Faking it 101

So I am assuming you stumbled upon this by accident, or by scrolling through your feed, or because you were in dire need of help on how to learn to fake through it all.

Whether it’s faking life or faking interests or faking knowledge or just faking I am here to help you through it.

I am going to give you a few tips on how you can incooperate this “useful” method in your life and well wing it. I will try but I can assure you 60% because the rest 40% depends on your environmental factors and luck.

These are some few rules you should follow if you want to fit in with the “crowd”.

  1. First of all, before you get involved with whatever piece of fandom or converstaion you want to get into, RESEARCH EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. You do not want to sound like a basic fool, you want to be thriving and want to be intersting right? So do your research. Whatever it takes.
  2. Keep up with the current updates of whatever you want to be a part of. Search each and every nook and corner of the dark web.
  3. If anyone mentions a thing you don’t have a clue on anything or what’s going in the present convo or time, just keep your phone beside you and google it. That will save your day just for the time being.
  4. You don’t want to say anything stupid right? So get everything right because every little detail matters, if not you going to be banned for life and all your efforts would have become futile.
  5. If anyone asks for your opinion on the subject matter, go with the the answer I don’t know or I don’t think so or see what the other person says and how the crowd reacts to it, then go with the crowd. Be the sheep. If you be bold, you die and all your futile efforts would go to waste
  6. Third of all, if you do not want to do any of this, how about you accept it that it’s alright for you to not know about it and move on. Why be a wanna be?

It’s alright if we all have different interests and passions. I am trying to learn that and inccoporate it into my life, I am not good at it but I am trying my best. I often am shocked on how some people don’t like what I like or like the major fandoms but I am trying to get used to it because there are many things out there that I don’t like but others dp.

If my friends like something, I will give it a try and if I don’t like it, I won’t fake till I make it because that’s just not who I am. I have tried it in the past and trust me, it’s not worth the effort and time you think it’s going to be.

Not everyone in the world has to be alike or have the same common interests. You are lucky if you find your group.

In this day and age, I feel that it’s intense with the fandoms because I feel you feel pressured to get into it and might not like it. If you don’t like it, you feel like a outcast. That’s going to be there and it’s hard.

I just do not understand why hop on the wagon just because it’s popular or just because it makes you look cool or you want to be a part of the convoseration or fandom. If you genuinely want to get into it, we will all help but why the fakeness? You can simply ask how to begin but just sticking it right in the middle is not gonna be the solution to your problem.

It’s alright if you decide to get in it right in the middle or the very end, that’s completely alright because you are being complely authentic, genuinely interested. You want to know more and I get it but just pretending to care about it, now that’s where it itches.

Do you man!!

Another world of my own

My mother often tells me that I am in a world of my own

What does that even mean? When she sees me, why is it that her mind thinks I live in an other world of my own?

Is it because I choose to be oblivious to the macabre around me?

She says that I should often come out of this world I live in to face the monsters outside, but why?

I do spend my time with the monsters but I cannot do it all day, I need a break.

I do not disagree to her statement, what I will do instead is offer an explanation as to why I have built that world

I am a keen admirer and enthusiastic on many of the movies and shows out there, I am an avid watcher

I love to listen to music because in those rhythms generate a story that I would love to be a part of or simply they give me the estacy I need

The books that I read offer me a chance to dwell in those world and I love to loose myself into the extraordinary words. I love to understand what goes on behind each sentence. I love to move with the flow of the words.

All of the above act as a help, a sort of an escape from the troubles and plight I often am in especially when at home.

I remember the screams and shouts that echoed around the walls of the house and building a world was the only way I could ever relieve myself

When I step onto the grounds of that world, the troubles leave me and I am in a story

A world where different stories exist in different realities and various personas

I enter these worlds and live in them because I am selfish

I am selfish because I want to breathe the air of peace and silence for once without any worries in the world

In the years that I have lived on this earth, at every stage in my life, I have remembered most of the pain rather than warmth

From this world of mine, I receive happiness and most importantly solace and peace

I am not a fan of anyone who wishes to enter this world

I am not welcome to the idea of anyone wanting to talk about this world

I want to lead a life that I can live in peace and happiness

I am an avid watcher of many movies and shows. I love to read the lines within the stories that unfold. I live in these worlds because they help me escape a world of my own. A world that never has the potential to offer a cure for every thirst I quench.

These stories that I witness help me forget the reality I am sometimes trapped in. I do not relish these stories soley for the purpose of using them as a sort of escape. I do so because I enjoy them

I am delighted to be in the world of movies, shows, music and stories. They provie me an esctacy that I simply cannot find in others. I immerse into them and my troubles are let go.

They are therapeutic to me. They provide help in countless ways and often ways that no other human could provide. They are a different sort of family soley exisiting for my happiness, dreams and comfort.

I choose to enter this world on my own free will, so if matters go awry, I have no one to blame but myself.

I find it enchanting because of the numerous stories told.

I may not have many talents but someday I would love to show you the magic that resides in my head. I would invite you to be a guest in my worlds and I am sure you would never think below of any great grandeure you have witnessed.

I believe I have a way in showing you these worlds, but I need me some magic to do so. If I were to be a God, I would have you granted access to slip into these cracks but I am afraid I possibly cannot to do anything

So I put my hopes in you and believe in the faith and assurance that you too put your trust in me and my words about my worlds.

Obsessions, Crushes and Love

Lately I have been obsessed with Panic! At The Disco, more sepcific Brendon Urie… What a god, so divine!!  I have always enjoyed and loved him and his music but lately I have started to take a bit more delight and turned up my obsession streak a bit top notch when I bought tickets to go for his concert in March.

That’s when it all began plumetting down. My obsession and fascination with Brendon Urie increased and now I am in love too deep.

This is the downfall of guys like Brendon Urie, why do they exisit if I can’t be with them?

JUST LOOK AT HIM, YOU CAN SEE HOW ONE FALLS IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN, it’s not only the looks but his personality and his god damn voice!! He is so real and so raw and true. That’s what makes him even more hot, atrractive and so lovable!! I am so happy for his marriage and him and Sarah are just so blessed to have each other!! He is such a wild spirit and you never know what he is up to!!

The amount of times I have died and lost my breath and mind looking at these GIF’s!!!! Also I just love him in glasses, cause MAHN HE IS SMOKIN!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Guys like these create unrealistic expectaions of all the guys out there and I am out looking for the one who fits into all my categories. Why can’t I have you????? The world is unfair

It’s really hard and God do I envy the women/men that are with these men? How god damn lucky are they?! I mean I am glad they found thier one but one can’t help but be terribly infuriated and jealous and upset. I am sorry, that’s just how I work… ( inserts I don’t give a damn face)

I find it really hard to like a guy because I cant’ find people who fit the description. There are very few, maybe five in thousands, but well it’s also a matter of them liking me. So it’s a complete loss-loss situation.I am the girl who watches movies and shows, read books, listens to music and then develop some serious crusheson the guys who are in all of the above which turns into love which then destorys me because I know I can never have them

These OTP’s, fanfictions they make my heart melt but also they are the worst because I expect love to be like that or to find love like that but in reality, we know that ain’t gonna happen. Somewhere in my mind, deep deep very deep inside, I would like to believe it’s gonna happen. All one can do is hope.

And also, this is where the mind does brilliance, I create stories in my beautiful worlds where I can be with them!! It’s just perfect in my head and how I wish I could live in that world of mine.

 

So, in this blog, I am going to mention the 7 people who I have always loved and will always love.

I obsesses and fantaszie more than these 7 people. I do have momentary crushes on celebs that last for months and will always be in the crush list, but these 7 people in this list will always remain in my heart forever and I will forever keep obsessing and fantasizing over them even after I get married, have kids, till the day I die and even in the after life. I am not going to rank them in any order because they all are at the special place in different ways. I already mentioned Brendon in the beginning and now here comes the rest!!

( Gosh you have no idea how excited I am!!)

Chris Evans

So humble, funny and the most down to earth guy out there!! The moment he steps on to any room, he lights it up with his vibrant self and that god damn smile. His sense of humor is the fucking best!! He is so open with everyone and he is such a kind and generous soul.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Zayn Malik

I have always loved Zayn since the beginning of One Direction!! It took him real guts to leave One Direction and I do admire him for that, but I still can’t help but feel a bit sad. For me, he will always be a part of 1D, but apart from that, now he is doing so great with his music and he is so happy that he gets to express himself and I couldn’t be more excited with his music and himself. He is so free now and it really gives me joy!! I am loving him as an Artist and he is one of my top favourite artisit that I always listen to and his music is splendid on so many different levels. Wattpad fanfictions are also a result of me loving him more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dulquer Salmaan

Dulquer Salmaan, DS. He is such a great actor oh my dear lord!! He cares for his fans so much, I love his adventure and his enthusiams as an actor. He is so bold and always takes risks with his movies that I admire. He is such a versatile and such a good method actor.. I love all his movies and seeing him so free spiritied is such a vibe in itself espcially in the movie Charlie that is my all time favourite movie of his!! ALSO I GOT TO MEET HIM IN PERSON WHICH WOULD ALWAYS REMIAN ONE OF THE BEST MEMORIES OF ALL TIME

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ben Barnes

I mainly love him for how gorgeous and hot he is!! Especially in Westworld and Punisher and I also love his voice in the movie Jackie and Ryan especially in the song Southbound

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tom Felton

Seeing him as Draco Malfoy, a misunderstood chracater was the start to it all. His British accent tho!! It is so charming to hear and then seeing him in The Flash and his new series. I just love his personlaity, so humorus and jokey in a fun way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tyler Hoechiln but more so in the role of Derek Hale from Teen Wolf

He is a badass and well a warewolf, what more can I say?! He has a bomb personlity that I find hot and sexy as hell. What can I say?!, I have a thing for supernatural creatures like him NOT GHOSTS, can include demons if they are hot like Brendon from Emperor’s new clothes.

 

So, to sum it all up, that’s it!!

I would love to know who you guys crush on, cause I would also like to expand and explore my option!!

In my head

I have these pictures and depictions in my head on how different sceanrios could take place.

Some of them are confrontations.

Part 1

I am not entirely good at confrontations or voicing out something that really bothers me. For half of the time, I ignore it and for the other half of the time, I devise plans on how I could get rid of them or do a mental confronation in my mind.

Not only confrontations, but also pointing out things that people do wrong to me and to people who do it.

Mostly I have been quiet in some of the situations and in others, I do speak out what I feel and think when I feel that I cannot bear it or when I come to a breaking point, or when it affects others.

With some people, it’s not worth it and it is pointless

With some people, it’s hard

With some people, I just go with it

I tend to think about what the others would feel when I would speak out my mind against them. At times, I simply can’t muster up the courage to do so. I am scared and afraid.

So what I do instead is I imagine how it would all go down in my head. In my head, I realese the fury and the rage that I contain. I go to the extreme. That’s what happens when you keep it all in.

This thing that I am doing, I know it’s not healthy and I should speak up. But I feel that for most of the times, my argument and the situation that I am in is simply pointless and not worth a confrontation. It’s petty and silly. In no way, shape or manner, does my self get destroyed but yes, I do obsessively think about it but also I feel that it’s not worth the fight and the argument.

I really need less of that because my whole life has been filled with impending doom and sadness of the past.

But for the ones that I know and feel would take a serious toll on me, I confront it. This would cause certain friendships to break, families to fight or cause a rift. But at the end, removing the toxic effects are worth it.

I not only have confrontations with the world but also with myself. I confront every aspect, every mistake, every thought, feeling and action. I obsess too much on those thoughts at the night and it keeps me awake for a long time. So, I put myself to sleep by either loosening myself into a world of fantasy that goes on in my head or I slowly succumb to the countless damaging thoughts.

 But in my head, confrontations do have it’s appealing yet damaging aspect.

This world of mine is a beautiful treasure kept in hiding.

Enrooted in me. 

Part 2

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In my head, is a place that I can control every factor, starting with the environment, the person and how I can let it move on. That is one of the most splended and beautiful part about our minds and our imagination. We are the sole owners of something so powerful and delicate. That creative process is the most wonderful aspect and immersing into it is a whole other level of high and addiction. Inside my head is a favourite place to be.

One sets out to create a puzzle, falls deeper into the complexity and into the endless void. It really is a wonderful feeling with break taking moments.

I wish I could be trapped in that space forever. Locking myself in my own stories. Living through the creations and of my mind. Locking my memory of ever creating this world, so that I have no recollection of what’s going to happen, but my world knows. I might make choices that would alter the creation of my story, but for a fact, I know that I will enjoy it and know what to do. I want it the easy and the hard way. I want my choices to be given it to me the easy way but I also want that challenge and pain. It’s a habit that I learnt from my life here in the real world, a habit that reality taught me. I  have thought through it all, but I feel that it still lacks a flare, a flare that I can’t pin point to.

I have designed my world accordingly to every desire, dream, challenge, pain, hurdle and also some deaths balanced with the proper mixage of my dark thoughts. I have created multiple worlds, story lines, choices and characters that fit and suit my story. I can jump from one story to an other. My worlds consisit of the ones that I read in books, watch everywhere, listen to and want to experience.

My hidden desires and wishes have always been in me and I have always had the chance to go and do something about it in my world.

It is a world that is so beautiful and extraordinary. A world where all dreams come true. A world to escape into. A world that will always be in the works of making and accomdoating to myself and the changes. A world that would forever change the way on how one lives their life.

 

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It’s a hopeful world, too beautiful and perfect to ever become a reality.

“It would forever become a world that will only cease to exisit in my mind.”

 

 

It was probably meant to be that way since the beginning.

If not, this world would not have existed and I wouldn’t have had the chance to enjoy every minute of my creation.

 

 

 

I think and feel way too much. (Part 2)

This is a sequel to the first installation of the series.

Why you may all wonder ( or if you don’t wonder, it completely fine as well ) These kinds of emotions are life long and it can’t be only contained in one post. So this is gonna be a small series.

How I came to be like this?

This overly humane emotional side of me came after the start of my uni journey. I am telling you, this journey of mine in uni has taught me a lot about people, life and myself. It’s a total game changer. (That story is for another time.)

As I was saying, I was always emotional and cried to movies especially too Disney where the movies were about animals. Like The Fox and the Hound, Dumbo, the Hunchback of Notre Dame, Lilo and Stitch, Coco, Up, Wall-E, Lion King, Wreck it Ralph, Inside Out, Two Brothers and so much more

( OH GOD, even writing about this makes me cry and so upset)

Some of the movies do have their happy endings but you know there are those moments that you cant contain yourself and you need to spill out the waterworks despite all the people there with you and I have never been afraid to cry out loud in theatres. I am always the sobbing mess. Gosh, for avengers infinity war part 1, the ending. When I watched it, I was basically dead in the mind and no words were able to be formed. My mind was destroyed and blank because of the terror I had gone through.

English movies have a separate form of a genre in me, just for crying. Now comes Malayalam movies, the worst tool of all to make me cry just in a matter of seconds. This recently made its entry into the genre list. The reason why Uni again.

So after uni began and well me being apart from my family, oceans and seas away, it really got to me. So Malayalam songs and movies were the antidote to help me cope up with the fact that I was away from home and also brought me closer to home because many of these songs, my mom had sung to me when I was a child and the movies were the bonding moments for me and my family.

Old malu movies, songs and one song from the movie and the movie itself ” How old are you” were the ones that got to me the most because they reminded me so much of my mom and the fact that she wasn’t beside me just got to me. The plot of that movie and the actress reminds me so much of my mother, that I break. I cry and cry and then I call my mom and she calms me down. Then I feel better.

Usually, this process takes place in midnight when I cant go to sleep or when I miss my mom too much, or simply, I decide to torture myself by doing this process and I know it’s going to make me upset but I still go for it.

Sometimes I just set the trap for myself and I know how deep I am going to get in, but that doesn’t stop me from doing so.

Maybe you need it sometimes in your life.

( PS: As you can see, I am really attached to my mom, it’s because we have gone through a lot and she has done so much for me, I just can’t imagine a life without her in it. She has sacrificed a lot for me and sometimes, I wonder why so and what I have done to deserve it.

People often make fun of the amount of “maluness” I have but I am so proud of it and I would never change it.

Life and it’s troubles just stick with you, promises to leave but does take a lot of time to act upon it. That could also be a reason as to why I think and feel too much. Then watching the news and troubles of the world also makes me upset, and then of my friends and family. Overall it’s tedious process but somewhere deep in my heart, I think everything happens for a reason, but why does bad things have to happen to good people. For what reason is that?

People change, the world changes. I think why, there have been people I know for so long and been so close with, when they change, I wonder why.

We grew far apart, I have tried my best, what could I do more? These kind of things make me upset and think too much. What more could I have done? Well faults could have been made by me, but I am ready to fix it.

But then I think if they aren’t willing to fix it or bring it back to normal, then they aren’t interested. Probably I should stop trying to fix things that were broken or meant to be. It’s how the world works. It takes both the parties to make it work, Can’t do all the job by myself. Probably for the best. I console myself by telling this and I try to accept it. Someday I might, but I am doing a better job of it tho.

Sometimes, tho I think it’s for the good, just searching for the reasons how and why.

So goodbye for now. This is never the end.