I am selfish

I am selfish

I am selfish when I wish for plans to be cancelled so I can have a day to myself.

I am selfish in wanting to do things alone, things that my friends like to do with me, but I am selfish and want to do it by myself.

I am selfish for craving momentary happiness and for wishing momentary sadness for people who bring me down.

I am selfish in wanting to keep everyone to myself but I am also selfish when I want to keep myself away when they need me.

I am selfish when I don’t to share my world with the others.

I am selfish for wanting so much when I don’t deserve half of it.

I am selfish for not speaking up about what matters the most to me because it hurts others when I don’t.

I am selfish for speaking my true mind that hurt others and myself.

I am selfish for going after I want and not thinking about the countless lives I am leaving behind

I am selfish for wanting to chase something that can bring destruction to my family.

I am selfish when I escape into a world of mine because I refuse to participate in acts that hurt myself and other people

I am selfish when I do not want to face conseuqences to my actions

I am selfish in wanting to dodge my problems

I am selfish when I think about bad sins I want to do

I am selfish for judging about people’s sacrifices that were unnecessary. I am selfish when I do not see the real motive or purpose.

I am selfish for not making enough sacrifices.

I am selfish when I fail to commit to my words even if I can sense that it will kill me.

I am selfish in every way in everyone’s hearts

I am selfish in every binary situation and in every contrast

I live upto everyone’s words and yet continue to be selfish

I try my best not to be but I end up being anyways.

Do I know what selfish is anymore or do I just need a word to end everything I want to say?

1. The Prelude



This is a series, each piece with its own title and different lines.
You can read or approach it any way you would, but my personal recommendation is to stick with it from the beginning until the very end. It helps with the exploration of the journey.
I hope you all stick till the very end and I would love to see how you feel about it.

Thank you and now you may begin the journey…

Do you feel it too?

Do you feel your urges pinning you down into submission

Do you feel you want to let that energy burst into a million fragments 

When watching a movie or listening to a song or reading a story, do you feel you are in it savoring every moment of it

Do you feel you are with the character by their side or just as an observer from far 

Do you feel that closeness take over you

Do you feel at times you want to be that character 

When watching those intimate scenes with your favorite actors, do you feel or do you wish it was you being with them by their side 

Or in a song or in a book, do you feel you want to live it too?

Do you create dreams and stories to feel everything you want to feel knowing it could never be achieved in reality

Do you feel that strong urge as I do pushing me to do things

Do you feel that you have always wanted to do a monologue

The ones where you sit and watch in the movies where the actor or the actress talks to you or the audience in front of them 

In that dim lit room and that one chair standing admist the space 

The one ray of light shows how vulnerable you are in that moment 

It shows how weak you have become or how strong you wish to be

It shows the front you finally had to face but it only shows it to you or probably it shows to those people who have a keen inquisitive eye 

I feel like being in those moments every day or at least once where I have that light shone upon me and out I reveal that monologue that will enchant you forever 

I imagine myself in a different avatar when I do it 

I imagine strange and new faces not the old ones I am so used to seeing

I want to present this to the people of the unknown 

This is how I want you to remember me 

I want to invent and create versions of myself in the times I am talking to you through this monologue

This is how I want to live 

This is how I create that impact I envisioned in my mind 

This is what I want you to be fascinated with…

To Be Continued…