Love letters to myself

I was thinking about the good things I like about myself and I could barely come up with Ten things I like but when I started going down the bunny hole of all the bad things about myself, that list outweighed everything.

Is it just me or is that all of us? Do our negatives outweigh the positive?

Do we ever look on the positive? Do we only have that limited qualities we love about ourself? Why?

We should have more than a Hundred reasons as to why we love ourselves. Perhaps, we should see ourself in the eyes of people who love us. I guess we will know our worth but why do we need someone to see what we love about ourself. We should know our self worth and why we love ourselves.

It is just that there are different perceptions of beauty and what it means to be beautiful and it is all very confusing.

Some of the people stick to the traidional norm of beauty which I find silly. Beauty comes in all shapes and form and if you want to change something about yourself, you should do it to make you happy not just because someone is pressuring you to change.

Be you and be proud of it! Own it!

This is going to be a series where every month, I write something I love about myself. This is not boasting but self love that we all need to do every day and not just once a month.

I want to focus on the physical beauty as well as the inner shine in me! I am going to alternate between physical and inside beauty.

Eventually I will be running out of body parts to list, so I will have to stick to other aspects I like about myself. It is going to be quite a challenge to write out what I like about myself. It seems like a passage of self discovery.

Sometimes all it takes for us to come crashing down is one moment of self doubt, comment or anything and we forget everything that is good about us. So, when I feel low or insecure, I can go back to these letters and remind myself why I should love me!

I want all of you to do this as well! Love yourself every day!

When it comes to physical beauty, I blank out. I literally do not know what I find beautiful about me. My mom says I am beautiful but she is my mom. That is her job. She loves me, so she says it and so does my dad and my grandparents. I just do not see it.

Today, I am going to try and figure out one physical aspect I love about myself.

This is hard. It shouldn’t be this hard.

Dear Roshni,

This is Roshni writing to Roshni!

The first thing that came to my mind is that I love our eyebrows. They are thick and just suit our face!

It makes me feel confident, beautiful and cute! My mom says I got her sister’s eyebrows and I am glad! She was a very beautiful person inside and out. God bless her soul!

My eyebrows help me express a lot of emotions. I can be sarcastic, mean, confused, bubbly. You name it and I can try and do it.

My eyebrows make me feel amazing! When I go and get my eyebrows done, it makes me feel so confident that I can take on the whole world.

It feels weird not writing a very long passage as to why I love my eyebrows. Usually, I find myself ranting on and on but this feels short and precise. I think sometimes that is just it.

It feels right ending it now.

What am I good at?

So just two days back, I was having this talk with my dad for something imporant and I don’t know how the conversation was exactly. I guess it was something about hobbies or something else, but something in that conversation sparked my doubting self to think and wonder what was my speciality.

What am I good at?

I know many people and they all are good at something and they say it with confidence. They do not have to ponder and think if they are good at it, they know they are and they do not mean it as a way of self boast or praise. They are just confident and it’s good to know that.

Over here, I am wondering I do have quite a lot of hobbies or things I do, but am I good at it?

If you have to ask me what I am good at, I would say I like writing and well watching movies and tv shows, but being good at it, I don’t know. I mean how can you possibly go wrong with tv shows, movies and fandoms?

Whereas in the other case, my pieces of work, I am proud of it and happy with it but I don’t know if I can say I am good at writing. I would like to think of myself as being a good writer but what really confirms that notion?

Do people’s critique stand as a factor to determine how good am I in what I do? Thier comments, likes and appreication, is that how I know, we all know?

I do believe that I do have quite the creative and imaginative skills inside my head, but most of the times I tend to not express it out because I just don’t know and most of the times, I do like to keep it in my head. My head is a place where I can control and create and if there was some sort of way where I can show it. I would.

Again coming back to the million dollar question, WHAT AM I GOOD AT? How do I know? How do I answer this to myself and to others?

Do I know I am good only if I achieve something with it or am I good when other people recognize it or is it an understanding from within? I don’t seem to understand.

Let’s leave the creative set of skills aside and come down to the personality traits? When Buzzfeed quizzes have these questions, “which word would you use to describe yourself or how would your friends describe you? ” I honestly can’t decide which trait to choose? How do I know I am good at it?

I have different traits some more prominent than others and with different best friends, some show more than the other and some don’t. I know how to describe myself but what about my friends?

I feel confident in taking role of skills such as goofy, weird, crazy, sometimes funny and organized but when friends decide these other skill sets, am I good at it? Probably so.

The question again comes down to it, Am I good at those skills?

This English litearture and language degree I am doing, I love it but what determines whether I am good at it and what determines it would be grades and knowledge of it. I do have the knowledge for it but some of the times, it’s the grades that’s hard to get.

So does that mean I am not good in what I do? Will the people see beyond my grades and look at the passion, hard work, love I have for this subject. Will they believe I can do it? I do believe in myself, I just wish other people could see it too. I wish future employers would look at my knowledge and passion I can put in rather than my grades mostly.

Knowing myself, I overthink a lot and this overthinking voice of mine questions every thought, affirmation and reaffirmation of mine making it an impossible task to settle down with a calm and reassuring reason.

If anyone out there has an answer to this question of mine, please do tell me.

Master Yoda or Obi Wan Kanobi or any of the Avengers, do tell me because you would clearly know. I think I would like to hear from Tony Stark because he would be more realistic with the advice. I wouldn’t mind hearing from Thanos because who wouldn’t like to hear a difference and variety in an opinion.