Another state

I go to sleep without the help of aid these days now 

In the past, as I have awoken from sleep, I remember details of my dreams vividly but now I seem to have loosen myself into them

Earlier, I witnessed my dreams from the point of a third person but now, it seems like I step into my dreams and control it

In between or moments before I wake up, there seems to be a moment of weariness. 

My body becomes weak, I try waking up but fall into the bed as if my head is filled with the drugs I have consumed at parties. 

Falling into the bed, I see the world in front of me in distortion and

I fall back into a state of vertiginous 

I have read that this is astral projection

What I might have experienced cannot fully be of that nature but a part of does believe in the unknown. 

There used to be times where after waking up, I could recount every breathing second of those dreams but now, I remember fragments

Significant fragments that soon vanish in the nick of time 

The fragmented moments that I remember are of value because I then learn what I lust for 

In brief, my soul and mind break free my body and course through the universe permitting me to slip into stories created by me semi-consciously which are then cut. I proceed to then jump into a different time and story. These cuts happen and I sail through them with no recollection of how I get from one port to another. 

I want you.?

Some song plays and I am reminded of you in some manner. We might not know each other well but I really want to get to know you and I wish I could be with you.

I wish I could spend time with you. I enjoy talking to you and I wish we could just talk more about so many different things.

I know I can live just fine and amazing without you in my life but if you were in my life, it would make me a bit happier.

There are a few things that I wish for sincerely in my life and I guess you are one of it.

I wish I knew what was going on in your mind when we talked. I wish I could figure out why you want to talk to me or why you just send me messages out of the blue.

There are times when I completely forget about your existence and then there are times when the world makes me remember everything about you.

I only know so little about you but I still wish we were together in some manner, as friends or maybe something more.

I don’t think this is a crush I have on you or an obsession. I am going to rule this out as an unwanted fantasy/desire that has unnecessarily cultivated in my mind.

I don’t like you but I think I do at some points. It is a conflict I have been trying to deal with but I am helpless. These sudden out of the blue moments make me question so much.

I don’t understand why I feel too much. I am confused by everything my mind feels for you. I am lost but I am fine.

I wish there was a way to end this. You started this harmless conversation, so why can you not end it by doing something? I guess I am to blame as well because I like to respond to you.

I hate feeling this way but I enjoy the giddiness and the hopes. My heart leaps in teenage giddiness and there is nothing I can do about it. I have been through this road once and I am not keen to be on this road again knowing the outcome.

I wish there was some sort of closure I could get. I do not mind the outcome of the closure, be it bad or good. I just want a closure and not this vast doubt plaguing me.

I am falling for you and there is nothing I can do about it.

I hope this helpless crush becomes obsolete

Why am I chasing after something that is not meant to be?

This is just a silly game isn’t it?

This is absolutely nothing and I should just stop.

If not you, someone else. This would keep going on until I hit some sort of end.