In the admits of the clouds flying and soaring high amongst different shades of colours. I see all possibilities of a happy time but none can comfort me at this moment.
Right now I am in a moment of nervousness and sadness. Even if it was coming to Dubai for 4 days for an urgent matter, it felt out of place.
I should be happy going back to home for at least a small time shouldn’t I, but then why am I not?
The night before the journey
I was afraid to sleep, so I drank a cup of coffee and I usually never drink coffee because I have always found a bitterness to it but now that was what I needed to stay awake throughout the night.
I spent the night watching 3 of my favorite movies and eating snacks.
I took a puff to calm myself down, and it helped for a bit but then I fell back to the same old system again
It took me some time to adjust myself to the routine I made for myself. I was interested to go for my classes this year because I got to choose the modules I wished and wanted.
I was interested because I got into a good volunteering program and it upsets me to know that I won’t be there for the first meeting of the project.
I did not want to leave the life and my friends just for four days that would disrupt my whole life pattern.
I was trying to be happy, going back to my mom, that’s one bonus I am acquiring and her home made food, but I still am not calm about it. I also had the chance to meet two of my best friends after a long time and I got to admit, this was the best highlight.
And I know once I reach, I will find it hard to come back to Uni because that’s just me.
Once I land Dubai, I know it’s going to take everything in me not to fall apart and wish to stay there for as long as possible. I would wish and pray for those 4 days not to end and on the day of departure, I would be a wreck and I need to start adjusting myself again.
This is the process that I hate and absolutely despise.
But I find myself ready to come back to Uni, I am preparing myself.
Not to cry, not to fall apart. That’s the power of home, once you even take a step into it, you are gravitated right into the center and it would take all your wits and mights to break free from the force.
The moment the plane landed in Dubai
I knew the timer started to set for my return to UK and that’s the hardest part but now I am calm with it
Listening to some good songs helped me out and whilst I am here I am going to try and not focus on that
Uni ain’t that bad and I am finding it really lit and happy this year, and I can finally call it home because of the place and the people who made it special but, there will always be that but.
The day to leave
A few hours left to go.
I am feeling alright, not great but exisiting and being alright.
I am excited to get back to the routine that I have made for myself. I am eager to study, be with my friends, make notes, be in my room and have my alone time.
At the moment, an overwhelming surge of sadness and heart break has taken over me. Leaving my mom and Dubai never became easier.
But this is all for the best.
What we go through now, it’s all helping us prepare for a greater change and life. All these emotions, feelings and changes are my lessons. I am trying real hard to be the type of student who learns from it and use it at some point in life. Or just learn and deal with it for the fun of doing it.
– Roshni Marath Jairaj