Movie Talks

A new series emerges again, a series where movies I watch inspire me and make me think about that the topic of the film and more.

Today’s thoughts are based on the movie, ” The Bridges of Madison County”. This movie is based on a novel.

Starring Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep, it’s a beautiful well-thought movie that evokes loads of thoughts and feelings. It makes us think about the underlying feelings and emotions of love and family, and it’s complications.

How loving someone is so simple, but the relationship that comes along with it is complex. The mentalities of people, the responsibilities of having a family, the strains and limits that it takes on one, how difficult choices have to be made; ones that can even break you.

A love affair taken place in 4 days, 4 days that were of absolute bliss and perfection but it came crashing down when Francesca has to make a choice between her lover, Robert Kincaid and her family and children. It’s a tough movie to watch, and our hearts are always on the line with characters and the plot.

The end is a powerful and bold choice. She chooses to stay with her family, a sacrifice she made for her and her eternal love. She decides to keep her love aside and lived for the family, but she always loved him and will keep loving him. It’s a bittersweet ending.

It makes us wonder why couldn’t she leave her family and go with the man who makes her happy, the man who understood her, the man who she wanted to spend her life with.  A man who was kind and good of nature.

Love and connection like that only come once in a lifetime and she left that for her family. A great sacrifice indeed.

On the other hand, I do understand why she chooses her family. She knew she couldn’t leave her family behind, She would be leaving a whole other life she had back here to move on to a new different life. Responsibilities bound and kept her. I felt that she felt she owed it to them or maybe more, out of love but a different love, a love for the greater good of others.

I cannot stop wondering why she wouldn’t go with him? I also do understand why so she couldn’t go.

Why are families complex and robust? Why does one always have to sacrifice for the greater good? Why can’t one be selfish? But as you see once, one becomes selfish, so many lives are on the line. The lives you have interacted with and become a part of can be broken or are.

All it takes is a moment for an earth-shattering event to take place. A moment to make or break you.

Till the very end, I expected for a reunion, but I wasn’t given that. It got me thinking that’s just how some things in life are. Sometimes you don’t end up getting that. For some closure or out of pity, people tell change is good. Some change is good but what about the changes that we just cannot accept or fathom? We learn to be okay with it in the course of time.

We all live only once, why not do everything we love? We can but in this movie, she could but also couldn’t. Sometimes life gets in the manner and responsibilities, but we should and always ought to try our best in living the best lives.

Marriage is a respectable, caring loving yet a frightening institution, and along the fine lines comes the family. It still upsets me why she couldn’t leave, but as I said, I also understand why because I have seen it happen in real life but in a very different way.

It’s also the mentality of the minds that also got me about this movie, how we are raised to think of certain things and parts of life that are completely absurd and cannot be deemed as usual. We are expected to believe that life is some sort of routine and along with it comes certain expectations and moral are you are supposed to follow.

I do understand those morals have been established to ensure the happiness of the family and to keep it from falling apart but what happens if you are no longer happy?

What then? Are you allowed to leave it or continue living it for the family? Can you do both? But will they understand? Why isn’t there a fix to this? A protocol or a solution. Why do certain problems in the world that exist where answers cannot be found that makes everyone happy? Why must one get hurt and upset? Is this how the world functions and needs to work?

I do understand that there lie obligations, responsibilities and a life that you have build for yourself and your family, all on the verge, but if one isn’t happy with it, should we silently suffer for our loved ones, for the greater good? I know many people who have.

I know of many stories, but what I can’t find is a story that ends up with the person happy, with not many consequences, but I guess life is not a movie huh? Where one can direct and make it the way they wish to see.

We only live life once, and all this time, somewhere deep inside of us, we know we aren’t happy with it, but is it too late?

What if you realise that, at last, breathe of your life, you have a sudden epiphany that the life you have lived turned out to be the life you were never happy or genuinely joyous with. A life where one was unable to seek true happiness, joy and freedom. What happens then?

After we die, what happens? I don’t know.

Are our souls happy and finally free now that it’s over or will it be haunted by the life it never had and wished that it had? Will, our souls, roam around the face of the earth searching for that lost life or will it be lost forever without finding it? Will our souls depart from this earth after discovering what it always wanted or leave without finding it?

The answers are unknown, endless and of many.

 

I don’t know what will happen.

Probably I might have to be at my last breath to find out. 

 

I have many thoughts, many conflicting thoughts, many troubling choices and decisions lie ahead. For all of us, for me. I hope I can make the right choice without upsetting the world and myself.

I know for absoulte certainity that as the course lies ahead, I will be stuck at crosspaths, quite a lot of times. I do hope and pray that I can make decisions that will make me happy as well the people in it.

I also know that some or the majority of it might not be possible, but I am willing to try and not be afraid.

For the things that truly matter, I will fight. But if I loose? What can I do?

Perhaps I can be happy about the memory that it happened and then console myself by saying that certain things are not meant to be.

Countless other thoughts come into my mind and I cannot find an absoulute true answer that I want. There are always many sides to that thought.

I don’t know if I will ever find one clear answer to the thoughts and questions I have.  I do hope to find an answer that will make my mind at ease and heart at content.

Perhaps, maybe, there is not one clear answer but I do hope whatever I learn and whenever I learn will finally put me at contenment.

 

Or I might go searching for more?

The mind never stops working, does it?

 

 

4s85

 

Back to the roots, a celebration.

August 19th, Sunday, 8:53 AM

( PS: Based on true events.

This whole piece was written in a drive to Abu Dhabi in a car, all handwritten. I have modified some of it a bit, but everything in this was written down in the book.

Attached at the end are the pictures of the piece I wrote in my book whilst on the drive. Do pardon me for my handwriting.

Before you all think why I chose the picture above as my feature image, it’s because I really like this picture and well it’s a celebration. I really like the song Hymn For The Weekend and it’s music video. It gave me a very good vibe just like how writing this piece did. So I felt like this captured what I felt during writing. I didn’t want to upload the classic pen and paper as my feature image, thought of doing it a different way. )

 

I have decided to go old school today. Back to the roots of writing. Back to a common man’s tool, the pen and paper.

Being so engrossed with my laptop and keyboard, I have truly forgotten how it feels to hold a pen in my hand and write what flows from my mind into a book filled with blank pages.

This idea quickly sprung upon me when my father decided to take myself and my mom to Abu Dhabi. a 2 hour drive.

Staring out to the buildings, the views of the sand and the watching the buildings rise up to the sky with the sunlight gleaming on them, looking at the whole of skyline in the comforts of my car. Looking at all those above views, I was pretty sure somewhere in my mind, I would be buzzing and itching to write something. I could have noted it all down in the notes section of my phone but I would loose the previlge of writing with a pen in my hand and I would have lost the opportunity to loose myself into the process of writing on this wonderful inspirational drive.

Before embarking on this drive, I was in the comfort of my sofa/bed watching a wonderful heartwarming movie, ” You’ve got mail.” A movie filled with simple yet charmatistic mentalities. Words, humorous personas, encounters and last but not the lease, the profounding quotes spoken by the characters. This played a role behind the inspiration today. ” To go back to the roots. ”

Now, as I am writing, I am in the comfort of the backseat of my car, writing with a pen in my book listenting to the businnes breakfast 103.8 reflecting on my surroundings and everything around me.

If this was my laptop, the grammarly softwarre embedded would have been correcting everything forcing my brain not to even apply the basic rules of grammar, spelling and work into what I write. During this process, my brain is forced but with a gentle push and nudge to apply the basic rules into what I write.

I forgot what this felt like. It is a nice yet overwheming feeling having a pen to pen down all my thoughts into a book. I still could have chosen the later option of noting it down in the notes app but why did I decide to do this? Why in the car whilst going on a drive?

Perhaps I was looking for an inspiration. Probably I needed an execuse to detach myself from my laptop. Maybe I needed this to remind this experience to remind me of the beauties and wonder of the feeling I once had, the feeling of writing using my pen and paper. It felt warm and nice to be reminded of that long last feeling and the joys that it gave me.

As I look out from the small window of the car, I see skycrapers all around me on one side and construction work on the other.  Conversations spark in the car about various topics of disucussion including myself. I sense discomfort in the air and I am quick and wise to go and seek the comfort of my penship because it feels safe.

The world and everything in it is changing.  I feel happy looking at it, my home for 18 years. Then, I feel a trail of sadness looking at it. The thought of leaving it could be the reason. The thought of leaving my family and friends upsets me, but then there is an excitement to return back but also follows the dread of leaving my mom, dad and friends behind. It’s a conflicting feeling.

Changes are different and hard to grasp and believe. Even the slightest move in my world affects me. It’s hard to describe my feelings to to change, that concept is a baffling one for me. It’s for the good and bad, like many of the other things I know. I simply cannot grasp and get hold of how I feel towards it.

To describe how I feel towards it, I have stringed down together a few words that I think could capture my views.

Like the waves of the sea behave, up and down, high and low, strong or mellow;

Like the wind, easy and breezy, cold or warm, harsh or soft, destruction or mellow;

Like that, I change my views and feels to the emodiment of change.

There is another quote as well that reflects a part of what I feel towards change. A quote from the movie You’ve got mail.

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I am glad I took upon the experience of writing this down with my pen in my book. I am happy that I was able to take a quick descison just before leaving for the drive, to take my pen and book. It felt absoultely joyous and warm to head back to the roots, where the process of writing took place.

Once in a while, I think we should all go back to the roots of writing. It gives you a nice sense of feeling.

( PS: Of course however I wish there was a machine that could just copy my writing into what I am writing right now, it’s complicated, because I kind of find it a menace to write the whole thing over in my laptop again but this was worth it. )

My mind and the thought process of it are overflowing with numerous thoughts, but for some reason, I can’t seem to write them down. The irony of it all. I have a pen, I have a book and I have the words. Then why can’t I?

I look outside, the commentary in the radio is interesting but I want my eyes and brain to rest for a while. I look outside and I can myself drown in the drowsiness of my weary and tired self.

I feel like a writer now. A writer in search for words and stories. A writer in touch and connect with one’s self. A writer with a mind keen to write.

This feels like something out of the movies. A movie where a lost writer goes out to a new place in search for inspiration and stories to write or is in search for his lost identitiy or set on a path to discover something.

I am starring in that movie right now, my own life, a movie, but I don’t know what I am searching for. I am on a car ride going to a place, far away from where I live. I am in a car simply enjoying what I am doing right now, writing with a pen in the paper.

Farewell for now.

 

( As promised, here lies the pictures of the piece in the book I have wrote.)

 

Feeling things

12:00 AM July 22nd, 2018

Quite a day, today was.

Screams of my mom and myself filled the air. The usual.

Emotions were thrown and hurled around.

Pains and misunderstandings were on the minds.

But as night dawned upon us, it faded away into nothingness.

Apologies and amends were made.

We returned back to the loving bunch we were.

Yet somewhere in our minds and hearts, the marks of it are always imprinted.

 

This day, I was made to feel different feelings and emotions from different sources. Every day, I do feel something or the other, but today was different, like some of those other days. 

Reading and watching “Call Me By Your Name” overwhelmed me with emotions. It made me understand more about love and the pains of it. The ending of the movie, it’s raw magnetism, the character breaking the fourth wall with its heart-wrenching tears and realization.

A Netflix movie “Margarita with a straw” made me vulnerable and emotional. I learned about difficulties, challenges and changes.

Again, Netflix does its miracles by throwing me into the jaws of a documentary, “Dark Tourist” I learned quite a lot about the dark culture of different countries and also the dangers of some. A very intriguing and new concept and to watch the journey unfold was quite the enjoyable time. Taught me a lot.

David does justice to the show as well as to himself. I found him to be the type of person I see myself becoming very close friends with. I would say some of the interests are not up my alley, but I wouldn’t mind friends who do it, because I would like to get into the brain and know all their experiences through them.

I also find his accent very energizing, interesting, unique yet calming. Not afraid to speak out what he feels about the experiences and I love the way he is not afraid to push his limits into trying something new. His commentary, never unnecessary, everything just plays out right.

We get to experience a lot through people like them. These kind of people are one of the wonders and miracles in this world.

David phrases it quite well in fact. His words on Dark Tourism is “Escaping normality to stumble onto something beautiful and unexpected. ”

One of the philosophies I keenly and heavily follow. I escape reality and go into my mind because it’s a world created by me to do anything I wish and desire. A world to come into when I am upset, happy, excited and much more feelings.

Out of this, I feel a lot of things, but nothing ever sad.

I am the audience and the actor in this movie of mine.

Something just for myself. A place to unleash my unwanted and wanted thoughts and dreams. 

It’s a world of mine where no one could ever tarnish or bring it to ruins with their words and self. A world just for me to devour.

How much ever I put it into words, it simply isn’t enough to describe how much it means to me and why. Maybe, sometimes no amount of words could equate to the feelings.

Everything in this world teaches us one thing or another. It’s always exciting to learn. A process I hope to never get tired of. 

 

 

 

In the moment

Monday, July 2nd, 2018          11: 21pm

I mentioned the time and date to state that this blog was an on spur feeling.

Got inspired to write this piece after watching Dear Zindagi, a brilliant and one of my favorite Hindi movies and also from Zindagi Na Milegi Doobara (ZNMD), that I am currently watching. Right now, the intro song is being played, and damn it’s a really motivating song and just flows into my mood right now.

Both these movies have excellent start casts and what just makes it better and so simple yet unique is the plot, the character development and the stories.

Then it got me thinking about my life, family and friends. How I wish to acquire certain traits of those characters and how I want to find friends like those. But then, I already know that I have found them. They have been with me my whole life, but you know I still can’t help but wonder about the movie characters and how splendid it would be to be a close tight group of friends with them. There is always a but lurking around, I am trying to let go of that but, but again it becomes hard, but I am trying. Eventually, it might fade away but it also might not.

The below two gifs are of Dear Zindagi and ZNMD respectively.

 

 

 

 

 

Right now the “cookie comedy scene” is going on and I have got to tell you it’s hilarious. I have got to try the trick sometimes. The trick is you tell someone that you know something about them and automatically all the secrets spill out like a water fountain!! I am laughing so hard at this scene and the dialogue delivery so much!!

I have had so many moments like these with my friends, not the tricky sort of thing but happy silly special goofy serious conversations and I am telling you, I wouldn’t trade it up ever. Those have made me who I am.

Sometimes, I wish some of the people I know could also see it but then well, I just don’t feel or connect with them that entire 100%. It’s not them. It’s me. You know what I mean right?

So after I had gone to uni, I have heard some pretty great stories from my various people and friends, when they ask me about the “great fun stories” I have had, I don’t have much to tell them because it’s nowhere near as bomb or exciting as their life stories. But you know what, that doesn’t make me upset of the fact that I don’t have such great stories to share.

In my own way and life, I have plenty of stories to share, I just don’t think those are the types you would particularly like or you might but well it just never comes up. I have shared some of them but to some people, it just doesn’t seem well exciting when compared. And honestly I kind of feel bad and sad for those kinds of people who think that life needs to be filled with exciting and big stories to bond over and talk about or to determine whether my life has been interesting or not. Maybe I haven’t seen a side to them that don’t think so but the side I have seen, well I am not a fan of it.

In my own little head, despite however small or big that story is, it is significant, and we shouldn’t be the judges to decide whether that qualifies as to how exciting or interesting or productive our lives have been.

For me, it’s the small moments, conversations I have with friends, the hangouts, the family talks, the small family stories and incidents, my cartoon watching obsession, my immaturity and small moments like these, watching movies and laughing, crying over them alone, with family and friends, travelling, creating up insane shit, writing and many more are my big stories. I am proud of it.

I wish I could tell it to them you know, but then I just can’t muster up the courage to tell them because I just don’t feel that close or real with them, but, when writing, it’s just so easy and different.

Words and feelings pour into this and I feel at peace. My mind is almost free because I write every thought that is popping into my brain and then my hands without thinking just write down every one of these thoughts onto this. You must have noticed, I said “almost free”, I said this because I am still on the firsts of opening up and learning to be not scared of the people/friends and their judgments/confrontations after reading this.

It’s going to be tough but I am trying to learn and be well more one step closer to trying to sort out myself. When I feel like just abandoning this train of sorting myself out, I am going to remind myself to come back and read this and understand why I decided to write and do this.

I was always serious about writing, but I was just too lazy and well I didn’t know exactly what to write about. I had different phases of writing, and they are all evident on my Instagram page, the page that shows an entire development of myself. That’s why I love my bio so much because it shows the growth of me as a person and well as a writer. One of the places where I can be myself and not be afraid, considering how ironic it is that many people follow and see this goofiness that in person with them, I cant give my 100% “Roshniness” to them.

At least I am glad that there are some very few people I could show it to and be like that. I am so thankful and happy for that.

So why I decided to write now?

Because I am ready and it feels right now. It feels relaxing to let it all flow into my writing. My thoughts are set free and well, I have been keeping things in way too long after I had gone to uni and this writing has started to feel like a new start to opening up and more like therapy for me as well. It feels meditating.

As I was reading through my piece, I didn’t justify or give you a proper reason as to why those movies inspired me to write this at this time while watching the movie right now.

It’s because there are some things that need to be done in the moment. This happened to be just one of those “in the moments”

I will tell you in more detail on why Dear Zindagi to me is a movie that just connect to me and why ZNMD makes me wish for certain things. Both these movies have a vibe and connect to them that I just feel at home at.

By now you will understand, my thoughts are like the wind, scattered all over the place and blowing in every different direction. Like the direction the way, it flows from slow to fast. It’s just unpredictable and sort of random. Again, just like how I feel and my thoughts. My thoughts jump from one cloud to another, each varying of a different topic and sometimes the same, just slightly different or maybe the same.

Actually, I will tell you right now on why those two movies especially Dear Zindagi hits me to the feels.

I believe that when one is in the zone, you should just let them flow with it and soak it in. Don’t interrupt them. Then you speak and then be in the zone. Let everyone be in the zone. ( It works differently in different situations and is also applicable in certain situations. You know when.)

The movie has no relation to my life whatsoever, but you know there is a special and different kind of connect that I get. I learned quite a lot from that movie and when I feel down, I sometimes watch that movie to well learn and be happy. The song ” Love you dear Zindagi” is the song that gives me genuine happiness and positivity. That song and the other songs and the movie itself does wonder to me.

Right now, in ZNMD, the diamond biscuit song is going to be sung in a few seconds and I can’t help but laugh because of a very fond memory that I had in school.

Why so, it’s because my friends and myself sang this song as a school project maybe in 8th grade. The same concept and tune. Gosh, it was so fun. When I still watch it, I laugh and cringe so much. Like that one more video ad comes to my mind, my 12th-grade marketing project about Netflix. The ad I made, god it was so awkward and made me, my partner, the class and my teacher laugh so hard that they watched it again because they couldn’t get over it.

See, these are the big stories and moments of life. It’s the everyday laughter and smiles that result to some of these big ones.

In ZNMD, the concept of friendship is what got to me the most, reminds me of my best friends from school, the ones that are always going to be my best special closestttttt friends and no one new ever has been added to that list despite the number of new good friends I have made. It’s just that group knows me in and out, and it just feels right being it that way. The song ” Paint it red” in ZNMD is just proving to be so nostalgic right now.

Right now, at this very moment, I am in my zone and there is nothing to stop the words to flow out from me. I am being free.

So as I was saying about ZNMD, that three friends reminds me of my special girls S and A, because I want to respect the privacy. So we all are the only children and my dad thinks that’s the way how we all became really close and just connected. Ever since 4th grade, we have become inseparable. I can’t remember exactly when we all just stuck and got together cause it’s honestly been ages and way too long. It’s still going strong. We have planned to do a trip like the one that they did in movies either to Shimla or somewhere else. Waiting for that “someday” to happen.

And like that pact, there is one more pact that I had made with my other group of musketeers, to sneak back to our old school grounds, sit on the fields, talk late in the night. I am waiting for that “someday” to happen as well with K,D and D.

Like that, I have a bucket list of moments and wishes I have. That’s for another time.

It’s 12:20 and I am going to stop writing now. Time for me to watch the rest of the movie.

See you soon, amigos!!