I want you.?

Some song plays and I am reminded of you in some manner. We might not know each other well but I really want to get to know you and I wish I could be with you.

I wish I could spend time with you. I enjoy talking to you and I wish we could just talk more about so many different things.

I know I can live just fine and amazing without you in my life but if you were in my life, it would make me a bit happier.

There are a few things that I wish for sincerely in my life and I guess you are one of it.

I wish I knew what was going on in your mind when we talked. I wish I could figure out why you want to talk to me or why you just send me messages out of the blue.

There are times when I completely forget about your existence and then there are times when the world makes me remember everything about you.

I only know so little about you but I still wish we were together in some manner, as friends or maybe something more.

I don’t think this is a crush I have on you or an obsession. I am going to rule this out as an unwanted fantasy/desire that has unnecessarily cultivated in my mind.

I don’t like you but I think I do at some points. It is a conflict I have been trying to deal with but I am helpless. These sudden out of the blue moments make me question so much.

I don’t understand why I feel too much. I am confused by everything my mind feels for you. I am lost but I am fine.

I wish there was a way to end this. You started this harmless conversation, so why can you not end it by doing something? I guess I am to blame as well because I like to respond to you.

I hate feeling this way but I enjoy the giddiness and the hopes. My heart leaps in teenage giddiness and there is nothing I can do about it. I have been through this road once and I am not keen to be on this road again knowing the outcome.

I wish there was some sort of closure I could get. I do not mind the outcome of the closure, be it bad or good. I just want a closure and not this vast doubt plaguing me.

I am falling for you and there is nothing I can do about it.

I hope this helpless crush becomes obsolete

Why am I chasing after something that is not meant to be?

This is just a silly game isn’t it?

This is absolutely nothing and I should just stop.

If not you, someone else. This would keep going on until I hit some sort of end.

Dancing At Two Am

As I was preparing to go to sleep, I decided to suddenly play some Hindi songs and let us say, I did not sleep for a very long time

I danced, pranced around my room imagining scenarios where I would get to perform these songs, weddings, parties and what not!

It was an amazing dance party! A party where my truest colours were lit around the entire room! I decided to let my best friend in on the secret and I sent her two videos of me just dancing and being my best!

After dancing to the fun songs, the romantic in me took over. Hindi romantic/sad songs for some reason have a strong grasp over my heart, the words, the rhtyhm, it makes sense. It makes you want to be in love and be in mutiple heart breaks just so you can imagine what it is like to go through those feelings in the song.

When I was a child, I asked my mom what these songs meant and she said they didn’t mean anything. They were just a bunch of words put randomly to create something for us to sing along. I trusted her blindly without question.

As I started to grow, I started to search for the answers to the questions myself. As I started to grow up, develop feelings and also understand the language more; I started to finally understand what everything meant.

What each moment of the song was trying to say and how I can possibly relate to it now or sometime in the future.

As I go back to listen to these songs, new feelings that were once not there are present as I listen to these old songs I once loved.

I am beginning to understand what it means to love and I beg to relate to it truly for at least once. With these songs, I am starting to understand and my heart wants more. The pain hits harder than ever before.

I guess that is what happens when you start to grow up and understand. You understand how complex and deep everything is rooted and once the wave hits, you sink in deeper.

The songs and movies that didn’t make sense suddenly make a whole lot of sense. Things I didn’t find once touching or meaningless now mean the whole world to me and are the most beautiful.

Why does everything mean different when you grow up and listen to it again? The meaning you thought back then was not what you think now.

When you close your eyes, concentre on nothing else but just the words and rhythm, you can slowly start to feel your heart clench, in pain or joy. I don’t know but what I feel now is pure truth and pain.

When my mother said that statement to me, did she really believe it and if she did, how did she even like the songs she liked back then if she believed they had no meaning. I bet she doesn’t remember that she told me this, but I remember every syllable as clear as day.

When those songs she liked played, why did she react if she believed they had no meaning? I guess she said that to stop the curious and annoying questions that I would ask her further.

Why am I doing this right now?

When small, many things don’t make sense and some do

When you start growing up, many things start to make sense and some still don’t do.

If any of you are interested, I will link down the songs I love to listen to that make me feel the most



The Liebster Award

When I first saw the notification, I couldn’t believe it. I have been nominated for the The Liebster Award. This was my first time ever being nominated on an award and I can’t believe I got nominated!! I have always wanted to get nominated and it actually happened!! I can’t believe it!!

Rules

  1. Thank the blogger(s) who nominated you.
  2. Share 11 facts about yourself.
  3. Answer the 11 questions the blogger(s) asked you.
  4. Nominate 11 bloggers and make them happy!
  5. Make up to 11 questions and ask them to your nominees.
  6. Notify your 11 nominees.

Thank you very much Manoj Mehra for nominating me for this award!! Do check out his blog as there are some very creative and inspirational pieces. (https://believestrong.wordpress.com/author/manojmehra2610/)


My 11 Facts

  1. I am from India and I have lived in Dubai for 18 years and now I live in Singapore. I study in Nottingham, United Kingdom
  2. If I could watch movies and shows all day, I WOULD!! I love them!!
  3. I am an introvert and a mix of an ambivert. I tend to not reveal a lot about myself. I have a problem sharing many of my life details with my friends and family.
  4. I really want to travel and discover more of the world
  5. I am an over thinker and I have many thoughts that pop up in my head
  6. I love to listen to music. I pretend to be in music videos when I listen to songs. Different songs give me different emotions.
  7. I love my mom, dad and my grandparents a lot. Their opinions matters to me a lot.
  8. I love spending time with my best friends. I have noticed that throughout my life, whatever friends I make, they end up being my best friends. Not all the friends, but many of them tend to be my best friends.
  9. I love to read books, sometimes I buy a lot of books and maybe do not read 1 of them. Guilty as charged.
  10. I love to dream and fantasize. If I could live in my fantasies, I would.
  11. Sometimes I pretend to have my own talk show or be in a talk show. Who doesn’t??

Answers for questions asked by Manoj

  1. Why did you start blogging?

I started blogging because I wanted a way to release my feelings and thoughts. It was becoming too much to keep it all in and I love to write. Writing was how I dealt with my emotions, thoughts and feelings. It gave me peace. I like having the creative control in my hands. I can do anything I want with words and turn them to a tool for me.

2. What would you like to change in your country and why?

I would like my country to be not very corruptive and be more peaceful. I would like for everyone to express their opinions without getting bullied. I would like for girls and women to be safe and not be afraid of the society and the country. I would like for my country to be happy.

3. What is your favourite country and why?

I like many countries, I do not have a favourite. If I had to choose a favourite country to live, it might be UK or USA because I love big cities and also nature. They have both.

4. On what basis do you/will vote in elections?

I would vote on the basis of how much good they would do for the country and the people. I would vote on the type of person they are. I do not want my vote to go in the hands of the wrong people.

5. One person to whom you want to apologize and why?

I would like to apologise to my mom for every mistake, fight and sadness I have caused to her.

6. What is your favorite movie?

This is a very hard question to answer because I love many movies and many of them are my favourites. If I had to choose, it would be Zindagi Na Milegi Doobara. An English movie would be V For Vendetta.

7. What is your favorite TV series or show?

Teen Wolf!! That show made me so happy and so emotional!!

8. Who is your favorite actor?

In the Malaylam industry: Dulquer Salmaan

In Hollywood: Christian Bale and Heath Ledger

9. Who is your favorite actress?

Emma Stone

10. Who is your favorite singer?

Band: Maroon 5, Panic! At The Disco, One Direction

Artist: Sabrina Carpenter and Zayn Malik

11. What is your favorite food?

Biryani!!


People who I am going to nominate!!

I would like to nominate everyone to do this but more so I would love to see my best friend Raveena do this!! I also am nominating a few people who I would love to see them do this and they do desreve this nomination!!

  1. https://raveenanigam.wordpress.com
  2. https://kiwikatastrophes.wordpress.com
  3. https://onthemiddlepath.com
  4. https://thesparklingwords.wordpress.com
  5. https://stoneronarollercoaster.wordpress.com
  6. https://rahulgaurblog.com
  7. https://thedentedsoul.wordpress.com
  8. https://indigoslife3.wordpress.com

Here are your questions.

These questions are open to anyone!! I would love to read all of your answers!!

  1. Why did you start blogging/writing?
  2. Biggest dream that you want to accomplish?
  3. What is a quote that you would live by? Or what is your favourite quote?
  4. What is your favourite colour and why?
  5. What is your best memory and why?
  6. If you had a super power what would it be and why?
  7. If you were able to act in any movie or show, which one would it be and why?
  8. If you had the chance to make a best friend group, which 4 famous people would be in it and why?
  9. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  10. The first thing you would do when you become a millionare.
  11. What is your favourite conspiracy theory and why?

Thank you all very much for following me and reading my work!! It means a lot to me and I can’t wait to see what holds in the store for me!!