A man has been created out of the blinds amongst the curtains.
I discovered him one night when I couldn’t sleep. I was staring hard at the desk and curtains in front of me, shapes started to emerge within the blinds. His birth was a gradual process and he was thus born.
I couldn’t sleep despite the amount of trickery I tried on myself. My mind outwitted me.
I spoke to him. He seemed nice. Too tall and lean, it scared me. He was cloaked in darkness.
He seemed uninviting.
He watched every move.
I did not want to be scared of him.
The first step was acknowledging his existence.
It was only fair to give my friend a name.
He was my creation. So, I gave him his name, Rounald.
I connected with his name. It felt intimate.
It was hard to sleep knowing his darkness just stared at me. He moved funny. He did not move from his spot, yet he was all over the place.
He was like one of those tall balloons high up in the sky with hands and legs that moved around in the air.
I kept watching him.
I stared at him intensely and had conversations. It was one sided but satisfying.
After a point, my visions started to blur, and I saw him leaping all over. He no longer was my Rounald.
I told him to quit it.
I was afraid of him now.
I turned away from him, turned over to left side of the bed and slept.
I wanted to peek a look and see if he was still there, lurking
I couldn’t bring myself to do it because I was tired and did not want to give him the satisfaction, but I was mostly scared.
Nowadays, I do not want to step into the bedroom when the lights are off.
I know he would be there in his usual spot.
How do I know?
It’s because I have felt a cold draft of wind behind my back at the very thought of him. A physical coldness now encapsulates me.
It was chilling then but now, romantic.
I am still scared but my fears are now being washed over.
Slow and steady wins the game.
I have created him. That’s the fact.
To live alongside him or to deny his existence, that was my call.
I chose the former
Now, I sleep at ease knowing he watches over me.
It is late night or more so the cusp of a new dawn
I hear the sounds of the night and watch the streets remain empty
I listen to the winds roll across the city
I can see the strong waves of water and wind gush over the city
Droplets of rain stay on the glasses of the windows tonight and I will bid them adieu soon
The blinds in my room rumble from the winds of the outside world
The windows are shut yet their force can be felt in this small world of mine.
I am left with a lot to think.
In this night, what are we?
I listen to music that was meant for this night.
I listen to the beats that make me question my destiny
I listen to rhythms that challenge my beliefs
I have the gift of watching the world from a magnitude and I use it best according to my capabilities
I sometimes watch the people walk on the streets and try to wonder what their story in that precise moment is
I look out to the windows of the other buildings that surround me and try to find a sign of humanity
Whatever I have written now has stemmed from watching a movie “I lost my body”
An emotionally gripping movie that takes us through a journey of destiny and pain
Taking risks, living through pain, deviating from the prewritten path of destiny.
Watching movies helps me understand myself and the world
I watch movies to learn pieces of information that I think I may not learn from anywhere else
I watch them to understand and discover new realms of imagination and theories that I may never find in conversations with myself or the people around me
I watch them to escape from time momentarily
I pay attention to them so that I feel
I watch them to understand because I believe that they make me special
I love to possess a knowledge that pertains only to me and when sharing it, it makes me feel unique.
As I listen to the soundtrack of ‘I lost my body’ I am struggling to find the ending to my thoughts now
My mind can only think of the brilliancy of the movie but also of the night that I am passing through right now
As I listen to this music, I am lost in the moments and in the world of my own thoughts and that of the movie’s.
Every step outside the hallway frightens me as I have no desire to meet anyone and would rather be writing this.
Every step inching towards my door nerves me because I do not want to talk to anyone as I wish to be left alone during this time.
Perhaps, I shouldn’t be trying hard to figure out how to end this.
I do not feel the need to stress out the manner of words I want to put on this
Sometimes, the ending is better left just as it is, without over thinking.
I feel obliged to tell you more but whatever I will be writing would just be a rephrasal of my initial thought.
So, allow me to slip into my world and my routine and let me wish you all a good night.
I am right here, just away from your eyes.
Today was a beautiful day.
The world spoke to me and the day invited me to seek and soak out the sun and everything it touched
“Get out!” it screamed and that’s what I did!
I have been living in Nottingham for quite some while and it was the first time I had heard of Night Lights- a celebration of lights and art!
There were many events being held in different parts of the town!
It was only very few times that one would come across this celebration!
So, I took the chance and it gave me a reason to go out and explore!
A reason to discover and to connect!
An event that caught my attention was one organized by the Green’s Windmill and Science Centre! It offered visitors to view the night lights of the city from a height. My lust for the lights convinced me to go and feast
I did go to the windmill once with my father and we had to climb four flights of steep stairs to reach the top.
Each step to the view that awaited was a step closer to my heart clenching.
The reason for my heart to cry out in danger were because of the large gaps between each step.
My brain convinced me that I would slip through those gaps and break the bones or my body or my head
So, my father held my hand and helped me face my fear to climb them.
I trusted my fears to leave me as soon I held my father’s hand who led the way.
My fear subsided but never left.
Cutting back to the present, I forgot about those steps and went to see the light.
As soon as I entered the mill, my eyes fell upon those cruel spaces between those stairs.
My fears came back and I almost decided to abandon my quest to see my love, but I took a brave step and started the ascent
It was terrifying but my feet led the way and my heart dropped further and further.
Upon reaching each level, I looked out those small windows and let my eyes gaze upon the skies and then stared with awe at the lights twinkling in the dusk
I couldn’t get enough from each floor and the desire to see more kept me going further and further upon the stairs
It was terrifying with each step and when I looked down at my feet climbing them, my heart and my body shivered but the desire was stronger than ever.
As, I finally reached the top, relief and accomplishment showered upon me
I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF!
I for the first time successfully without anyone’s lending hand faced the daunting fear of these god forsaken stairs
However, my challenge did not end there.
I had to come back to the ground and climbing down somehow was much worse
To see all the huge gaps at one go as you walk down was my doom
I carefully took all the time the world offered and let my feet step down onto each step slowly as a tortoise.
The rest was history but I reached the ground.
I had completed the ascent!
No matter how small the adventure or challenge is, once completed, nothing can ever amount to the greatness you feel!
One day, one adventure
Many more to go
To capture this state of euphoria, I wrote down my thoughts and I couldn’t be more serendipitous.
Out of this day came a work of art that I am proud of.
Sometimes, I do it for the words and sometimes, I do it for the adventures.
Today, I did it for both.
Hey everyone, this is me Roshni and I am here to tell you that I am trying out this new thing I have written about. It’s quite a piece and I am approaching with it in a different manner.
Over the course of the next days, I will be posting that piece bit by bit and I hope some sort of effect might be achieved through this. I hope the effect that I crave for might get achieved and I would love to see your feedback and comments to it
I was inspired to write this piece, more so I felt I should write this piece after watching Ex-Machina. I did not write it immeidately after the movie, I just couldn’t get my slumber and then that happened.
Thank you for being there in this journey and thank you for your reads, follows and likes and I appreciate it so much.
Thank you all once again and I really hope you all like it.
I entered into a beautiful trap. It was a trap right from the start. I knew it but I went in.
At the entrance, it gave me a chance to let go of my worries and I hastily took it to enter the world of words.
Far away from all the crowd, I spotted a small bench and sat down amidst all the books. Every story looked towards me. Everything was within my reach. I felt at peace.
The covers of the book charmed me. I read them front and back. I felt excited!
I looked and gazed at all the wonders the authors left for me. I fell into an enchanted trap.
Amidst the crowd, I held the two books that caught my eyes.
I sat down in a spot, far away from the eyes of the crowd. I gently opened the first page, admired it, flipped each page and thus I began to read.
After a short while, I looked up at the world around me and I saw it all.
Different worlds under one roof. Any book that I held in my hands, refused to let me go. I refused to be taken away from my world.
Once the thoughts tried to make its way back, I started to get back to my reading. The music played soothed me, yet I got worked up as each page turned by. Time seemed to halt for a long pause when I was here.
Hours could pass by and I never was aware, because it was all a part of an elaborate scheme in works. It was all a beautiful trick, a trick of feeding on my emotions until the very end.
I was oblivious to the happenings of the world and the crowd around me. This was a world where I was persuaded and allowed to take breaks from life.
Perhaps this was why it played its tricks, it could have been its way of acting out on the pain inflicted on taking some of its heart away. Or it wanted some of its heart to be taken away. It might have enjoyed it.
Two sides existed, one can never know which one it chose and which one it was forced to end up being. Or it could have ended up with its favorite choice as well.
This was a world where manipulations and trickery were at its level best and it worked its enchantment quite well.
Those who survived had a gleaming pride on their face because they got to take a huge portion of this world’s heart with them, and for those who couldn’t as much as they liked or couldn’t at all had their hearts toyed with, they had a sliver of hope yet were dismayed.
Over here, hope existed despite all the pain.
Despite all of it, this place took away my worries and sorrows.
It became a place to indulge my mind and heart with the world of others.
It was a place that took me to places further and beyond within and from this spot.
It soon became the time to leave.
The moment I stepped out of the exit, I was forced to head back to a world of ruins and mind succumbing thoughts.
To help cope up, I brought a part of it along with me. It wouldn’t last long, but I accepted it and held it in my hands. I kept it close to my heart vowing to never let go. I sniffed the pages and instantly, I was brought back to a world of beauty and tranquility.
I was a lost traveler until I stepped into your world. No questions arose when I came to you. You are a force that kept pulling me to you and I vow to always be in that loop.
Thank you and until next time.
( The featured image is taken by my dear Friend, Raveena.
This is one of the bookstores I love going to. I wrote this when I was here sitting on one of the spots with two books in my hand. Bookstores and libraries are where I feel at peace and at home. I have this dream when I own a house, a room dedicated just for my books and to every book out there. A room filled with treasures overlooking the view of the skies and tall scrapers and at night, I see all the city lights within the comfort of a book in my hand and some good music. )