Last few seconds

If only you had these last few seconds to live, what would you do?

I would try and make it count . I would try and see the world for as it was and remember this sight infront of me

Be it bad or good, I would like to make it memorable 

I would drain out all my thoughts and for once remain in the silence that these few seconds would give me before I pass on to an oblivion, an after life or perhaps the end. 

I would try and not cry over the time I wish I could have had

I would try and not cry over the possibilities of doing more with my life if given more time or with the time I was given

I would rather accept and believe that I have tried to live a great and happy life with its given take of sorrows

Maybe I would relinquish to the thoughts of what could have been 

Maybe I would go down the path of sorrows and misery 

Perhaps I would question the eternal Gods and spent my last few seconds arguing 

Or I would just slip into a memory so good that these last few seconds will help me live in them forever 

I do hope I take on an other life in a new beginning. I don’t want my mark to end so soon. 

I am afraid for my life to end. I want to keep living in this world perhaps as a different being the next time. 

I would never know how I would act until I would be placed in the apocalypse. I can come up with a mulitude of hypothesis but I wouldn’t know which one of it I would live out in my last few seconds.

Everything might turn out to be okay, I am not sure how I know or why I know.

I hope it will be okay.

Inspired by the movie Source Code 

I do not know what to write about.

It’s been a few days since I wrote something and I decided that I could write something now, but I don’t know what to write about.

I know that I am in a mood to write something but I don’t know what to write about. I am particulary not feeling any emotions or feelings to write something really big or pour my heart out. I just don’t know what to write about.

I don’t want to write about topics or situations if I am not in the mood because I believe mood is an important factor to my writings. When I am in the mood, I feel and I write more. I am not pressured to think more, create and write. I just flow.

I have mad respect for writers and their imagination of writing. It’s a talent indeed.

So it’s my summer break now and I do not have much to do. I wish to learn some Spanish, read a bit because it’s been a long time since I read for the joy of it. I am watching a lot of Youtube and Netflix which I am loving.

I want to explore more of Singapore right now, but I am lazy and I will do it soon. I just want to be at home and well be on my couch and enjoy lazing around.

So what does one do when they have nothing to write about? I pretty much do not have any thoughts now because of the all Youtube and Netflix I am keeping in the background and continuing to write.

I do have many piles of pieces that I have been working on, but I need to be in the zone for finishing them and I don’t think I am there now. I do not want to put pressure to finish it. I want to do it right and in the way I would like to do because if one does it unhappily, the work often does not come out in the way desired and would do more bad than good.

So take your time but if it’s with something important, prioritise it and do things accordingly. You don’t want to mess it up.

Right now I just want to be in the moment, for once not having much thoughts and overthinking about the future and all the chores left for me to do. I just want to be lazy.

I do hope in the next few days, I have my zest and zeal for writing not that I have not lost it entirely, but there are the cases of the blues. Am I writing this for the sake of putting something out there or do I mean it?

I guess I mean it. Sometimes I want to let myself know that it is okay if you don’t post a piece at all times. It is okay if it’s just a few lines or a long ballad. As long as you are happy with it and you feel content with the way you have expressed yourself. You are good to go!!

Out of the context, my keyboard suddenly seems to blind me because of the yellow light reflecting on it and it’s gettiong annoying to look at now.

So that’s it. I wanted to write about nothing and I did. I guess, I mean this is sort of something.

Do you wonder?

I often wonder what other people are doing at this very moment that I am in. What are they upto in their lives?

I especially wonder this in case of celebrities because it’s so fascinating for me to wonder what they do in thier spare time because I adore many celebrities and often wonder what they are upto. Do they lead the mundane lives just like the rest of the humans that walk on the face of the earth?

I often wonder what my friends do when I am not with them, we are miles and miles away and I often wonder what they would be doing right now and if were together, I would be then wondering about all the fun times we could have

I wonder what my parents do when I am not at home, I wonder if they talk about me and my shenanigans. I miss them and my home

I wonder what my home is doing without me. Is it changing per second or by per word?

I often wonder what other people in other parts of the world do at this very moment I am in. How are they living life?

I wonder about the people I once knew and who I were very close with. Do they think about the times we all have spent together at one point? Do they miss those times? I do wish we all got to meet at one point in our lives with all the disputes and conflicts settled.

I wonder about the movies and the shows that are put out there. How did it all come together and why? What would have happened if I would have never seen it? Would that change the way I think or would that change a part of me?

Do you ever wonder how your life would have turned out if you hadn’t met the people in your life who have become an imperative part of your life system? I wonder on if I would have never met my friends, what would be of me? Would I go on to discover and make friends with strangers who will then become my friends?

I wonder on how one would feel when they are trapped in the most miserable sadistic feeling ever known to them? How would it be living that feeling on a constant rotation without any relif of ever freeing yourself from it? Have you imagined what it feels like because I do. When I am trapped in that feeling, I imagine what it must feel like to be trapped in it forever and it feels overwhelming and soul crushing

I wonder on how it would be to lead a different life in a different body, somewhere else with different parents

I wonder on how it would be living the life of a person I know or I wish to know. What are the life changes that would dazzle me? How does it feel to be in their shoes?

I wonder on the type of talents I wish I could possess and how I could use it. I wonder on if not for writing, how else would I confront my feelings or express what I feel. I wonder on what my talent would be.

I wonder on how my life would have been if not for the realities I were put into and faced

I wonder on how the future would turn out for me. Have I made the right choices? Will my plan be set in motion? Will I achieve the vision I have envisioned?

I do wonder on the choices I have made and the choices I could have made

I wonder on what would be of me if I were born to different parents. Would I posesses the same mind set, probably not. I do wonder what that would be like. A new identity emerging from a new environment.

I wonder about the stories I have created in my mind and dream on how it would be to live them in reality and not in my head. I imagine them how I could do it in the real life

I wonder on the inventions the world could make based on my ideas. I think about a machine that would capture each and every thought of mine even when I am asleep. A machine that records my dreams and I can view it to my pleasure or continue it.

I wonder what would become of me after death. Is there a life after death? A new beginning for a new soul or an unfinished journey for an old soul. How would I be remembered? How would my loved ones react? Can I still see them from where I am or would my body be turned into particles to join the universe?

There are many things that I wonder and they all get lost somewhere

I wonder on my existence and the use of humans in this world

I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t been born

I dream, ponder and wonder a lot

7. The Epilogue



Have I done my job…?

I know how to play you

I know how to keep you in this trap 

I know what to do to you but if I reveal it, I won’t be that good of a creator that I think I am. 

Will I now? 

I know I should not keep it too short, otherwise I lose you or you feel too incomplete and decide not to reengage 

You feel there is no context 

I know I should not keep it too long because then you might lose interest in me

You might see through my act

You might find that pattern and let it be 

You will fail to see what else lies beneath if I complete it all in this long stretch 

You will depart and I don’t want that

I want you to stay as long as I want 

For that to happen, this piece needs to achieve and find that delicate balance of inquisition, naivety, complexity, delicacy, manipulation by me so that I keep you in this long run 

I think I have found it, now I need to test it out and see if it works

If it does, I will continue 

If it doesn’t, I re-evaluate, repeat, research and see why you are not deep into it like I am 

I do not know for how long it will last but I intend for you to be in this whole ride 

Now I have lost that drift and I am wide awake desperate to go back to that slumber that awaits me but you know what to do always don’t you? 

You play with me a lot

You trick me and I end up falling to it every god damn time 

What have I done?

5. Complete

Continued from 4. From the land of the lost and tired, I have found my way

I am afraid of not jotting all of you down

You play and toy with me

All these thoughts appear at once and once I close my eyes and drift off; these thoughts and words never make its mark again

They fade away just like the rest 

Now that I have written and stored you down

I feel complete and I feel myself drift off 

I let that drift take over me welcomingly

Let me flow into that land that awaits me 

I have completed you 

The Slump

( This is another series, ” Thoughts of the day.” Different from the other series, ” Thoughts from the days.” The difference is that the thoughts of the day are based on the thoughts I have today, just as the title suggests and I think you can guess what the other one is about. So here you go! )

 

It’s been a few days and the slump has taken a huge blow on me and I am down.

Nothing much has come to my mind and I don’t feel the willpower to come up with anything new or write something using my energy. Dozens of drafts lie ahead but never had the energy to complete them or publish them.

There needs to be motivation or a zest to do so and I haven’t had that in quite a few days.

Firstly, I was put off by the devasting news of the Kerala floods, my hometown. A big tragedy that shouldn’t have happened. Millions of people have lost lives, properties, will, strength and so much more. We spent days in front of the news worrying, crying seeing the faces of people and our state. We are recovering from it, it will take us loads of time but we are coming out if it very strongly and with all the courage we have.

Secondly, It’s the time of EID and holidays, so the family is together, all under one roof. So time goes away fast being outside in the evenings and by watching movies to the end of the day.

Thirdly, I have taken upon this mission to watch as many movies as possible, in all genres. I am a movie buff/enthusiast. I love to watch movies of all kinds, learn and enjoy different stories. So a majority of my time goes into discovering new and old movies for me to watch. This is one of my hobbies.

Fourthly, no amount of reasons has made me understand properly why I am and have gotten into in a slump.

What to do when you are not in the energy or motivation to write?

What to do when you have the lost the zest and zeal to write?

What to do when you have fallen in a big old slump and too lazy to get out of it?

As I am writing this, I am provoked to quit midway and get into watching my movies, but I am trying and won’t do so.

So what to do?

What do indeed?

  1. It’s okay if you are in a slump. Acknowledge it, don’t blame it. There always comes that time when you just don’t want to do anything and be lazy. Embrace it and know it will all be over soon.
  2. Try some other hobbies or interests during that slump. Try to make the most of it. Reading Books, watching movies and discovering new music is what I have been doing whilst being in a writing/blogging slump.
  3. Try to get out of that slump slowly. Try doing that activity step by step. Don’t do it all at once. If it’s reading a book, try a few pages, or trying reading a book that interests you, not necessarily the one from your TBR.
  4. So if it’s a blogging slump, try to think about ideas and pieces you have always wanted to work on, organize it all in your brain and write or draw it down. You do you!!
  5.  Art and inspiration are in every corner. Go have fun searching for it. Even when simply lying on your bed, your mind and brain can take you to places and sometimes the simplest laziest moments can give you the greatest ideas.

 

Slumps have their own set of attributes and qualities that make them the worst and best. So it’s okay. It might last for a short time or an undeniably long time, but it will get over soon.

Don’t you worry about your interest or passion fading away okay? It will always be there in you. You just will have to take some extra effort in finding it, but all the effort and time is worth it.

So that’s all I have for you today folks.

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Thoughts from the days

1

Just the other day, life and my mind got me thinking.

Was I going to be stuck with this same face throughout my life? I see other people evolving and changing and here I am, still stuck with the face that has changed but not so distinctively, I can assume.

How do other people go through such changes? Like what do they do, how? Is it genes or some special talent that you require, or is it luck, fate, destiny or life what and how did it happen?

What features have changed on an overall basis? I have grown taller, my face has changed quite a bit, but not like how movies, actors, actresses and people show, I haven’t gone through that exuberant change.

I kind of am worried that this face would be stuck with me till I grow old. What a terrifying yet weird thought.

I would like this face to change just like how I change mentally. Wait, I don’t want my face to change constantly to my personality or match the demeanor of my character. This is proving to be a lot harder than I expected.

I don’t know if I am insecure about my appearance, I probably am but I am happy with what I am. Well, there are those sudden days where I would love to change some parts of myself.

What I mean to say is, it would be nice to go through that whole makeover scene. The American movie cliche. Those always seem really fun to me. Probably in an alternate universe from other universes, I must be going through that change now.

But I am happy with what I got. But I am a human, always wishing for more and more. If I would have got that more and more? Would I stop wishing for more? Well, I need to get that more and more in order to find out.

The above might make me sound like a complete douche, and I wouldn’t blame you.

But the more and more I wish for are wishes/answers/solutions related to problems I have in life. Don’t we all? A life with everything provided. A life we always wanted. Even for a brief moment, to live that life would be grateful. A moment to be remembered for eternity.

But what would life be without all those struggles we have gone through and are yet to face? These struggles and this life we live go into the makings of defining who we are and why we have become or what we needed to be. 

Are these problems in our life tasks? One task gets over, another one starts. It shares the same outlook on the word problem, but a bit less negative than the original term, “problem”.

Placing your confusing thoughts into words is not an easy task.

So, that’s it for today’s thoughts from the days.