Why have feelings when you can toss them out?

Will there come a time when I run out of things to write?

Sometimes I imagine a time and a world where we humans do not have any feeling and emotion. We are there to simply exist and nothing else.

What would happen to the world and us?

If I did not have feelings, I would not be in unwanted situations and I think that would be nice.

A world where feelings and emotions were non existent. A world where imagination were non existent. What would become of us? What would happen to me? What talent would I or the world posess if none of us could react to it? What talent would I have or do if I did not have the feelings in me to decide?

If not for the above, would our world even progress? Would this world even be worthy to be called the name “world”? What a bore would that world be.

I often think and am always in deep thought about this situation. Why do I need to have feelings about anything? Why was I not given the ability to not feel and be unresponsive to everything? If that were to be the case, what kind of life I lead?

An easy one but it won’t be called a life.

Sometimes I wonder if not for my feelings, would I have anything to write? If not for the stories I am in, would I have anything to write? If not for using my imagination, would I have anything to write? Am I using the world to find stories to write? Am I using my emotions and feelings to write? But isn’t that what writers do?

It would become a world not worth living in but how would we know if we did not posesses the things that made us feel? This feeling of the world not being alive can only be felt when we possess that feeling but if not, would it be easy and warm to live in this comfort?

Many of the times, I am grateful to feel many things but I am also emotionally tired and utterly devastated to feel it. It is exhausting having to feel and wanting to feel. Sometimes I feel I should get rid of the parts of my brain that causes me to feel and emote.

I do not know what to do when I face emotions I don’t want to face even if they are nescessary for me to progress. I do not like to feel emotions that make me heavy in my heart. I do not like to feel emotions that are filled with tears. I like being in happy thoughts and being in a world where my fantasies come true, but that’s not possible and I am okay with it.

Maybe I can choose not to feel some of these things, but what good would that do to me if I can’t accept them as a part of me? I can’t run away from them and I don’t want to. Each of these feeling helps me somehow, I just am not sure how but I know they do help in some weird way.

I think I embrace them but not well. Who am I to determine that? I don’t know on what basis I am making this deduction.

It is the bad times that make us feel this way. That is when the good times help.

I just look out at the world and I am thankful for every feeling and emotion bestowed upon me. If I were incapable to feel, I would not have had the joy and sanity when I looked outside.

If not for these given feelings, I would not have had the capacity to fully immerse in wonderful experiences I have with my family and friends.

I feel happy when I go out for a walk listening to mellow tracks. That gives me the warmth and resolution to keep going and to be inspired. I have my faith renewed once again and a hope that I will do just fine.

I would not lie when I tell you that I am in a dilemma with matters like these. At times it seems so good but at times it only pains. I will always have my reactions to life and I guess nothing could change that. I could perhaps learn to react better and not let it hurt me more than it should.

These things are out of control and that is why being human is the most difficult job in the entire galaxy. It is a constant state of managing them in various ways best suited to you and for the world outside.



Watching Nature

I got tired of straining my eyes looking at the laptop and TV screen, so I decided to sit this one out by going out in the balcony and sitting on the wooden chair.

I took my phone with me, set it on the table and started to play a playlist as I became ready to stare out at the trees and the building behind it. It was refreshing to look at something other than a screen.

I immersed in the experience of nature watching. I was surprised and fascinated to see different shades of green on the trees. There was all kind of shades and when the sun shined on them, it glistened. I never observed that until now.

I thought all trees and plants had a certain type of green to it, never bothered to look that there would always be something more.

Then I notice the small birds chirping and flying from one tree to another. I never knew there were birds so small that existed. They were so cute to watch, it kind of takes my fear from birds because they are very unpredictable creatures.

It was heart warming to see these small birds flutter around the tree and drink the nectar of the pink flowers that bore from the tree.

I looked at the sky and the clouds and it were as if I was in a Pixar movie. It looked so animated which made me wonder how can this be so life like?

I started to wonder why was nature watching such a unique experience in my head? What made it so special? Why was watching and admiring nature an opportunity such a transformative experience that I had to write about.

A few few years ago, this was normal. Being in the nature, playing outside, looking at nature and admiring it was all so normal and mundane. Before I was hooked onto technology, this was the world we lived in. A world meant to be admired everyday. A world that I looked at but now can’t pay enough attention to.

While I was watching the trees, I couldn’t help but have an itch to write down all these thoughts on my laptop. I was worried about forgetting this experience and just kept replaying every thought I wanted to write about.

I realized this was wrong. This was not me being in the moment. If I had to be in the moment, I had to get rid of all these thoughts occuping my mind and just be there in the moment with nothing else but just a mind appreciating how beautiful nature is and how glad I am to be here. That’s what I did!!

I had to learn that I need not write every thought that comes to my mind and if it slips away, it is okay. If it is worth remembering and writing, it will come back to you no matter what. It’s okay to write about everything and anything but it shouldn’t come at a cost where your life revolves around recording every thought.

I forgot how much I loved watching everything around me as I sit listening to music. I had a few more moments of solace to myself when I was interrupted by my mother who then joined me.

I realised two things then, I liked being alone. I like having a lot of time to myself. I do not appreciate when people disturb my time alone.

The second thing I realized was I was glad my mother interrupted me. We shared a good conversation, talked, laughed and then just sat there in silence admiring the small birds and the city we had an opportunity to live in. I also like spending time with people I care about even if they cause a disruption to my alone time. Some great memories are often made like that, but that doesn’t mean they should do it often. I would still end up liking it and maybe wanting it more.

(Next day after nature watching)

I feel like I jinxed the nature that I admire out in my balcony because they are cutting down the trees now.

Why is it the moment I start to like this, they decide to cut it down depriving me of the simple joy of watching nature right outside? Stepping out and sitting in that balcony was how I decided to spend my time away from the screen and admire nature and the world outisde. All this was to be done in the comfort og my own house and now that was gone.

This means I won’t get to look at the small birds and hear them chirp. I won’t get to watch the sun rays glisten on the leaves. It hurts when something you like is taken from you.

My heart pains listening to the handsaw cutting through the bark. It just keeps going on and doesn’t stop. It doesn’t even pause to let my heart not be upset and get over it. It just keeps going wher and wherrrrrrr…..

It’s not a pleasant sound to hear something you like being taken away by machines. How are machines the downfall as well as the uprise to man’s kind?

There are still trees out but it doesn’t carry the charm it used to. It is not as high and as green I would like it to be but I guess it would soon be something I could get used to.

A week of philosophies, Day 3

This is a new thing that I am trying and focussing on.

Few philosophies that I like can resonate with, that can express my feelings or concepts that simply I needed to hear and be inspired by.

A week of philosophies. 7 different ways to look and learn about various aspects and views of life.

7 days to learn new, different 7 philosophies and incorporate these learnings into my life.

Day 3, September 13th 2018

Today’s philosophy: Stocism

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What is Stoicism?

“External thinks are not the problem. It’s your assessment of them. Which you can erase right now.” 

Marcus Aurelius

In simple words, Stoicism sets out to remind us of how unpredictable the world can be.

Stoicism doesn’t concern itself with complicated theories about the world, but with helping us overcome destructive emotions and act on what can be acted upon.

The Stoics focus on two things:

  1. How can we lead a fulfilling, happy life?
  2. How can we become better human beings?

The goal of Stoicism is to attain inner peace by overcoming adversity, practicing self-control, being conscious of our impulses, realizing our ephemeral nature and the short time allotted.

It’s important that we understand the obstacles that we face and not run from them; it’s vital that we learn to transmute them into fuel to feed our fire. But at the very root of the thinking, there is a very simple, though not easy, way of living. Take obstacles in your life and turn them into your advantage, control what you can and accept what you can’t.

To understand more in depth about the concept, I have put down a video that can make you all understand the concept with ease and clarity.

Origin

“Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won’t make us happier.”

Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

Stoicism originated as a Hellenistic philosophy, founded in Athens by Zeno of Citium (modern day Cyprus), c. 300 B.C.E. … The name comes from the Stoa Poikile, or painted porch, an open market in Athens where the original Stoics used to meet and teach philosophy.

Why was I inspired to choose this?

“How does it help…to make troubles heavier by bemoaning them?”

Seneca

We may not always have control of the events that affect us but we do have control over our emotions, recations and ourselves. That is what inspired me to incoorporate stoicism into my life.

I want to learn how to be calm and not blame the world. I want to know how to deal with life at its worst, be understanding and not let if affect me in any bad way, shape or form.

I wish to be calm, positive, think of the best in everything, learn how to not let things get to me easily.

I want to pratice the art of stoicism in my daily life. I want to maitain an inner balance and peace within me.

 

How to practice stoicism

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Some ways that I have found to be of interest and use that could help incorporate stoicism into my life and also yours.

  1. Early morning reflectionFirstly, be thankful that you have actually woken up, many people will not have this privilege today.

    Secondly, plan how you will embrace your virtues and avoid your vices. Pick a particular philosophical precept or a personal strength you want to cultivate and think about how you can incorporate it into the day ahead. Mentally check how you will deal with any difficult situations that know may well arise.

    Thirdly, remind yourself that the only things you can control are your thoughts and your actions. Everything else is uncontrollable.

  2. Meditate and make your mind at ease. Self retreat
  3. Regular self-imposed discomfort. It is, again, both a reminder of what we have and may take for granted. Negative visualization is a simple exercise that can remind us how lucky we are.
  4. You can use a philosophical journal as a tool to discover your own shortcomings and to track the way you change over time. By constant reflection we can improve our current and future life.
  5. The thinking behind this exercise is that every situation has many layers, just like an onion. Each layer represents something that we bring to the situation and not the situation itself. It’s only by considering the core issues without the relatively unimportant layers we add that we can act according to a proper ethical framework. Stop considering your reputation or whatever personal advantage you think you may gain as part of the equation when working out what to do in a given situation. Ask yourself the following questions:
    • What value does this situation bring to everyone? You might be surprised at how many times the answer is “none”.
    • What type of qualities does this situation require? If you have these qualities then great, if not then just think of this situation as a good chance to develop them.
    • Learn from your mistakes is the ideal lesson
  6. Bed-time reflection. Think about your day what has happened. Mentally replay your entire day and then ask yourself the following questions:
    • Did I behave according to my principles?
    • Did I treat the people with whom I interacted with in a friendly and considerate manner?
    • What vices have I fought?
    • Have I made myself a better person by cultivating my virtues?

 

For more info, do check out the below sources!! They do help and provide a lot more in detail

Sources

10 Insanely Useful Stoic Exercises

https://howtobeastoic.wordpress.com/2016/10/13/how-i-practice-stoicism-the-nuts-and-bolts/

 

Today’s quote to end the day

Objective judgment, now at this very moment.
Unselfish action, now at this very moment.
Willing acceptance–now at this very moment–of all external events.
That’s all you need. 

– Marcus Aurelius

 

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A week of philosophies, Day 2

Breathing in.

” Never had I thought that the scents I would breathe in would someday become the dire drug my body needed in order to exist and often be used to rejuvenate myself back to life. This was that drug that needed to be taken in your life quite often to know that good and joy still exists. It’s a holy blessing.”

 

Disclaimer: Experiences might differ from one indivdiual to another

It was a normal day. Nothing ordinary out of the blue was going to make an entrance into my life.

Dad was coming back from Kerala, after his short visit. So the whole morning was dedicated to his coming. Mom finishing all her jobs in a panic and hurry was a sight my heavy heart had to witness every day. This routine was the usual dose a morning in this household could have. So far, no screams had been hurled because it was just the two of us for now.

I took my morning shower and then proceeded to help my mom ease the panic and the tension. So the first task of the day was to put the old newspapers out for recycling.

Taking the papers in my hand, as soon as I stepped out of the flat, the scent of the corridors eased my panic and helped me relax.

I was happy, I was the nostalgia happy.

For a brief moment, a short movie based on my memory of the happy days in Kerala played. The scent of the corridors took me back to the mornings of Kerala, at my mother’s place.

It started with a house beside the lake. Early mornings, I could hear the temple sermons and songs. That was how the small town woke up.

Later in the day, I could hear the birds chirp and that’s how I woke up. The curtains danced along to the wind, the sun rays lighted up the room and the breezy cold wind woke me up. This alarm clock was one of the world’s best invention and creation. It was my secret and also that of the town’s. It was solely ours.

My morning started with the scent of the warm milk my grandmother made for me.

Then later, the house was filled with the scent of flowers especially of Jasmine’s. We had a small garden at the back, so when we left the back doors open, the smell of that small garden and of the green plot would make its way into the house.

Soon, later in the day, my grandmother’s cooking would take up the scent of the air and it was one of the holiest smell I could ever remember.

Then as the morning events proceded, each scent would follow and arise from different tasks.

The washing of clothes and hanging it on the open terrace had a different smell of its own. I loved every aspect of it. Whilst hanging out the clothes on the terrace, I was gifted with the view of seeing my small town at it’s best every day till I left.

We always came during the monsoon reason, so when it rained. It was a bliss and an escape from the summer heat of Dubai.

When it rained, the drops that would hit the green trees, plants and leaves had a very pleasant smell of its own. The earthy smell when the rain poured down is a wonderful feeling and emotion. The raindrops danced on the roof and provided music to everyone’s ears.

Going through the events of the day, different smells and scents would fill up my nose and my mind.

The days of Kerala always carried the best scents and memories.

That was the end of the corridor whiff.

Now as I stepped into the house, another scent masked the house.

The scent of nostalgia masked again, something unexplained. Another array of nostalgic experiences masked me again.

The old memories of Dubai and Kerala, the memories of my family was dug deep from beneath my heart and was played in my mind.

The early mornings of school flashed through my mind, my mom getting ready to come along with me to bid a nice goodbye when I step on to the school bus. Then would come the afternoon where the fresh smell of my mother’s food would mask the entire house.

The afternoon naps, the tutions, the night rides and walks also decided to make its way into the movie being played in my head.

Then the good memories of the weekend also made its entry. Early morning fresh Agarbathi’s lighted by my dad and a nice temple song to wake me up.

It always fascinated me on how certain scents and smells could trigger some of the deepest fresh memories rooted in my mind.

What I have always liked about this entire process and creation was that none of the bad memories and events that took place in my entire life made even the slightest of guest experience in this head of mine when these scents evoked my memories. This was one of those experiences that had pure goodness and only contained happiness in them.

Later then, I would start missing it all but I was happy that I had these to cherish and they were only mine to be. I was happy and grateful that all of it happened.

How can those same whiffs of scents be recreated when I am at a place far far away from the source? How can these scents be recreated? Why do these scents play back those memories? How and why are always the two questions I have and I have never found a clear answer to it till this day.

This intrigues me.

Despite all my doubts and quests for an answer, The world is a wonder and so is the universe and the galaxy.

These are some of the mysterious workings of the world that I like and would always want as my constant wherever my life takes me and at any age.