Love letters to myself

I was thinking about the good things I like about myself and I could barely come up with Ten things I like but when I started going down the bunny hole of all the bad things about myself, that list outweighed everything.

Is it just me or is that all of us? Do our negatives outweigh the positive?

Do we ever look on the positive? Do we only have that limited qualities we love about ourself? Why?

We should have more than a Hundred reasons as to why we love ourselves. Perhaps, we should see ourself in the eyes of people who love us. I guess we will know our worth but why do we need someone to see what we love about ourself. We should know our self worth and why we love ourselves.

It is just that there are different perceptions of beauty and what it means to be beautiful and it is all very confusing.

Some of the people stick to the traidional norm of beauty which I find silly. Beauty comes in all shapes and form and if you want to change something about yourself, you should do it to make you happy not just because someone is pressuring you to change.

Be you and be proud of it! Own it!

This is going to be a series where every month, I write something I love about myself. This is not boasting but self love that we all need to do every day and not just once a month.

I want to focus on the physical beauty as well as the inner shine in me! I am going to alternate between physical and inside beauty.

Eventually I will be running out of body parts to list, so I will have to stick to other aspects I like about myself. It is going to be quite a challenge to write out what I like about myself. It seems like a passage of self discovery.

Sometimes all it takes for us to come crashing down is one moment of self doubt, comment or anything and we forget everything that is good about us. So, when I feel low or insecure, I can go back to these letters and remind myself why I should love me!

I want all of you to do this as well! Love yourself every day!

When it comes to physical beauty, I blank out. I literally do not know what I find beautiful about me. My mom says I am beautiful but she is my mom. That is her job. She loves me, so she says it and so does my dad and my grandparents. I just do not see it.

Today, I am going to try and figure out one physical aspect I love about myself.

This is hard. It shouldn’t be this hard.

Dear Roshni,

This is Roshni writing to Roshni!

The first thing that came to my mind is that I love our eyebrows. They are thick and just suit our face!

It makes me feel confident, beautiful and cute! My mom says I got her sister’s eyebrows and I am glad! She was a very beautiful person inside and out. God bless her soul!

My eyebrows help me express a lot of emotions. I can be sarcastic, mean, confused, bubbly. You name it and I can try and do it.

My eyebrows make me feel amazing! When I go and get my eyebrows done, it makes me feel so confident that I can take on the whole world.

It feels weird not writing a very long passage as to why I love my eyebrows. Usually, I find myself ranting on and on but this feels short and precise. I think sometimes that is just it.

It feels right ending it now.

For you

I don’t know how we end up meeting each other or even if we are destined to meet, but I would like you to know, I do have some hopes for us to conquer.

Hi, I am a girl who is miles away from you. I do not know if we have passed as strangers once or if we know each other and we are not in talk with each other or we might be just strangers.

I am a Gemini and the most stereotypical yet true aspect of me is that I exhibit dual personalities. This does not mean I shift from one persona to an other. It just means I think about both aspects of the coin. For many of the aspects, I just can’t decide on one. I have different sides to different people of my life. I thought you should know that.

I believe in destiny and fate and soul mates but at the same time, I don’t. At times, I think it’s all bullshit invented to make you believe and to keep going and at other times, I think it’s simply wonderful. Loosing yourself in something so wonderful and messy.

I have a lot going on in my mind and that may upset you because I can’t get it all out to you. I like having some of it in my mind, it is my haven. If I really like you, I will open it to you. I don’t know how but I know I am capable of that.

I watch a lot of movies and shows. So, from that I have a defined perspective on what I would like to have from a relationship. I have never been in one and I am not sure as to how it works. I have seen friends be in them and I feel for every relationship, it is unique. You have your own way of working but there is some common ground shared by all relationships.

To be honest, I am scared of being in a relationship. There are going to be so many changes and I don’t know if I will ever be ready for that but on the other side, I am looking forward to it. I don’t know what is expected of me in this. I am going in blind sided and I hope we both can help each other.

I have expectations of some cliches coming true. The cliches of where you talk all night, under the stars or in the comfort of your bed under the warm blankets. The cliches of having simple, fun and memorable adventures. I watch these couples on TV and in movies and it makes me wonder will I ever have that? Will we ever have that?

We might make our own version of it and I am excited to be in that. I would love to have long conversations where you and I ask the deepest questions that make us think and wonder. I would love to keep asking you questions and getting to know how your mind works. I would like you to do the same for me, if you are interested in that.

I do not want us to change aspects of ourself that keep us real, I want us to stay original but also change for the better. Change when it is necessary, change when the environment and the world wants us to and when we feel like it. I want us to undertsand why we have changed.

I do not want us to spend our entire time in a relationship. I do not want our relationship to be the reason I have or need to exist. I do not want our relationship to define our identities, I want us to spend our time out of our relationship as well, with friends and families. Devoting our entire time to each other might make us a little crazy.

I want to watch movies with you every week for the rest of however long we might be together. A movie of your choice and also of mine. I look forward to sharing our agreements and disagreements.

I want us to talk about everything but I also want to enjoy silences with you.

I look forward to seeing you passionate about things that you love. I look forward to being a part of your suggestions and acting on them.

I carry a past that hurts me and a present that hurts me as well. Someday, when I tell you about it, I do not want you to judge and blame them for their mistakes and the hurt they have caused to me. I want you to listen and just be there. I want you to respond in the way you feel like. I look forward to times where you and I comfort each other after bad days and fights.

These are some few things I thought you should know about me.

I get hurt pretty easy. Some times I show it, some times I don’t. I like to have some time alone with myself. When I am angry, I want to be left alone because that helps me calm down and understand the situation. When I am upset, I don’t know what to do. So I am hoping you might.

I love to read and I love books. So, if you want to buy me anything, you can buy me books of my suggestion or yours. If you feel this is a book I like, go ahead and if you want me to read a book, I will.

Bookstores and libraries make me very emotional and it is often hard for me to come out of them. I like to be in the woods and near the oceans and beaches! They are a safe space and I feel very at home there.

I love food! I am excited to try out so much food!! I want to travel the whole world. I want to have so many adventures with you and also by myself.

I am also obsessed with skylines and city lights in the night! I have a weird obsession towards them! It’s a beautiful fantasy to live in!

I love to write. Writing is a way I confront myself. Writing is a way I console myself. Writing for me means so much.

I have a lot of emotions and I embrace them fully. Some day, I hope you might too and I am ready to embrace whatever you have as well.

There are so many more things I want you to know but I think you will figure it out.

I will always be loyal and be there for you. I will love you and I will tell you when you are wrong, when I am right and when I am wrong. I will try to accept the times when I am wrong and I will try not to keep fights or petty mistakes against you as a weapon.

I also want to say I am truly sorry for every mistake and fight I have caused between us. I am a temperamental person. I tend to loose my temper pretty easy and I say hurtful stuff, but I want you know I never mean those. I never think before I say those stuff and when I think about it later, I wish I had never said it. But what use is it when the moment has already passed? So I apologise and I will also apologise in the future as well when it is my fault.

I do not only want to dwell in fantasies, passions and cliches of mine. I want to dwell in yours too.

I don’t think I believe there is just one love for you. I believe there will be many loves for one person if they keep looking for it. The thing with each love is that it will be unique and differ from one love to an other. So that can be unique and be just the one, but I believe that you may be the only love in my life and I will be happy for eternity.

I hope everything goes fine for us. I hope you and I have led the relationship and life we both want and deserve.

I write this for you in hopes that someday you will read it and understand. There are some things I might not say to you in person but in this piece, I mean it for you.

Most importantly, I just want us to be happy and figure it out by ourselves, not have a cheat code manual on how to be happy and prosper. I want to be on this journey exploring so much with you and also by myself.