Trying this new thing

Hey everyone, this is me Roshni and I am here to tell you that I am trying out this new thing I have written about. It’s quite a piece and I am approaching with it in a different manner.

Over the course of the next days, I will be posting that piece bit by bit and I hope some sort of effect might be achieved through this. I hope the effect that I crave for might get achieved and I would love to see your feedback and comments to it

I was inspired to write this piece, more so I felt I should write this piece after watching Ex-Machina. I did not write it immeidately after the movie, I just couldn’t get my slumber and then that happened.

Thank you for being there in this journey and thank you for your reads, follows and likes and I appreciate it so much.

Thank you all once again and I really hope you all like it.

Do you really want to do it?

Have you ever come across those tasks or jobs where at first when applying and getting into it, you were excited and so worked about it. All that energy and planning to give it your best shot, counting up to those days where you can finally start doing that task or job but then as soon as that day arrives, you find yourself backing out of it. You start to have second guesses, you begin to doubt yourself and feel worthless in yourself. You blame yourself for not being up to it and what not.

Why does that feeling emerge?

Our university is planning to do podcasts and they have topics that I am really interested and keen to do, I sogned up for it and everything and now there is a meeting to attend as to see how it all goes and now I am nervous and I wish to back out of it.

I have been having that feeling with some of the tasks that I have been recently doing and been wanting to do. With my internship, I just feel it’s endless. At the start, I was so hyped, excited and happy and now it just feels exhausting and I can’t wait for the day it gets over. It feels rewarding to help the students but somewhere I know this is not what I find myself doing in the future, helping students yes, but not in the traditional way these schools teach, in my own way. Through this, I learn more and more, so in a way, I am happy but then exhausted and nervous when the day arrives when I have to go to school and teach.

I remember when I applied, passed the interview and got into it, I was so sure and happy but now I question myself; “Is it too late to back out”, ” Do you really want to do this?” With all these overwhelming doubts and insecurities about myself and me thinking of being a quitter, this is the time where pep talk comes into play.

The only way I can keep going and not quit because of the nerves that I feel overtake me is by saying these thing over and over again, ” You are not a quitter, don’t quit, you are not that person, you can do it, it’s just a few more days, don’t make the world think you are a quitter, this is for the future, this is worth it.”

That pep talk then pushes me to do it, it helps a lot; but why do those feelings emerge in the first place forcing me to give the pep talk?

Is it because I do not want to work? Is it because this is not what my heart desires? Is it because of the thought of facing other people make me anxious and nervous? Is it because I am not happy? Maybe all of them are right.

So what to do in situations like these?

It differs from different people, each of their mind sets and aspirations are different. Here is what I do.

  1. I start by calming myself down and also make myself get excited and hyped for the opportunity i have been presented with. I make a list of pros as to how this would benefit me and with each opportunity, I am broadening my future and myself.
  2. Depending on the type of thing I am doing, a few weeks in, I get tired, irritaed and I wish for it to be over as soon as possible. I wouldn’t lie when I say, so many thoughts have crossed my mind of quitting the job I am doing right now, but I push myself not to give up and keep going on. I do not want to be a quitter. I do not want to quit because I am lazy and on the insane amount of hardwork I put into it. I want to push myself to do more because this is what life is. I want to have that sense of accomplishment and that feeling of pride when I complete it.
  3. I push myself more by saying it’s just a matter of few weeks and I can do it. I think about myself, my parent’s happiness and how proud they are of me which keeps me going.
  4. Just a few more to go… It’s all going to be worth it, if not; be glad you did it and you learnt something from it.

But if this isn’t making you happy or you don’t feel yourself comfortable doing it, do not be afraid to quit. At the end of the day, it’s you and your happiness that is at stake, not anyone else’s. You will find what makes you happy and what inspires you, just be patient for that journey and work hard.

So go with your gut instinct, think about it and choose what’s best for you!!

-Roshni Marath Jairaj