying at the half, and also ask whatever troubling questions you have about the problem. It may surprise you when the solutions are out there immediately. 

I vividly remember this day because I crashed down and broke into huge tears. This was the day I truly realized how much Dubai meant to me and the effects it had on me. It charmed me in and left me bewitched. I have been hooked onto Dubai for long as I can remember. That’s what home does to you. It’s a drug you can’t say goodbye to because it is embedded so deep in your system. You are never truly free from it.

Dubai was what kept me sane and happy. It was what I looked forward to when I came back from uni, indulging into Dubai after my experiences at uni was a comfort. When I had trouble at uni and I was so homesick and troubled by the life there, knowing that I would come back home was what that got me through those tough uncosonalble times, but now it it’s gone… The home and friendship comfort always soothed me, but now it was gone… But there are still ways to mend it…

I found out my dad got a better job at Singapore, so that means goodbye Dubai, my home for 18 years and hello to an entirely different place Singapore. I am looking forward to it, I am really excited to see what it has to offer for myself and my family. My dad and mom are happy and seeing them happy, it makes me happy. A new beginning for my family, I hope and pray for it to be a good new happy fresh start.

All happiness aside, I do feel gutted and upset that I am leaving Dubai, it has been my home for 17 years. I grew up here, lived here, roamed around here, made loads of memories and friendships here, but this wasn’t goodbye forever… The memories would stay on forever… It would always be there in me… I faced many hardships and many happiness from here, it has made me who I am. You were also a good teacher and master to me.

After the crying I did, my parents promised and reassured that I would come back here for my vacations and meet my friends and my home So I am not worried and upset about it, but it truly does suck having your home snatched away. Leaving the place where you call home, and then doing the adjusting process all over again. It takes time for me to adjust to a new place and that was evident when I had to do it in uni. If only, I could have listened before crying, but maybe it was good for me to get it all out of my system. Crying is one of the most effective ways for me to get whatever I have out. Crying is not a sign of weakness, it helps me get it all out and I feel much better. Talking with the right people also helps a lot, so thank you to my mom, dad, and my best friends for being there when I need to talk and for knocking some sense into me.

To my Best Friends out there, we all are growing up, changing, going into different directions and we may not be around for long at the same place. We all might end up in different places, but that doesn’t mean we are going to be lost forever never finding each other. I always manage to annoy and be by them whenever possible, which is through text, calls, and video. They are always there, no matter where I am and where they are. The distance is hard, it’s a huge obstacle, but we are there for each other. There are some friendships that are so strong and worth it, you and them would do anything to be a part of it because it’s too beautiful to abandon and let go. It’s a team effort, not a solo one to make the friendship work.

I knew that Dubai wouldn’t last forever for us. I did have to leave this place for good at some point. Eventually, we all would have to go back to India, but now there is Singapore offering us a bright future for all of us. I am grateful to Singapore for that.

So in a way, I am glad that the sooner it happened, the better. It gave me time to deal with it and accept it. It also gave my father one of the best opportunities. If not, who knew what would happen at that time?

How long can one live in the fantasy? It’s all about the change. That change is from where life gets its thrill from. It thrives on that.

Change is hard, change is easy, different people react to it differently. Accept change and don’t try to battle with it because, with time, that change be it bad, it will leave it’s lingering shadow some time or the other and be it good, it’s going to stick around and be there in your life. “Expect for the unexpected.”

Home is where the family is, right? So I hope that Singapore could eventually turn into a place where I can call it home. I am eager and looking forward to it, but saying goodbye to this place. It’s hard, but I am moving on with it better than I expected to…

Everything happens for the best. That’s what I am going by and sometimes things do happen truly for the best. I am going in it with the all the “high hopes.” (Any Panic! Fans here?) I could relate to that song because that’s also what my mama tells me.

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The last time I am going to be here staying in my home. As I am writing this post, this is my last day in Dubai before I leave back for university. 11th January 2019.

When I come back for my break, it’s Singapore. Hello Singapore, I await you…

Dubai, You have made me happy in all ways you can…

Capturing it, Breathing it, Living it…

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Everyone has those ways to keep hold of something that is close to their heart, a way to remember those moments, a way to go through it all over again. I love how it works. It’s unique to everyone.

Remembering every aspect and detail of those time, memory and moment evoke a different sense of emotion and remembrance.

I have my own ways of playing it back over and over. Sometimes, the details can get a bit hazy, but the memory, time, people, the emotions and the moment always remains the same.

I do it through writing, taking pictures and videos, music, movies and mostly by remembering it all and being in the moment.

 

– Sometimes, there won’t be times where one can quickly whip out a phone and capture the entire moment because sometimes it ruins it. Then also capturing it also helps with making it a memory for eternity.

 

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You don’t get to be in the moment and enjoy it wholly.  All you can do is pay attention to your phone, see it through that and well that frankly upsets me. I like seeing it alive and also record some bits of it. I get the best of both worlds. I want to cherish this moment forever but also see it forever.

Even if I don’t capture it, I will always remember it. But I would be guilty to admit that I wish I had some physical source of watching it again but I would not regret it.

Sometimes, taking videos and pictures is also one of the best ways. Being in the moment, capturing it, reliving it while playing it in the times ahead. Seeing how joyful it was back then.

There are pictures that I take by my friends because I want to remember it or just because I dress up once a rare while, the background looks good. So why not?

There are some moments meant to be captured, some to be enjoyed, some to be meant for both.

 

– Music and movies

 

 

Certain music reminds me of home, my friends, my family, the streets that I have walked through, the memories I have shared with that person who I listened to this music with, or danced to in parties.  The vibes and feelings I wish to have again and live through. It has no bounds.

The playlists I have curated from each memory and story are the ones that I absolutely live for. It’s something of my own, so personal, where each song tells the memories and the emotions. It absolutely is of utter sheer magic because it feels so warm and good to have something of your own in which you can record your moments of life.

Movies, I still remember how different movies I have watched with different people evoke various stories and emotions. Each story had a good memory of its own. The laughter, the tears, the discussions, the fangirling. It was a memory to die for.

In a way through that music and movies, they helped me capture some of the best memories to ever exist.

They make you feel so much more. It’s one of the most intense after effects you experience after reliving it. It all comes down at once and drowning in it is the best. 

Watching the movies and listening to the songs are another experience of its own, combined with it, the memories and the moments you have lived through them. It’s altogether a new found discovery and bliss. 

 

– Writing

 

 

The process that I always find myself falling in love with the most. It helps capture and recapture the feelings in your heart, body, and mind with words. I always find myself good with words. When I can’t get my thoughts straight, I write because it helps me sort out, think and ponder.

It gives me a new found courage and bravery to confront with myself, thoughts and address it. These words help hide my fear but also show it to me.

So when it comes to capturing and reliving it, writing down how I felt, the moment, the people and the world. I learn and understand how I felt through these stories. Writing helps me capture the feelings I experience whilst being in the story. Remembering them from my memories and writing it adds a different feel to it. When I compare what I wrote back then and now, I discover and learn how much has changed. I learn a lot about myself.

When I look back and read through it, the words help me get a deeper aspect.

 

I love to revisit some of the memories and stories I have lived through. They make me calm and happy. I do wish many times that I could go back to them but then I look forward to more good memories and have fun reliving and remembering the stories I had.

There are those nights where my mind keeps me awake and many of the times, it always goes through the routine of remembering many of the things that have played out in my life. 

Sometimes, I also revisit some of the bad moments gone through life to remind myself that bad times eventually do fade away, but they leave a mark. They either charge you for the good or for the bad.

Sometimes, I also remember the embarrassing ones, I do not know why I do, I just simply do.

So that’s it, folks…

– Roshni Marath Jairaj