Getting my tattoo done

I got the good kind of excitement nervous nerves now.

My mom and my family well just kept saying it was going to be painful, its not too late to back out. They just kept tensing me up but I know they care about me and they can’t stand to see me in pain, but I am doing it because I want to do this for myself.

I already had one tattoo done, this is my second one out of many more to come

I want to show a part of myself in this tattoo. I have been planning it for not a long time but still been doing the planning for some time and I have never been more sure of anything. I can’t promise you that I am not tensed. I am tensed and scared because well I am doing it on my ankle where the bones are and apparently it hurts, so it has been said by my mother.

So being myself, this time I did not succumb to the chance of googling it. I did not google whether it was going to pain or not and if it pains how much. I am proud of myself that I did not google it.

As time gets closer, I am nervous but very excited. This is something, a part of something that is going to show me, who I am. I guess it’s going to be an easy conversation starter among new folks if they notice my tattoo. They ask what it is and I tell them what it stands for.

They are going to be in for a long ride and so are you because I will be explaining it to you as well. It’s 3:34 now and my appointment is at 4:30 or 5. It might last two hours, kind of scared about that. I am afraid of well the pain a lot because that’s been imprinted on my mind but it’s going to be the good kind of pain isn’t it?

When I get back, I will be marked with another tattoo. Going unmarked, coming back home marked with meaning and passion.

So I am back from the tattoo place and while I was there, I jotted down a few thoughts and sent them to my best friend, my soulie when I was getting it done. I couldn’t be more happier of the tattoo and it means a lot to me and I will be explaining it in an other post.

So these are the thoughts that I wrote down to my friend when getting inked.

My mom had me freaked out but then I guess I was more anxious before the needling I mean I just wanted the needle to start. I was eager to know how it felt because all these thoughts and discussions about it paining so much, it just felt tiring. That panic before getting tattoed, you know like when will the needle come and all that and is it going to hurt and all that panic made me more scared and nervous but now it’s cool.
 
It does sting and burn a bit but then it goes. You know when she takes the needle for like a brief pause, and then she puts it again For some reason I find it pains I guess it’s the shock when it hits again
You know when she takes the needle for like a brief pause, and then she puts it again For some reason I find it pains I guess it’s the shock when it hits again

I am also planning to get this one more tattoo done, that’s going to take place after a long time 
I really wanted to do it after masters, but it’s quite big and like I don’t want to get really big tattoos before I get married.
So I thought I would get that tattoo after my marriage cause my parents are cool with it 

I guess you know the thing about this tattoo is that it takes so long. The wait is now part of the pain.You just want to get it done with, but you also want it to be perfect and well not wrecked cause it’s gonna be on your body forever or until the day you die. 

And also it pains but not that much. It’s like a ticklish pain It’s like intense penning. You know when you draw on your hand intensely with a pen. It’s like that but there are some places where it pains but then it goes. It doesn’t actually pain that bad. You get used to it and for a while I liked it. 

I can’t wait for you to see it

These are the maximum clarity I could get, I really wanted to upload a video but there is some issue with uploading videos. Security reasons apparently.

So this tattoo means a lot to me because each charm on this bracelet symbolizes a part of my personality and what I believe in and what I love and also who I am. 

The dots mean that there is more to come, I am going to evolve and change. That is why I did not do it as one single line around because that would mean it’s closed which is why I kept the charms on the dotted lines.

The joker stands for a fact that I love movies. Movies and shows are a huge part of who I am. The Joker also represents that there is a chaos and madness that runs in me but there is also good in me as well. I feel like many of me is an emboidement of many characters that I have watched on shows and movie. I am inspired by these characters that I watch. The reason I chose Joker to represent I love movies because he is such an iconic figure and I love him.

The book stands for my love for books, stories, writing and creativity. It is through them I decided I wanted to have a future in the literature field. 

The plane stands for my passion to travel and discover the world and always being curious of everything even if I don’t show it.

The building and the planet stands for the outside representation of me. The building stands as what people view me but the windows and the planet mean there is a whole universe inside of me. There is more to me that people and even my best friends and family will never know. It also means I love the city but am also a nature gal as well. It means home, friendships and family to me as well. 

The music notes stand for how much I love music and how much it helps me as a get away and also those are the notes to my favorite song in the entire world, Maps by Maroon 5 and these notes are also there in a similar pattern to another song Stockholm Syndrome by One Direction which was the start to me loving them and well the start of listening to more of English songs. They also have the same notes in a similar pattern to the start of my favourite Band Panic! At The Disco’s song Miss Jackson which got me into them!!

It’s total of 5 charms bound by a bracelet making it 6 because I love even numbers. ♥️

One Last Look

Friday 26th October 2018

It was time to leave again. It was a short visit for four days to home to resolve an issue.

Taking a break from uni and going back for that short time was just diffcilut because I was used to my routine and breaking it and leaving felt hard because I knew when I would return back to my routine, I would have a hard time adjusting to it again.

Life surely had it’s ways of working.

After those 4 short days, I was going back to university, a life that I was starting to love and enjoy. But right now, I couldn’t savour it because I was leaving my home, my past, my childhood, my memories, my nostalgia, my essence for good.

I was leaving this part of Dubai, Bur Dubai, My home for 18 years and moving into a new unkown tritory somewhere in Dubai, but not that I can call it home.

As I was getting ready to leave the flat, a few minutes before, I went around my small home and gazed and loooked at every nook and corner in every room. I remembered the 17 years of my life, the life that I spent in this building and neighbourhood.

Bitter sweet ones they were.

I smiled, but it was a sad one.

With my bags ready to go back, I stepped out and as soon as the doors shut, that was it. It was the end of an era.

I looked back, wished and dreamed that it was all a bad nightmare. A nightmare that I could wake up from but it just kept going on. It did not stop to comfort me, instead it just moved ahead.

As we got into the car, my mom held my hand. I looked at my building, the streets, the night lights, the shops, the roads and I kept looking back and I did not want to say goodbye. Not yet, probably not ever.

She couldn’t help but hold my hand tight and say that we will be back here for drives and visiting, but we both knew it would never be the same. I looked around the streets again, I  was trying so hard to fit all of it into my brain at one go.

In that moment, I felt that living there my whole life wasn’t enough to capture everything. I needed more of it. I did not want to leave something so comforting and familar, it had it’s flaws and horrible times but it was home.

The home that was there for me throughout my life. It felt too hard to let go.

It felt as if I was slowly letting it all go, forcefully. Someone was taking it away and there was nothing I could do but simply watch as I let it slip through my hands.

 

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It was hard to follow and understand what Robin said, but when I think about it.

It’s true. Sometimes things had to change and I should be greatful that I wasn’t leaving Dubai. I was moving into a new place with new beginnings. That is something to look forward to. More memories.

It was just that small part of my heart I had to say goodbye too. It hurts and breaks every single time, but in time it would be healed and fixed. It would still hurt to think about it but maybe, a bit less than before.

I thank you and love you so much home, for what you have done and taught me. I will always love and remember you.

 

You will always be a part of my eternity.

 

Going back to Airports have always been the worst part of going to Uni. I would like to put this in simple words as possible, IT SIMPLY JUST SUCKS. There is no easy way ever to make this process a less painful one.

I can never get used to it. I would like to say that someday I would hope to change that, but as i keep growing up and with time moving on so fast, it seems to get tougher every time. 

Whilst on the way, I looked at the streets, the lights shined bright but not the type of bright that would make you happy and heart content. It was the type of light that made you remember all the special moments in your life. It was the type of light that remindes you why you fell in love with it the first place. It was the type of light that would make you not want to go back. It captures you and makes you want to see it every single day, for the rest of your life. It traps you in a trance. It’s magic that you never want to let go of.

As I was nearing the destination, I gave the old memory box a quick look and winded it. I replayed each one of those memories. It was nice but felt sad, every single time.

I would not go into the details of the airport check in process because I dislike it immensely but I would give you an insight on how it all went down when I had to say goodbye.

Every time I took a step to leave for the check in, I would go back to return for that one last hug. I did not cry but as soon as I gave that final goodbye, I walked and then came the tears. I did not let them see me cry because I woudln’t want them to cry too. I wanted them to see me happy and content. That’s the least I could give them for being the good parents they are, and I left to return back to my life here, at Nottingham.

 

So that was it

Those four days marked the end of an era

And on the last day, I had my one last look